Hebrews 10:31

Agen! Summon me! ~◕ w◕~

Okay

Dispatch to the desk of Former Emperor-to-be Of Wider Existence, Pala "Got Your Goat" Medes:
There's no point keeping up a facade when you've lost all need for it, no?
The Portfolio is very much to my liking, my utmost gratitudes and platitudes for your personally safely delivering it to my shores. Doubtless, your assorted hoovéd appendages couldn't quite grasp what power it holds, but for lack of any other redeeming features you've at least got resourcefulness on your side. Thus, I've every bit of faith you'll get yourself out of your latest pickle and make an excellent beacon of paranoia and hysteria to distract my constituency-to-be. A scapegoat, if you would.
Just tell yourself it clicked five minutes before you read that.
I must here regretfully request termination of my employment as your Minister of Strategic Lies, as I am seeking a more lucrative position in the new world order I shall be establishing. This announcement may inconvenience you, tied up as you are in processing the resignation of several others among your "trusted" advisors, but again. I'm certain you'll be just fine.
Serendipity, or whatever. Beats a pity party, no?
As a precaution/warm-up/spin it whichever way you like, I mean that's what I'm doing with everything save the fundamental laws of reality these days - you've got an escort to our meeting* in Kyushu. Gunzel Druids, wielding state-of-the-art maglev railguns and high-calibre Bullet Trains.

I'd offer one last hint - steer clear of any news outlets, rumors, liveblogs, or basically anyone using language to try and explain the state of the world to you. Wielding the Portfolio seems to have this funny effect of smoothing over on-the-surface mistakes in the grand scheme of things like, say, unruly livestock where they shouldn't be. You'reIt's no big deal, though.

"Sincerely",
pffffffffffffffffbt
Chancellor of the Doubled Tongues and Archminister of Strategic Lies
Schazer "Schazardous" Goatarcher


*Appropriate business attire would be appreciated, though given your current position I'd understand if you're hard-pressed to find the correct kit. Shackles or other restraints would be great, actually I hired a guy recently who's into that kind of thing. Swing by Osaka on the way down if you would, ask after Chief Battleologist Sai.

Like we didn't see this coming.

---

In the wake of recent events, I would like to respectfully decline the promotion to Vizier of Summoning Random Crap and instead opt into a third-party summoning-for-hire independent party, with Deputy Summonercenary Whimbrel at my side.