Re: The thread for flipping shits (and tables)
11-07-2011, 02:24 PM
Almost Perfect
Splintered consciousness; secrets kept
I've struggled for a long time, trying to figure out who I am and what my place in the world is. I've always tried to present a clean slate whenever I go someplace new; so that people can tell me what they see rather than forming their preconceptions from preexisting prejudices, subconscious and conscious, social, political - and I can know how I should behave. So that I can understand my station and form a picture of the world around it. So that things are predictable, or at least understandable - not a world where everything changes every day.
I still don't know who I am; and no matter what I do, I can't figure it out. Some days I feel different than I do other days, and act accordingly. I can't even figure out what pronoun I should use.
If that speaks of mental disorder of any kind; you're probably right. Is it wrong to want to see a psychologist for validation, yet scared to do so for fear of being forced into a 'cure'?
You'll Regret That
Find a job you enjoy; and you will never work a day in your life
I don't know where I'm going. I've always thought I could grow up to be whatever I wanted. If I wanted to study here, I could, if I wanted to be overseas, I could do that too - but the parental units...ahhh. I don't want to go on and onnnn >_<
At this point, my mind is telling me to stop opening up; close, delete, stop exposing yourself to a world that doesn't care...
...b-but you do care? I'm scared, I'm scared that...
In short; I wish I could do arts. But I won't get to do arts. Instead, I'll be forced into engineering, a subject I don't want to do, in a country where I don't want to be, because it pays more and more reliably. Joy. And every day it'll be harder to give up, or easier, depending on how you look at it. In twenty years I'll look back.
Everyone has to give up on their dreams, don't they? Everyone has, in some way or another. Everyone's made compromises, yielded to reality. Everyone scrabbles for their own little scrap of happiness. Right?
And there are those who want it all! Now! And to the full! Refusing to yield - and for their troubles denigrated and cast aside and killed - left to die on the side of the road.
There we go again. I still don't want to post this. I probably won't, unless I can retain my nerve and STOP ARGUING FOR ONEEE SECONNND JUST ONE
Yes. That was one second. How very smart of me. Omnes: Ha ha ha!
Standardized Intelligence
These headings and subheadings just seem arrogant now I'm sorry ;-;
Exams. Why did I put these last? Is it because what happens now will define my life; yet there is so little I can still do at this juncture? I'm so sorry I'm sorry everyone; I've taken up everyone's time -
People
I-i-i
- I can't handle people. There's something wrong with me; something is not right upstairs. A properly working machine is not supposed to break down!
But not 'right' or 'normal' doesn't mean that I'm not me!
...I feel like I'm turning water into whine :3
Splintered consciousness; secrets kept
I've struggled for a long time, trying to figure out who I am and what my place in the world is. I've always tried to present a clean slate whenever I go someplace new; so that people can tell me what they see rather than forming their preconceptions from preexisting prejudices, subconscious and conscious, social, political - and I can know how I should behave. So that I can understand my station and form a picture of the world around it. So that things are predictable, or at least understandable - not a world where everything changes every day.
I still don't know who I am; and no matter what I do, I can't figure it out. Some days I feel different than I do other days, and act accordingly. I can't even figure out what pronoun I should use.
If that speaks of mental disorder of any kind; you're probably right. Is it wrong to want to see a psychologist for validation, yet scared to do so for fear of being forced into a 'cure'?
You'll Regret That
Find a job you enjoy; and you will never work a day in your life
I don't know where I'm going. I've always thought I could grow up to be whatever I wanted. If I wanted to study here, I could, if I wanted to be overseas, I could do that too - but the parental units...ahhh. I don't want to go on and onnnn >_<
At this point, my mind is telling me to stop opening up; close, delete, stop exposing yourself to a world that doesn't care...
...b-but you do care? I'm scared, I'm scared that...
In short; I wish I could do arts. But I won't get to do arts. Instead, I'll be forced into engineering, a subject I don't want to do, in a country where I don't want to be, because it pays more and more reliably. Joy. And every day it'll be harder to give up, or easier, depending on how you look at it. In twenty years I'll look back.
Everyone has to give up on their dreams, don't they? Everyone has, in some way or another. Everyone's made compromises, yielded to reality. Everyone scrabbles for their own little scrap of happiness. Right?
And there are those who want it all! Now! And to the full! Refusing to yield - and for their troubles denigrated and cast aside and killed - left to die on the side of the road.
There we go again. I still don't want to post this. I probably won't, unless I can retain my nerve and STOP ARGUING FOR ONEEE SECONNND JUST ONE
Yes. That was one second. How very smart of me. Omnes: Ha ha ha!
Standardized Intelligence
These headings and subheadings just seem arrogant now I'm sorry ;-;
Exams. Why did I put these last? Is it because what happens now will define my life; yet there is so little I can still do at this juncture? I'm so sorry I'm sorry everyone; I've taken up everyone's time -
People
I-i-i
- I can't handle people. There's something wrong with me; something is not right upstairs. A properly working machine is not supposed to break down!
But not 'right' or 'normal' doesn't mean that I'm not me!
...I feel like I'm turning water into whine :3
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So very British / But then again | People are machines Machines are people | Oh hai there | There's no time
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Superhero 1920s noir | Multigenre Half-Life | Changing the future | Command line interface
Tu ventire felix? | Clockwork for eternity | Explosions in spacetime