LGBTQ Awareness/Help Threade

I'm somewhat exaggerating people's responses here - most people (in Japan especially) would be content with just giving me a second glance and a bit of staring at worst. I just want to, like, be in a space where an androgynous person is taken as fact rather than being an invitation for people to start guessing (however silently/blatantly) which of The Two Sexes I am.

Japanese is not much good with gender neutral anything, much less pronoun usage. Being referred to in a gender-neutral fashion is often not possible, or would be the cause of too much confusion. My ability to deal with it varies - sometimes I don't care at all that feminine pronouns are being slapped on me, other times I don't want to deal with the confusion when either "valid" answer to defuse the situation feels wrong on some level.

It doesn't help matters that folks in the Japanese sales/service industry will want to use the right ones, and get very embarrassed and apologetic if they get it wrong or show confusion.

Ah, that makes more sense.

I'm being kind of a hypocrite here anyway. I doubt that I would have it in me to tell off groups of strangers all the time, even if they did totally deserve it.

Also somewhere along the way Americans became able to gay marry

belated yay America

/me is not in America

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I've driven on that road before, but honestly I probably would have been able to figure out where you were just by bumper stickers alone.

That catholic radio station there is one of the worst things that I've ever been forced to listen to. How can anybody manage to talk about the evils of abortion for hours on end, every single day without fail? Don't Catholics have any other interests at all?

Okay, I said I was going to do this... well, technically today. This is going to be long and somewhat NSFW, so I'm just going to put all the back stuff in a spoiler.

SpoilerShow

I know a lot of people here are from the MSPA Forums, so you know or are at least familiar with Arms. Well, she's one of the people who I follow on Tumblr. A few days back, she found a tumblr blog closetedlesbianopinions. And she reblogged quite a few of them that described her before she figured it out. I saw them and thought to myself "wow, if a few of those described someone, they really should be thinking about their identity".
Well, someone else saw that first tumblr, and started up another one, closetedtransgirlopinions, for a different audience but in much the same style. And Arms also found it, and started reblogging stuff from it, and I thought to myself "wow, that fits me. And so does that one. And... that one I feel was written with me in mind. And... uh...". Now I think that having that first set really helped because I really had no reason to be questioning my identity and so by having the thing where I thought that before made me at least somewhat open.
So after seeing those few ones that were on my dash, I went to the blog proper and looked through every single post that was there and about three quarters of them described how I felt to some degree, and a third of them were super me. Like "ive been reading lots of transformation fiction online and it makes me feel really guilty but also really good but i still wouldn’t want to be a girl because that would be gross" direct quote from the site and I have thought that numerous times. Or even the most recent one, which came up as I was nearing the end, but I saw and wow it fits. "Why am I trying to sing the alto line? Oh just as a challenge you know? :) its not like I practice it at home and start crying when I can’t hit the high notes :)" Excuse me, but if I'm not singing the soprano line at the correct octave, something's wrong and I totally don't feel horrible if I can't hit the top notes.
And now after that, I'm just thinking about all sorts of things about me that I've done and it's very... just you know if I was actually trans then it would make some sort of sense. Like I was ordering some stuff, and I decided to get a necklace because hey it was on sale, and when I got it, my first thought was "wow, is this girly; not me, but hey, it was on sale so I think I'll wear it like once or twice" and now I'm thinking "I can't wait to get back up to school so I can wear it again, because it feels just right and natural". And I have spent quite a time up at school looking for a skirt or stockings becayse something about wearing those feels... just some way that I can't describe.
I mean, one of my first memories on MSPA Forums was I did math on some part of an update, and someone jokingly said "she's a witch, burn her!" and my response was something like "haha, I'm a boy, but whatever it's not like it really matters right?" And now on games like ACNL, you'd have to be hard-pressed to tell that my character's actually a boy. And like there's a thing I'm playing online where you can transform characters into other characters and somehow, like 80% of the ones I do start with a design that looks a lot like me and end up as some form of a girl. Now that couldn't be indicative of anything whatsoever, right?
So even with all of this stuff, I didn't really trust my opinion, because I'm doubting of eveything. And I was lucky enough to find a test to help in determining if the person taking it is transgender. And completely unsurprising from all of this is the fact that I got solid "yeah, since you said you were male, this is pretty solidly transgender". Like the most female section started at 320 points and I got 325. And I repeated and kept on getting results in that area. And just for clarification, 0 isn't "not transgender", 0 is "gender neutral" and -320 is the most male area.
And I think the key kicker is that I've had some sort of body dysphoria for as long as I can remember. I had been justifying it for forever as like almost nobody is entirely happy with their body, so it's normal to have a feeling as if you don't belong in the body you have, right? And that's a no win scenario, because if that's not the case (which I'm pretty sure is the case now that I've been reflecting) well wow is that trans, and even if it is the case, most of my dysphoria I'm realising has been directed towards sexual characteristics. Like I thought the reason my penis made me feel so uncomfortable is because I'm asexual and anything down there seems wrong and unnecessary, but it's also applying to facial hair. Like, if I could just get rid of all of that, I'd do so in a heartbeat. You know the 'would you press the button' thing? If there was one that was "you won't grow any facial hair BUT you lose your genetalia", I'd slam the button as fast as I could and ask what the downside was.

I mean, Tuesday morning, I was getting a haircut (and reluctantly at that, because I didn't see anyhting wrong with longer hair, because that feels right to me WOW I WONDER WHY), and I wasn't thinking about whether I was a boy or a girl because I was obviously a boy. And here I am, three days later, and I have no clue any more. Well, okay, I have a clue, and that's that I'm pretty likely transgender and just...

I don't really know what to do.

Depending on where you live, finding a LGBTQ-friendly therapist isn't always possible. It's nice if you can get it, but it's not the end of the world if that's not currently an option!

Also, you absolutely need to make sure they're explicitly LGBTQ-friendly. I learned that the hard way, unfortunately.

The most important thing is to have people you can safely talk about this stuff with. I haven't been able to really act on my gender issues yet, but having a supportive circle of friends keeps me going.

Trust me Ki, you're not alone. This is probably the gayest collection of queer that's ever gayed on the internet, all of us in different niches and social/home situations. You can always talk to us and our extensive gayness!

As an addendum: There's something fundamental in the way you feel when you stop pretending to be someone you're not. It's like... every time someone misgendered you, or treated you in a way that was 'wrong', somehow, or gave you the wrong clothes and the wrong presents, you got a rock added to this big pilgrim's progress-esque burden on your shoulders. And you carried around this burden every day of your life, it getting heavier and heavier, until you forgot what it was like to live without it. You told yourself 'this is fine'. You pretended that you liked having a slowly-crushing weight on your back. No one else complained, right?

Stopping this lie to yourself is admitting that you don't want to be unhappy for the rest of your life. It's remembering what it was like not to have that pain, and striving to have those rocks removed from your burden, one at at time. Every friendly acceptance. Every correct pronoun. Every moment things felt 'right' and not 'wrong'.

And one day you'll find bird jesus realize the burden is gone, and it's been replaced with balloons or some shit. This metaphor got away from me

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I mentioned gender war because you said "Like, my parents don't know that I'm X and now I might also be Y?" and I thought you were talking about gender, and not just talking vaguely, or about which gen 6 pokemon game you are a player of.

Okay, yeah, that was kind of vague. Then again, it also was written literally at 2AM, so it was kind of unclear. Fully explaining, I haven't come out to my parents as asexual yet, and so that's why I'm sort of worried.

There's no catch-all advice to give since it all depends on various factors in your own personal situation*, but if I had to offer one thing I'd say to look into a psychologist or therapist in your area that has a reputation for being good with gender dysphoria issues. They can help act as a good solid soundingboard to help you plot what your plan of action will be from here on out; also they can help sort out what's what with regard to the mental tangles that've knotted you up throughout your life.

You don't have to be specific with your parents w/r/t what you're seeing a therapist for.

Yeah, our school has a counceling center, and I'm planning on going to visit it sometime. I might talk to some of the people in the LGBT group first, to see if they know about our how it works, but I think they might be okay. Better safe than sorry, as Loather said, and I really need to be cautious because it's a Lutheran school (aka yeah probably pretty conservative). And besides, I've had some form of depression for forever and have gone to school therapists for that before; I don't think my parents would question why I was going again.

Finally, always remember we are all here for you to lend emotional support, fríend. You are on an adventure of discovery. Hopefully we can help encourage you along the way

The most important thing is to have people you can safely talk about this stuff with. I haven't been able to really act on my gender issues yet, but having a supportive circle of friends keeps me going.

Trust me Ki, you're not alone. This is probably the gayest collection of queer that's ever gayed on the internet, all of us in different niches and social/home situations. You can always talk to us and our extensive gayness!

Thanks you all. Like I said, I know most of the people here, so that's why I'm talking out here first, rather than some other place.

I made a comic about coming out and exhibited it at pride! Its here (and huge)

Its better read vertically rather than horizontally but i'm not ur mum



Anyway i think it went over pretty well! There was a crowd around reading it at a couple points so i feel good

That is a very well made comic.

Ty :>

That's a really well-made piece, Plaid!

Happy Down With Cis Day, everyone

can't we just call it Trump the Trump day and call it... a day?

it's the anniversary of The Down With Cis Bus today, or so I have been led to believe

Swear to god that thing was several years old by this point

it was an instant classic, an unforgettable and Completely Real Event that we should celebrate every year imo

Okay, I said I was going to do this... well, technically today. This is going to be long and somewhat NSFW, so I'm just going to put all the back stuff in a spoiler.
...
I don't really know what to do.

So, uh, just to throw this out there, I know it's an old post, but that entire spoiler is so close to how I feel, it's a little spooky. Like, right even down to closetedtransgirlopinions having a major role in your realization. So I get how you're feeling.

Also, hi everyone, I'm trans, I didn't mean for this to be like the second thing I ever posted here, but seriously I could have written that post and it spoke to me.

it feels weird having not posted here when eagle time's community was pretty important in helping me realize I am, in fact, aggressively bisexual

also I have maaaybe been having weird gender feelings as of late (which I've offhandedly mentioned in IRC) but I'unno if I feel comfortable like, expounding on that (or even capable of really articulating it)? but I might blather about that at some point, I'unno

smash all gender

The eagle time community and its presence in my life are baaasically the only reasons I have any understanding of my own gender identity or skill as a writer, which is sometimes a weird thought to have, but is also pretty cool.

Weird gender feels is basically my default life setting

ive been on HRT for 3 months now.
Are boobs supposed to come in asymmetrically and feel kinda sore? My doctor said she thinks it's fine but can any of u other transwomen verify???????

dalm t weird

I mean thats how it happens for cis women, so. Mine have got to be 1 if not 2 cup sizes apart and i'm done growing.