Not Another Hero

It was only a few months after I took the throne that I decided it was time to take matters into my own hands. I'd be damned before I'd sit on the throne of such a broken kingdom.

It was a Starsday. I was already bored with staring at the door of my throne room waiting for important matters of state to be brought before me.



I looked at my guards and wondered whether they were here to protect me, or to keep me away from the real decision-makers.

I decided it was time to make a royal visit to our mines in the west. We'd need to shore up our most important industry if we'll ever get anywhere, I thought.

I knew the prime minister would object to such a trip, and that the guards would likely try to keep me in my throne room...

...so I shouted "Look! What's that over there?" and jumped out the window.

That's why you're so glad that there's that Moxx Fruvou guy who looks almost exactly like you. Do a quick switch and none will be the wiser.

SpoilerShow

You took them to one side and spoke to them. Told them tales of days gone by, when your dynasty's name was synonymous with glory and prestige. Reminded them of the names of those almost forgotten heroes, now fit only for stories for children. And you gave them hope that one day there might be glory and honour again, perhaps.

But only if they let you pass.

deck'd 'em like a badas

Take one of them aside and whisper vague suggestions to him that you suspect the other guard of treason. Pointedly glance at the other every few seconds, to set him on edge, then send the other guard back to his post with a wink and a bonus of a few gold coins. With any luck, they'll soon be too busy arguing to notice you slipping out the window.

Ordered them to fetch you something from the kitchen. You're hungry, dammit, and you need both of them to go get you as much food as they can carry at once.

Agreed. Though you may want to pack a travel sack before embarking to parts not-well-known. Perhaps with some kingly provisions. Whatever a king thinks would be good "road food"... honey-crusted squab with cranberry mint sauce? Garlic butter lampreys?

"You there," I barked at the guards, "your majesty skipped breakfast. Go down to the kitchen and fetch us something. Now."



It seemed they didn't bother to saddle me with the brightest soldiers as they both immediately scurried off to carry out my request.



I took a look outside. The throne room was not far from the ground of the courtyard outside. I could easily make my escape that way as long as I wasn't noticed.



I decided I might want some provisions, so I fashioned a makeshift knapsack using some of the room's ample decorative curtains and waited for the guards to return.



I took one sniff of the food and scowled. I told them it simply wouldn't do and commanded them to get back to the kitchen and tell that lazy chef to serve up something fit for the ruler of the realm.



As soon as they were out of earshot, I gathered the food into my sack and lept out the window.

I hadn't been king for very long, so I knew I had the option to enter the capital city without being recognized by the general public. Politicians, guards and members of the aristocracy would certainly see through the ruse, though. I knew had to plan my next move carefully...

Roll around in some filth. That should keep any self-respecting noble away from you.

Stash the crown in your knapsack and get to the most peasanty area you can find. Trade your fancy clothes for a peasant outfit, then spend a few days toiling the fields to get an authentic beard and peasant musk. Once that's done, you can make your escape to the north, since you won't actually be recorded on the serf records.

STEAL A HORSE AND GET ARRESTED

THAT'LL SHOW 'EM WHO'S BOSS AROUND HERE

I tucked my crown into my satchel and looked around. I knew this courtyard well - I practically grew up out here. My father was forever locked in that accursed throne room and my tutors were never much for companionship. I spent many hours playing alone in the secluded park - hiding from the guards was my specialty.

I had no trouble slipping past them one more time and making my way out of the keep into the city.



I knew I couldn't sell my royal garments to just anyone, so I made my way to one of the capital's many poorer districts. A legitimate merchant would assume I had stolen the clothing, but a slum neighborhood pawn broker would have no such issues.



The gruff old man in the corner shop gave me nothing more than a stern look when I offered my clothing in exchange for something simpler and some cash.

I changed into a rough woven tunic in the back of the shop and took the money he'd laid on the counter. Sixty-four pieces. I was fleeced, but such was the price for his silence, I presumed.

The money was nowhere near enough to buy passage to anywhere useful. I needed to decide where to go, but also how I was going to get there...

---

SpoilerShow

Might as well start naming stuff.

Being a member of royalty gave you opportunities to learn a variety of things. Most of the lessons that passed your way involved presently useless matters of culture and pomp, but you occasionally picked up some vocations skills, admittedly of a scholarly nature.

Perhaps you could become a short-order physician?

I started by checking the local tavern, in case there were any travelers stopping by who might be able (and willing, for the right price) to take on an extra passenger.

Go down to the river docks. See if you can bargain a cut price rate to go north if you offer to help around the boat on the way there.

Check if any trading caravans are in town. You might be able to hitch a ride off one in exchange for taking on petty labor.

You might want to see if any barges are going down the river as well. Can't beat water travel if you want to get away.

Being a member of royalty gave you opportunities to learn a variety of things. Most of the lessons that passed your way involved presently useless matters of culture and pomp, but you occasionally picked up some vocations skills, admittedly of a scholarly nature.

Perhaps you could become a short-order physician?

This. Offer to see if there is a company of tumblers/traveling minstrels that needs a doctor or, erm, historian? Um... I was going to say mercenaries but there's too much potential for someone recognizing you in the midst of people who could ransom you/harm you physically.

Um... I was going to say mercenaries but there's too much potential for someone recognizing you in the midst of people who could ransom you/harm you physically.

That sounds fun!

>Go join up with some mercenaries.

If you're going to get this nation into proper shape, you're probably going to have to perform some... diplomacy with the Pixies and Sylphs. To that end, joining up with a band of mercenaries seems the best approach; it would give you a good deal of capital to start your own military campaign.

I was no common peasant, mind you. I had been tutored by the best minds my father could afford. Sure, I wasn't always paying attention, but a half-remembered almost world-class education was better than none at all...

Dance - +5
History - -1
Medicine - -1
Useless Trivia - +5

All 4 in Guile

2+ Guile, 2+ Intellect, then +2 Medicine, +2 Thaumaturgy, +2 Mercantile, +2 Trivia!

Two to Guile, one to Intellect and one to Brawn

Everything that fits into medicine, and everything that's left into acrobatics.