Hebrews 10:31

Hey Pala, just because The North Wind has a desire to see YOU dead doesn't mean I have to cut an entry out of my interdimensional friendship scrapbook, capiche? I mean, given the right incentive I'd be perfectly willing to imprison The North Wind and bend that or any other force of nature to serve the cause of whoever holds my current contract, even their mortal foes, but it's not like we'd stop being friends over something like that.

Don't make unreasonable demands of me is all I'm sayin'.

Anyway.

Given Japan's positioning in the world, South Wind would be bringing warm air up--but a hurricane could certainly be as useful as a snowstorm.

Luckily, it won't take much in the way of bribes for me to get The South Wind moving, she loves screwing over island nations. I'll go talk to her~

Oh yes. Forgive me, we're more commonly based in Upsidedownland, where South = Cold.

Wait...

Schaz is more commonly based in Upsidedownland too..

Entry thirty-six, March 25, 2015.

Steve again. Now that I know Palamedes has a phone on him I'll be trying to maintain contact at all times, but apparently I still have to take care of this.

Oh right and it turns out there were weird monks in the temple Credit - they've taken me in and are providing shelter as Traizor's forces returned and began to scour the Iroquois.

Uh, Schazer, are you sure that's the real Portfolio of Strategic Lies?

I mean, yeah, Pala said he didn't know how to use its full powers or something like that, but it just occurred to me those might have been strategic lies.

I don't know he seemed pretty insistent that we leave it like Schazer suggested, but then again he dropped it off himself, alone.

Edit: I've been told to shut up, and that you should leave it be too, Minister Fogel.

I think I know what's going on here. The Portfolio of Strategic Lies had been strategically placed, not so that Palamedes would find it, but so Schazer would find it. Schazer has clearly taken a gander at its dark secrets, and is being possessed with a spirit of equivocation...... Palamedes would have been able to resist its promise of great power during the time that his own powers were in sync. A member of the council has been compromised!

I read about this before, all we have to do is make Schazer smoke as much dope as possible until she starts telling the truth.

I don't know where we'd get such a copious amount of dope in such a short period of time. Do you have a contact in the area?


Alright so I've eaten the horn, and all that other stuff you've said. I'm getting doubled vision... is there anything else I should worry about? How long does this take?

How dare you Whim, you know my issues with The North Wind. You will face an even greater punishment than those siding with the traitor Schazer (forever now dubbed Traizer). Could I offer you two a lordship or several for your service instead? Traizer's lordships, even.
Steve did you even look at what I gave you?
Oh right and decent job so far Steve, but just fucking revive me.2. I forgot I have a phone on me so I can see what's going on even during my captivity. That said updating via phone is a pain and they might confiscate it if I use it too much so I'm counting on you to actually keep things going. Oh right, I swear to me that if you call my war journal a blog one more time I'll end you.

Thanks you sir, sorry sir. It's a fantastic war journal.

Hey hey hey. My loyalty is bought, not earned. What do you think we've been doing all this time? Don't go throwing about accusations of abandonment until you start looking like you can pay up, capiche?

Until then, why don't we summon up the South Wind, as a gesture of good faith? Get some snowstorms going for cover. Plus, I'm kind of hoping for a tornado.

:3

I don't know, a major storm seems like it might be a big deal and cause a lot of damage to us as well as the enemy. This feels like a poor plan.

Edit: This feels like a good plan, apparently. Go ahead.

Hey Pala, just because The North Wind has a desire to see YOU dead doesn't mean I have to cut an entry out of my interdimensional friendship scrapbook, capiche? I mean, given the right incentive I'd be perfectly willing to imprison The North Wind and bend that or any other force of nature to serve the cause of whoever holds my current contract, even their mortal foes, but it's not like we'd stop being friends over something like that.

Don't make unreasonable demands of me is all I'm sayin'.

Anyway.

Given Japan's positioning in the world, South Wind would be bringing warm air up--but a hurricane could certainly be as useful as a snowstorm.

Luckily, it won't take much in the way of bribes for me to get The South Wind moving, she loves screwing over island nations. I'll go talk to her~

See my point re: Agent's suggestion. It seems too dangerous.

Edit: See my point re: Agent's suggestion. Go for it, seems like a great plan.

Oh yes. Forgive me, we're more commonly based in Upsidedownland, where South = Cold.

Wait...

Schaz is more commonly based in Upsidedownland too..

Can you summon the South Wind or not? Or, I guess for you, the North Wind?

It's not in this area, but there is a shipment of dope flying over right now. That is, an international mob boss managed to smuggle thousands of pounds of cocaine under the name of another company!

The complexities of business are as so: Usually, ordinary businesses might need a package of theirs to go through customs. Well let me tell you, customs is a jack ass. You shouldn't even let customs near your wife. You know what customs would do to you? Customs would put your little shipment in "Storage". It will take 6 months for customs to get through storage and send it wherever it was supposed to go in the first place. However, for a *clears throat* a facillitation fee, customs can just expedite the clearance of your shipment, hurrying it on to its destination. This is a legal bribe, because even the government agrees customs is a jackass.

Well. The mob boss managed to get some sort of company card, allowing him to send a package on behalf of the company. The company manufactures inhalers. Customs realizes that the company in question is pretty charitable so he doesn't even bother to check it. Either that or he was offed and replaced by someone else with gang ties. In any case, you should probably intercept and/or blow up the plane and summon the South wind, blowing thousands of doped-up inhalers towards Schazer's head.

Oh score, drugs!

I can use these to get your asses busted for drug smuggling, then distribute them at heavily subsidised prices to whoever wants them. Me myself, I'm not a drug user.

North Wind, South Wind, The Rising Breeze, Oh Crap Is It Hurricane Season Again; really, the name's not as important as you might think. I called her up, and she figuratively jumped on this request. She's apparently been looking for an excuse to really fuck up Japan ever since the Pacific Tectonic Action managed to score a nuclear reactor shut-down. I guess you could call it a friendly rivalry!

I thought Human Incompetence got that one? Then again if we start counting them as a force of nature we'll never give anything to anyone else.

Entry thirty-seven, March 26, 2015.

Hi guys, guess who's back. Sorry I blacked out for a while... what am I doing in Japan already? Why is Steve writhing on the ground and why are frantic, weird looking monks surrounding us and chanting? Where's Hungry Jack? I'll look through the logs and get back to you but for now let's get going and handle our plans.

It's not in this area, but there is a shipment of dope flying over right now. That is, an international mob boss managed to smuggle thousands of pounds of cocaine under the name of another company!

The complexities of business are as so: Usually, ordinary businesses might need a package of theirs to go through customs. Well let me tell you, customs is a jack ass. You shouldn't even let customs near your wife. You know what customs would do to you? Customs would put your little shipment in "Storage". It will take 6 months for customs to get through storage and send it wherever it was supposed to go in the first place. However, for a *clears throat* a facillitation fee, customs can just expedite the clearance of your shipment, hurrying it on to its destination. This is a legal bribe, because even the government agrees customs is a jackass.

Well. The mob boss managed to get some sort of company card, allowing him to send a package on behalf of the company. The company manufactures inhalers. Customs realizes that the company in question is pretty charitable so he doesn't even bother to check it. Either that or he was offed and replaced by someone else with gang ties. In any case, you should probably intercept and/or blow up the plane and summon the South wind, blowing thousands of doped-up inhalers towards Schazer's head.

What the hell do I need to dope Schazer for? Ah well, sure let's shoot down a mob jet while it's flying over her. Done.

Oh score, drugs!

I can use these to get your asses busted for drug smuggling, then distribute them at heavily subsidised prices to whoever wants them. Me myself, I'm not a drug user.

You will be now. Why do you want to bust me for drug smuggling anyways?

North Wind, South Wind, The Rising Breeze, Oh Crap Is It Hurricane Season Again; really, the name's not as important as you might think. I called her up, and she figuratively jumped on this request. She's apparently been looking for an excuse to really fuck up Japan ever since the Pacific Tectonic Action managed to score a nuclear reactor shut-down. I guess you could call it a friendly rivalry!

Nicely done? The South Wind will prove a great boon in whatever we're doing right now and later in busting up the North Wind. Congratulations, new Minister of Summoning Whimbrel.

I like my payment in the form of souls not titles

~◕ w◕~

Hahahaha, excellently done me.2. I mean, I guess I sort of hoped this'd come down to a regular brawl but this is pretty great too. Traizor's plans are in tatters and her mecha/monster army is practically tripping over themselves - high as shit . There's still a lot to fight though, if you hurry up and leave Steve to the journal you can come and join in, it's great as shit.

It's also goddamn impossible to see 'cause of the massive drugcloud everywhere but everything is just awesome.

Palamedes, dude, this is just disgraceful.

Come walk and talk with me, yeah? I've got spare gas masks if you'd like one.

Son of a bitch, you're not hiring my staff out from under me. What the actual fuck happened to you, sir?

Entry thirty-eight, March 27, 2015.

Alright so I've caught up and apparently I died? Shitty. Also Traizor (what a great name) this has been the most poorly planned betrayal I've ever seen.

I like my payment in the form of souls not titles

~◕ w◕~

How about Traizor's and her presumably falling legions? Also titles come with domains and you can harvest as many souls as you like from those.

Hahahaha, excellently done me.2. I mean, I guess I sort of hoped this'd come down to a regular brawl but this is pretty great too. Traizor's plans are in tatters and her mecha/monster army is practically tripping over themselves - high as shit . There's still a lot to fight though, if you hurry up and leave Steve to the journal you can come and join in, it's great as shit.

It's also goddamn impossible to see 'cause of the massive drugcloud everywhere but everything is just awesome.

Hold on a goddamn second, you're definitely me.2 seeing as how I'm the original from this timeline. Nice try.

I'd love to show up and kick some ass but with Voodoo Steve out of commission (what do I do to get him out of it ) and nobody to watch the war journal while I fight I'll have to stay back and keep my eye on it.

Palamedes, dude, this is just disgraceful.

Come walk and talk with me, yeah? I've got spare gas masks if you'd like one.

Why don't you come to me this time? Apparently I am now this monk cult's god so just hang around by my boat and they'll come pick you up. Quick, before the South Wind comes in (should be a couple hours, more than enough time) or Abet gets any funny ideas (or ideas period, should be even longer). Also, while I understand me.2 forgetting this (it's hard to get used to!) I don't actually need to breathe anymore. Okay well technically I can just hold my breath a really long time but honestly you can barely tell the difference.

Son of a bitch, you're not hiring my staff out from under me. What the actual fuck happened to you, sir?

God I died apparently sorry. Wait wasn't that your fault? Besides, I'm pretty sure you quit and thus all employee benefits (namely me not stealing your henchmen) are terminated. I'd be willing to work something else out I guess.

To be fair it actually wasn't my fault, and as a private enterprise we still have a standing contractual agreement to...

Fine. If we can't play fair, then no one can! Just you wait, you clueless fucks. I didn't rise to the top of the summonercenaries for nothing. You ain't seen nothin' yet.

/me summons a ninja cloud of smoke and vanishes

Entry thirty-nine, March 29, 2015.

Sorry, bit of a doozy yesterday. The South Wind hit Japan with surprising force and me, waiting for Schazer to surrender, didn't manage to leave in time. I spent the day gathering my captured forces back together and am preparing to sail back to wherever I'm going next. Thankfully certain forces have kept this from the press.

No idea where me.2 went, I'm sure that's no biggie. Voodoo Steve is still incapacitated and I'd like to deal with that.

To be fair it actually wasn't my fault, and as a private enterprise we still have a standing contractual agreement to...

Fine. If we can't play fair, then no one can! Just you wait, you clueless fucks. I didn't rise to the top of the summonercenaries for nothing. You ain't seen nothin' yet.

* AgentBlue summons a ninja cloud of smoke and vanishes

I'm waiting.

Whim would you like Agen's job? I'll even give you ownership over all the souls he would have gotten as Vizier (and beyond). Also he seems to be making a big deal about his summonmancy, but to be frank you just seem way better.

I'm flattered, really! But the thing about being an entity from a different plane [specifically: the edge of dreams/nightmares if u wanted to call me up *wink*] is that I'm unable to take up a contract against my conduit's will [aka Agen, or a similar summonmancer] 'cos they'd just close the summoning channel, and boof! no more influence over the affairs of this plane until I get summoned again.

Besides, if we're getting TECHNICAL with titles and whatnot, what I'm doing isn't so much Summonmancy so much as...Diplomancy?

...Ah, speak of the devil, as they say. It seems I'm running out of power here! Well, adios for now! Feel free to call me up when you have a summonmancer, eh?

Not that you're going to get off your high horse - sorry, sheep - and acknowledge me as a rival or whatever, but I've totally got a degree in summonmancy. Majored in Birds, too, which is totally like air-majoring.

I think Schazer only took BIRD COURSES and is thus not qualified to be a true summoner.

I mean, can she summon this.

SpoilerShow

But more importantly, can she unsummon it. Because I can't get rid of it and various authorities from across the universe have been monitoring my occult activities and they don't like it.

So until then, there is a very large number rampaging across the pacific ocean (it decided to ignore Japan for some reason. Is it not a 5-friendly place?) and has been giving a high-five to every atom it's come across, thus gathering a force large enough to overthrow... someone. I don't even know what its goals are.

Entry forty, March 31, 2015.

Sorry for missing another day, had to slay a dragon. The last one they say, and no less a pain in the ass than others I've met.

I'm flattered, really! But the thing about being an entity from a different plane [specifically: the edge of dreams/nightmares if u wanted to call me up *wink*] is that I'm unable to take up a contract against my conduit's will [aka Agen, or a similar summonmancer] 'cos they'd just close the summoning channel, and boof! no more influence over the affairs of this plane until I get summoned again.

Besides, if we're getting TECHNICAL with titles and whatnot, what I'm doing isn't so much Summonmancy so much as...Diplomancy?

...Ah, speak of the devil, as they say. It seems I'm running out of power here! Well, adios for now! Feel free to call me up when you have a summonmancer, eh?

Hm, interesting. I'll have to find one.

Or, I could try and circumvent it by granting you a mortal form? Would that work, and if so would it require some sort of sacrifice or ritual?

Not that you're going to get off your high horse - sorry, sheep - and acknowledge me as a rival or whatever, but I've totally got a degree in summonmancy. Majored in Birds, too, which is totally like air-majoring.

Usually rivals offer... something you know? Some legion or impressive powers of their own. By all indication your stunt in Japan left you without much as an actual opponent. Unless... are you offering to be my Starscream?

I think Schazer only took BIRD COURSES and is thus not qualified to be a true summoner.

I mean, can she summon this.

SpoilerShow

But more importantly, can she unsummon it. Because I can't get rid of it and various authorities from across the universe have been monitoring my occult activities and they don't like it.

So until then, there is a very large number rampaging across the pacific ocean (it decided to ignore Japan for some reason. Is it not a 5-friendly place?) and has been giving a high-five to every atom it's come across, thus gathering a force large enough to overthrow... someone. I don't even know what its goals are.

I like the cut of this guy's jib. Can we find out more about this '5''s goals? Where can I find it and how might I bind it to my service?

pros can slake bloodlust vry chrismatc good w kids cons bound 2 limits of offerd mortl form unquenchable bloodlust ritul reqs 1 mortl body any kind something u love nd smthg u fear

pros can slake bloodlust vry chrismatc good w kids cons bound 2 limits of offerd mortl form unquenchable bloodlust ritul reqs 1 mortl body any kind something u love nd smthg u fear

These are the exact procedures required to bind 5 to your service

Eh, at this stage I'll settle for Starscream.

Entry forty two, April 2, 2015.

Alright so I was trapped in a temporal time loop and turned into a disgusting fish, haha nice April Fools jerks. Who did that.

pros can slake bloodlust vry chrismatc good w kids cons bound 2 limits of offerd mortl form unquenchable bloodlust ritul reqs 1 mortl body any kind something u love nd smthg u fear

I thought Voodoo Steve was still out of commission, did you save him?

Also, can the thing I fear and the thing I love be the same?

These are the exact procedures required to bind 5 to your service

Can I use the same sacrifice as the one I use to summon Whim?

Eh, at this stage I'll settle for Starscream.

Wonderful, you've been promoted to Second in Command. You've made me the happiest totally benevolent definitely not a giant monster ruler ever.

I'm sorry, your plan - much like your image - was destroyed and no longer exists.

look idk who is actully conveyng messages but i knw whose hands r on th pointer may b hes sleep channeling highr potency ritual w love fear same item still need 2 item if both love fear most powerful cant use in 2 diffrnt ritual fresh items only