Tonguewizard And The Journey For The Perfect Instrument

The pebble was part of the forbidden invocation to become part of a monkey face, obviously.

Though this one was depleted, and would need to be recharged.

The pebble must be the key to everything! Perhaps it holds the secret of never sleeping.

Suddenly, the memories came rushing back to Tonguewizard. The pebble was for his Boot of Travel! It would irritate his toes (which he had despite not having feet) and slowed him down, protecting him from the friction demons.

He had lost the pebble weeks ago, and his Boot of Travel had been useless ever since. But now, if he could claim it... He would be able to simply walk across the pepper-covered floor, ignoring the whole obstacle course.

Of course, there were two problems with that. The first was that the pebble was on Bill Cosby's bill, and Bill Cosby was driving a now-clean car and accompanied by Archibald Nemesis. The second was that there was still a doppelganger with a soul-stealing drunken Japanese monkey face coming after him.

But then Tonguewizard had a brilliant plan. The next obstacle was the ethanol pool, and beyond it was the flaming hoop. Thinking quickly, he tied himself to the laces of his Boot of Travel (which he always carried on his back even after losing the pebble for sentimental reasons) and then flung it - and consequently, himself - over the ethanol and through the exact center of the flames.

The doppelganger followed, but being controlled by a drunken Japanese monkey face, it couldn't resist sampling the pool of ethanol. It swam right through, emerging near the flaming hoops.

And being drunk, its ability to throw its doppelganger-boot was severely impaired. Instead of Tonguewizard's perfect arc, it flung itself clumsily at the flaming edge of the hoop. Soaked in ethanol, it burned horribly and turned to ash.

Tonguewizard was now closer to the ladder. But he also had a unique opportunity to reclaim his pebble and use his Boot of Travel. He might never get another chance!

But how could he possibly win back his pebble from the combined forces of Bill Cosby the duck and Archibald Nemesis the toothbrush?

Jello Brand Birdseed.

did you establish what the G obstacle is?

It is a grappling hook obstacle and Tonguewizard can use it to grapple the pebble right off of Bill Cosby's face.

Obviously you're not going to be able to bypass the entire obstacle course that easily! Let's keep finding out what the other obstacles are and see if any of it can be used for pebble retrieval.

It'll probably be Y or Z.

The first idea that came to mind was Jello Brand Birdseed, which was Archibald Nemesis' favorite snack. But Tonguewizard knew it had been discontinued weeks ago, and he was unlikely to find any here. A quick glance a few obstacles ahead revealed a jetski, confirming his fears.

Suddenly, Bill Cosby leaned in close to Archibald Nemesis' brush-face, and started quacking (awkwardly, because he didn't have a tongue) sweet nothings.

"I love you too, Bill Cosby!" Archibald declared, kissing him somehow. "Our combined love can conquer anything! Even Tonguewizard!"

Tonguewizard was worried. The power of love was almost unstoppable. And he had a strange sense that something was wrong.

Then he remembered his beard.

Tonguewizard's beard was filled with canon. If his hunch was right... He carefully reached into it, and pulled a piece of canon out, flinging it at the happy couple.

Archibald Nemesis and Bill Cosby recoiled in terror. Of course! According to canon, they couldn't stand each other! And that moment of revulsion was exactly the distraction Tonguewizard needed.

In one swift motion, Tonguewizard grabbed the grappling hook obstacle off the ceiling, and swung it at the pebble on Bill Cosby's beak. He shoved the pebble in his Boot of Travel and put it on. Now the floor was no match for him!

As Archibald and Cosby continued to bicker, Tonguewizard hopped across the half-pipe, inched by the idol, jumped over the jetski, and kicked the kissing booth aside. Before him stood the ladder.

He picked it up and moved it towards the zipline, scrambled to the top, and then rode his Boot of Travel all the way along, landing at the door. He rushed through, and a stone slab rose up behind him, locking him in.

And then Tonguewizard saw it. The Theremin. One look at it made him realize that it was the perfect instrument.

But the angered Theremind stood before him, too. And it had prepared a fearsome challenge for Tonguewizard. One even more daunting than all the trials he had faced before.

SpoilerShow

What is the FINAL CHALLENGE of the Temple of the Theremin?

The theramind, who is actually a disembodied ear, and speaks through expert manipulation of a theramin of legend, rides atop a musically controlled hovercraft.

Also the obstacle involves those little chattering wind up teeth that could deliver a nasty bite to tounge wizard, though TW could feasibly nestle inside of one and be able to speak clearly...
...but that may all be part of the theramind's plan.

and the floor is made of sour

Having to give a speech so long that your tongue dries out and you start thwabbtojdsjfhsounds all over the place!

REALLY DRY LIPS.

"You will not claim my theremin, interloper!" declared the Theremind from atop his musically controlled hovercraft. "It is protected with a wall of hot pepper jellybeans!"

And so it was. Tonguewizard despaired - these jellybeans would be impossible for him to pass without tasting them.

Then he saw the podium across the chamber. Tonguewizard realized that, if he could give a powerful speech, he could move the hearts of the jellybeans, so that they would let him through!

But the only powerful speech Tonguewizard knew by heart was very long, and he would have to recite the whole thing for it to have the desired effect. And there was the matter of his difficulty speaking...
Worse still, the podium was protected. It lay across a sour floor, patrolled by chattering teeth creatures, and a pair of really dry lips.

Tonguewizard soon had a daring plan - if he could place himself within one of the chattering teeth, he might be able to give the speech clearly!

But the dry lips would seek him as soon as he stepped upon the sour floor, and the taste of it would mean that he could not stay long. What was more, there was no way he could be sure that the teeth would move where he wanted them too.
And seriously, that speech was really long. What if he dried out before he finished?
And could he count on the Theremind to leave him alone for the whole time?

This would be a difficult feat, to be sure. But if Tonguewizard were to claim the theremin, it was his only choice.
After a moment's thought, he took swift and decisive action.

SpoilerShow

What will Tonguewizard do?

Lick the lips so they'll agree to help you; have them convince the teeth to help as well, and together, ascend to the ranks of ULTIMATE MOUTH SORCERER.

And then dash across the sour floooooor

Haaaaang on. If you can get the teeth to move as you want 'em to, there's no need for the speech. Just close the mouth shut and juggernaut through the hotbeans.

WE ARE FORGETTING PLANT MAGIC

> Summon a Hungry Tree to eat all the jellybeans. Then climb atop its dew-laden branches and with lips and teeth in tow, give your speech directly to the theramind.

Suddenly, Tonguewizard had a flash of inspiration! He began the magical incantation to summon a Hungry Tree, which would devour the wall of hot pepper jellybeans and could carry him across the sour floor.

But before he was done, he heard a clock chiming in the distance. It was 1:00 PM! His magic was changing! With his Carnivorous Plant Magic fading, he was forced to stop the spell early.

In the end, he only succeeded in summoning a Hungry Stick, which wasn't nearly big enough to eat its way through the jellybeans.

Worse, without his control of carnivorous plant magic, he couldn't stop the Hungry Stick from turning on him! It leapt at him and swallowed him whole, and Tonguewizard was stuck in the stick.

Fortunately, a Hungry Stick's digestive system was very underdeveloped compared to a Hungry Tree's. Tonguewizard still had plenty of time to act.

But what could he do? He was stuck in a stick, and there was still a wall of hot pepper jellybeans and a floor of sour between him and the Theremin, to say nothing of the chattering teeth creatures and the pair of dry lips.

And aside from all that, the Theremind itself was watching over all of this, from its music-powered hovercraft. There was no telling what it might do if Tonguewizard approached the Theremin.

Yet Tonguewizard had come this far. He would not give up. He would act swiftly and decisively!

He made his next move.

He phoned the theremind with cell phone magic!

He patiently waited for the stick to eat the lips and teeth, then banded together with them and ate the stick from the inside out.

Using his cell phone magic, Tonguewizard called the Theremind to enact a cunning plan.

Tonguewizard had nothing in particular to say to the Theremind, but his goal was not a conversation. No, the purpose of this call was different.

One of the numerous aspects of cell phone magic is the ability to change the ringtone of the phone receiving your call.

And the Theremind rode atop a musically-controlled hovercraft.

And so Tonguewizard used his cellphone magic to produce a ringtone that would propel the hovercraft towards the sun.

The Theremind was shocked as his hovercraft rocketed up beneath him, striking the chamber's ceiling. It kept going, and pulled the entire temple with it, for the ceiling was too strong to break through.

As the temple left Earth's orbit, the Hungry Stick felt queasy, and vomited Tonguewizard up. The jellybeans forming the wall were flung throughout the chamber, floating ominously.

And most importantly, the Theremin's pedestal drifted from the ground, though enchantments kept the Theremin upon it. Carefully maneuvering through the floating jellybeans, Tonguewizard reached the pedestal, and scrambled up it, claiming the mystical instrument!

He had succeeded! He had an instrument!

But he was still trapped in an ancient temple rocketing towards the sun. Along with the Theremind, who was even more furious now that his Theremin had been claimed. It seemed Tonguewizard's journey was not quite over yet.

Tonguewizard played the SONG OF THE MOON.

But Tonguewizard was not afraid. He licked the Theremin, as there was little else he could do with it, and he began to play a melody.

The Theremind's hovercraft shifted direction, and began flying towards the moon instead, once again pulling the temple with it.

Tonguewizard continued playing, hoping to land the temple smoothly on the moon. But tragically, he had not yet realized the Theremin's true power. As the temple drew nearer, the moon began to tremble from the melody.

And then it exploded.

Where once there had been a moon, there were now tens of thousands of puzzle pieces. The Theremind shrieked as it became aware of what had happened.

"You fool!" it declared. "You've blown up the moon! Now I must repair the damage you have done!"

And so the Theremind was forced to telekinetically gather the pieces of the moon and reassemble them. For only a being of its intellect could possibly solve a puzzle of this scale and complexity.

Fortunately for Tonguewizard, this left the Theremind distracted. He would be powerless to stop the tongue's daring escape plan.

Just as soon as Tonguewizard came up with it, of course.

Tonguewizard then asked Malky what to do next.

Tonguewizard then asked Malky what to do next.

But that's my job!

He called up an alien, causing their UFO to crash into some of the pieces, making the puzzle unsolvable!