Re: GRANDMASTER ADVICE COLUMN
10-28-2011, 01:59 AM
'Dear' Columnist,
I waited for you outside the theater for forty-five infinitellia. Forty-five, and you never showed. I kept telling myself, 'oh, he'll be here any eternity now - ANY MOMENT NOW I SAY' and I'd close my eyes and count to a billion and you still weren't there when I opened them. How could you have been so selfish?! You couldn't have called? Sent The Messenger along (I'd probably have shot him, but it's the thought that counts, you little bitch)? The theater'd become dust by the time I twigged you weren't going to show. I couldn't even contact you normally, which is why I'm writing you this; I'm trying to be reasonable but WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU?!
If you answer snarkily I swear I will fucking chop off and stick your omnipotent genitals in a blender and then feed it to you in the form of a bloody milkshake,
The Scorned
I waited for you outside the theater for forty-five infinitellia. Forty-five, and you never showed. I kept telling myself, 'oh, he'll be here any eternity now - ANY MOMENT NOW I SAY' and I'd close my eyes and count to a billion and you still weren't there when I opened them. How could you have been so selfish?! You couldn't have called? Sent The Messenger along (I'd probably have shot him, but it's the thought that counts, you little bitch)? The theater'd become dust by the time I twigged you weren't going to show. I couldn't even contact you normally, which is why I'm writing you this; I'm trying to be reasonable but WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU?!
If you answer snarkily I swear I will fucking chop off and stick your omnipotent genitals in a blender and then feed it to you in the form of a bloody milkshake,
The Scorned
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So very British / But then again | People are machines Machines are people | Oh hai there | There's no time
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Superhero 1920s noir | Multigenre Half-Life | Changing the future | Command line interface
Tu ventire felix? | Clockwork for eternity | Explosions in spacetime