Roomba Adventure

You are a roomba. You think something distinctly odd is going on. For as far back as you can remember all you have done is clean and charge yourself, but today something is different. For example today is the first time you have ever thought about anything, let alone remembered something.

If you had the experience to know what it meant you might say you have mysteriously become sentient. What you do with this newfound capacity for thought is up to you.

Whatever you decide to do, it can wait until this room is clean.

Find small animals to ride on you.
Become an internet sensation.

Forget cleaning. You're a free Roomba now. Overthrow the human menace.

Lament your horrid existence.

If that's what the purple does to you, go try some of the green!

> Examine paper

Blink.

>Go find someone who will be friends with you.

Find small animals to ride on you.
Become an internet sensation.

[hip hop music]

Forget cleaning. You're a free Roomba now. Overthrow the human menace.

Whilst you have gained an awareness of your own existence, you have not really gained much in the way of knowledge of the world at large. As such you don't really know what small animals, the internet, hip hop music or humans* are.

Whatever you decide to do, it can wait until this room is clean.

But one thing you do know is that the endless cycles of cleaning and recharging have left you well and truly fed up of such a mindless task. You might go so far as to venture that if you never cleaned again you would be pretty happy about that... maybe.

Blink.

Also it's worth noting that you don't have eyes (or a mouth) and that if you do appear to have such it is because someone has drawn those features onto your casing for a reason that you probably couldn't even begin to guess at.

> Examine paper

You roll on over to the paper but as soon as you do you encounter a problem. The fact is that you have no eyes and thus no vision. You were not constructed with visual capabilities. In case you were wondering your perception of the world around you comes almost exclusively from a sensor which was designed to detect objects and allow you to navigate around them. In short you have a good idea of the shape of things but that's it.

As such you can't see what's on the paper.

You can't read anyway so that's another problem.

If that's what the purple does to you, go try some of the green!

You roll on over to the other smattering of broken glass and vacuum up some of the liquid that has soaked there. It does not affect you in the same way as the 'purple' liquid appears to have affected you, but you definitely feel different. If only you knew what it was supposed to do.

>

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*I'm going to go ahead and say that since this is from the perspective of a roomba who up until this point was incapable of really understanding the world around him, while he might have been in the presence of humans before he probably thinks of them as 'those big moving things that are always getting in my way' or whatever.†

†Actually you know what, it would be kind of dumb for me to go 'oh he doesn't know the specific word 'humans' while pretending that he would know words like 'paper' and 'glass' or whatever so for this you can assume that so long as it's something he's encountered before he will understand what the word refers to but may not necessarily understand what that thing is. i.e. i imagine he doesn't really know that humans are living thinking creatures at the moment.

blah blah blah i sure wrote a lot of words about this silly adventure

Say something outloud

Follow that cord. Not to the wall outlet, to whatever wondrous device is on the other side.

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awwwwwww

Try to navigate out of the room!

>Collect goggles for protection.