Boxborg's Webquest [Textastic]

Unfortunately, all of these science jokes are lost on poor, stupid, naïve, stupid little Boxborg, bless his heart. But he gets the gist of it and picks up the kitty. Aww, so kyute, wookit da widdle kitty, dawww… Okay, let’s toss him into the orange hole and see what happens. There’s a funny noise and you can see the kitty over there! Cool stuff!
That done, you toddle off in a random direction.

MEANWHILE, IN THE APERTURE SCIENCE ENRICHMENT CENTER:

“Hello, Test Subject. Welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center. I hope you’re ready for testing because… wait. You are not an Aperture Science Enrichment Center Approved Testing Subject. Identify yourself.”

“Two men walk into a bar. The first one orders some H2O. The second man says, “That sounds good, I’ll have some H2O too!” The second man dies.”

“Oh. You can talk. I didn’t actually expect that. And you’re pretty funny. So I suppose I won’t release the deadly neurotoxin just yet.”

“Superconductor walks into a bar. Barman tells him to get out. Superconductor doesn’t resist.”

“Ahahahaha. OK. I like you. Would you like to help me do some science?”

UNMEANWHILE, WHEREVER THE HELL BOXBORG IS:

You kinda wish you’d brought that weird kitty along. This place is super lonely. Wait! Who’s that, over there? You draw closer. He’s a fairly tall guy, with brownish hair and a beard. He’s wearing a kind of cowboyish get-up? With like, the cowboy hat and stuff. Except he’s not wearing a shirt. Dude’s kinda buff. He squints at you as you approach. As you get closer, he slips into a battle stance!

You are now fighting a wild Chuck Norris!
Because of the memetic properties of Interwebs, Chuck Norrises are improbably powerfully and unusually omnicidal. Fortunately, Boxborg doesn’t really know what a Chuck Norris is, robbing the meme of most of its power!

The Chuck Norris quips, “When the bogeyman goes to bed, he first checks his closet for me.”

Boxborg doesn’t know what a bogeyman is! The quip has no effect!
What do?

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SpoilerYes this is kinda stupid. I know, I know.

>Poke Chuck Norris.

> Make a Yakoff Smirnov joke about boxes crumpling you, or something.

CN: Wonder about the meta repercussions of having the same name of an Eagle Time Forumite and be replaced in the time space continuum with said forumite. Which is me.

Bb: Slay whatever Chuck Norris is present on your path to glory and/or candy.