You Wake Up In A Bar

>think we should be safe and start with the goat cubes. Dump some salt in a boiling pot of water and throw em in. Then take em out, dry em, and sear em in a pan with an egg mixed in. Do we have black pepper? If we do we should sprinkle that in. I dunno if this dish would even taste good cus' im the part of the hivemind that cant cook for shit so

If the goat cube does what I think it does, putting it in boiling water would be animal cruelty. If so the goat cube would please NAME but be rather off-putting for o'Hare and Laren

You know what I'm fine with being paid with money in this case. Or clothing items, or cool skateboard tricks. Just so long as no locals get harvested.

Hello!Show

You know if we don't use the goat cube now we could keep it in the unshaken with some water in case we want to throw a goat at a rowdy bargoer.

If the goat cube does what I think it does, putting it in boiling water would be animal cruelty. If so the goat cube would please NAME but be rather off-putting for o'Hare and Laren

OH NO I DIDNT THINK OF IT IN THIS WAY I DONT WANT A GOAT TO BE BOILED

I thought it was some sorta precubed goat meat or somethin a aa a

>Take Tangy's advice.
>Also go ahead and use those shoes as ingredients. I kind of suspect NAME won't mind.
>Use the dismembered leg, but ask it for permission first, just in case it isn't what it looks like.
>Also start some water boiling. It'll be useful for something, I'm sure.

EDIT: The blueberries are sentient? Then you should go ahead and serve them!
You should serve them some drinks!
Because they are clearly customers!

EDIT: The blueberries are sentient? Then you should go ahead and serve them!
You should serve them some drinks!
Because they are clearly customers!

If you read the blueberries' description in the cabinet, you'll see that they look a lot like a certain type of alien. NAME thought we were offering them a very unlucky alien, rather than the berry.

>While I like NAME I don't think employing them would be a good idea.
+1 for using the lemb leg tho

>Serve drinks to the blueberries anyway, just to be safe

You quickly begin formulating a plan. You stop boiling the pot of water, and put the plate back-- you won't need either for this dish, and you've got an idea of how to make everyone happy.






With haste, you take NAME's shoes, tie them together, and begin trying to work out a way to affix all your ingredients together.















You set down your creation near the counter as you begin to prep it, and its odd form catches O'Hare's eye.











The leg- which doesn't respond to conversation- finally accepts being affixed inside of the nooks and crannies of the goat cube, and you tie one shoelace around it to keep the shoes steady.












Without another word, they head outside with the cube in two hands.

NAME has left the bar without paying, albeit satisfied with their meal.


















Stax seems dejected, and while not actively fuming against you, is noticeably defensive. He stays behind the bar, but glances at the floor, as if trying to come up with a response. He fails to wash a dish this turn.

O'Hare has finished his drink, but is still working on the 'Yeah, Screw You, Stax'.

Lunch is nearing its end. You have a few turns to go until you're in the clear to take a break, and you can already hear something- possibly a vehicle, again?- pull up to the side of the bar.

Cup status: 3 dirty (X-Treme Marine, Rooted Bean, Dynamic Dynamite), 3 free
Plate status: 1 occupied (O'Hare's Y,SY,S), 1 dirty (TQoaBT), 2 free
Scavenger ability: Activated (0 uses)
Intrusive ability: Enabled

With this new meal, you've earned bonus entries in The Cabinet.

ERROR: INPUT FAILED TO MATCH ACCEPTABILITY SIGNATURE (A-244)
CONTACT INPUT AGGREGATOR HANDBOOK FOR HELP

Author's NotesShow

Sorry for the delay.

quick, dump a whole carton of cigarettes in your (normal average) martini shaker and set them on fire so we have ashes to serve the hungry customers

SpoilerShow

My Good Shoe'd Dude, It's not we aint want your company. You do seem really interesting. But! We're running a place of business and y'all make our customers nervous. Nervous Customers are unhappy customers and Unhappy customers don't jive well with our profit margins. Slaves to the Almighty Buck are we.

Inform Stax that you, personally, did actually find NAME quite interesting but you do need to worry about how other people feel as well. Personal Feelings must be sacrificed, sometimes, in favour of what's best for the General Customer. And, Insofar as you can tell, the general customer is kind of worried that they'll end up on the menu with NAME around. While that doesn't worry YOU a great deal (You have Alcholic Blood! And You're a Bartender! How serendipitous is THAT?) you're pretty sure most people aren't capable of regrowing parts of themselves.

Also, Wash, Rinse Repeat. Always Repeat.

SpoilerShow

>Contact Input Aggregator Handbook

Oh dear.
Hopefully the Grochek meat was inert.

Yeah, something's off with stax here. Don't know where to poke him for info on what, though.
If stax talks to name later he can pass on that we'd like to hear name's i m p u t on the meal we made him.

SpoilerShow

>Give Stax a relaxing massage
>Or maybe not, but at least say something nice

>comfort stax, NAME's a cool dude.

Don't comfort or massage Stax. He's a self-serving ass, and a little dejection is fair pay for insulting almost every one of your customers.

Before the next customer comes in, see if there's any way you can get some sunlight in here. You're getting tired.

It's tough to make a decision.

On one hand, Stax is a patron-- and clearly has some of his own problems to work through. On the other hand, he's absolutely making other people unhappy in the bar. Something has to be done, and you finally decide to try and come to a peaceful resolution.

As you speak, you also grab an entire carton of cigarettes and begin loading them into a non-special cocktail shaker to burn.





Stax huffs, and his posture grows mildly more relaxed-- but still quite stiff.










You set the contents of the shaker on fire just in time to reply, and wash a dish while you still have some time-- a cup once again.












Stax kicks at the floorboards absentmindedly. As the burning cocktail shaker fills the bar with a light smoke, he begins to undo the blinds on the windows and popping them up-- flooding the previously-dim bar with wide beams of sunlight and wafts of fresh air, which he doesn't seem to be enjoying.








To your surprise, the Energetic pops a small grin. It seems a little less... dishonest than his previously jovial expressions. Perhaps you've struck a chord with his ego, or he's just surprised.




However, before you can respond, the front doors open to finally reveal the new arrivals-- a large, steam-emitting swan made of plate metal, pipes, and thick plexiglass wings, and what appears to be cat with a robotic body.







O'Hare shifts around in his stool to face the swan, lowering his brow in immense incredulity.

The cat steps up to Laren, and begins giving her affectionate rubs on the face, much to their mutual amusement. The cat acts much less like a humanoid cat, and more like a cat who has accidentally grown a humanoid body.

This is a lot at once, certainly-- and you feel the pressure coming on, with multiple orders finally entering at once, including Stax's ice cream sandwich and massage. (You're still not sure if you're doing those.) O'Hare has finally finished his Yeah, Screw You, Stax, and if not for the recent commotion, seemed to be preparing to go. Laren is preoccupied petting the bajeezus out of Bloomy, for the moment.

Lunch approaches its closer, and the new patrons mark its toughest moments. Making it through this will mean another bartending level.

Lastly, you now have a completely ruined cocktail shaker filled with ash and particulate. Nice.

Cup status: 2 dirty (Rooted Bean, Dynamic Dynamite), 4 free
Plate status: 2 dirty (TQoaBT, Y,SY,S), 2 free
Scavenger ability: Activated (0 uses)
Intrusive ability: Enabled

ERROR: INPUT FAILED TO MATCH ACCEPTABILITY SIGNATURE (A-244)
CONTACT INPUT AGGREGATOR HANDBOOK FOR HELP

Author's NotesShow

Hey, thanks for the patience once again. This was a bit of a bigger update so I've been really trying to refine it. One thing I absolutely hope to do is have characters that have various things going on, and I always appreciate feedback on how that's going. Hopefully this adventure has a little something for everyone!

>Contact Input Aggregator Handbook

No need to. Already gone through it many times.

The inputs which contain invalid "portrait" images are being rejected by some automated settings I set. It can damage your host body if you were to shift shape and color at will, so I've blocked that function out. You will likely have another chance to change yourself at some point in time, but I would prefer you didn't.

If you're trying to communicate with the other host body with these faux-inputs, be aware that it probably isn't able to directly read your input stream, just as you can't view its. Most of its kind only find a way to write directly to other hosts' feedback, such as inserting messages or information forcibly into 'posts'. Without knowing the exact location that these inputs are coming from, that's the limit.

I'm glad you're revving up your engines so quickly on this. I feel this method is much better than what was previously used. Just beware of making yourself known to the others. The worst case doesn't mean any catastrophic damage, but it will make your life very hard.

While I'll be occasionally around to answer questions, I also would ask that you try and pay attention to bartending and making people happy. That's what this is all about, not silly things involving me or NAME. I will be by another time for a drink once you have adequately trained on Terrats inhabitants. Try and have fun with it.

You are doing a great job. But now I'm going to stop monitoring.

- Unknown Patron ;)

Okay so Crovis language seems to involve slicing the top part of the words off and mirroring it vertically and horizontally. However, the letters do not seem to resemble english. Notably, bloomy doesn't say a word that's long enough to be "casserole".

Well, we have two dishes and one drink to make. I suggest we try to set the casserole and the sandwich up in such a way that stax can handle them for a few turns. Have him open various cans for the casserole, make batter and grill the sandwich parts if we want to make that ourselves.

Another route would be to make three cat food casseroles and just stick some ice cream between two of them.

a corrugible is horrible and that's all you really need to know. dump the ash on a dirty plate, scrape some blue mold on top, spit on it, pour way too much chocolate sauce and a small amount of tequila, stir vigorously. lay three slices of prepackaged american cheese atop hapahazardly, and put it in the oven on broil to melt it. then scrape it off onto the floor (birds LOVE that) and then float a piece of bread on top of it so it's a topsy-turvy open-face (birds also love bread.)

a cat food casserole is actually not a casserole, but an omelette with cat food folded inside. looks like we have another job for The Egg Coordinator

and speaking of, our special guy deserves a treat. but we don't have time for both an ice cream sandwich AND a massage, so while the corrugible is in the oven, we'll cover our hands with ice cream and give him an ice cream shoulder rub (which will really help with the too-hot-to-handle thing)

- Unknown Patron ;)

Did you make a new account so you can do this?

Add some meaty cat food sauce with a little black pepper sprinkled in on the cat food omelette. Add a touch of basil for classiness of the dish.

Did you make a new account so you can do this?

Yes, your forum requires me to have an account to post.

Hum.
I suppose the jig was up from day one, then.
Better to have this introduced by a friendly soul than someone with unsavory intent.

Will be careful about communications in the future.
Wouldn't do for a hostile party to find the control room, as it were.

Hum.
I suppose the jig was up from day one, then.
Better to have this introduced by a friendly soul than someone with unsavory intent.

Will be careful about communications in the future.
Wouldn't do for a hostile party to find the control room, as it were.

It really wouldn't do, would it?

I am taking copious precautions against that. There won't be a chance that any soul finds the Input Aggregator, and your experience as my bartender will be sacred.

I really do apologize for having to interrupt at all. I didn't want to break flow. Hopefully things go smoothly from here.

So if NAME is just a host, then who's the master? I doubt they're anywhere near as nice as our glowing bartender god...

I wasn't kidding about that sunlight, by the way. You are a plant after all.

So if NAME is just a host, then who's the master? I doubt they're anywhere near as nice as our glowing bartender god...

My best guess- based on its description- is that it is also controlled by a stream of inputs, and an Input Aggregator, seeking these inputs from a forum inaccessible to you. Many people in this universe have a fascination for the multiverse, and will often put forth things controlled by inputs from elsewhere-- wherever that 'elsewhere' is.

It has done well so far in your case.

So if NAME is just a host, then who's the master? I doubt they're anywhere near as nice as our glowing bartender god...

My best guess- based on its description- is that it is also controlled by a stream of inputs, and an Input Aggregator, seeking these inputs from a forum inaccessible to you. Many people in this universe have a fascination for the multiverse, and will often put forth things controlled by inputs from elsewhere-- wherever that 'elsewhere' is.

It has done well so far in your case.

I didn't mean NAME's equivalent of us. I meant NAME's equivalent of you.