Good patent ideas

A device which automatically posts all your messages using the HTML escaped characters.

Frozen pizza that's already warm so you don't have to thaw it.

square dvds

a brain that is smart and not dumb, and also fits in my head

a brain that is smart and not dumb, and also fits in my head

Additional brains that you can glue to yourself to learn things. Want to learn how to play the piano? Want to remember memories of another's life? We've got a brain for you.

a new strain of smallpox

subsequently, the vaccine for said smallpox, also made by me

Stilts for cows so you can raise the steaks.

*ba-dum-pssssh*

Hmm... has anyone patented that drum hit thing for when you make a lame pun?

a dog, without the d

A yawning emoji

Instant sleep that leaves you rested in five minutes so you now have the entire night to do stuff with none of the side effects.

a pill that makes you taste like bread

a pill that makes everything taste like bread

eye implants that replace all other flags with the american flag

eye implants that replace all other flags with the american flag

But the American flag itself is replaced with the Canadian flag

A cooler flag than the Canadian flag

the number g

a pocket pinochet to take with you on the go

a pocket pinocchio to take with you on the go

gun that shoots hatchets instead of bullets

cat that shuts up for once, uses litterbox

a pocket pinocchio to take with you on the go

or are you just happy to see me

both

weather control machine used for sole purpose of contradicting whatever kíeros predicts. it gets if kí is trying to use reverse psychology too so that won't work

Unfortunately, I don't want to be that kind of meteorologist. That would be a cool device, though, and I give it my thumbs up of approval.

A number between eleven and thirteen.

Death. But in a can

an invasive species.

oh shit humanity beat me to it

a fast way to learn a language without forgetting more of the language(s) you already know

An instrument that plays only one long, drawling note and can't be stopped once started