Suburban Tot Super Street Gang

You are now a bunch of freaky kids who got bored and decided it’d be cool to form a street gang. None of you know a thing about street gangs, but you’re a bunch of dumb kids so you don’t care. First thing’s first though, your gang needs a name and you all need cool gang nicknames. Seriously, who’s going to take kids with names like Alexander, Delilah, and Johanna seriously? (Melchior is a pretty cool name though.)

The Rapsca Lions

Al Da Great
Deller Hust
Jo' Money

Alexander can be Axe Murderer or Swiss Army Knife or AK47--something DANGEROUS
Delilah can be Nails or Honey Badger or Snapping Turtle--something TOUGH
Johanna can be Boss, but her cronies can call her THE Boss.
Call Melchior Melissa for irony's sake.

>You're JAM'D.

Just keep your names, but swap them around!

DEATH-lie-la
AX-lezander
Joe-STABBA

Your gang name is: TRUANCY

Just keep your names, but swap them around!

Now, where’s the creativity in that? Besides, it doesn’t change the fact that three out of four kids have wimpy kid names.

The Rapsca Lions

Al Da Great
Deller Hust
Jo' Money

A: “You’re kidding. Those names are awful! Why don’t you have an awful nickname?”


M: “Because I’m the boss.”


J: “Wait.”

Alexander can be Axe Murderer or Swiss Army Knife or AK47--something DANGEROUS
Delilah can be Nails or Honey Badger or Snapping Turtle--something TOUGH
Johanna can be Boss, but her cronies can call her THE Boss.
Call Melchior Melissa for irony's sake.

M: “Woah. Woah. Why are you suddenly THE BOSS???”


D: “Melissa, chill out. Sssssh.”
M: “I will stab you.”


D: “Hey, Boss, can we have a catchphrase? I got a great idea for a catchphrase.”

>You're JAM'D.

M: “Do you guys actually know what gangs are?”
J: “I like it, actually.”
D: “I think it’s cute.”
A: “My opinion doesn’t actually matter.”

In a fit of frustration, Melissa gives up. You are now the Rapsca Lions. Actions speak louder than names anyways, or something.

Now that you’ve decided on a gang name, what’s your first order of business?

GET ALL OF THE JUICE

Go steal yourselves a mascot! Find a dumpster kitten or a baby raccoon or similar!

>VANDALISM

Go collect sticks and stones. You can't be a gang without an ARMS SMUGGLING RING

Ride around on bikes! Attempt death-defying stunts!

> Go strut around the playground and tell people it's yours if they ask

> Loiter

Take things people drop on the ground and then DON'T RETURN THEM.

> Occupy the swingset

>Swagger about and glower at any other kids you come across.

Mostly hand scribbled update because why not.

GET ALL OF THE JUICE

A:”If we want juice, my sister could just bring us some.”


The juice boxes have been emptied. Moving on.


M:“Alright Raspsca Lions, time to get down to serious gang business. Ladies and gentleman, here’s the plan.”

Go steal yourselves a mascot! Find a dumpster kitten or a baby raccoon or similar!

M:“First we take the bus to the city and bust a lion out of the zoo to be our mascot.”


D:”I’m not allowed to ride the bus.”
A:”Where would we even keep a lion?”
M:”Ok, a cat. Cats are practically baby lions anyways.”
A:”An’ where are we gonna find a cat?”
M:”In the trash. Cats sleep in the trash all the time.”


M:”So our street is severely lacking in trashcan cats.”

‘Something TOUGH’ adds “FIND A QT KITY MASCOT” to your list of “Goles”.

Go collect sticks and stones. You can't be a gang without an ARMS SMUGGLING RING

M:“We’ll get a mascot later. The next thing our real, legit gang needs is a bizz to bring in the moolah.”
A:”What?”
J:”We need money. Well, the three of you need money.”
A:”Yeah, Johanna has enough money for, like, the world.”
M:”We are a financially independent enterprise do you understand? Jo’ Money’s mile long paper trail is a reliability.”


M:”In fact, stop spending money this instant! You’ll have the feds hot on our butts!”
J:”Heh.”
M:”Listen up ladies, and a boy, we are now arms dealers.”
A:”Ok, but who buys arms?”
J:”Creepin’ doctors?”
A:”I meant normal people!”
M:”Plenty of people buy arms illegally. Rebel militia groups, other gangs that don’t threaten our turf, bored teenagers…”
D:”D’they eat them? Whose arms are we sellin’?”
M:”Wha…no! And our own of course.”
D:”B-but….but I like my arms!”
Something Not-so Tough begins to sob.


A:”Listen up crazy lady I am not cutting my arms off anybody an’ neither is Del. You can cut off your arms if you want an’ I bet Johanna doesn’t care ‘cause she can buy new arms whenever.”


M:”Wait. Guys, I don’t mean appendages. I mean like weapons and stuff!”


The littlest gangstas say OH.

You spend a good half an hour scouring lawns for sticks and stones. Your findings are disappointing, to say the least. Should you continue your search in A) a different part of the neighborhood or B) one of your backyards? Or you could C) add BUILD AN ARMS NOT APENDAGES BUT GUNS AND STUFF MPYER to your list of “Goles” and move onto something else in Melchiorissa’s mental “Ajenduh”.

Personally I'd prefer they rob a gas station, but moving your search for weapons to the dumpster behind a gas station is a compromise I'm willing to accept.

Wait, no - find weapons, then use the weapons to jump one of gas station guys when he goes on smoke break, then take his wallet, then use the money to buy a kitten!

Go scour some strip malls or something.

You can probably find something at the grocery store.

A! Search in the BAD PART OF TOWN

Personally I'd prefer they rob a gas station, but moving your search for weapons to the dumpster behind a gas station is a compromise I'm willing to accept.

Wait, no - find weapons, then use the weapons to jump one of gas station guys when he goes on smoke break, then take his wallet, then use the money to buy a kitten!

LVL--: Mollycoddled Quartet
Woah, woah. Slow down. You aren’t ready for something as ground shaking as a gas station robbery. Your underlings are still soft on the inside, wet behind the ears, and too used to hugs and kisses for their boo boos.

ROB A GAS STATION IS ADDED TO THE LIST OF LONG TERM GOLES
BUILD UNDERGROUND ARMS MPYER IS ADDED TO THE LIST OF LONG TERM GOLES


J:”*Goals, *Empire, Agenda isn’t spelled with a j or h.”

A! Search in the BAD PART OF TOWN

Yes! Not only will you find THE VERY BEST STICKS in the bad part of town, The Rapsca Lions will get valuable real, live on the street experience points.

The real challenge is going to be GETTING TO THE BAD PART OF TOWN.

Go scour some strip malls or something.

Same for this.

You can probably find something at the grocery store.

That too.

Ride around on bikes! Attempt death-defying stunts!

Cycling, because even hard core gangsters care about the earth.


D:”And then that one is you, and that one is you, and that one is me. And Alex is grey because they don’t make crayons that pale. And then we all gave the earth a hug!”



--


High jumps, off curbs!


Riding, without hands!


Cool poses!


Falling, without hands!


Off road!


Movie magic!

--


Alright, this is the end of the street. Half your gang can’t go any further without SUPERVISION. The oldest two don’t even live on this street and pretty much feel free to do whatever. The youngest ones, however, still have this nasty habit of doing what their parents tell them to do. You guys are the worst gang ever.

Seriously.

> Loiter

You stand around and look tough for about five minutes before getting reaaaaally bored.

>VANDALISM

Now you’re out of sidewalk chalk.

You resume loitering and wonder where everyone is today. How are you supposed to do things like

>Swagger about and glower at any other kids you come across.

and

Claim some territory, enforce empathy-free justice on kids who have wronged you, put bugs into people's food which inadvertently causes a town crisis--the sky is one of many limits!

With no one else around?



M:”Do other people even live here?”
A:”Yeah.”
D:”Probably.”
A:”Bigger people mostly.”
D:”They sleep in on Saturdays.”
A:”Then they have breakfast during lunchtime.”
D:”I think it’s lunchtime now.”
A:”Is it lunchtime?”
D:”It’s lunchtime. Melc-issa-Boss, can we stop playing for lunchtime?”
A:”Yeah, I kinda gotta pee.”
J:”Oh, same.”


The worst gang.

Obviously you need to UP THE STAKES. Sneak off to find some OTHER kids, and start a SECOND gang. Then orchestrate a GANG WAR.

> Snacktime