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RE: PersonS {A Bedroom Tour and a Rude Awakening}
05-09-2016, 12:40 AM
(This post was last modified: 05-09-2016, 12:43 AM by Xindaris.)
(05-08-2016, 03:48 AM)ForestGardener Wrote: »>Just five more minutes two more hours.
>Get breakfast if she insists.
>Breakfast = break the fast. Whenever you next eat is breakfast, by definition. (05-08-2016, 10:24 PM)Kíeros Wrote: »> There's no way you'd miss breakfast. And by that, I mean, you can sleep as much as you want without missing it so get some more shut eye. Besides, you arrived really late last night, what are they gonna do?
You sit up slightly to yell better. "I'd rather sleep in. I was up forever last night."
"Well, I was up longer!" How could she possibly know that.
"I won't miss breakfast if I sleep another two hours. Whatever I eat after I wake up is breakfast."
"You'll miss my breakfast, though! I made bacon! Anyway, you'll miss school if you sleep that long!"
Your eyes are open just enough to see something odd, and open the rest of the way in a combination of surprise and attempting to make sure you're actually seeing it. Your computer is on your desk, open, and plugged in to the outlet under it. And the weird paper from last night is next to it. You didn't do either of those things, and the door has been locked since you came back from your shower.
Nene will probably stop yelling at you if you tell her you'll be down in a minute. That would buy you some time to look into this. You suppose you could also think up some new excuse to sleep in that will actually convince her, but if she's talking about actual bacon and not greasy microwaved pig fat it might be worth getting up for anyway.
>
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Spoiler (05-08-2016, 12:59 AM)OrangeAipom Wrote: »Kill her. I'm really trying to use every command I can, but I'm not sure how I could be expected to realistically use this one at all?
(05-08-2016, 03:48 AM)ForestGardener Wrote: »Aaand we are past the point where this thread ended on mspaf! Well, maybe not in number of updates; the door was blocked from the inside by cardboard stapled to the wall. Lea kicked it open and they were confused about how the perpetrator could have gotten out of the room. Day 1 was not reached. Shame about last time, and surprising for an author as good as you, Xindaris.
Authorial rambling incoming:
Ehh, the problem is that this is a redo, and so was the one you saw on MSPAF. A redo of something that was vibrantly active long enough to pass 100 posts, and be my first adventure to do so. It was even one of the only two adventures I've ever gotten any fanart for outside of contest prizes and the HSHS thing, which obligated people who probably didn't read any of my adventures to draw "fanart".
When I tried to redo it before, I still wasn't far enough away from the "original" (in some kind of emotional/temporal sense) to not quickly give in to despair about it having died the first time around. Plus, of course, that was on MSPAF, where I had some 17-20 adventures jangling around in my head, which made it harder to focus.
I feel like maybe it's distant enough now, and there are a few changes to canon I've thought up from the original that should make certain things more interesting, and maybe if I focus on this one enough for long enough, it'll work out this time.
Of course, I say this stuff about focus while still contemplating putting up an archive of Full Immersion on an adventure archival blog I set up and promptly abandoned ages ago, and attempting to continue it here; also while having just recently come up with another idea for a quirky, very "game-like" adventure. This is a problem I have. A cursory once-over of my archival folder shows 42 attempted adventures, though that includes a few that never happened or only updated once or twice. And a "Dead" folder containing 11 more. Wow.
I didn't really want to call attention to this being a redo, to be honest, but I feel like it's far enough to just let the cat out of the bag. Maybe someone who saw the original ages ago is somehow here and will want to see this story again? Probably too much to hope for.
EDIT: 2nd page topper! Yeah!
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RE: PersonS {Bacon and an Unrelated Surprise}
05-09-2016, 12:59 AM
(This post was last modified: 05-09-2016, 01:01 AM by OrangeAipom.)
I didn't want her to actually die but I intended it as "i wish i could kill her so i could get more sleep"
like if there was an alarm clock i'd throw it against the wall but i can't because that's a person
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RE: PersonS {Bacon and an Unrelated Surprise}
05-09-2016, 01:42 PM
> Examine what has happened to your computer. Did someone go messing through the files?
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RE: PersonS {Bacon and an Unrelated Surprise}
05-10-2016, 05:08 PM
(This post was last modified: 05-10-2016, 05:09 PM by Xindaris.)
(05-09-2016, 01:42 PM)Kíeros Wrote: »> Examine what has happened to your computer. Did someone go messing through the files?
"I'll be down in a minute, okay?" Your voice sounds the same as it would if you had made that decision independent of whatever strange thing is going on.
"You better!" You can hear Nene running off down the hallway and opening the door to the stairwell.
You get up and check your computer. It's on, but asleep, so you wake it up and enter your password. According to your computer's clock, it's about 6 AM.
Nothing seems too different, except for a new text document in the middle of your desktop named "ALVIN!" So you open that. It says:
Hey, I know this is kind of weird, but I can't tell you a whole lot just yet. I don't think you'd believe me about who I am! But I'm a friend, I just want to help out.
I'll tell you what I can, ok? There's someone in this town who wants you dead, like, seriously, and you won't be able to defend yourself when the time comes without some help! So, sign the contract, please?
You look over at the odd paper, clearly the contract in question, and back at your screen. Something very strange is going on here, but it'd be hard to convince someone else of its reality. You might be able to respond to whoever (or whatever) sent you this message by adding some more text to the file, you guess. You could also just do what they say and see what happens.
Whatever you're doing now, you'd better be fairly quick or they'll start to wonder where you are downstairs.
>
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Spoiler (05-09-2016, 12:59 AM)OrangeAipom Wrote: »I didn't want her to actually die but I intended it as "i wish i could kill her so i could get more sleep"
like if there was an alarm clock i'd throw it against the wall but i can't because that's a person
Okay, that makes sense. Sorry, I read it kind of overly bluntly and directly there.
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RE: PersonS {The Time and a Mysterious Message}
05-10-2016, 06:42 PM
You probably made that text file without realizing. You should delete it before you think too much about the contents.
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RE: PersonS {The Time and a Mysterious Message}
05-10-2016, 07:27 PM
>The contract is the Spiderman deal (is there a formal name for that?), how bad could it be?
>"How bad could it be?" is one of the worst things to say or think in this situation.
>Who are the others you would be protecting? Your new roommates? Did they get a contract, too?
>There's nothing stable about your life to begin with. No relationships to wreck. No loved ones to put in danger (yet). Sign it, and let the chaos begin.
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RE: PersonS {The Time and a Mysterious Message}
05-11-2016, 09:40 PM
(05-10-2016, 06:42 PM)OrangeAipom Wrote: »You probably made that text file without realizing. You should delete it before you think too much about the contents. (05-10-2016, 07:27 PM)ForestGardener Wrote: »>The contract is the Spiderman deal (is there a formal name for that?), how bad could it be?
>"How bad could it be?" is one of the worst things to say or think in this situation.
>Who are the others you would be protecting? Your new roommates? Did they get a contract, too?
>There's nothing stable about your life to begin with. No relationships to wreck. No loved ones to put in danger (yet). Sign it, and let the chaos begin.
You generally remember what you did the night before up to the point of going to sleep, like most normal people, so you didn't just do this and forget. Besides, there's no way you would write a message to yourself with random cryptic information like this. So it's definitely something strange going on.
But thinking about it...there's no really good reason not to sign, is there? It seems like signing a piece of paper won't do much of anything anyway, but if it does, well, you don't really care. Even if you end up getting hurt because of it, so what? It wouldn't matter to much of anyone. You decide to sign the contract. But first, you're going to try communicating with whoever this is by typing a question in the file after what they wrote.
Who am I protecting?
You need to go downstairs and have breakfast for now, but you'll be back. The door across from yours, apparently Marcus's, is ajar, so he's probably already downstairs. You catch a glimpse of a Bruce Lee poster inside but decide against taking a deeper look for now.
Downstairs, three people are sitting at the little table in the kitchen area. Nene, in the seat facing the wall the door you came out of is on, waves. "Hey, good. I thought I'd have to send Lea up to drag you out of bed." She's rather short and small in general, wearing a set of dark-blue pajamas with a pattern of identically-turned stylized white knives on it. Despite the time of morning she's just as energetic as last night. "Here's the new guy, Marc!"
Along with the two girls you met last night is Marcus. You haven't seen or met him before, but you know he's Marcus because he's the only other one living here. Physically, he's a little shorter than you, with a dark brown skin tone and the other minor facial traits that generally identify an African American. He turns to wave at you. "Hi there." He gives off an aura of general nervousness that you're not entirely sure what to make of. You just nod back for now.
There is a plate in the middle of the table with a pile of bacon (by the scent and look of it, yes, actual bacon) and a stack of pancakes on the plate at the empty place. You take a quick glance at Lea, who seems to be using her sense of smell to eat. Apparently not a morning person.
>
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Spoiler(Suggest things to say/talk about/etc. I hope to write an entire breakfast conversation, whatever that means.)
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RE: PersonS {Another Meeting and Breakfast}
05-12-2016, 01:29 AM
(This post was last modified: 05-12-2016, 01:32 AM by OrangeAipom.)
> Put on a bacon mustache. Make fun of Lea.
> Nene, you like guro? I've got some goooood websites that you might wanna check out.
> Marcus. You look like a black man. What with your... black man features. Black man. Black...... man.
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Spoilerno really how am i supposed to come up with commands for how to interact with Marcus that's all you've told us about him. what is he wearing. what's his hair like.
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RE: PersonS {Another Meeting and Breakfast}
05-12-2016, 05:54 AM
> So where is everyone from, how/why is it they are attending this school, what (if any) groups are they part of, does anyone know what they want to do after high school yet? Primary interests and hobbies?
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RE: PersonS {Another Meeting and Breakfast}
05-12-2016, 08:54 PM
(05-12-2016, 01:29 AM)OrangeAipom Wrote: »> Put on a bacon mustache. Make fun of Lea.
> Nene, you like guro? I've got some goooood websites that you might wanna check out.
> Marcus. You look like a black man. What with your... black man features. Black man. Black...... man. (05-12-2016, 05:54 AM)ForestGardener Wrote: »> So where is everyone from, how/why is it they are attending this school, what (if any) groups are they part of, does anyone know what they want to do after high school yet? Primary interests and hobbies?
You get some bacon from the pile, dump a small amount of syrup on the pancakes, and start eating. "What is that on your pajamas, anyway?" you ask Nene, a little curious.
"Uh.." She looks at her sleeve, apparently having to remind herself which ones she's actually wearing. "Oh, it's a reference to a computer game I played once. Really cool game, great narrative, very funny. But it's the kind of thing you'd have to play for yourself, trying to explain it to someone who's never heard of it makes you sound like a dork."
"So, you like to play video games?"
She shrugs. "Eh, some. I actually read more than anything. I just like a good story, especially stuff with a deeper meaning."
"How long have you been going to this school? ...Wisteria?" You remember what Lea called it last night.
"Me? A long time," says Nene. "They have a middle school too."
"I started on freshman year," says Marcus. "My family moved down to this town about then."
"So, where are you originally from?" Since 'down' seems to imply he's from somewhere farther north.
"Uh, mm. Middle of Ohio. A little north of Columbus." Even though you thought you recognized his last name, nothing about Marcus himself seems particularly familiar. Maybe it was nothing.
"Lea started Sophomore year after getting kicked out of public school," says Nene, grinning widely.
Lea opens her eyes just enough to glare at her for a second or two, which does not change Nene's expression at all. "I didn't get kicked out, my parents just didn't want me there anymore."
"Yeah, that sounds more like being pulled out than kicked out," you say. "How come?"
"Rrgh. I got in a fight. Long story, too early."
"Rawrr." Nene holds a strip of bacon just above her upper lip like a moustache. It seems like she enjoys annoying people, but at least spreads it around equally.
>
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SpoilerOne more round for this conversation, I think.
This didn't exactly cover every question suggested for every person, but it's a big balancing act between making the conversation flow naturally, having a short enough section of conversation at a time for readers to respond and have a meaningful influence on them, not bogging down the story too much with a single conversation...etc.
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RE: PersonS {Origins and a Moustache}
05-14-2016, 01:07 AM
>Someone: Notice Alvin's hair color.
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RE: PersonS {Origins and a Moustache}
05-14-2016, 01:46 AM
Nene, do you have any books you would recommend?
Also who made these pancakes, they are delicious.
(also I am excited for Alvin the Magical Girl)
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RE: PersonS {Origins and a Moustache}
05-14-2016, 06:40 PM
(This post was last modified: 05-14-2016, 06:45 PM by Xindaris.)
(05-14-2016, 01:07 AM)ForestGardener Wrote: »>Someone: Notice Alvin's hair color. (05-14-2016, 01:46 AM)AgentBlue Wrote: »Nene, do you have any books you would recommend?
Also who made these pancakes, they are delicious.
A short while later into the meal, you ask Nene, "So, did you make the pancakes too?"
"Yep," she nods, "Everyone usually just does whatever or, in Lea's case nothing, for breakfast, but I thought I'd make something nice so you'd feel welcome." Which had the side-effect of her annoying you by waking you up early. Oh well.
"Well, thank you. It's very good."
"I've always been pretty good at cooking," she answers with a nod.
"By the way," she adds, "I've been meaning to ask about your hair. How do you get that color?"
"What color?" asks Leatrice before you can answer. "It's just black." Marcus turns to look at you furtively, apparently having not noticed it, either.
"No, there's definitely some blue in there," says Nene. Right?"
You nod. "It's just a cheap dye I found. I don't use much."
"Since you read a lot. Do you recommend any specific books?" you ask.
Nene grins widely. "Oh, I can suggest a lot of stuff, but if I start describing them I'll just spoil everything for you. It might be better if I wrote a list, or..hey! Maybe I can just lend you some of my collection I'm not using right now. Although..some of that isn't tech-nically mine, I don't think Doc will really miss them."
"Doc?"
"School librarian," says Lea. "Creepy old guy."
"He is not creepy, he's cool!" says Nene, insulted. You get the impression Lea described him that way specifically to get back at her.
After a while, breakfast is over. You head back upstairs to get ready for your first day at Wisteria high and see if your 'friend' has left a response to your question. They did, and it's more verbose than you expected:
Well, I don't actually know their names specifically, and you wouldn't recognize them even if I did. And the thing they all have in common is something I'm specifically not allowed to tell anyone about. Sorry.
But! You don't really have to do it. It's just the way this thing works I had to name something that would be a fair trade for the power, and that was the third thing I thought of (the first two weren't enough to be "fair"). I think they're coming for you first, though, so if you agree and then just use the power to protect yourself when they do that'll actually be good enough for me. After that there will be at least a few less things I won't be allowed to talk to you about, and I guess you could decide if you really want to protect them or not. If you don't, the only thing that'll happen is the power goes back where it came from.
I'm really sorry you've walked into this mess in the first place. You don't deserve this.
Please just sign the contract as soon as you can.
It seems like your mysterious benefactor is under the authority of someone else, or at least made promises they intend to keep. Besides that, their phrasing of things seems to imply they think of you as someone they know fairly well. You might be able to use that to press them for more information if you delay signing the contract, but they also seem very sure that your life will be in more danger the longer you don't do so.
>
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SpoilerNene isn't really supposed to get all of the suggestions that someone else might could use, but there keep being things it makes the most sense for her to do out of available people who aren't Alvin.
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RE: PersonS {Recompense and Two Apologies}
05-15-2016, 02:33 PM
Take the contract with you to school, but hold off on signing it just yet. You should ask your benefactor exactly who it is that's coming after you.
Though, if you're genre savvy, it might be a case of having to sign the damn thing in a hurry in the middle of an attack on your school. You should really read the whole contract properly this time, before you sign. You don't want to turn into a witch.
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RE: PersonS {Recompense and Two Apologies}
05-15-2016, 09:31 PM
>Could ask for the full text of the contract in a readable form, but I'm betting the part you can't read is somehow info you aren't allowed to have yet.
>Why look at that, the contract has an escape clause.
>In a conflict between mutually exclusive 'better safe than sorry' actions, take the one that prevents a bigger problem (dying).
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RE: PersonS {Recompense and Two Apologies}
05-16-2016, 06:26 PM
(05-15-2016, 02:33 PM)AgentBlue Wrote: »Take the contract with you to school, but hold off on signing it just yet. You should ask your benefactor exactly who it is that's coming after you.
Though, if you're genre savvy, it might be a case of having to sign the damn thing in a hurry in the middle of an attack on your school. You should really read the whole contract properly this time, before you sign. You don't want to turn into a witch. (05-15-2016, 09:31 PM)ForestGardener Wrote: »>Could ask for the full text of the contract in a readable form, but I'm betting the part you can't read is somehow info you aren't allowed to have yet.
>Why look at that, the contract has an escape clause.
>In a conflict between mutually exclusive 'better safe than sorry' actions, take the one that prevents a bigger problem (dying).
You take another look at the contract for a moment. It's the same as before; the individuals make no sense but you feel like it's still saying something. What you can understand is...
In exchange for ██████'s power...I agree to use that power to protect the other ███████.
It seems like you understand more of it this time, though some of the "words" you comprehend are more complex concepts than fit in a single word. It's not ambiguous what they mean to you; the concepts you have for those things just take up too many words to fit where they go in the phrases. The person whose power it is is the person who's been contacting you; the people it says you'd be protecting are that unknown group that that other person referred to, who they don't know the names of and can't tell you what they have in common.
There is actually some new information here, as well. The person you've been talking to didn't tell you it was their power you'd be borrowing, and on a second look it seems like they phrased things carefully to avoid saying that or denying it. In a similar way, they didn't mention that you were actually a member of the group you'd be protecting, though you think you could have inferred that from "I think they're coming for you first."
So...the contract's contents are restricted to things you would understand, and crystal clear within that set of concepts. If you knew this person's name you think it would show up in place of the more complex concept, so maybe there is a single word that would capture the thing the 'others' and you have in common as well. The contract itself doesn't mention the person or people who are trying to kill you at all, then, since otherwise that would appear in the phrasing somewhere. It's a little strange how clear this is; in principle the entire thing could be a lie and there's no reason why you should actually believe it works this way. But it really feels like it does.
You ask another question:
Do you know who is trying to kill me?
And then take the pen and sign the first blank line under the contract. Still holding on to it, you look back at the screen to find an entire paragraph of words have appeared while you were doing that, even though you're pretty sure it would take longer than the few seconds you were looking away to type all of it.
I don't, and I wish I did, because if I or anyone else knew we could just stop them directly. The thing we do know is that they already got one person, which is really really bad. But it'll be really obvious when they attack.
Thank you for trusting me with this! I know it's kind of hard to accept right away. I have to sign it too, for it to take effect. And when I do I might not be able to talk or really do much of anything for a while. I know you have to leave for school soon, but do you have any last-minute questions before I do that?
>
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SpoilerHopefully black-box characters don't break the forum or anything.
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RE: PersonS {Elaboration and A Signature}
05-16-2016, 08:34 PM
Do you think we will meet some day?
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RE: PersonS {Elaboration and A Signature}
05-17-2016, 01:36 AM
Do you accept hugs, and will my magical girl transformation do anything funny to my gender
(please be yes please be yes please be yes)
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RE: PersonS {Elaboration and A Signature}
05-17-2016, 02:07 AM
I have questions, but they aren't really ones you would think of at the last minute and I think it will be better for the narrative if Alvin discovers the answers on his own.
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RE: PersonS {Elaboration and A Signature}
05-17-2016, 02:44 AM
(05-17-2016, 01:36 AM)AgentBlue Wrote: »Do you accept hugs, and will my magical girl transformation do anything funny to my gender
(please be yes please be yes please be yes)
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RE: PersonS {Elaboration and A Signature}
05-18-2016, 01:03 AM
(This post was last modified: 05-18-2016, 08:12 PM by Xindaris.)
(05-16-2016, 08:34 PM)OrangeAipom Wrote: »Do you think we will meet some day? (05-17-2016, 01:36 AM)AgentBlue Wrote: »Do you accept hugs, and will my magical girl transformation do anything funny to my gender
(please be yes please be yes please be yes) (05-17-2016, 02:07 AM)ForestGardener Wrote: »I have questions, but they aren't really ones you would think of at the last minute and I think it will be better for the narrative if Alvin discovers the answers on his own.
After some consideration, you decide to say:
I'll get to actually meet you at some point, right?
If the answer to that is yes, you figure anything really important can be asked when that happens. You start to look away, since that seems to be the mode for another message appearing, but notice the contract (which you let go of to type) is suspended in midair.
More text appears on the file:
Well, I'm actually here right now. But, yes, once I'm around again I think you'll probably have found out enough things on your own or from people who are allowed to tell you them, so we can have at least a little more normal conversation.
Could you
It stops there when you first look, and then the other words appear one or two at a time, with similar timing to someone pausing in the middle of a sentence.
try to make some friends, maybe? You always look so lonely.
After that, the pen lifts itself and signs the other line on the contract. The cursive is nearly illegible but you can tell the first name starts with a B. After that, the contract seems to roll itself up and then disappears. Your computer's screen briefly glitches out before returning to normal, the file still there. You save it and turn off the laptop for now.
You head back downstairs near seven, and meet up with the others for the commute to school. Greenhaven has public transportation modeled after cities in Europe and Japan, where it actually is possible to get most places from the trains. Students ride free (or, on tax money you guess).
On the train, you take a seat and turn up your music. You already know what stop to watch for.
There are a few minutes of peace before someone interrupts you. "Heey!"
The person in question is an overweight guy (his gut evident despite wearing loose clothes) with glasses and a huge goofy grin on his face. He's pale enough to suggest he doesn't get much sun, and just generally strikes you as a nerd.
"I've never seen you around before. Are you the new guy at Wisteria?" Since you're wearing huge over-the-head phones that practically scream 'please don't try to start a conversation with me', he must be either not all that observant or just really stubbornly intent on meeting a new person.
>
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RE: PersonS {A Request and An Interruption}
05-18-2016, 01:25 AM
Without making eye contact, tell him "I'm not interested in getting hit on by a fat autistic fuckface. Please leave me alone." If that doesn't work, keep whispering "Please leave me alone," under your breath. It's Anxiety Time.
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RE: PersonS {A Request and An Interruption}
05-18-2016, 02:15 AM
Make friends make friends make friends.
Also, accidentally use magical girl powers.
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RE: PersonS {A Request and An Interruption}
05-18-2016, 06:44 PM
Middle option is to say "yes" and continue looking where you were looking. But yeah, might as well start trying to make friends.
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RE: PersonS {A Request and An Interruption}
05-18-2016, 08:30 PM
(This post was last modified: 05-18-2016, 08:34 PM by Xindaris.)
(05-18-2016, 01:25 AM)OrangeAipom Wrote: »Without making eye contact, tell him "I'm not interested in getting hit on by a fat autistic fuckface. Please leave me alone." If that doesn't work, keep whispering "Please leave me alone," under your breath. It's Anxiety Time. (05-18-2016, 02:15 AM)AgentBlue Wrote: »Make friends make friends make friends.
Also, accidentally use magical girl powers. (05-18-2016, 06:44 PM)ForestGardener Wrote: »Middle option is to say "yes" and continue looking where you were looking. But yeah, might as well start trying to make friends.
You've tried cussing out and insulting anyone who bothers you before, and just generally being a delinquent. It does not end well. You decide to try a more or less neutral response: "Yes," without really looking up at him.
"Well..cool!" He seems to expect you to ask something, like how he knew you were the new student at his school specifically or something, but you don't say anything. Just before the pause is long enough to become awkward, he adds, "Uh. I'm Orion Jones. Lot of people just call me Oh Jay, though," and offers you a hand.
You stare at it for a second or two, as if concerned it'll infect you with something, before shaking it. "Alvin." First impressions color a person's idea of who you are, and you feel like impressing on him that this meeting and any conversation that follows was entirely his idea.
"Nice to meet ya! Do you mind if I sit by you?, my sense of balance is awful." You shrug, and he takes the empty spot next to you. Just in time, since the train starts moving right after.
At first you wonder whether he just wanted to introduce himself so sitting right next to you wouldn't be awkward, but he dispels that fairly quickly. "So, I heard someone else was movin' into Nene's dorm, and really late in the year, too," he says. "I mean, Nene don't own it or anything, but she was the first one there and it's a lot easier than listin' off everyone who lives there, especially now that that's four people. Is it true you're a foster kid? Is that why you had to move in at a weird time like this?"
You get the impression that Orion 'hears' a lot of things. Maybe you could ply him for more information about the school or town or even the other people living in your dorm if you answer a few of his questions for him. Not that you have to tell the truth (that his guess is pretty much dead-on).
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SpoilerMucked about with Orion's text color for the previous post, forgot and just used "gray", which it's supposed to be lighter than, went back and messed with it again just now. Let me know if it's hard to read and I'll darken it a bit more.
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