This Guy's Problem (TWS)

Okay. Can you use that rib as a sword in a pinch? Because you might need to.

Head directly to town, see if you can lodge at an inn for the night. Your wife will understand, and it's almost certainly prudent to wait until morning to travel. You'll also want to tell the Lord, as well as whatsisface, about your discovery with no delay.

Look for more bones.

Look for more bones.

You make a quick search for similar BONES but to no avail. The door to the FRIAR'S CHAMBER is locked, and you're not certain this discovery warrants breaking it down.

Besides you're not a LAW ENFORCER.

>You'd better find an authority figure and inform them, quietly so as not to cause a panic. Perhaps someone with the relevant expertise is at the party? Use your missing horse as an excuse to talk to them without publicly revealing the possible-murder just yet.

Yes. It would be good to ALERT THE AUTHORITIES...except...

The only LAW ENFORCER at the party was the KNIGHT. You don't know anyone who has a particular expertise with BONES, so you figure the most appropriate person to talk to would be the LORD'S BROTHER considering his status.

Though, OTTO is also the person most likely to encourage you to DRINK more.

You reflect on the BONE again. It could very well be HUMAN, though you aren't certain, and even possession of a human bone doesn't necessarily mean there was a murder committed. After all that PEASANT was able to get a HUMAN SKULL and, if you're being honest with yourself, he probably didn't MURDER Miss Copperton.

Though that does mean that the REAL MURDERER is potentially STILL AT LARGE.

You suddenly really want to be HOME with your WIFE.

Okay. Can you use that rib as a sword in a pinch? Because you might need to.

You consider wielding the RIB BONE as a defensive weapon, but you figure it is ill suited for the task. While POLISHED, it is hardly sharp and it's length would make it a blunt dagger at best - not to mention you don't know how brittle this particular BONE could be. It would be best to avoid any real combat unless you manage to retrieve your ESTOC at HOME.

You pocket the BONE and head back to the party. You'll need to borrow a horse.


Your return is greeted with a hearty cheer from the remaining guests. It appears Pete the Professor left while you were investigating the CHAPEL, as well as one of the DUKES and the LADIES. (though the particular lady that was the cause of the KNIGHT'S jealous outburst is still present, flirting with Otto at the moment - though she seems quite pleased at your return).

You approach Otto expecting to have to pry him away from yet another client, but he instead greets you with a grin and a PITCHER of MEAD.

"Mr. Vergis! I thought you had headed home for the night! Guess you decided to stick around?" He chuckles while wrapping an arm around you.

"Actually, it appears that my horse was freed from its post. I don't suppose you may have a steed I could borrow myself?"

He appears unphased by the bad news. A hearty dose of alcohol and a practice of avoiding rejection can do that to a man.

"Nope, sorry there Mr. Vergis! I don't have a horse of my own to be honest! Good for glue and not much else I say. Why that such a creature used to get around is put to its best use to keep things in place I can't say! That's THE LORD'S work for you!"

"I see, but yes I do actually need to make my leave," you interject, "I am feeling a bit unsettled at the moment and I would very much like to make it HOME."

"Unsettled! Why not settle yourself down right here then? Good DRINK and good company! And plenty of ROOM UPSTAIRS!" He gestures towards the LADY.

"Ah yes, but I am afraid that there is another matter which I has unsettled me, I happened across what may be a bit of EVIDENCE..."

You casually move him from the LADY and casually show him the RIB BONE.

He takes a long drunken stare at it, takes a swig, then looks back at you.

"Why that's a BONE!"

"Yes yes it is," you reply in hushed tone.

"Well what's a BONE got to do with anything? The only BONE criminal we've had around here was EXECUTED this AFTERNOON! Did I tell you about the DEVICE?"

"Yes I have heard about it but, " you hope to help him grasp your concern - though without questioning his CONVICTION at the CONVICTION, which you are most likely responsible for CONVICTING him of, " after todays events I do worry about the possibility of copy-cat attackers."

He stares at you.

"There are some elements, " you continue, "among those less becoming that would seek to mimic the crimes presented in court earlier this day. This bone could be related to such a person."

"Where'd you find it?" he asks

"At the CHAPEL."

It appears that you have, in some degree, succeeded in conveying the potential severity of the situation to Otto. He looks back at the other PARTY GOERS and starts to speak, when the LADY interrupts.

"I'm sorry Mr. Vergis. I could not help but overhear. Would you perhaps like to borrow MY STALLION for the NIGHT?"

Never one to be rude,

"Ah, miss. While I would be most appreciative I could hardly accept such an offer without knowing your NAME."

She smiles, and extends her hand. "Eva Greenbird."

You take her hand and kiss it in greeting. "My pleasure Miss Greenbird. I am Clarion Vergis, though I take it you already are familiar with me?"

"Not as familiar as I would like..."

Ah yes, she is a bit forward, but you have experience in diverting this situation.

"Oh I appreciate the senti-" Otto cuts you off.

"Well now Mr. Vergis this presents itself as the perfect solution! Miss Greenbird here was just telling me of how she was ready to head back home but was in need of someone to keep her safe along the way. Why don't you take her into the city and then find your way to your own home from there?"

"What a lovely idea! I live not far within the village, and I would much like someone to hold onto during the ride," Miss Greenbird interjects.

You step outside with Eva and mount her horse. You assist her up, and she holds on tightly to you, pressing herself against her back.

Head directly to town, see if you can lodge at an inn for the night. Your wife will understand, and it's almost certainly prudent to wait until morning to travel. You'll also want to tell the Lord, as well as whatsisface, about your discovery with no delay.

You start HEADING TO TOWN. You could LODGE at an INN or at EVA'S HOME, if you had to, but you think you could convince Eva to let you TAKE THE HORSE after you drop her off safely at her HOME.

You consider revealing the discovery of the BONE to the LORD, but you aren't really drunk enough to go through with that. There isn't much reason to bother the LORD with something so CIRCUMSTANTIAL (though someone like you could easily turn it into a full CASE if needed to). After all, despite everything all you did was FIND A BONE.

You also consider informing the SOLICITOR (whose name you know and has a personal significance for you but choose not to think on it now for...oh hey)

As you pass through the VILLAGE OUTSKIRTS you catch a glimpse of a man passed out outside of one of the TAVERNS. He's sleeping on a plain BURLAP SACK, has a CORNERED HAT laying haphazardly next to him, has what appears to be a PLANK OF WOOD attached to his BUTTOX, and fingers COVERED IN PUPPETS.

You ride past him, seeing how he's already fast asleep and you need to head on your way. (Not to mention waking a sleepy and angry drunkard who probably hates you is a bad idea all around).

Since you still have a bit to go until you reach EVA GREENBIRD'S HOME you decide to REFLECT ON THE SOLICITOR'S NAME and its PERSONAL SIGNIFICANCE to you.

>_

SpoilerShow

Ever since I identified Otto as a PITCHMAN I can't help but think of him as a medieval BILLY MAYES. Though I suppose I have not made him NEARLY AS LOUD.

Eva Greenbird is named that because of macherry's lady who was fascinated with Green Birds and because I am vigilantly uncreative.

>Reflect upon your ruined rival.

Jonathan Winthorpe.
He was a family and childhood friend who had weaned off the same wet nurse, suffered under the same governess and rose in the same law school. For as of yet unspoken reasons, he descended into madness and was disowned by his and your family.

Jonathan Winthorpe.

Yes. No. Wait what? That's not his name that's your...nevermind you dismiss the thought and continue to think on his personal significance.

He was a family and childhood friend who had weaned off the same wet nurse, suffered under the same governess and rose in the same law school. For as of yet unspoken reasons, he descended into madness and was disowned by his and your family.

Reflect upon your ruined rival.

It is sad, really. He simply doesn't understand the cruelty of the world. He never learned to navigate it properly. He relies on those sad projections to give him guidance and ends up looking like a fool.

He could be an excellent defense lawyer. It's true he chose the harder road. People like to see someone take the blame, someone pay for crimes even if they did not commit them. You learned this long ago and learned how to exploit it.

He never did though. He relied on his logic and evidence but never had the ability to carry those points home.

When the LORD instituted his novel judicial system, both yourself and the Solicitor, jumped at the opportunity to participate. Perhaps it was that connection that you share that led you to similar prospects. Of course, by that time he had already acquired a sizable array of puppets. From his previous endeavors.

You're approaching EVA's HOME. Do you SPEND THE NIGHT, FIND AN INN, or BORROW HER HORSE so you can CHECK ON YOUR WIFE?

>_

You've got a wife! Even if it's with innocent intentions, spending the night with a morally loosened lady would simply be foolhardy. Go home to your wife if you can convince Eva to lend you the horse. Otherwise find an inn.

I would honestly stay at the inn. The risk of banditry is too great, horse or no horse, this late at night.

You've got a wife! Even if it's with innocent intentions, spending the night with a morally loosened lady would simply be foolhardy. Go home to your wife if you can convince Eva to lend you the horse. Otherwise find an inn.

I would honestly stay at the inn. The risk of banditry is too great, horse or no horse, this late at night.

You have two conflicting thoughts! Good thing you are a REASONABLE and INTELLIGENT individual otherwise you'd probably have to sit and continue to argue with yourself in a loud and public manner.

You worry about bandits, but your house is within eyesight of the CASTLE and thus under it's PROTECTION. This tends to discourage most BANDITS from causing much trouble. The KING may keep to himself but his ARMY is a very effective communicator.

Also you are concerned about your WIFE, Amy. You don't have a history of staying out so she is most likely waiting for you and a little anxious. You know she'll forgive you if you have to find an inn, but you don't want to put her through the WORRY.

Not only that, but the discovery of that RIB BONE has put you a little on EDGE. If Lady Copperton's MURDERER is still at large, a polished RIB BONE like this could feasibly be something he left behind. If it is discovered that the KILLER is still out there, you would be seriously BONED...or de-boned, it depends who gets to you first.

In the back of your mind, you worry that the KILLER may go after Amy, but you push that thought back. It's a little too paranoid.

You still decide to go home though.

You arrive at Eva Greenbird's home. She requests that you stay, but you politely refuse, and ask if it is still alright with her if you borrow her horse for the rest of the trip home. She pouts, but agrees and you see her to her door. At her doorstep you narrowly deflect her parting kiss.

Sometimes it's tough being so great and loved by everyone.

You continue the journey home. You estimate about 20 minutes until you get home, so you spend the time occupying your thoughts.

What do you reflect on?

>_

Your wonderful and beautiful wife who has not become the victim of any unfortunate circumstances.

Your problems, and how nobody understands.

The melancholy of being perfect.

As the greeks put it, Divine Boredom.

The troubles of the Solicitor.

The bone and the possibility of a murderer on the loose.

I'ts been a while! Time for an INSTORY SEMI-RECAP

Clarion Vergis (that's you!) continues riding towards his HOME to meet with his (by now) worried wife Amy! He muses on the events of the day.

The troubles of the Solicitor.

You think on the Solicitor. You had passed him earlier before dropping the flirtatious Eva Greenbird off at her abode. He was unconscious, intoxicated, and had a wooden PLANK attached to his rear. You know his current state is in some way your fault, (aside from the PLANK, because that's what he gets for PLAYING WITH NOOSES).

He's unstable, in large part because he's NEVER WON A CASE. You know he cares, but each case he loses just tears him down a little more. His breakdown in the courtroom today would have gotten him executed if you hadn't managed to convince the LORD to spare him.

Of course he's not the only person who dislikes you.

Your problems, and how nobody understands.

The melancholy of being perfect.

As the greeks put it, Divine Boredom.

There is also that KNIGHT. To be fair, you did have a bit too much to drink (aka ANY AMOUNT) and you humiliated probably more than was warranted. You don't know much about him personally, except that he's hot headed enough to start a brawl over a LADY and VENGEFUL enough to TAKE YOUR HORSE. Or maybe he just let it loose. It's hard to say.

A lot of people see you as "perfect", especially those who are JEALOUS of you. Jealousy blinds your vision, makes those who you envy seem greater than they really are.

You're not great. You kill people for a living. Except you use words instead of a sword (though you are proficient at both). It's the path you chose. All you can do is hope that the people on the other side of the courtroom deserve the end you give them.

But there are always complications...

The bone and the possibility of a murderer on the loose.

Especially with this last case. It took not a small amount of charm and wordplay to help the court overlook the obvious problems with that peasant's conviction. (Though their desire to see a proper execution always makes it easier).

Normally, there's such a huge show of convicting and executing the perpetrator that whoever was the actual offender can see what lies in store for them if they continue in their misdeeds. Thus, they either leave town or abandon their mischief...in theory.

But this crime was the first you've seen that was so... heinous.

Lucille Copperton, a well to do young woman had EVERY BONE removed from her body. It was an act preformed with such SURGICAL PRECISION that it was obviously no CRIME OF PASSION. It was thought out, planned in detail, and executed quickly. Not only that, but the criminal took no real effort to hide the body. Her mutilated form was left open in the MIDDLE OF THE ROAD. The convicted peasant was merely the closest person to the body at the time of the patrol's arrival. Though it didn't help that he was carrying a HUMAN SKULL among his belongings.

But just tonight you discovered a POLISHED HUMAN RIB BONE laying on the floor of THE LORD'S COUNTRY CHAPEL. While it's a minor find, it worries you nonetheless. You HAVE IT WITH YOU at the moment, and want to examine it more DURING THE DAY. What if the murderer is still seeking to repeat his crime? What if he plans to strike tonight?

You push the thoughts aside. You are getting closer to home and

Your wonderful and beautiful wife who has not become the victim of any unfortunate circumstances.

Ah. Amy. She's probably up right now, sitting inside, waiting for you. She'll have hung a lantern outside on the porch, and have some hot water ready for you to enjoy some tea and wash off your face.

You simply can't believe that someone like her can exist in a world as dark as this one. She's your light, your duty, and while you know she can handle herself you cannot help but worry about her every time you leave.

You can see the outline of your HOME now. There's a small field attached to it, and the road comes near the entrance. Amy tends to a garden and some chickens in the back. You've told her that you have enough to afford a servant, even to live within the CITY WALLS, but you both appreciate the quietness of the countryside. The stillness of the night air, the dark silhouette of your house against the surrounding FIELDS and WOODS...

...dark silhouette? There isn't any lantern out? Perhaps she's gone to bed and didn't want to leave it burning?

Oh! You see. Your HORSE has managed to find its way back home. You guess the KNIGHT just SET IT LOOSE instead of STOLE it. Goodness, Amy must be worried sick about you if the horse showed up without you. She may have gone off to look for you...You hope she hasn't gone too far...

No, wait. She would have taken the horse with her if she left...

As you get closer and the moon illuminates your HOME more clearly a frightening fact become evident.

You don't know that horse.

>_

Brandish sword, but keep in mind that if she's merely being unfaithful, you should not lash out, but rather accept it and calmly try to discuss the situation.

That said, if it's something worse than that, you need to be prepared.

Wolves: Howl.

Brandish sword, but keep in mind that if she's merely being unfaithful, you should not lash out, but rather accept it and calmly try to discuss the situation.

That said, if it's something worse than that, you need to be prepared.

You have many worst-case scenarios playing out in your head. Fortunately, Infidelity is not among them.

Your ESTOC should in the DEN by the MANTLE. At the moment all you have is the RIB BONE you found.

You brandish it defensively. In the courtroom, you've been called "The Debonair Wolf", a title you've tried to shrug off, but if someone has done anything to harm your Amy, they will see how wolf-like you can be.


Quietly, you tie up Lady Greenbird's horse and stalk towards the back of the house. Stealth is important here. The front door is noisy, and could alert potential intruders to your presence.

You walk past the unfamiliar horse, taking care not to startle it. While the saddle is common enough there appear to be markings on the bridle. It's too dark to make them out at a distance, however.

As you continue to the back of the house, a subtle creaking catches your attention. The rear door is flung open, moving slightly in the nighttime breeze. You glance at the BONE in your hand and the possibility sends you into a panic.

You rush into the house through the rear door, looking in all directions. You're in the KITCHEN. FLIES are buzzing around FOOD left out on the counter. You rush forward but SLIP on something split on the floor. You fall but catch yourself with your hands. There's enough light present to make out the SANGUINE fluid on the floor.

You climb to your feet and call out your WIFE'S name. Once, Twice.

"Where are you!?"

You enter the DEN. Your ESTOC is sitting by the MANTLE next to an ornate MIRROR. You glance around, but there is NO ONE THERE. You continue to call out for AMY and reach for your SWORD.

You notice the SILHOUETTE in the mirror too late. Someone reaches behind you and STABS you in your CALF.

Wolves: Howl.

You howl.

>_

> Be the crazy guy.

> Be the crazy guy.

Oh you silly thought! There you go again acting like you can control things outside of our current protagonist's mind and influence the story proper. I'm sure Clarion would be quite confused at you were he not presently howling in pain.

Though I suppose he would much rather be "the crazy guy" right now, instead of "the guy getting shanked in the calf". Or perhaps he would wish he was a lovable farmer instead of a popular lawyer, so "shanked in the calf" actually would just be a way preparing a nice meal for the LORD (or THE LORD). Both do love calves.

But no he is being stabbed (or speared - he hasn't checked) and will probably be DE-BONED if we leave him now (and if his assailant is the Notorious BONER - we haven't checked).

So, no. You are still Clarion Vergis. You have found blood in your house and your WIFE is missing. You are currently howling in pain from being stabbed in the calf by an unknown shadowy assailant. You currently have 1 polished RIB BONE, a painful FLESH WOUND, and a WINNING SMILE.

watdo?

>_

>Use the rib bone to fend off your attacker!

Smile. Dazzle him.

Kick him(?) in the groin. Then beat him over the head with your rib bone.

SpoilerShow

Editor's Note: The editor would like to apologize for a misprint in the previous post. The perpetrator should have been lableled as "The Notorious DE-BONER". The Notorious BONER is a criminal of a completely different sort and has been safely incarcerated for some time. The editor apologizes for any confusion or unwarranted fears resulting from this error.

>Use the rib bone to fend off your attacker!

Smile. Dazzle him.

Kick him(?) in the groin. Then beat him over the head with your rib bone.

You force back the pain and turn to smile at your attacker. Feigning pleasantries is one of your more practiced skills and all you need is a moment's advantage.

You forgo kicking given your STABBED IN THE CALF status. You brandish your POLISHED RIB BONE and ACCOST the knife-wielder over the head.

The RIB BONE SHATTERS, and your attacker steps back, clearly dazed. You turn to grab your ESTOC, but the pain in your leg causes you to stumble onto the floor. You turn to face your perpetrator...but he's gone.

You are alone.

----------------------------------------------------------------

You wish they'd leave you alone.

Damn Hecklers. Always heckling, think they can make it to the big time by picking fun at a easy target. Not that you're an easy target. You're an esteemed and very much alive member of the corrective judicial system. Also you have a BAG OF PUPPETS and a PLANK glued to your BUTT.

You are now the SOLICITOR.

>_

Solicit someone for help.

Talk to your puppets to distract yourself from the plank until the glue dissolves.