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The Story of how Agen Macgyvered back Home

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Jul 23 23:34:59 <Agenclean> does anyone want to hear the story of How Agen Macgyvered her way back into her house
Jul 23 23:35:08 * You are now known as Agengyver
Jul 23 23:35:16 <Mareeptrain> I am waiting at the government assistance place
Jul 23 23:35:19 <Mareeptrain> So sure
Jul 23 23:35:22 <Agengyver> well
Jul 23 23:35:30 <Agengyver> i technically broke into my own house
Jul 23 23:35:42 <Agengyver> and was slightly disturbed that it was possible
Jul 23 23:35:49 <Dalm> i'm just about to update rpg once i finish this last panel
Jul 23 23:35:50 <Agengyver> i went out to take out the trash
Jul 23 23:35:53 <Dalm> i once did that agen
Jul 23 23:36:05 <Agengyver> and of course didn't bring keys or phone
Jul 23 23:36:08 <Dalm> i locked myself out and had to climb in through the bathroom window
Jul 23 23:36:10 <Agengyver> i mean come on it's the trash
Jul 23 23:36:20 <Agengyver> yeah but dalm you are not me
Jul 23 23:36:28 <Dalm> :0
Jul 23 23:36:30 <Mareeptrain> I always take my stuff <_<
Jul 23 23:36:33 <Dalm> its true im not
Jul 23 23:36:37 <Agengyver> you are not someone who doublechecks every window
Jul 23 23:36:51 <Agengyver> and makes sure there is absolutely *no possible way*
Jul 23 23:36:57 <Agengyver> no keys under flowerpots
Jul 23 23:37:01 <Agengyver> no keys buried in the garden
Jul 23 23:37:05 <Agengyver> no keys up drainpipes
Jul 23 23:37:13 <Agengyver> no keys slotted behind a fake brick
Jul 23 23:37:21 <Agengyver> no keys in secret metala tube up ass
Jul 23 23:37:32 <Agengyver> oh shit the soup
Jul 23 23:37:38 <Mareeptrain> Oh you're missing out on that last one then
Jul 23 23:37:46 <Mareeptrain> best place to hide it
Jul 23 23:38:00 <Timu12> agen how did you get in :O ?
Jul 23 23:38:28  Mareeptrain eats popcorn, shares with timu
Jul 23 23:38:33 <Loather> i broke into my own house through the garage once
Jul 23 23:38:48 <Loather> opening attic hatches into a hallway from the attic is uh
Jul 23 23:38:52 <Timu12> you know when the naked guy pulls out a gun and it's like "where were you keeping that"
Jul 23 23:38:56 <Loather> kind of scrary
Jul 23 23:38:57  Agenriel (~Agenmacy@122.150.104.245) has joined #eagletime
Jul 23 23:39:07 <Timu12> agenriel are you an angel now :O ?
Jul 23 23:39:20 <Mareeptrain> put on a shirt agen
Jul 23 23:39:46 <Loather> take off a shirt agen
Jul 23 23:39:51 <Plaid> Schaz broke us into her flat after an unsuccessful attempt at climbing in the bathroom window via the bins
Jul 23 23:39:53 <Mareeptrain> lewd
Jul 23 23:40:09 <Plaid> that was fun
Jul 23 23:40:12 <isoraqathedh> Be sure to keep up with my continual development of my new desktop background here: https://www.dropbox.com/s/ceydqqbtbe5nsr...n.png?dl=0
Jul 23 23:40:12 <Mareeptrain> I always remember my keys and I live alone.
Jul 23 23:40:19  Vancho1_ (~Ivan@c-69-180-236-18.hsd1.tn.comcast.net) has joined #eagletime
Jul 23 23:40:20 <Plaid> sadly i've not had to break into anywhere myself
Jul 23 23:40:29 <Mareeptrain> super alone
Jul 23 23:40:30 <Loather> i kicked a shed door open once toooo
Jul 23 23:40:39 <Mareeptrain> Oh god I'm so alone
Jul 23 23:40:43 <Loather> i was a kid and it was very dramatic
Jul 23 23:40:55 <Loather> made a loud noise and everything
Jul 23 23:41:11 <Loather> nobody else was impressed tho, just mad because i couldve broken the lock
Jul 23 23:41:38 <Jacquerel> one time my whole family locked themselves out of the house so my dad had to lift me up through a back window
Jul 23 23:41:58 <Plaid> my dad did that too
Jul 23 23:42:00  Vancho1 has quit (Ping timeout: 206 seconds)
Jul 23 23:42:01 <Loather> breaking in through windows isnt feasible here even tho its mostly one-story houses
Jul 23 23:42:09 <Loather> because theyre like
Jul 23 23:42:14 <Plaid> after managing to open said window with a screwdriver
Jul 23 23:42:16 <Loather> stormproof and always locked
Jul 23 23:42:28 <Mareeptrain> the only way to break into my condo
Jul 23 23:42:42 <Loather> ohh i know how to pick some kinds of locks too
Jul 23 23:42:44 <Mareeptrain> would be to jump across a gap that's a 30 foot drop if you miss
Jul 23 23:42:50 <Mareeptrain> onto my balcony
Jul 23 23:43:07 <Jacquerel> we just fortunately left a back window open, bcause it was small enougha nd far enough off the ground that someone could only have broken in by giving a child a boost and then getting them to clamber down onto the toilet contained within
Jul 23 23:43:07 <Loather> some old doorknobs have a hole where you can stick a pin or paperclip in
Jul 23 23:43:11 <Loather> and thats all it takes
Jul 23 23:43:26 <Loather> anddd with some doors you can get a credit card in between the door and the wall
Jul 23 23:43:31 <Loather> and get in that way
Jul 23 23:43:36 <Plaid> that seems like it would defeat the purpose of a lock
Jul 23 23:43:38 <Jacquerel> my brother broke into his room at uni with a credit card
Jul 23 23:43:44 <Jacquerel> but that was just, his room in a shared house
Jul 23 23:43:51 <Loather> haha yeah
Jul 23 23:44:23 <Loather> the worst thing ive done issss
Jul 23 23:44:27 <Agenriel> yeah I can pick a lock but I didn't have the requisite gear
Jul 23 23:44:31 <Loather> re: locking myself out of things
Jul 23 23:44:38 <Loather> lock myself out of a car in the rain :C
Jul 23 23:44:40 <Agenriel> anyway the exciting continuation
Jul 23 23:44:45 <Loather> it was the middle of winter
Jul 23 23:44:51 <Agenriel> so i basically have fucked myself here
Jul 23 23:44:54 <Loather> above freezing but chilly and wet
Jul 23 23:44:55 <Agenriel> it's the middle of winter here now
Jul 23 23:45:01 <Agenriel> here i am in a t-shirt
Jul 23 23:45:09 <Agenriel> and flipflops
Jul 23 23:45:14 <Mareeptrain> put on clothes woman
Jul 23 23:45:14 <Loather> and i sat out there and waited for someone from AAA to break into my car for me
Jul 23 23:45:18 <Agenriel> going out to put the bins out clothes
Jul 23 23:45:29 <Mareeptrain> you'll freeze
Jul 23 23:45:37 <Agenriel> I did put on clothes!
Jul 23 23:45:44 <Mareeptrain> warm clothes
Jul 23 23:45:44 <Agenriel> this was when i was trying to break back into my house
Jul 23 23:45:47 <Loather> light your house on fire for warmth
Jul 23 23:45:52 <Agenriel> so anyway
Jul 23 23:45:53 <Jacquerel> burn your garbage
Jul 23 23:46:00 <Loather> burn your garage
Jul 23 23:46:12 <Agenriel> i tried ringing the body corporate manager to see if he had keys
Jul 23 23:46:24 <Agenriel> i believe the message i got translated roughly to 'fuck off'
Jul 23 23:46:31 <Loather> hahahah jesus
Jul 23 23:46:35 <Mareeptrain> rude
Jul 23 23:46:50 <Agenriel> to be fair it's not like they would know i wasn't an evil ruffian
Jul 23 23:47:02 <Agenriel> trying to break into other people's houses
Jul 23 23:47:08 <Agenriel> except, you know
Jul 23 23:47:11 <Loather> well if you were youd be super easy to catch
Jul 23 23:47:12 <Agenriel> being completely unequipped for it
Jul 23 23:47:22 <Mareeptrain> you never know
Jul 23 23:47:24 <Loather> because they would know
Jul 23 23:47:28 <Agenriel> anyway so having exhausted that avenue
Jul 23 23:47:39 <Loather> because they let you in and then the house was robbed immediately after
Jul 23 23:47:43 <Agenriel> it was a choice between walking a few kilometers
Jul 23 23:47:45 <Agenriel> in the middle of winter
Jul 23 23:47:54 <Agenriel> in wholly inappropriate clothing
Jul 23 23:47:56 <Agenriel> to my aunt's
Jul 23 23:47:59 <Agenriel> who has a key
Jul 23 23:48:31 <Agenriel> which, besides not being an option, would have outed some very crucial details about me to my family well before i'm ever going to be ready
Jul 23 23:48:46 <Loather> oh noo D:
Jul 23 23:48:55 <Agenriel> between that
Jul 23 23:48:58 <Agenriel> and breaking in
Jul 23 23:49:00 <Agenriel> i chose to break in
Jul 23 23:49:01 <Agenriel> but how?!
Jul 23 23:49:06 <Agenriel> the front door is locked!
Jul 23 23:49:14 <Mareeptrain> use the back door
Jul 23 23:49:17 <Agenriel> luckily i didn't lock the screen door, which had the screen key in it
Jul 23 23:49:26 <Agenriel> which allowed me to unlock the back door's screen
Jul 23 23:49:32 <Timu12> did you just smash through the fragile screen
Jul 23 23:49:44 <Agenriel> but the back door, which is a sliding door into the garden
Jul 23 23:49:52 <Agenriel> (i got into the garden via the garden gate)
Jul 23 23:49:58 <Agenriel> was still resolutely locked
Jul 23 23:50:05 <Agenriel> because i fucking made sure it was locked
Jul 23 23:50:17 <Agenriel> because i am just too goddamn good at making the house secure
Jul 23 23:50:21 <Loather> welp
Jul 23 23:50:37 <Loather> did you end up tunneling your way in
Jul 23 23:50:55 <Agenriel> yes i did take advantage of an existing hole in the screen so that i could contort my hand backwards into the key slot to open the screen door
Jul 23 23:50:57 <Dalm> :o
Jul 23 23:51:02 <Dalm> nice
Jul 23 23:51:05 <Agenriel> having gotten that far
Jul 23 23:51:12 <Agenriel> i reassesed my options
Jul 23 23:51:24 <Agenriel> the back door was definitely a better option to try and get through
Jul 23 23:51:48 <Agenriel> (getting through the front would require either lockpicks/bobby pin or lower body kicking strength
Jul 23 23:51:48 <GenTrigger> I've had to pop off a screen to climb into my bedroom before.
Jul 23 23:51:55 <Agenriel> neither of which i could do)
Jul 23 23:52:15 <Agenriel> I also briefly considered climbing up the tree in the back yard to get to the master bedroom balcony
Jul 23 23:52:26 <Agenriel> which I also knew I'd locked the door to
Jul 23 23:52:42 <GenTrigger> Are you afraid of ninjas?
Jul 23 23:52:46 <GenTrigger> Entering your home
Jul 23 23:52:51 <Loather> squirrels
Jul 23 23:52:52 <Agenriel> but would probably be less dangerous if i permanently broke the lock there
Jul 23 23:53:01 <Agenriel> we have possums here
Jul 23 23:53:06 <Agenriel> but anyway that's not the point
Jul 23 23:53:07 <Dalm> can possums open doors
Jul 23 23:53:09 <Agenriel> i just lock everything
Jul 23 23:53:10 <Agenriel> okay
Jul 23 23:53:14 <Agenriel> christ jesus god
Jul 23 23:53:18 <Loather> im the same way tbh
Jul 23 23:53:32 <Timu12> so so! what did you do :3
Jul 23 23:53:34 <Agenriel> i also considered climbing onto the roof and getting to my bedroom window
Jul 23 23:53:37 <GenTrigger> I'm lackadaisical about locking, but mostly because I have dog.
Jul 23 23:53:42 <Agenriel> but i knew i'd also locked that
Jul 23 23:54:02 <Agenriel> also i knew i almost certainly would have been seen and probably hauled off to the police station
Jul 23 23:54:14 <Agenriel> because you know that is not normal behavior
Jul 23 23:54:20 <Agenriel> (the house is a townhouse, it is two stories)
Jul 23 23:54:37 <Agenriel> anyway, having pondered my options
Jul 23 23:55:00 <Agenriel> (i also rattled a few screens on the lower floor windows to no avail, besides the windows wouldn't have opened anyhow
Jul 23 23:55:01 <Agenriel> )
Jul 23 23:55:12 <Agenriel> I decided, as mentioned, that the back door was the way to go
Jul 23 23:55:22 <Agenriel> now this back door has a very simple latch
Jul 23 23:55:49 <Agenriel> the kind where you turn a knob and a little ratchet comes up and engages a gap in the doorframe
Jul 23 23:56:14 <Agenriel> my goal here was to either turn the knob remotely or to trip the latch
Jul 23 23:56:32  Daytwona has quit (Quit: Bzooow...)
Jul 23 23:56:46 <Agenriel> (the knob had a lever thing on it, which i considered a possible candidate for pushing-with-a-stick
Jul 23 23:56:47 <Dalm> :o
Jul 23 23:56:47 <Agenriel> )
Jul 23 23:56:52 <Agenriel> but how to get to that point?
Jul 23 23:57:05 <Agenriel> it was a good thing, then, that my dad had been gardening last time he was visiting.
Jul 23 23:57:13 <Loather> hedge trimmers?
Jul 23 23:57:18 <Agenriel> because, in the garden, lay:
Jul 23 23:57:25 <Agenriel> several branches cut off from the tree
Jul 23 23:57:29 <Loather> oh
Jul 23 23:57:35 <Agenriel> a thing for cutting those branches
Jul 23 23:57:40 <Agenriel> and MOST IMPORTANTLY
Jul 23 23:57:43 <Agenriel> a trowel
Jul 23 23:57:46 <Agenriel> and a spade
Jul 23 23:58:30 <Agenriel> since the spade had a flat edge, I was able to jimmy it into the gap between the door and the frame and lever it open, causing what's probably irrevocable damage to the doorframe but w/e
Jul 23 23:58:46 <Agenriel> then, with the trowel, I was able to hold that gap open
Jul 23 23:59:01 <Agenriel> allowing me to move the spade into a new position
Jul 23 23:59:09 <Agenriel> and letting me lever it open further
Jul 23 23:59:32 <Agenriel> my first plan, to use a stick to push the lever, was not the best
Jul 23 23:59:43 <Agenriel> I didn't have the right kind of shaped stick
Jul 24 00:00:01 <Agenriel> nor did it have enough leverage to push the knob
Jul 24 00:00:19 <Loather> also wouldnt a stick break off?
Jul 24 00:00:22 <Agenriel> however, at this point, I realized that I'd levered the door wide enough that i could just see the ratchet
Jul 24 00:00:25 <Agenriel> IT WAS A BIG STICK
Jul 24 00:00:38 <Agenriel> and the gap at this point was wide enough to get my wrist throuh
Jul 24 00:00:55 <Agenriel> (note: i also got my wrist trapped in the door several times.)
Jul 24 00:01:04 <Loather> how :O
Jul 24 00:01:17 <Agenriel> the trowel slipped while my hand was still in the door
Jul 24 00:01:31 <Loather> dangg
Jul 24 00:01:34 <Agenriel> i had several visions of me still there the following morning
Jul 24 00:01:49 <Agenriel> anyway, I could see the ratchet
Jul 24 00:01:51 <Agenriel> but
Jul 24 00:02:04 <Agenriel> the trowel, which would be the best tool to try and trip it
Jul 24 00:02:09 <Agenriel> was holding the door open
Jul 24 00:02:18 <Agenriel> if i took the trowel out that gap would disappear
Jul 24 00:02:24 <Agenriel> what do, said the agen?
Jul 24 00:02:27 <Loather> shimmy the trowel!
Jul 24 00:02:42 <Loather> or if you had a shoe you could use that
Jul 24 00:02:57 <Timu12> use the other tool
Jul 24 00:02:59 <Loather> orrrr your hand if youre feeling tough
Jul 24 00:02:59 <Agenriel> obviously the answer was to get the thickest stick and the spade together and use them as two opposite levers
Jul 24 00:03:18 <Agenriel> to widen the gap wide enough that i could get the trowel out AND hold the door open
Jul 24 00:03:32 <Agenriel> whereupon i whacked the ratchet and it came loose from the catch
Jul 24 00:03:37 <Loather> niceee
Jul 24 00:03:41 <Agenriel> and lo, the door did spring open
Jul 24 00:03:45 <Agenriel> and the people rejoiced
Jul 24 00:03:57 <GenTrigger> Yay~
Jul 24 00:04:03 <Agenriel> and more importantly i didn't permanently fuck the lock
Jul 24 00:04:04 <Agenriel> still though
Jul 24 00:04:13 <Agenriel> if i could do it
Jul 24 00:04:20 <Agenriel> someone else could...
Jul 24 00:04:34 <Loather> thank you for storytime
Jul 24 00:04:35  Agenriel spends night staring at door, car battery taser in hand
Jul 24 00:04:45 <Agenriel> and that's the story of agengyver