Bacon Winfest

"Wow, Otaku Melee is so incredible!" the Fanboy declared to no one in particular as he watched the battle on his extradimensional TV. "Just think about it! Eight characters in a battle to the death through seven rounds! It's amazing! Everything about it is perfect, except there isn't enough of it!"

And then he started thinking.

"But maybe there could be enough! Hey, what if I started my own Otaku Melee? Ooh, I could pick out the best characters! And the best rounds! It would be even more awesome than the Otaku Melee! So awesome that it would need an even more awesome names! Something like...

THE BACON WINFEST

Oh man, yeah, that's perfect! Man, all the other omnipotent extradimensional entities are going to be sooo jealous!"

And minutes later, the Fanboy was flipping through the pages of his comic collection, looking over his video games, and watching TV.

In other words, it was a perfectly ordinary day for him.

Welcome to the Bacon Winfest! This is a Grand Battle variant, or more specifically an Otaku Melee variant.

There are just two rules.
1. Your character must be from an existing work of media.
2. They must be a terrible character.

Obviously Point 2 is subjective, but I'll trust your judgement. So here's a profile template.

Name: The character's name, obviously.
From: The original source of the character. You may want to link to a wiki article on them so other people have an idea who they are.
Gender: Male, Female, or any other descriptor that applies.
Race: Human? Robot? Sentient toaster? Mention it here.
Text Color: I'm using #D87A3B, pick your own and hopefully it will be distinct enough from the others.
Weapons and Abilities: What can they do? Optionally, if their abilities are why you find them terrible, explain that in here.
Description: A brief description of the character, both physically and in terms of personality. This might be a good place to explain why you find them so terrible if it doesn't fit anywhere else.
Biography: A brief summary of what happened during their life. Again, feel free to expand on their terribleness in here.

Eliminations will be decided based on who's the least entertaining each round, in either a good way or a bad way. Assuming we get that far.

Now let's get this trainwreck going!

Entrants:

Name: Player Four
From: Ctrl Alt Del
Gender: ANGRY GIRL
Race: ANGRY GIRL
Text Color: #000088
Weapons and Abilities: SHE IS A GIRL... BUT ALSO A GAMER???????????
Also an Axe and other painful things.
Description: She's a normal sized green humanoid with green hair in pigtails. She has a green shirt with the number four printed in white and grey jeans.

She acts violent towards her "friends" and though that's What They Do, she has instilled a great fear in them. What she thinks about it all is truly a mystery.

Biography:

ow ow ow holy shit ow ow holy shit

definitely gonna read

Against my better judgment, I'm gonna join.

Name: Raven Baxter
From: That's So Raven!

Gender: Female
Race: Human
Text Color: #EE9000
Weapons and Abilities: Raven is a hilarious character who often gets in wacky costumed hijinks and foils the plans of pretty much everything around her! This is due to her powers of precognition. Every once in a while, she will suddenly have a plot-relevant vision, which she will inevitably misunderstand entirely. Naturally, she would try to change it or make it happen (depending on whether it's bad or good) making things much worse than if she had never done anything. She is also "talented" at making a disguise (read "talented" as "pretty much the same but with a few wigs and costume changes").

Description: Raven is very spunky and prone to getting in trouble with authority figures, but they all forgive her in the end anyways, because who can resist that charming personality? Nobody, that's who. She is a total city girl, and she can't stand the outdoors! I mean, there's no cell-phone reception there! Eek! She is also extremely allergic to mushrooms, and her favorite drink is orange juice.

Biography: Raven is an African-American "teenaged" girl (she is apparently 14 but she looks 20) living in San Francisco. She aspires to be a fashion designer, but first, she must get through every teenager's worst nightmare, high school. She has some great friends, such as Chelsea, the vegetarian ditz who's smart only sometimes, or Eddie, the comically bumbling lady's man wannabe. She has a few catchphrases, such as "Oh snap!", "Ya nasty!", or the rarer "Gotta go!".

Show Content

Spoiler
HEY FUCKERS
YOU BEST NOT MESS CUZ BUBSY'S IN THE HOUSE

Name: Bubsy
From: VIDEO GAMES OR SOMETHING?
Gender: JUST LOOK AT THIS UNBRIDLED MOUSECULINARITY

Race:

Fig. 1: Bobcat

Text Color: Not Orange
Weapons and Abilities:

Fig. 2: Pretty Much His Only Skill Of Note

Description:

LOOK AT THIS SMUG MUG. HE IS GREAT, PURRFECT EVEN, AND HE CARES WHO KNOWS IT. BUT NOBODY BESIDES HIM IS ANY GOOD, THEY NEED TO EAT CROW (BECAUSE CATS EAT BIRDS THAT IS JOKE).
Biography:

BubsyLite™ With Reduced Obnoxiousness

Show Content

Spoiler
Name: Bubsy
From: A video game series made by Accolade, mostly notable for 1) trying to be Sonic and 2) An incredibly bad 3D installment.
Gender: Male
Race: Bobcat
Text Color: #9D1309
Weapons and Abilities: He can glide. You know, like all bobcats. Also I would assume he can use his claws and fangs if he really needs to.
Description: An orange bobcat with big weird eyes and a generally punchworthy look to him. Wears nothing but a shirt with an exclamation mark on it, for whatever reason.

Is smug and self-centered and oblivious to the suffering of others; in other words, generally a douchehorse, yet considers himself a hero for some reason or another. Apparently has a bizarre obsession with "humbling" people despite being, as noted, one smug motherfucker. Also regularly attempts to make puns and one-liners despite being abjectly awful at them.
Biography: After saving his beloved yarn collection from the alien species known as the Woolies, stopping some kind of time travel museum amusement park thing (?????), doing the concept of American McGee's Grimm but really badly, and finally performing genocide on the aforementioned aliens because their planet was stupid and ugly and made of cardboard, Bubsy "retired" from "heroism." His "friends" include an armadillo whose PTSD he consistently aggravates, and his even more obnoxious (somehow) niece and nephew.

He will not be mourned.

Name: John Egbert
From: Andrew Hussie's Extravaganza of Ego and Acid Trips (You know, I wrote that before I read that update.)
Text Color: #0514CE
Weapons and Abilities: Egbert, for the purposes of this battle, shall be considered in the early stages of his story, before he became a god and a spoilt disillusioned-with-nicholas-cage sobbing child in some fantastical parody of CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. Instead, we'll consider Egbert as he stands on the first page of Homestuck - young, naive, completely unaware of the tasks ahead of him.

For some reason, enemies that Egbert dispatches turn into GRIST, a strange material similar in look and composition to FRUIT GUSHERS™. This grist can be used in many creative ways, now lost to time, to manufacture weapons and other fantastical wonders of alchemy. This process uses various large and impractical devices, none of which are in Egbert's possession. Grist is therefore limited to one of its original functions: inexplicably being able to build structurally-unsound additions to existing structures. His server player is DEUS EX MACHINA.

In the same vein, Egbert does not have a KERNELSPRITE following him around, as that was left behind when he was taken into the battle, leaving the world to end behind him.

He has a HAMMER though.

His FETCH MODUS is STACK.

Description: John Egbert wears glasses, under which may or may not be eyes, a shirt with a green happy homicidal slug on it, and buck teeth. He is ordinary in every way.

Biography: mspaintadventures.com