Respec(')

OVERCOMPENSAAATE

MAN CRAFT

^ 2nd ^

MAN CRAFT

Hah. You just had the greatest idea. What if instead of crafting things for your man region, "Man-Crafting" meant making YOU more manly, i.e. more badass? I mean, it's gotta be worth a shot. What's the worst that could happen?



Um. Oh, right. You forgot. The System reacts...unpredictably to attempts to interpret abilities non-literally. It's been sort of a non-issue for you until now. "Protecting Your Gentleman's Area" is pretty unequivocal, as far as these things go. But in general, you're supposed to stick to what the little drawing depicts if you want things to work as expected. And, as you mentioned previously, The System can be kind of a dick, so whatever is about to happen, you're not looking forward to it.

Just gotta wait through another load-time...

...



Um. You don't know what a "Context Break" is, but that screen sure looks excited. There'd probably be all kinds of sirens going off, if The System wasn't currently barely capable of handling gif animations, thank you very much.

You're totally baffled...wait, the Crocacutus is backing off, unhooking its jaws from your now profusely bleeding hands. Oh god, it's standing up on its hind legs. Is it going to start talking next? It's starting to talk, what the hell is going on?

Crocacutus: We've got a loooong way to go.

What...the hell?

Sing in a manly stentorian bellow-type deal right back.

"let's get down to business"

> accept Crocacutus as your mentor.

Um...bandage those hands!

Crocacutus: throw the boy a stick

KEB: Fail to catch it and be knocked over.

Song: Proceed to start.

Oh, look, there's a new meter on your screen. It seems to be emptying very slowly. What the hell is 'Tegrity?'

No time to worry about that. The Crocacutus, who looks almost as confused as you feel, is grabbing something out of the nearby muddy water. It's some sort of pole. It's flinging the pole you-wards. It's got a pretty good arm for a quadruped. You reflexively cover frank and the beans, but the pole hits you squarely in the shins, sending you plummeting into the mud. The Crocacutus then begins to sing, in a family-friendly, pleasant tenor, some lyrics which are probably copyrighted.

You know what's happening next. Montage Time, right? Yup, suddenly, you are standing in some other part of the swamp, surrounded by single-trait sidekicks, training vigorously. There's no feeling of lost time or anything, it just happens perfectly naturally. You know, like in the movies. The Planet of Adventure is often much like the movies.

You jump from scene to scene for a while, until there's a lull in the singing. Now's your chance. Will you:

A. Just keep playing along?
B. Approach the Crocacutus and ask him what the hell is going on?
C. Other (Please Specify)?

Wait, this is a training montage right?

> keep playing along, maybe you'll gain some new skills or materials in the process. When the song nears the end, break context and use one of these newfound materials to murder the Crocacutus and drink in that sweet sweet experience.

Dance! Dance to the music in the hope this gives you new skills!

keep playing along! Milk This montage for all it's worth!

Wait, this is a training montage right?

> keep playing along, maybe you'll gain some new skills or materials in the process. When the song nears the end, break context and use one of these newfound materials to murder the Crocacutus and drink in that sweet sweet experience.

You see no reason not to go along with things. Training is training, right? Anyway, this is giving you the chance to learn more about your foe, see how he operates. Get close to him. Then, when he's least expecting it? BAM, he's girding your loins. Well, part of him, anyway.

The training isn't easy. You and your one-dimensional comrades are being pushed hard. But, then again, you seem to be the one who's being pushed the hardest. But that's okay, right? You're the protagonist, after all, you're the one who's important. However, a thought occurs to you. What if the Crocacutus is not actually pushing you hard to make a man out of you? What if he's actually trying to injure you? Cripple you so he'll have a clear path to your luscious dude-bounty? All while acting like your mentor! That treacherous bastard!

As this thought occurs to you, you've just montage-cut to a grueling jog up a mountain path, packs fully-loaded. You're far too exhausted to wonder why there's a mountain in the middle of the swamp. So, what's going on now? The Crocacutus seems to be urging the runners to leap across a chasm, as a substitute for the now-collapsed rope bridge. One by one, each attempts the jump, seemingly oblivious to the fact that the gap is about thirty feet wide and no one is coming close to making the jump.

Wait...something seems odd here. Training montages aren't supposed to send you plummeting to your death, right? You can't actually see down the chasm from your spot at the back of the line, but based on the sounds of screams and splatters, it sure seems like they're plummeting to their deaths. Something is fishy here.

You don't have any choice now. You're going to have to confront the Crocacutus. How will you do this?

A. Engage in mannerly discourse with the Crocacutus.
B. Engage in manful combat with the Crocacutus.
C. Engage in [Other (Please Specify {Let's keep this Rated T for Teens, folks})]

Let's keep this Rated T for Teens, folks

> high school musical the crocactus.

Let's keep this Rated T for Teens, folks

> high school musical the crocactus.

Dance! Dance to the music in the hope this gives you new skills!

Get engaged to the Crocacutus.

Get engaged to the Crocacutus.

NEVER. You firmly believe gay marriage is wrong, for reasons you'd really rather not go into right now. Probably because they all sound dumb when you try to list them.

Let's keep this Rated T for Teens, folks

> high school musical the crocactus.

Sorry, neither you nor the Crocacutus is peppy or non-threateningly attractive enough for such a gambit. Not even with the context's integrity shot to hell like it is.

Engage in verbal confrontation with Crocacutus.

The last of your conceptually paper-thin comrades jumps in the hole. Trust me, you're not missing anything if we never got to know them. One was fat, one was sassy, yadda yadda yadda.

That just leaves you facing your foe. He beckons you toward the chasm, but you don't budge. You think you can see some sign of worry in his eyes, but you're not really sure how reptiles emote.

You: Yo, dude, what the hell?
Crocacutus: Get over that jump, you maggot, or I'll have you cleaning latrines for a week!
You: Well, one of us will have to, now that you killed everyone else! Oh, also, I don't think that timer bar is going to last for anything like a week.

The Crocacutus is initially shocked that you recognized what's going on, then looks crestfallen with the revelation.

Crocacutus: Oh. Players usually aren't aware of montages as they happen. I thought I was the only one who realized what was going on.
You: Nice try, buddy. So why'd you want to kill me so badly?
Crocacutus: You were the one who wanted to turn me into part of your wardrobe! I was scared! You know how many friends I've had turned into boots and handbags by you players?

Well jeez, that makes you feel kind of bad. You always thought the monsters were procedurally generated shortly after you arrived in the adventuring area. Still, you really want that CRODPIECE. You are trapped in a dilemma. What will you say?

>Oh I understand how you can be scared of becoming something as simple as some boots, but listen, you could be come the most epic CRODPIECE ever crafted. Your fame will reach every corner of this world. You will trascend your own life and become a legend. You will be immortal.

So what do you say?

You wanna trade some skill cards (or whatever they're called, I forgot) instead? My tree is... pretty useless.

Give that tegrity a poke, you might be able to get some mileage out of it before it gives up.

Wait this montage grants monsters the gift of speech? Or can they all talk normally?

Point out that if you don't crodpiece him, someone else will just make him into something worse.

Also, it is a known fact Crocacti do not form friendships in the wild.

The alternative is you always refrain from killing it, and instead use it to Protect Your Gentleman's Region in less barbaric ways.

What I'm suggesting here is mercenary (merkin-ary?) guards for your crotch.