Tonguewizard And The Journey For The Perfect Instrument

Once upon a time, there was a magical tongue named Tongueman. Then one day, he realized he was magical, so he started calling himself Tonguewizard.

Tonguewizard the magical tongue wanted to play a musical instrument. But as he was just a tongue, this was a difficult task. He tried to play the piano, but he ended up just getting saliva over the keys and hitting too many at once. He tried to play the harp, but he ended up getting stuck between the strings and needed assistance from a bystander to get out.

And the less said about his attempt to play the harmonica, the better.

This experience made Tonguewizard very reflective. He began to wonder just who he was, beyond a magical tongue, and what instrument would best represent him. Then he could play that, and surely the music of his soul would come out, even if he ended up slobbering all over his instrument.

And so, he decided to set out on a journey to find himself, and the perfect instrument. But first, he had to decide where to go, and what he should bring with him.

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SpoilerThis adventure is inspired by MalkyTop and dedicated to Ixcaliber.

He should go to the ancient temple of the theramin and he needs to bring with him his toothbrush with tongue cleaning attachment thing.

Tonguewizard, what kind of magic do you have?

He's bringing with him a flock of ducks duct-taped together into a giant ball that he rolls around. With the duckmass he needs no destination.

Tonguewizard, what kind of magic do you have?

Well he's great at

tongueing

After a few moment of thought, Tonguewizard fetched his toothbrush, which had a tongue-cleaning attachment, and the flock of ducks he had duct-taped together into a giant ball in his youth. He hopped onto it and began rolling the ducks around, knowing they would guide him to his destiny.

His destiny turned out to be the Ancient Temple of the Theremin. At least, that was what he gathered when the duct tape fell off just outside of it and the ducks flew away, causing him to fall to the ground. Clearly that was a sign that this was where he needed to go, and not at all a sign that his duct tape wasn't sticky enough.

Before entering, however, Tonguewizard mused on which of his magical powers would be more suited to exploring the place. If the hour was odd, he could use cellphone magic, but if the hour was even, he could use carnivorous plant magic.

According to the watch attachment on his toothbrush, it was 11:30. Tonguewizard needed to make up his mind on whether it would be better to enter now, or to wait half an hour for his magic to change. It all depended on what he would find in the temple, he supposed; he had to think about what sort of obstacles were more likely.

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SpoilerCellphone magic or carnivorous plant magic? Make your choice now!

Also feel free to suggest what sort of dangers Tonguewizard might face inside the temple, or other things he could do.

Deep inside the Ancient Temple of the Theramin resides the Theramind; an ancient and powerful being that uses its telekinetic powers to bend lesser beings to its will.

>Cellphone magic just because I want to know what kind of thing that involves.

Definitely use cellphone magic. You can disrupt the primitive technology with your newfangled gadgetry.

After a minute's consideration, Tonguewizard realized that he was much too impatient to wait a whole half-hour before exploring. So he opted to just rush right in with his cellphone magic active.

Little did he realize that his entry did not go unnoticed. In the darkest depths of the temple, the ancient Theremind awoke, disturbed by the outsider's intrusion into its realm. Specifically, by the annoying ringtone noise he produced.

"None shall desecrate my temple!" the Theremind shouted, to no one in particular because it didn't have anyone to shout to. "This intruder will pay for his insolence!"

Tonguewizard was, of course, completely ignorant of the Theremind's anger. And so, when he saw three ancient golems advancing towards him, he thought it was just standard temple security, and not an ancient being telekinetically commanding the golems. If he had any way of realizing it, he might have thought to use his cell phone magic to disrupt the Theremind's telekinetic signals and stop the golems from moving.

But since Tonguewizard didn't realize that, he had to come up with a completely different plan to deal with the golems.

He licked them until they dissolved.

> Use cellphone magic to fake a phone call as an excuse for a quick exit

> Challenge them to a game of Multiplayer Boggleknockoff. As a tongue, you have MASTERY OF LANGUAGE.

Baffle the ancient golems with his technology. Give them all cell phones and wait as they try their darndest to figure them out.

>He used his cellphone to call GolemTech customer support and asked them how to deactivate an errant golem.

And so Tonguewizard called tech support.

"Hello, this is GolemTech. Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line and a representative will be with you shortly."

Tonguewizard silently cursed himself - he always felt uncomfortable when he cursed loudly. He'd forgotten how long it could take to get through to tech support, and the golems were getting closer.

Then he had an idea.

"Hey, can you guys try calling too?" Tonguewizard asked the golems, although as he didn't actually have a larynx or lungs to speak with, it came out as more of "eey aa oo iii iii aaaiii ooo". The golems paused, confused.

Then Tonguewizard magically granted them cellphones. The golems puzzled over them, as the Theremind controlling them had never seen such technology before. How did these strange devices even work?

And then, Tonguewizard heard a surge of static over his phone.

"Dang it, bad reception," he said, except more awkwardly due to being only a tongue. "I'll try a different room."

With that, he walked past the confused golems into the next room. A few moments later, the magical cellphones, no longer sustained by Tonguewizard's power, vanished. The Theremind was furious, as it had only just figured out how to call its grandson and ask why he never visited any more.

Enraged, the Theremind chose to send a more dangerous obstacle to the room the intruder had just entered. And so it was that Tonguewizard came face-to-face with one of his greatest fears.

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SpoilerWhat did the Theremind send after Tonguewizard?

Mouthwash!

Bad Breath Incarnate

Some traditionally-horrifying foodstuff such as BRUSSELS SPROUTS or BLACK LICORICE.

Or LICORICE SPROUTS.

Swedish Chef.

It was a giant walking brussels sprout wearing a chef's hat and carrying a bottle of the most foul-tasting mouthwash Tonguewizard had ever tasted.

"Morney florney borney gorney!" it shouted at him through its thick moustache. Tonguewizard was nearly paralyzed with fear. He had been told many times by his friends and psychiatrists that such a creature couldn't possibly exist, but here it was, right in front of him.

But Tonguewizard knew that if he wanted to uncover the secrets of this temple, he would need to press on. And knowing this, he found the strength to act.

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SpoilerWhat did Tonguewizard do? Remember, he still has cellphone magic!

He used an app he had downloaded that translated the Swedesque babble into english.

He then played back the translated babble through one of those auto-tune to music applications.

He called Dungeon Review Monthly and gave them a HORRIBLE cuisine review, sending the chef into a paroxysm of grief.

He threw his phone at it!

Hey! Speaking of cell-phone magic...