The Neverywhere Inn

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Author's Note
Literally all my active threads are tonally serious; here's an attempt at something less so

Tuesday Presents:
Super Meta Interdimensional Shenanigans That Don't Involve Young Women Lost In Staticky Hellvoids

Welcome to the Neverywhere Inn! We're so glad to have you aboard. We've been quite understaffed since tourist season began, what with the Greater Wing migration pulling all manner of lost souls to the void crossroads Shop netherym In-Between. Birdwatchers are surprisingly dedicated hobbyists!

Our inter-dimensional guesthouse serves explorers, wanderers, and daring vacationers who need a breather between realities. We pride ourselves on authenticity, or at least the illusion of it, so if you'd please fill out this New Employee Profile before we go further...?

PLEASE PROVIDE A...
Name: _____________________
Class: Hivemind
Homeworld: RWFnbGUgVGltZQ==
Description: ______________

It's a little sparse and plenty oblique, but be assured that's all We need in writing. The rest will come to light by itself. We have a moment—for whatever the concept of 'a moment' is worth—before your orientation, so take your time getting settled into your collective astral body.

We'll wait. ♥

Name: Elvis Presley
Description: The life of the King of Rock and Roll has become too much for me. I've decided to take a break from the life of a superstar and go back to my roots in the workforce. Just as long as you don't have me sing or dance, escaping that is why I'm here, I'll be the happiest employee you've ever had.

PLEASE PROVIDE A...
Name: Wednesday
Class: Hivemind
Homeworld: RWFnbGUgVGltZQ==
Description: I'm a god-in-training. Also, I'm broke. I need the money to pay my rent and tuition fees. I'm not really that kind of god that creates stuff. I'm just kinda the god that makes sure that things that are there stays there.

Name : Johnny Chihuahua
Description : I'm vegan

Name: H
Description: Former member of the comedians anonymous association, needs a place to stay while the heat dies down. Yeesh. I swear some people have no sense of humor.

Name: I don't understand. "Name".
Description: Bleached white skin. No facial features save a wide smile to attract the customers. Sometimes I wear a pair of white socks over my jagged feet, if feeling up to it. Tall, especially when compared to a humanoid. Hungry. So hungry.

Name: Edward
Description: A swarm of flies.

Name: I don't understand. "Name".
Description: Bleached white skin. No facial features save a wide smile to attract the customers. Sometimes I wear a pair of white socks over my jagged feet, if feeling up to it. Tall, especially when compared to a humanoid. Hungry. So hungry.

Mhmmm! Mhmhmmm. Mm. Mmhmmmm....

v̦̗͙e͍͎͈̖r̟̼̰̘ͅỵ͇̰̭̘̜ ̠̖̝̙̩̠͠ͅi͇̹̱͓͕͕̕n̺̣͚̙̳̜̪͡t̵̟e̝͓̫̪r͚̲̼̤e̗̬̮̝̲̝͇s̗̩̜͚͡ṭ̪̖͈i̻͎̪̭͠n̩̣̮̥̭͜g̝̙̻̩͙ ♥

You remind Us of someone who worked here a few summers since; they too had no name. The denizens of their homeworld referred to them by description—Thin Male, or thereabouts—which We find terribly impersonal. We may have to pick you a 'stage name' for the customers' sake, somewhere down the line ♪

Now, then! We at the Neverywhere Inn value our workers' health. Do you have any particular diet concerns? We wouldn't want this hunger getting out of hand mid-shift! We're sure you'd never dream of it, but we've had to let more than a few charmers go after the customers piqued their appetites. We'd like to avoid that, now. Interdimensional Lawyers are particularly expensive.

When you're ready to proceed with orientation, please attach a fond memory to the back of your sheet. Signatures aren't worth much between realities.

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Author's NotePick an image from Morguefile for the memory!! :3c

https://mrg.bz/PbaTPH

https://mrg.bz/aC989o

"Blank" will do, if a title is required.

https://morguefile.com/p/96214

(semi-nsfw) https://mrg.bz/477e8f

https://mrg.bz/v5AocW

https://mrg.bz/v5AocW

I'd like to change my memory to this one, please.

https://mrg.bz/v5AocW

I'd like to change my memory to this one, please.

Oh.

Oh, goodness.

Hahahaha.

If this isn't the most endearing little snapshot of spacetime. ♥

Welcome to the Neverywhere Inn family! We look forward to working with you, Name. Bless your soul(s). We will now show you to your orientation. Kindly keep your socks on until further notice, as many of the floors are freshly-waxed, and the carpets are prone to snagging!

We'll see you soon, sweetheart. ♪

INT. NEVERYWHERE INN BREAKROOM - DAY?

Suddenly, NAME finds themselves in the breakroom. A name tag is pasted to their chest. The stuccoed ceiling, unnaturally high, gives them just enough headroom.

There's a row of vending machines arranged along one wall. A conversation pit takes up a quarter of the room, lined with colourfully-patterned sofas. Motivational(?) posters and staff reminders pepper the walls.

There are a couple other beings in the room with NAME, wearing similar name tags. Fellow newbies! NAME's nonexistent eyes are drawn to...

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Spoilerspawn some colleagues and then we can meet your supervisor :D

Drakoola name tag.
Judging by the actually fancy suit and shades, it's probably a Drakoola imposter.

Three-foot horns

A small black bird.

>A one-man-band omni-instrument set up. Harmonica, drum on the back, cymbals on the knees, accordion, the whole shebang. Maybe they'll play a song if asked.

Four rocks balanced on their head

Many attractive teeth.

all the cats around her.
It's a crazy cat lady.

...a green-skinned individual with towering golden horns, a broad frame, and a blackbird perched on her finger. Like every other humanoid in the room aside from NAME, she wears the Neverywhere Inn's official staff uniform.

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Character Profile: GRETEL and DAKN

GRETEL KEISTA
Plains Troll - 28 - Female
Homeworld: RWFnbGUtVGltZSBhNTI=
Notes: Gretel's horns are twice the average Plains Troll horn height. Tired of feeling like a 'freak' among her kin, she fled to the In-Between with the encouragement of her best friend, DAKN. She hopes her job at the Neverywhere Inn will last awhile.

DAKN
Blackbird(?) - Age Unknown - Male
Homeworld: RWFnbGUtVGltZSBGbGFuRGFi
Notes: Dakn is a talking blackbird whom GRETEL befriended as a child. He's lived much longer than a blackbird should—what's up with that?

Nearby, another colorful figure is reading one of the memos. They're less than half NAME's size, decked out in full one-man-band equipment. They don't seem to be struggling under the weight, despite the drum on their back being three-fourths their height, and the accordion in their webbed hands almost as tall.

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Character Profile: MAU

MAU NGOC LAM
Penyu - 15 - Agender
Homeworld: RWFnbGUtVGltZSB0eXBlYW5ka2V5
Notes: Mau is a musical prodigy from the underwater kingdom of Karang. They begged their family to let them take a summer job offworld, and are super duper stoked to entertain inter-dimensional travelers with their one-man (turtle?) show!

Chilling alone in the conversation pit (and thereby missing its point) is a short, fanged fellow wearing mirror shades and a DJ DRAKOOLA name tag. One imagines he doesn't care for his proper name! He snaps his fingers to an inaudible beat, bobbing his head... until a wireless earbud falls out.

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Character Profile: DJ DRAKOOLA

DJ DRAKOOLA ('DRAK')
Chiropteran - 112 - Male
Homeworld: RWFnbGUtVGltZSBBcmNhbnVzZQ==
Notes: Self-styled after interdimensional explorer, Comtessa Drakoola, this EDM composer's taking a break from dayclubs to work on his people skills. His penchant for wearing sunglasses indoors is equal parts flair and functionality—Chiropterans are awfully light-sensitive!

The supervisor in charge of orienting everyone has yet to arrive. In the meanwhile, NAME decides to...

>Approach everyone and attempt to get acquainted.