Today Is The Day You Die [TEXT]

You are the 39th Monarch of the monster ruled Kingdom of Nostr, a middling nation on the western coast of the continent of Teiflor. The kings and Queens before you, all 38 of them, were well reknowned across the land for many things. Their Heroism, their cruelty, and their crippling insanity have left their mark on the pages of every history book written over the past couple of centuries. You are only special by your complete lack of notability during your reign and the day you died - which happens to be today, even though you don't know that. Apart from that single fact, today seems as unremarkable as any other.

And you seem to be so unremarkable I even forgot your name. Oh dear. What is it Again?

==>

[12:17:15 AM] Solaris(Steven): Ash Nadir

John Charles Patrick.

Enta Pisa

Nostr the First. You renamed yourself after the kingdom in a desperate attempt to get people to remember your name - you considered doing it the other way around, but "The Kingdom of Phillip" would just make you even more of an international laughingstock.

The most embarrassing part is that it didn't work even a little bit.

Mary Sue the Second. You were named after your mother, Mary Sue the Resplendent, who was really cool and beautiful and succeeded at everything she ever did and was loved by everyone.

Unfortunately, likeability seems to have been a recessive trait in your family.

Even you don't remember.

You are Nostr the First. Or, at least, that's what you'd prefer people call you. Anyone who cares to adress you by any name still use Ash Charles Pisa, which is what your parents named you. Nostr the First is what you named yourself in a desperate bid to be important, which failed spectacularly unless you count being an international laughing stock as being important. You were half tempted to rename your Kingdom the "Kingdom of Ash" but that conjured unpleasant mental images that didn't sit well with your board of tourism.

Now where were we? Ah yes. Going about your Kingly Duties, which are many and varied, as you would tell anyone who would listen. For example, you were one of the backup judges for the Tenth Annual Pie Bake-Off, and there was that time you were asked to settle a dispute over grand larceny from the royal cookie jar.

Alright, alright so you don't do anything that has any impact regarding actually running your country. In fact power has been slipping away from you over the past few years to your nephew and advisors, but that doesn't mean you're not important! You're sure you have a lot of important things to do today.

Like what?

==>

>Like signing that official document making your nephew your heir. Man, you hate paperwork.

like declaring war on the neighboring kingdom

Like sleeping. Five more royal minutes!

>Like signing that official document making your nephew your heir. Man, you hate paperwork.

Man, you hate your nephew. The snide little brat always shows you up at royal functions, always coming in during your grand speeches during which he carts in the severed head of a dragon or has solved the mysteries of the mysteriously vanished continent of Aldor, who it turns out did not sink as everyone thought it had - its inhabitants just decided they could do with a nice holiday from terrestrial affairs and set off on an interstellar vacation. They have since returned to the planet when your nephew cobbled together some sort of transceiver or radio or whatever it is. Point is, he outdoes you every time. So naturally because you have no direct heir yourself he is set to become king after you die.

like declaring war on the neighboring kingdom

Not a bad idea. It would certainly give you some press, but which one?

There's the Kingdom of Medas up to the north, famed for its quarries where some of the finest magic grade jewels in all the lands are mined and shipped out to the rest of the world. It's also the nation with the largest abundance of wizards for the very same reason. The Queen of Medas holds total control over the military and law of her country, so in the event of attack they will be quick to mobilize.

There is also the Kingdom of Minos to the south. It is most famed for its agricultural advances and the martial prowess of its mightiest warriors, the Legion Galavar. It is a widespread nation split into eight Duchies. Every few weeks the Eight Dukes of Minos will gather in the capital and will discuss the issues that have arisen since they last met. The king's power is limited to settling disputes and petitioning the Duchies for troops in the event the kingdom is attacked.

And finally to the east is the Desert Kingdom of Dijarba. Most trade routes cross through this country and it is the number one source of most spices, making it probably the most wealthy of the countries on the continent. Its also known that it has the most bandits and hidden stores of stolen treasures have surely been accumulated over the years. The government is heavily centralized but prone to infighting, and the Queen of this country is also stated to be the fairest in all the lands.

Of course you don't have the political clout to declare war and even if you did your neighbors would laugh it off as another publicity stunt. That does not mean you can't try.

Like sleeping. Five more royal minutes!

You think you will take five and then consider your plans of continental conquest some more and you're feeling a bit sluggish. Surely a Five minute nap wouldn't hurt?

When you wake up forty-five minutes later, you only have twenty-three hours left to live.

What will you do now?

>_

Contemplate suicide.

Reluctantly eat breakfast.

>Now hang on a second. The political situation in Minos sounds like something you can take advantage of. The king has limited power, maybe you could make a deal with him. He does what he can to screw with the kingdom's defense plans, and you take out the dukes for him. Afterwards, you get half the kingdom and he gets to run the other half himself.

If you don't think the current king would go for this, then see if he has any ambitious heirs you could work with instead.

Summon your Grand Vizier/Suspicious Duke/Brother(and father of your Nephew)/Right-Hand Man.

Well they'll have to take you seriously if you make sure to strike first. Gather every last one of your castle guards together at once and tell them to prepare to march on the enemy capital within the hour.

Which capital? You'll figure it out soon enough, don't talk back to the king.

One thing you should do before you die is father an heir. Just to be an ass to your nephew.