You Wake Up In A Bar

but only after we rub it on his shoulders!

Is it just me or did Drinkmaster Greene suddenly gained the ability to open his eyes?

We also need to do something about the casserole. Put the eggs in an oven tin and then pile on cat food. Maybe do it in layers? Like eggs-dry cat food-wet cat food-dry cat food? It'd be like lasagna. Also put it in the oven I guess.

cats LOVE lasagna, famously. especially when they asked for a casserole

cats LOVE lasagna, famously. especially when they asked for a casserole

A casserole is pretty much everything that goes into the oven, right? Lasagna is a casserole and so is pizza. You could put roadkill into an oven tray and boom! Casserole.

We also need to do something about the casserole. Put the eggs in an oven tin and then pile on cat food. Maybe do it in layers? Like eggs-dry cat food-wet cat food-dry cat food? It'd be like lasagna. Also put it in the oven I guess.

I was thinking of using the omelett in a fashion like that, but with some changes for this recipe:

3 flakes chowm
1 serving blueberries, all diced
1 Can catfood
1 Serving diced cucumber
1/2 Cup water

put in a casserole dish, and heat for 15 minutes.

>Apologize about earlier. I only just realized you add water to make a cubed goat into a goat. I thought it was just, add water to turn the cube into a cube of goat flesh
>Weird question but I don't know Crovis, but I'd love to know how to introduce myself in it to start, unless it's easier to learn via the PDA, which I should borrow during the next break,,
>Oh and for payment, Sublimate, I'd love you to surprise me with some ingredients of equal worth to what you'd pay for, if you can spare that.

The break is momentary. One moment passes; then the other. No month goes by, and you, Greene, spend not a single breath outside of yourself. Nothing progresses. Everything is fine. Everything is fine.

Stax has just confirmed that he's done with Bloomy's order of eggs. Looks like it's time to take the reins on that one!














You start work on the cat's eventual dish. Stax's eggs go on the bottom of the pan, and then you start layering cat food on top-- wet layers and dry layers, being sure to separate them carefully with layers of chowm, diced blueberries, and diced cucumber, building what begins to seem like a stack of very unique lasagna.

Laren speaks up, seeming to want to generate an actual conversation in the bar that isn't mean-spirited.






Bloomy beams brightly, and Sublimate begins to rattle off with some enthusiasm.














As you push the pan into the QUIK-OVEN-1K, you glance back and try to get everyone in better spirits!




Bloomy, however, seems a bit concerned.





















The idea strikes you that perhaps being able to understand Bloomy on the fly would be... helpful.








However-- it seems the metallic swan is distracted by something. Something behind you. A marked carton of eggs, the one Stax used to make the base for Bloomy's lasagna casserole.





Her mechanical eyes, though tough to be emotive with, seem to burn with fire. Stax seems... unfazed, though the accusation seems to have alienated the other members of the bar; both Bloomy and Laren lean back some, both confused and worried.






You're not certain how to deal with this. The lasagna will be done by next turn, unless you were to take it out halfway and waste your efforts. You're not certain whether these eggs are safe cooked or not-- or even if Bloomy wants them now. It seems, however, that anything but quick and decisive action means Sublimate's about to attack Stax. And swans are definitely pretty good at attacking things.

Worrisome.

And right before your third bartending level, too.

Cup status: 1 occupied (Sublimate's Ashen Corrugible), 2 dirty (Rooted Bean, Dynamic Dynamite), 3 free
Plate status: 2 occupied (Bloomy's unfinished meal, Stax's unfinished meal), 2 dirty (TQoaBT, Y,SY,S), 0 free
Scavenger ability: Activated (0 uses)
Intrusive ability: Enabled

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Author's Notes
I need a little fairy on my shoulder who repeatedly tells me "oh, come on, you'll enjoy making a YWUIAB update, and it'll take way less time than you think it will, just go for it already!" Maybe I should ask a local wizard?

Motivation's weird. Stress is weird. Stress about stress is weird. Thanks for being the most patient, incredible people imaginable.

And I think it might be kosher to pester me to work on this dang thing from time to time, haha. I need YWUIAB to be updating more often than it has been recently, and I can promise that this current pace isn't intentional at all.

use laren's pda to look up parasitic worm egg facts.

Slow things down a bit so we can all talk this out. First and foremost no violence should occur in this respectable establishment. Second of all, explain and try to learn what the mishap with the eggs is all about.

Burn the lasagna to ash and force Stax to eat it.

>Check if parasitic worm eggs are edible when cooked via the PDA.
>Ask Laren to help resolve this. Could Stax really have done this intentionally? And if he did dear fucking lord please, please leave Stax. Basic consideration for others is all that is being asked, and did Bloomy do anything to deserve that?
>Deeply apologize to Sublimate and Bloomy and start over if necessary. Have Stax leave.

edit:

Second edit: And, if the above is true, then he just wasted a lot of resources on our part and he should reemburse us for that lasagna. The angry swan in the room aughta convince him to pay up.

Yeah frankly he owes us for wasting our ingredients. He's very aware that not everyone can just guzzle anti-freeze and bleach, so I don't trust like that right now.

Hmm, I'd like to use the pda too, but it says in the description that sublimate needs quick and decisive action. Checking the web might not count as that.
If we do use the pda, we should announce clearly to sublimate that we'll throw the eggs out if they're toxic. Maybe even hold them near the garbage if they're

Edit: And yeah if Stax deliberately tried to give Bloomy food poisoning he should be shown the door.

Second edit: And, if the above is true, then he just wasted a lot of resources on our part and he should reemburse us for that lasagna. The angry swan in the room aughta convince him to pay up.

Lets just quickly shove stax into another room and NOT feed Bloomy the casserole. I think they deserve a free meal after this.
We need to have a lil talk with stax.

character concept: vebbit

Stax.

What a ball of gas. Sometimes you wonder if he was any better outside of Terrats, but you suppose you'll probably never know. As with most of the residents, he seems content to keep all the bad bits of history hidden. If only you'd had Intrusive when you first met him!

But that's the least of your problems. Keeping Sublimate from a full-blown battle is at the top of the priority list, and you have a plan.






You take Laren's PDA- a bit of a large, rectangular device, with retractable buttons, dials, a keyboard, and a large, extremely high-fidelity screen, that seems to 'zoom' to adjust your current gaze- and begin fiddling with the interface. You're logged onto something called the Starnet Wyreforums. Without paying much attention to the Wyre that Laren was logged onto, you tap on the search bar at the top, and input 'parasitic worm eggs'. Within an instant, you're thrown a list of largely badly-spelled titles, listed in order of date. The third-most recent catches your eye, as it actually has a couple of replies. You tap on it to find...

...a rather overwhelming wall of text.

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Transcripted by HandyBot33KLife -> Organics -> Health -> Edible -> Animal Byproducts
Parasitic worm eggs in starmarket?
Wyre created on: 4 | 4102 | 4650 (8/12/2665 Your Time)

Post by: Starnet User
Location: Mznlk-5, Mars
Posted on: 4 | 4102 | 4650, 1065:361

OK, so I was headed to my local Starmark (Colum-ices) to pick up some eggs for my ma's casserole, but when I started to use the auto-search thing at the front desk, a LOT of different kinds of eggs came up. I get typical Chicken eggs (though I don't get why the mart would name their stuff off a criminal) but also lots of stuff, like Q.U.A.I.L., and a whole big section on worm eggs. I'm really curiouus as to how anyone would want to eat something that gets shat out a wormy's butt. Sorry, I digress.

Anyway, while I didn't end up purchasing them (poor and not curiouus enough) I was pretty damn surprised to find something called "Parasitic worm eggs". The image was for this big bold cartoon with red and thick stripes and it had the name just printed on it. Not even a species name like there had been on the generic worm egg box. So here's my question: what even the heck? Is it some kind of euphemism, or are there eggs for parasitic worms... or are the eggs parasitic?

Post by: caasi23453
Location: Nieuw Groves, XV4-II
Posted on: 4 | 4102 | 4650, 1079:521

Hi Starnet User,

Let me start by telling you a brief story. When I was 43 growths aged, I made the financially nonviable decision to move to an outworlder farm on a relatively unfertile, young planet, very far from the Core. Not only did I have no way of paying for my residence there, but I was also completely unfamiliar with the culture and people I was landing by. Still, the distance from the life I'd previously led and the alien atmosphere attracted me-- and on an impulse, I did my best to survive.

I was picked up by a kind triplet of Naeronaus working the farm there, aforementioned outworlders who had lived there their entire lives. Truly kind. As I was born into a society wih polygonal relationships with much more flux and change, the dedication that these three had for each other was very striking. But that's beside the point. When they chose to let me live in their chiro pond, they also asked for me to do some minor physical labour to pay for my stay. This was something I'd already been meaning to ask to do, and I happily obliged. Their farm had a heavy focus on animal byproducts (perhaps why I've such a presence on this section of the Wyreforums) and used a variety of native worms for this purpose. Most (especially you) ought know about large invertebrates capable of producing milk, but there's a market for large, unfertilized worm eggs produced in a fashion not far from a typical ovulating animal. This was their largest source of income, and though I started as a simple farmhand, within the growth I had grown incredibly, incredibly fond of these animals, and the farm I was now accustomed to.

You must realize that, despite your initial disgust, these eggs are great. In fact, I'd say they're the best eggs that aren't mass produced nowadays. But the marketing and packaging used in major starports and markets, like the one you surely live near, indicates that they are 'dangerous' and 'alien'. Red and black stripes-- like poison, despite the fact that these worms are lovable, albeit parasitic (of trees). This marketing is killing industris like worm farming, and was the biggest factor contributing to the closure of the Naeronaus' farm, uprooting both me and the family I lived with for twenty growths. Support these sorts of farms next time-- I swear it's worth the price.

Post by: Starnet User
Location: Mznlk-5, Mars
Posted on: 4 | 4102 | 4650, 1726:104

You glance worriedly at the building tension in Sublimate's voice, and the building frown of Bloomy's expression, but you're trying your best to focus on this forum Wyre, and all you can give is an equally conflict-averse frown. Sublimate, in an act of pure fury, downs the rest of her drink in one fluid motion.








Finally, you figure it out. Gotta cut this whole shenanigan short before it gets out of hand and paw and wing.













Stax retracts a little. You can't tell if his expression is contempt or frustration, but you're having doubts that it's shame. Just as you've finished this reply, the QUIK-OVEN dings-- it's finished with Bloomy's lasagna. You begin to take it out, and plate an appropriate serving for the rather large cat.






With a couple of slices, taking out a corner piece of the very, very odd 'cat food casserole', you've done it! This dish felt like it took almost two months to make, but nope-- just a few turns.

Stax, at last, speaks, after nudging the counter absentmindedly with his glowing sun-leg.








That's right, Greene. Despite that surprisingly workable ordeal, you've made it through midday. After leveling up, you have the intention of speaking to Stax in another room-- though there's a small hangup. Leaving the bar feels... weird. You've got a bit of an aversion to it, though you feel like you could overpower that aversion. The alternative is speaking to him right here and now, probably without a lot of professionalism in front of your patrons. You'll also have to figure out what approach you want to take with him.

Afternoon has passed. The time is now evening, which will tend to be the longest and most difficult segment of the day. You are given a several-turn break between segments of time to recover.

You have gained a bartending level. You may now pick up to three skills-- one from the first perk rank, and two from the newly discovered second perk rank. Any that you do not pick will be available again next time you level up, as well as a new rank.

{I} Intuitive: Introduction cards will show somebody's ingredient preferences.

{I} Copier: You can now use the Unshaken to replicate a drink you've previously made, once per day.

{I} Cannoneer: You can now pop the top off the Unshaken at will, releasing whatever reaction is inside.

{I} Scribe: You gain information about any ingredient at will, thrice per day.

{I} Drunken Faster: You can wash 1 dish per turn for free (a.k.a. still doing other things) while drunk.

{I} Drunken Master: Your attacks deal incredible damage while drunk.

{II} Mixmaster: Drinks or food with a special correlation with the current music being played will gain a massive bonus for most patrons capable of hearing.

{II} Audiophile: Music with a special correlation to a given patron or situation will passively increase approval and mood for those affected.

{II} Generator: The Unshaken can produce two servings of any named exotic liquid and add it to the Cabinet once per turn. This consumes Greene's action, and is risky when used by a non-bartender.

{II} Eraser: The Unshaken can be used to freely vacuum up, and instantly vaporize, contaminants in the air or in drinks, with settings based on particulate size.

{II} Baker: Bake like the ancient chefs of the stars, and cook any pastry in one turn.

{II} Speed Demon: Flip a coin to mix up to four drinks in one turn, or end up failing (and losing all ingredients).

{II} Phytogenesis: Greene can grow many plants for ingredients on their leafy surface, provided there's a consistent source of sunlight.

{II} Phytochemist: Greene can use moving branches to automatically make drinks or meals at half speed without requiring an action, provided there's a consistent source of sunlight.

Cup status: 0 occupied, 3 dirty (Rooted Bean, Dynamic Dynamite, Ashen Corrugible), 3 free
Plate status: 2 occupied (Bloomy's TGCB, Stax's unfinished meal [1/3] ), 2 dirty (TQoaBT, Y,SY,S), 0 free
Scavenger ability: Activated (0 uses)
Intrusive ability: Enabled

By creating your first dish on an actual plate in a while, you've attained some new entries in The Cabinet!

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Author's Notes
Hey, so you might have seen (or attempted to avoid) the very short You Wake Up In Some Guy's House. I'm happy to report that this April Fool's gag is canon for YWUIAB! I'd recommend giving it a quick read. Sure, all this serious business is serious and such, but it can't hurt to get a little existential silly with it sometimes.

And it's got Stax in it. The honest-to-Luxulek Stax, the one-and-only. Watch as he shows just how much he's grown since his appearance in YWUISGH.

In terms of present YWUIAB: it's time to level up, take a breather, and talk to your employee.

>Phytochemist, Generator, and Copier.
Intuitive would ruin the fun.

I sure hope we don't get a whole new rank every level, otherwise it's gonna be impossible (or at least really slow) to get all the perks, and that bugs me way more than it should.

I'm not sure what approach is best to take with Stax, but I do know that either before or after we talk to him we need to get some dishes done.

{I} Copier
{II} Generator, Eraser
Interesting set to choose from.
This setup should allow us to create improved versions of drinks for any repeat customers we may have. If we have any, of course.

Scribe and intuitive both have some pleasant synergy with the above three, but can wait for another time.

It's getting late so I'd think photo-anything is something we'd best get later.
>Copier, Generator, Audiophile

If we end up taking audiophile, we could put up a stax themed song to make him respond better to our scolding.

We've been informed we don't want to get out from behind the counter and I trust our golden boy to look out for our best intrests. I suggest we just huddle behind the counter and turn the volume of the music waaay up.

I've made a retrospective clarification to the use of Drunken Faster, as well as buffed Baker, as I felt it wasn't really matching up to the other ones in usefulness.

Hmm, yeah baker sounds a lot more useful now. The two turn version of baker could've been replaced by an employee working the stove for a turn.

Seconding [I] Copier and [II] Generator, Eraser

{I} Copier
{II} Audiophile, Phytogenesis

Intuitive, Because Having an Idea about what someone likes doesn't Mean We won' have to use our Imagination
Eraser Because That's a Pretty Useful Ability
and Either Of The Phytos, because I'm indecisive and I Like Both.

Thording Copier, generator n' eraser, zonk zonk

You have picked the skills Generator, Copier and Eraser. You may now use the Unshaken for any of these tasks at will. Better keep it safe!

After a few moments of consideration, you decide it'd be best to stick behind the bar for this talk. As much as you'd like to walk around, it's... well, it feels a bit odd. You turn up the music a whole bunch, take Stax to the far end of the bar, and confront him.




First, something positive-- couldn't hurt. You don't have much direction, here. You just try and say what's pressing.















...

That feels familiar. Sure, Greene-- you don't remember a thing like that. But do you remember a thing like that?







You offer forth a solution. That's what you're here for, right?













You hear Sublimate begin to speak above the loud music, her honking finally audible. Her and Bloomy seem to have their attention on your scuffle, though Laren is just staring at the floor.










Along with turning the music back down to a reasonable level, you begin to wash some dishes, starting with one of the plates-- seeing as you have none free to use. You're relatively happy to see Stax joining in with the other dirty plate-- the one which once held the Yeah, Screw You, Stax. Nice.










Stax turns back around for a moment, still washing absentmindedly.








You give just a gentle reminder.













Besides small talk at the bar, you've got a few options here-- evening will be properly starting in a couple of turns now, and you've got time to use The Unshaken for various tasks-- or continue to wash dishes. Bloomy is just about halfway finished with her meal, and looks like she's taking her time with it, even though Sublimate's about ready to leave.

You make a mental note that The Unshaken can seemingly produce any named liquid with the Generator ability-- the only limit is what sorts of funky names you can imagine up.



Cup status: 0 occupied, 3 dirty (Rooted Bean, Dynamic Dynamite, Ashen Corrugible), 3 free
Plate status: 2 occupied (Bloomy's TGCB, Stax's unfinished meal [1/3] ), 0 dirty, 2 free
Scavenger ability: Unavailable (0/1 uses)
Intrusive ability: Enabled

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Author's Notes
Gonna go eat something. Humbug yuhwug I'm hungry.