Consistency

>talk POPE about EXILE

Forrest: meet the Secret Agent.

You decide that it's time to take this secret public. You're going to pay a visit to the Secret Agent to figure out the best way to do that.

"Well, Mr. Forrest, this is a juicy secret you have here," the agent says. "I'm thinking I could get you a book deal at least, maybe even a movie or two. But I don't work for free, y'know. It's a rough business, if I guess wrong I could lose a lot of money. So I need a little guarantee that it'll be worth my time even if the secret doesn't pan out."

Dang it, you knew this would be a problem. The agent's fee is pretty ridiculous. How are you going to get that kind of money, Forrest?

Fail to see the Forrest for the Theresa.

Okay, you've made up your mind. You're not going to bother watching Forrest Gump, you're going to watch the documentary on Mother Theresa instead.

But this line is ridiculously long. At this rate, the movie will be half over by the time you get your tickets. Isn't there anything you can do to speed this up?

fresh up

Fresh Up! Yes, that's what you'll call your sensational new soda! With a name like that, it's bound to get top sales!

Within a week, you're an amazing success. You've made millions! But now you have a new problem - what are you going to do with all this money?

fresh down

You decide that you'll sell fresh down. You grab a chicken, a duck, a goose, and a turkey and drag them to the market. You write a sign saying you'll pluck them right there for the customer, there's no down fresher than yours!

But business is slow. Maybe you need a better sales pitch. Or some kind of publicity stunt.

So what's your plan?

a la carte

Vous vous tenez sur le menu. Vous avez une meilleure vue de ce restaurant. Mais vous ne pouvez toujours pas voir le rayon rétrécissant du tout! Comment aurait-il pu tout simplement disparu?

Sur le plan positif, le serveur semble avoir enfin vous avez remarqué. Il vous demande si vous êtes prêt à l'ordre. Que lui direz-vous?

> man, you should call it Quits.

It's settled. Your new support group for people who successfully got over their addictions and now regret it will be Quits! It's catchy, you like it.

The next step is to get the word out somehow. And that's going to be tricky. Where exactly are you going to find recovered alcoholics or smokers feeling down about themselves? You've got to start somewhere, after all.

>talk POPE about EXILE

You address the Prime Organizational Programmer-Empress and begin explaining the new Explanatory Xylophone Instructional Lecture Exercises. Naturally, you do this on your recently-installed xylophone attachment.

And this is when you discover a significant flaw. Without hearing the Explanatory Xylophone Instructional Lecture Exercises, the Prime Organizational Programmer-Empress doesn't know how to interpret your xylophone playing! She just stares at you blankly.

This is a severe problem. Your funding is in jeopardy. How can you resolve this crisis?

Begin the Fogel Wars.

>Spend exactly three turns aiming your shot.

Allah Kart

> Stop using acronyms.

Begin the Fogel Wars.

You've looked over the map again, and you're drawn towards one conclusion. East Fogel and West Fogel are the nations you need to draw into a war with each other.

If either of those falls, North Fogel will be sure to swoop in and take on the weakened victor. But that will only draw South Fogel into the fight. And Central Fogel is sure to get involved somewhere along the line.

If you play your cards right, you can then unite the warring nations, and prop up a puppet ruler to do your bidding. The rest of the continent would have a tough time standing up to the new Nation of Fogel.

All that's well and good, but there's one key detail still missing. You need to actually start the war. And East Fogel and West Fogel have had unusually good relations for the last decade.

How are you going to get them to war? The entire plan hinges on this, you'll need to think of something cunning.

>Spend exactly three turns aiming your shot.

Three turns? That's a lot... but the bonuses are pretty substantial. Still, there's a lot your opponent could do while you're aiming...

Enough waffling. Even in the worst case, you shouldn't be out of the game after this. You might be in a tough position, but you stand to gain a lot two. You opt to spend three turns aiming your shot.

The opponent seems baffled. They weren't expecting this. That may be a good sign, but it could also mean they're considering a risky play that's a lot safer with two free turns.

Finally, they decide. They spend one turn charging up a spell, and on the second, they cast a Sphere of Darkness spell.

Your third turn comes up. You're done aiming, but there's a problem. With this Sphere of Darkness, the photo's not going to come out well.

Still, your camera's going to stay in position. If you can figure out a way to dispose of the Sphere and keep your opponent from moving the subject until you have a free turn, you may just make it out of this, and with a big point bonus from the photo.

So what's your next move? Think carefully now.

Allah Kart

You decide to challenge the alien leader to one of your favorite games, Allah Kart! This racing game, by the makers of Bible Fighter, pits various figures from the Islamic faith against each other in a go-kart race through the Middle East!

(The prophet Mohammed does not appear anywhere in the game.)

The alien leader accepts. He's confident he can outdo you in any pathetic Earth game. You're nervous, but you're also really good at Allah Kart. You can win this... probably.

So, which racer will you play as?

> Stop using acronyms.

NW! AAC! YWUATAYL! ST!

WTF?

GGGHSHASIDHGIHL!

WWYD?

shock'n y'all

NW! AAC! YWUATAYL! ST!

WTF?

GGGHSHASIDHGIHL!

WWYD?

Eh in autocorrect tu fr yir message a Ross

Begin the Fogel Wars.

The music starts and the introductory words scroll up through space.

FOGEL WARS:
EPISODE I
THE FOGEL MENACE

Dragon Fogel has started a trade blockade on the country Jabouti...

What? That's not right! Episode I is called The Phantom Fogel!
The shady guy who gave you this DVD gave you a bootleg, or something!
How are you going to find him and get your money back?

>Spend exactly three turns aiming your shot.

You spin around three times and lift the glass to your mouth. In your dizziness, the beer spills all over shirt.
The other partygoers begin laughing uproariously.
Oh you're so embarassed! This wasn't a good idea at all!
How are you going to redeem yourself!

Allah Kart

You send the message to your buddy on the other line.

You soon recieve news that he has begun a game of Allah Kart with the aliens. The idiot! He forgot the read the message backwards.
Looks like you'll have to track Harley yourself.
But where is she? Any of these footprints could belong to her!

> Stop using acronyms.

You successfully add another page to your research paper simply by finding and replacing every acronym with its full name. Perfect!

After class the next day, the teacher calls you up to her desk. Apparently you wrote "Automated Teller Machine Machine" in 5 different places in your paper. She gives you a stern glare.

If you don't come up with a good excuse, she'll fail you for sure!
How are you going to get out of this one?

SpoilerShow

Begin the Fogel Wars.

You've looked over the map again, and you're drawn towards one conclusion. East Fogel and West Fogel are the nations you need to draw into a war with each other.

If either of those falls, North Fogel will be sure to swoop in and take on the weakened victor. But that will only draw South Fogel into the fight. And Central Fogel is sure to get involved somewhere along the line.

If you play your cards right, you can then unite the warring nations, and prop up a puppet ruler to do your bidding. The rest of the continent would have a tough time standing up to the new Nation of Fogel.

All that's well and good, but there's one key detail still missing. You need to actually start the war. And East Fogel and West Fogel have had unusually good relations for the last decade.

How are you going to get them to war? The entire plan hinges on this, you'll need to think of something cunning.

>Spend exactly three turns aiming your shot.

Three turns? That's a lot... but the bonuses are pretty substantial. Still, there's a lot your opponent could do while you're aiming...

Enough waffling. Even in the worst case, you shouldn't be out of the game after this. You might be in a tough position, but you stand to gain a lot two. You opt to spend three turns aiming your shot.

The opponent seems baffled. They weren't expecting this. That may be a good sign, but it could also mean they're considering a risky play that's a lot safer with two free turns.

Finally, they decide. They spend one turn charging up a spell, and on the second, they cast a Sphere of Darkness spell.

Your third turn comes up. You're done aiming, but there's a problem. With this Sphere of Darkness, the photo's not going to come out well.

Still, your camera's going to stay in position. If you can figure out a way to dispose of the Sphere and keep your opponent from moving the subject until you have a free turn, you may just make it out of this, and with a big point bonus from the photo.

So what's your next move? Think carefully now.

Allah Kart

You decide to challenge the alien leader to one of your favorite games, Allah Kart! This racing game, by the makers of Bible Fighter, pits various figures from the Islamic faith against each other in a go-kart race through the Middle East!

(The prophet Mohammed does not appear anywhere in the game.)

The alien leader accepts. He's confident he can outdo you in any pathetic Earth game. You're nervous, but you're also really good at Allah Kart. You can win this... probably.

So, which racer will you play as?

> Stop using acronyms.

NW! AAC! YWUATAYL! ST!

WTF?

GGGHSHASIDHGIHL!

WWYD?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hC8N9WywIqY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c8Kg2qxyHQA

You successfully update all of your adventures. What a nice day!
Hold on- it's actually well passed midnight and you haven't turned in any of the homework due electronically at midnight! This is what you get for losing track of time.

Luckily, your teacher gave you those Do Homework Late coupon at the beginning of class, remember?

As you turn around to look for them, you spot a thief holding them standing at the window. "Oh. This is awkward."
After a brief pause, he jumps out.

You rush to the window and see no sign of where he went! What are you going to do now?

shock'n y'all

In a shocking move, you spend all of your shock points into shock skills.
With shocking power you shock the thundershock into a shocked state.
In a shocking twist, the thundershock shocks you back.
Your heart is shocked!
Luckily, you are Static Shock, busy shocking people who are in shock at the hospital's shock ward.
Shock Shock shocks you with a shocking question. "Shock you are not a shocking doctor!"
Shock shock shock.
What shock?

NW! AAC! YWUATAYL! ST!

WTF?

GGGHSHASIDHGIHL!

WWYD?

> Stop using acronyms.

Eh in autocorrect tu fr yir message a Ross

Suprisingly, you get a reply from Rob instead. He demands to know why you've been sleeping with his mother inside of an organ.

Damn autocorrect!

Actually, with those two words, Rob forgives you instantly. You send the correct message to Ross and double check it carefully.

You soon get a reply from Ross. He demands to know why you've been sleeping with his mother inside of an organ.

Yeah seriously, why?

apach

apach

apach

combobreaker

apach

e chief

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjiU2YAlYKY

SpoilerShow

Just a note for future reference; if somebody else is interested in doing an update for this, please contact me first. I'll most likely say "go ahead", I just want to know in advance.

If I do turn you down, it's probably because I already have an idea or possibly that I've gone and updated.

With that clarified, on to the update.

shock'n y'all

You've decided that the name of your new adventure will be "shock'n y'all". Obviously the lack of capitalization in the title will be an important plot point.

Of course, now you need to think of what should go in the opening post. What will it say?

NW! AAC! YWUATAYL! ST!

WTF?

GGGHSHASIDHGIHL!

WWYD?

Ah, perfect! This cryptic opening is bound to get attention. And it's in all caps, that should serve as an excellent clue to the importance of capitalization in the story.

Hmm. But it occurs to you that the puzzle might be a little too difficult to solve. Perhaps you should include a hint. But what should it say?

Eh in autocorrect tu fr yir message a Ross

Yes! The perfect hint! Once the readers realize the significance of the fact that there are only two capital letters, they'll be on track to solve the puzzle.

You post it and quickly get a number of suggestions. But they seem... oddly out of place, except for two that just quote the message and the hint. Guess those guys are trying everything.

Also, it looks like one guy accidentally posted an update to his adventure in there, what a goofball. Looks like a copy-paste error, since he included your coded message in there.

But wait. Maybe you can still use these suggestions to point the readers in the right direction. You'll need to craft the update carefully to do that, though. What should it say?

SpoilerShow

Begin the Fogel Wars.

The music starts and the introductory words scroll up through space.

FOGEL WARS:
EPISODE I
THE FOGEL MENACE

Dragon Fogel has started a trade blockade on the country Jabouti...

What? That's not right! Episode I is called The Phantom Fogel!
The shady guy who gave you this DVD gave you a bootleg, or something!
How are you going to find him and get your money back?

>Spend exactly three turns aiming your shot.

You spin around three times and lift the glass to your mouth. In your dizziness, the beer spills all over shirt.
The other partygoers begin laughing uproariously.
Oh you're so embarassed! This wasn't a good idea at all!
How are you going to redeem yourself!

Allah Kart

You send the message to your buddy on the other line.

You soon recieve news that he has begun a game of Allah Kart with the aliens. The idiot! He forgot the read the message backwards.
Looks like you'll have to track Harley yourself.
But where is she? Any of these footprints could belong to her!

> Stop using acronyms.

You successfully add another page to your research paper simply by finding and replacing every acronym with its full name. Perfect!

After class the next day, the teacher calls you up to her desk. Apparently you wrote "Automated Teller Machine Machine" in 5 different places in your paper. She gives you a stern glare.

If you don't come up with a good excuse, she'll fail you for sure!
How are you going to get out of this one?

Begin the Fogel Wars.

You've looked over the map again, and you're drawn towards one conclusion. East Fogel and West Fogel are the nations you need to draw into a war with each other.

If either of those falls, North Fogel will be sure to swoop in and take on the weakened victor. But that will only draw South Fogel into the fight. And Central Fogel is sure to get involved somewhere along the line.

If you play your cards right, you can then unite the warring nations, and prop up a puppet ruler to do your bidding. The rest of the continent would have a tough time standing up to the new Nation of Fogel.

All that's well and good, but there's one key detail still missing. You need to actually start the war. And East Fogel and West Fogel have had unusually good relations for the last decade.

How are you going to get them to war? The entire plan hinges on this, you'll need to think of something cunning.

>Spend exactly three turns aiming your shot.

Three turns? That's a lot... but the bonuses are pretty substantial. Still, there's a lot your opponent could do while you're aiming...

Enough waffling. Even in the worst case, you shouldn't be out of the game after this. You might be in a tough position, but you stand to gain a lot two. You opt to spend three turns aiming your shot.

The opponent seems baffled. They weren't expecting this. That may be a good sign, but it could also mean they're considering a risky play that's a lot safer with two free turns.

Finally, they decide. They spend one turn charging up a spell, and on the second, they cast a Sphere of Darkness spell.

Your third turn comes up. You're done aiming, but there's a problem. With this Sphere of Darkness, the photo's not going to come out well.

Still, your camera's going to stay in position. If you can figure out a way to dispose of the Sphere and keep your opponent from moving the subject until you have a free turn, you may just make it out of this, and with a big point bonus from the photo.

So what's your next move? Think carefully now.

Allah Kart

You decide to challenge the alien leader to one of your favorite games, Allah Kart! This racing game, by the makers of Bible Fighter, pits various figures from the Islamic faith against each other in a go-kart race through the Middle East!

(The prophet Mohammed does not appear anywhere in the game.)

The alien leader accepts. He's confident he can outdo you in any pathetic Earth game. You're nervous, but you're also really good at Allah Kart. You can win this... probably.

So, which racer will you play as?

> Stop using acronyms.

NW! AAC! YWUATAYL! ST!

WTF?

GGGHSHASIDHGIHL!

WWYD?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hC8N9WywIqY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c8Kg2qxyHQA

You successfully update all of your adventures. What a nice day!
Hold on- it's actually well passed midnight and you haven't turned in any of the homework due electronically at midnight! This is what you get for losing track of time.

Luckily, your teacher gave you those Do Homework Late coupon at the beginning of class, remember?

As you turn around to look for them, you spot a thief holding them standing at the window. "Oh. This is awkward."
After a brief pause, he jumps out.

You rush to the window and see no sign of where he went! What are you going to do now?

shock'n y'all

In a shocking move, you spend all of your shock points into shock skills.
With shocking power you shock the thundershock into a shocked state.
In a shocking twist, the thundershock shocks you back.
Your heart is shocked!
Luckily, you are Static Shock, busy shocking people who are in shock at the hospital's shock ward.
Shock Shock shocks you with a shocking question. "Shock you are not a shocking doctor!"
Shock shock shock.
What shock?

[spoiler]

NW! AAC! YWUATAYL! ST!

WTF?

GGGHSHASIDHGIHL!

WWYD?

> Stop using acronyms.

Eh in autocorrect tu fr yir message a Ross

Suprisingly, you get a reply from Rob instead. He demands to know why you've been sleeping with his mother inside of an organ.

Damn autocorrect!

Actually, with those two words, Rob forgives you instantly. You send the correct message to Ross and double check it carefully.

You soon get a reply from Ross. He demands to know why you've been sleeping with his mother inside of an organ.

Yeah seriously, why?

In the end, you integrate all of the suggestions, even that one where the guy accidentally pasted an update to his own adventure. The clues you offer should make the answer you're looking for crystal clear now. Let's see what suggestions you get next.

apach

Somebody quickly stumbles onto the fake "correct" answer. You figured as much. You were already prepared to write that update, it shouldn't take too long...

Wait, what's that?

apach

Great, somebody else is quoting the wrong answer. Too lazy to think for themselves, apparently. Well, this next update will show them! You might even make it extra-harsh, just to show that lazybones.

But you should probably wait for another suggestion first, just to see if anybody gets it right...

apach

Oh, what, now the first guy's quoting himself - or quoting the second guy quoting him, same thing. Must be one of those jerks who gets impatient if the next update isn't up in 20 seconds. You've got half a mind not to even bother doing the whole "wrong answer" bit if people keep this up. Ugh.

Oh, hey, there's another suggestion. Maybe somebody's actually tried to solve the puzzle. What do they have to say?

combobreaker

Wow, this reader's good. They came close to the correct answer. You're definitely going to have to use this next update, they should get the right answer after that.

You start drafting that section of the update, then you notice another suggestion. What could be in it?

apach

You're beginning to think you may have made your fake answer a little too plausible. Either that or no one's actually paying attention. You consider drafting an update where horrible things happen after trying this, but that would contradict what you've written out for the "combo breaker" answer and you don't want to just do a "WRONG ANSWER, GAME OVER".

Oh, hey, another suggestion came in while you were pondering that. Much to your relief, it isn't a continuation of the quote pyramid; if it was, you probably would go with WRONG ANSWER, GAME OVER.

So what does it say?

e chief

Oh, wow. Somebody solved the puzzle already! You scrap your plans for handling the other answers, you'll just use this suggestion and give a new puzzle to indicate it's correct. But what should the new puzzle be?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjiU2YAlYKY

Inspiration! You make a text link to a Youtube video. You expect this one to be solved easily enough; after all, you've already made clear the importance of capital and lowercase letters, so it shouldn't be too long before they think to look at the URL.

Of course, they may need a hint to figure out what the "2" means, since you haven't covered numbers. What subtle hint should you give that won't make the solution immediately obvious?

24 #228 228 Houndour Dark Fire
24 #296 296 Makuhita Fighting
24 #443 443 Gible Dragon Ground
25 #060 060 Poliwag Water
25 #074 074 Geodude Rock Ground
25 #092 092 Gastly Ghost Poison
25 #177 177 Natu Psychic Flying
25 #223 223 Remoraid Water
25 #231 231 Phanpy Ground
25 #278 278 Wingull Water Flying
25 #420 420 Cherubi Grass
25 #524 524 Roggenrola Rock
25 #532 532 Timburr Fighting
25 #535 535 Tympole Water
26 #050 050 Diglett Ground
26 #096 096 Drowzee Psychic
26 #309 309 Electrike Electric
26 #316 316 Gulpin Poison
26 #418 418 Buizel Water
27 #170 170 Chinchou Water Electric
27 #188 188 Skiploom Grass Flying
27 #522 522 Blitzle Electric
28 #052 052 Meowth Normal

chickens chickens from the sky
will you float or will you die
in to fight with fencing sheep
en garde and dance, to die, to sleep.

apach

A severe lack of ketchup.

apach