The Grand OC SII: The Re-OCening: Week 29: UNINTELLIGIBLE!

Username: Agen, they who shits in the woods
Name: His Holiness Tharthe XVII of the New Distributed Roman Catholic Church
Species: Catholic
Gender: He/him
Color: austerity
Description: It has been said that in this day and age, the Pope is nothing but a figurehead. Many people do not know that this is literally true. His Holiness has no need for such abstractions as hands, feet, or organs, these being ties to the mere material world. Instead, from his neatly severed neck protrudes a thick cable, which thins out from neck-width to optical fiber-width. At some point the cable becomes less than subatomically thin, at which point it presumably connects to God.
Items/Abilities: His Holiness can inflict microscopically painful paper cuts. He is also gifted with a fantastical ability to proselytise with the pure and holy words of God himself, though again in this day and age no one gives a shit.
Biography: The New Distributed Roman Catholic Church didn't so much blink when he disappeared, so that gives you an idea as to how much he mattered.