The Ballad of Adler Young, Canto 2.5

You know, we've been told that the Duchess is a bad person but onscreen she hasn't done anything that objectionable. She schemes but so do everyone, so is there more to it?

Her agents get lowfolks to make hum.. er sentient sacrifices of bunny maidens
Burnside a member of her entourage who was raised in the Anteglade make it pretty clear what happen to these maidens (and generaly show a lot of disturbing enthusiasm for canibalism). and it's been said in general that's the unseelie seems to consider eating lowfolks perfecty okay this has been explicitely stated to be the case of habitants of the Anteglade.
a rigged be
And y'know last but defintively not least, she's the one who gave Adller the plague o' battle, pretty much full expecting him to use it.

She's not the only one by far but I'd say she has shown plenty of occasion of deserving her classification as unseelie. And proud of it.

(also rereading the recent archive, Is till wonder what the hell S.A.L.V Fifif Faufox (the non adler one) deal was exactly.She was supposed to 'take' Adller body, yet it seemd implied there was a little more than just sex or willies to it.)
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>Estvan: Tell the tale of what exactly happened to the Duke o'Daisies. It involves nightshade, a rigged bed and a cheese grater.

>Sam: Stutter out a half-hearted and dodgy explanation for what the Vulpitanians have been doing and what your involvement was.
>Adler and Estvan: "GET HIM!"
>Sam: "Well that concludes today's lesson!" *pook*
>Sam: Pook into a nearby tree.
>Tree Guard: Grab Sam and don't let him go. You had some reliable intel of what was going on, but it sounds like there's more to it than you knew. Tell Sam that if he doesn't spill the beans, all of them, you'll crush him into paste.
>Adler: Put your negotiation skills to the test and try to defuse the situation. Sam still might be of use to you.

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>Sam: Stutter out a half-hearted and dodgy explanation for what the Vulpitanians have been doing and what your involvement was.
>Tree Guard: You had some reliable intel of what was going on, but it sounds like there's more to it than you knew. Tell Sam that if he doesn't spill the beans, all of them, you'll crush him into paste.

"Your goal of obtaining the crown, focus on for instance," Sam suggested. "Or the Duchess defeating."

"Don't try to change the subject," I snapped. "What was your role in all of this?"

"Almost nothing," Sam stammered.

"Baloney!" I snapped. "Weren't you Minister of Funtimes at the Embassy? You had to have known what was going on."

"Lie, elves do not," he insisted as he backed away from Estvan and me.

1030stalling.gif

"We were aware of some Vulpitanian plotting," the trees rustled all around us. "But since coming here we've learned much that has surprised us. If the Adoyret tries to escape, we guarantee he won't get far."

"Sure an yer trapped, boyo," Estvan remarked. "So ye'd best start talkin'."

"Honest," Sam pleaded. "Spiritual adviser my role was, not strategic planner! Only to get out of Lengra Cha I wanted!"

"Sure an' All is Ham, lad," Estvan sneered. "Surely with yer ham-seein' oye ye perceived much that would've escaped a lesser fox's notice."

"Yes, and why I am here that is," Sam declared. "Follow The Plan we did, but most undesirable the consequences are! Read the fine print, we did not! Sucks now, Faerie does! Reclaim the throne Adler must, so here to train him I am."

"Is that part of the Plan too?" I asked.

"Without Vulpitanian orders, on my own I am acting," Sam assured me. "In a shambles the Republic is. Your greatest present threat the Duchess is."

we've been told that the Duchess is a bad person but onscreen she hasn't done anything that objectionable. She schemes but so do everyone, so is there more to it?
Her agents get lowfolks to make hum.. er sentient sacrifices of bunny maidens
a lot of disturbing enthusiasm for canibalism
she's the one who gave Adller the plague o' battle, pretty much full expecting him to use it.
(Estvan) Pull a stack of TALES OF THE DUCHESS scrolls from your Elfintory.
(Estvan) Show the scroll regarding SLAVERY! (Scantily clad femmefur..)

"The Duchess," I scoffed. "I used to be told scary stories about her when I was an elflet, and everybody says she's Unseelie, but I've met her and the whole thing seems like an act. Is she really as dangerous as all that?"

"IS SHE AS DANGEROUS AS ALL THAT??" Estvan repeated in amazement. "Sure, oi'll forgive yer ignorance since the Antglade Rebellion was long before yer toime, but yer lettin her Wiles get the better of ye. Catherine's as beautiful as she is evil, which incloines a lad to forget the worst of what she's done. She'll stop at nothin' to get what she wants, an she cares but little who gets hurt along the way. She gave you the Plague o' Battles afther all, fully expectin' ye to use it. Plus, she an' her followers have long been known for preyin' on lowfolk in a most un-amusin' manner. Take a look at this."

1030antgladr.gif

He pulled an Antglade Tales scroll out of his Elfintory and unrolled it so I could see the introductory panel.

"These were produced by Arch during the War, so they're sloightly propagandized, but still factually accurate."

"Is that Jane, the Lowfolk Femme?" I asked, examining the vixen in the picture.

"Aye, tis a fictional account based on true events. Seein' their beloved Jane subjected to every manner o' Antglade Unseeliness roiled up our troops somethin' fierce. Really boosted their foightin' spirit. There were several scrolls in the series .." he produced a few more from his Elfintory. "This one's about Slavery, and we also have Cannibalism, The Drink That Kills, an' Cousin Kissin'."

>Adler: Ask to loan these educational scrolls so you can later peruse them in private, more closely and in detail.
>Estvan: Tell the tale of what exactly happened to the Duke o'Daisies. It involves nightshade, a rigged bed and a cheese grater.

"Can I borrow those?" I asked. "I'd like to study them in greater detail when I am at leisure to spend some time with them."

"Sorry lad, but they're very rare," Estvan refused.

1030story.gif

"But oi can tell ye all about it, for oi was there!" he continued, after replacing the scrolls in his Elfintory. "Twas one o' me own beetle-breedin' projects that turned the toide o' the war an' assured victory fer the Empire. Oi was there when she murdhered her husband-brother, the Duke o'Daisies, in his own bed, usin' a deadly noightshade potion an' a cheese grater!"

"Great Fuma!" I gasped. "You saw it happen?"

"Well, no, oi didn't witness it directly, BUT OI WAS THERE!! Meanin' oi was in the general vicinity o' the castle an' oi heard the screams. Sure an they say it was supposed to be part o' some dark roite to call up powers from the Netherhells to help her cause. They also say there was nothin' left o' the Duke but his teeth, which the Duchess wore as a necklace in battle aftherward. Begorrah but she fought loike a wildcat from then on! She could tell the war was turnin' against her, afther oi started bringin' down her strong towers an' keeps. She would clutch the string o' teeth an' scream loike a banshee .. somethin' about Vortigern, which was odd since the Duke's name was Clyde. Anyhow, her plans were all goin' awry, an she wanted me blood, bedad! Still does! Blames me fer the whole thing!"

"You see," Sam muttered at me, "why a higher priority stopping the Duchess is than subduing Vulpitania?"

"I can't do either one while I'm trapped here," I moped.

>Trees: Quietly send this new information to Bonsai. There's a lot more going on here than anyone thought.
>Sam and Estvan: Make a connection between the similarities of Adler's Situation and the Duchess's origin story, failed rebellion and trapped forever. It is very important that Adler does not give up his morals and stay Seelie.
>Adler: Get very angry and snap at them. "Yeah, well what has-!" Stop yourself. You almost said, ' what has being Seelie every got me?' Why did you think that? Is that how you really feel? Become deeply troubled.

Adler: Beseech the trees that while they have sworn an oath to destroy you, the Duchess is far more powerful and dangerous than you, appeal to their sense of shrubbery and tell them of the horrors you have witnessed from the industrialization of the Duchess and her enterprises.
Estvan: Help to play up the sense of danger the Duchess poses by pantomiming out the descriptions Adler is giving.
Sam: Watch on some what impressed, but you know it will take much more than simple words to convince an honor bound bush warrior.
Roll for diplomacy

.. Aren't "fictionalised events" kind of... a lie ?
>Well the trees should already know all about the duchess dark industries since they are the one who tored them apart in Percythrope last year. (with admitedly your gentle nudging)
>Now were could she have gone. Doubtfull she can do her things in faerie but the lowfolk world can be kinda big. Her operation would still likely be near one of the portals
>Probabaly can send the ixies to find ougt. Information is something they are good at getting at least.
>So once again you're gonna need more agents to act on your behalf in both faerie and the mortal world.
>You'll just have to make sure nott o time skipp before they are very invested in your cause/loyal to you, this time.
>I dunno maybe start a cult or something, use your grammayre to grant 'whishes', that kinda thing. Hopefully this time the portantial recruits won't be so shoes obsessed.

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"Sure an' what precoisely is the nature o' the geas that holds ye here, lad?" Estvan inquired.

"Edessa cursed me to remain in Albric Tor," I replied.

"Tsk tsk, ochone," Estvan tutted.  "Tis a royal curse.  Sure an' the only solution is to become king yer own self, an' overroide it with a counter-geas."

"Well, let's make our way to the Coronation Chamber then," I suggested.

"Begorrah lad, tis not that simple at all, at all.  The crown can only be handled by nobility or a priest.  Sure an oi'm neither o' those, an ye can't crown yerself .. so that only leaves Sam.  An Adoyret is a class o' priest isn't it?"

"Ordained in the Mephitist Church I am not," Sam explained.  "Not sure I am that work it would.  Besides, not yet ready Adler is.  More training and experience he needs, before High King he is worthy to be."

>Sam and Estvan: Make a connection between the similarities of Adler's Situation and the Duchess's origin story, failed rebellion and trapped forever. It is very important that Adler does not give up his morals and stay Seelie.
>Adler: Get very angry and snap at them.

1106seelie.gif

"Listen, Samuel me boyo," Estvan whispered (not so quietly that I couldn't hear) as he leaned close to the Gnostermonger monk.  "How much longer can we afford to wait, bedad?  Sure an thinkin' o' the Duchess puts me in moind o' certain distarbin' parallels to Adler's situation.  A failed rebellion, followed by isolation, exoile, an' disgrace."

"Important it is for all of Faerie that Seelie he remains," Sam muttered meaningfully.

"I can hear you," I snapped.  "And don't worry - I won't become the Duchess of Daisies.  Though honestly I don't see how being Seelie has benefited me so far."

"Cushlamochree!  Tis worse than we thought!" Estvan exclaimed.

"In anger, quick to speak be not," Sam admonished me.  "Mean that, you surely did not."

"Why do you care?" I retorted.  "Vulpitania is Unseelie, isn't it?"

"In its official policy only," Sam replied.  "Feel it in our hearts, many of us do not.  Besides, without an Empire to plot against, no fun it is."

"Well, to have an Empire again, I guess I need to get myself crowned somehow," I sighed.  "You say it requires a priest or a noble?  The only elvish nobility I know of around here would be the O'Daisies."

"Begorrah, yer mad!" Estvan gasped.  "Sure an the Duchess'd never crown you."

"She might, if the price was right," I mused.  "But I'm thinking her son-nephews are probably nobility enough to do the job, and they would be much easier to dupe, er, persuade."

"Ye'll never get 'em far enough away from her for safety, at all at all."

"Maybe..." I mumbled, as an idea began to form.

Adler: Beseech the trees that while they have sworn an oath to destroy you, the Duchess is far more powerful and dangerous than you, appeal to their sense of shrubbery and tell them of the horrors you have witnessed from the industrialization of the Duchess and her enterprises.
Estvan: Help to play up the sense of danger the Duchess poses by pantomiming out the descriptions Adler is giving.
Well the trees should already know all about the duchess dark industries since they are the one who tored them apart in Percythrope last year.

1106alarmist.gif

"Follow my lead," I thought at Estvan with Elfmind, then turned toward the surrounding forest.  "BRAVE TREES!" I shouted.  "I know you have sworn to guard and keep me here, and never would you stir a leaf from your duty, but consider!  The Duchess poses a grave danger to all your kind!  Anywhere she goes she will chop and hew and saw to feed this obscene 'industry' she has concocted.  Your bretheren will be turned into timber to build her unholy factories, or burned to power her loathsome machines!"

Estvan pantomimed the action of chopping down trees to illustrate my point.

"We are well familiar with the Duchess' operations," the forest rustled.  "We destroyed them and sent her packing just a year ago."

"Ah yes, but where is she NOW?" I exclaimed.  "She could be carrying out her Unseelie depredations on another forest."

"That's their problem," the trees rustled callously.

"But another forest, unapprised of the danger, might fall before her axes - thereby lending her the complete strength of its wood, which would eventually enable her to return here and enact her vengeance for the defeat she suffered at your branches!"

"Would she do that?" the trees rustled uncertainly.

"We know absolutely that the Duchess of Daisies bears a grudge for a LONG time!  Plus, she knows that I am alive, and that I pose a threat to her plans .. so she must inevitably make her way here to deal with me, sooner or later!"

The forest stood in shocked silence.

>Now were could she have gone. Doubtfull she can do her things in faerie but the lowfolk world can be kinda big. Her operation would still likely be near one of the portals
>Probabaly can send the ixies to find ougt. Information is something they are good at getting at least.

"The first thing we need to do," I continued, before they had a chance to think, "is find out where the Duchess is, currently.  Ixies!  Can you handle this?"

1106salute.gif

"Gathering information is our specialty, Sire," Typantronn exclaimed, with a snappy salute.  "If the Duchess of Daisies is anywhere in Eire, we'll find her!"

"What's Eire?" I asked.

"That's the name of the lowfolk country we are in," she explained.  "It's an island.  We can cover Eire with relative ease .. but the ocean is too wide to fly across, and with Faerie all broken up with Gaps it is difficult to find Gate links to access the continent."

"Well, search the island, by all means," I ordered.  The Ixies saluted and buzzed away.

I was on an island, surrounded by water?  For some reason this information made me feel more apprehensive.

>So once again you're gonna need more agents to act on your behalf in both faerie and the mortal world.
>You'll just have to make sure nott o time skipp before they are very invested in your cause/loyal to you, this time.
>I dunno maybe start a cult or something, use your grammayre to grant 'whishes', that kinda thing.

"I'm going to need more lowfolk agents to do my bidding," I sighed.  "How can I get ones that are impressionable but not complete idiots?"

1106schemer.gif

"Hudalaleigh, lad, oi've a great deal of experience in this particular field," Estvan chuckled.  "Sure an ye could start a cult, or ye could set yerself up in the business o' grantin' wishes.  Oi could teach ye the foive secrets to bein' a lowfolk deity, AN the most effective ways to manipulate toime skips to yer advantage .. all in exchange fer a wee, wee favor."

>Estvan: Well, actually a few favors. First and foremost, you want Adler's Ixies to help you find your family. You also want protection from the duchess for you and your family. You want a nice retirement plan, you've been doing this shtick for too long. You want a nice house in the countryside. Full access to all parties, high society or otherwise. And you want your own holiday.
>Adler: Well gee, you'll get right on that. Does he want anything else while he's at it. A lifetime supply of chocolate mints perhaps.
>Estvan: Actually, that sounds pretty good.
>Sam: Ask if you can have a holiday too.
>Ixies: "US too!"
>Adler: "Now don't you start!"
>Estvan: Anyway, now that all the arrangements have been made, your lessons can begin.
>Sam: Object. You were already training Adler, Estvan has to wait his turn.
>Adler: Watch as both foxes try to train you at the same time, arguing and trying to out do each other. Why can nothing ever be easy...

>Sam: Chastise Estvan for extorting the heir apparent of the Faerie in his moment of weakness.
>Estvan: Oh yea anything that monk wants, add that on the pile too while you're at it.
>Sam: Express happiness that Estvan has learned his lesson, be quick to forgive him.
>Sam: Demand Earthly Pleasures much pleasing to Fuma.
>Adler: Absolutely refuse a quickie.
>Sam: That lad ain't right in the head.

(Estvan) Explain how Elves in Eire are beating temporal slip by using this ONE WEIRD TRICK.
(Estvan) Explain the new rule that the Duchess of Daisies DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW ABOUT.
(Estvan) Opine that HOT SINGLES in your forest want to MEET UP.
(Estvan) ANT SURGEONS HATE HIM. Money saving maintenance tips used by the pros.
(Wanton Marten Lowfolk Femme) Appear, suddenly.
(Wanton Marten Lowfolk Femme) Be dressed in a fashion that makes it obvious you are a Wanton Lowfolk Marten Femme.
(Discussion) Be temporarily adjourned to deal with this matter.

Estvan: All you want is your family back, also you want you a drink something to soothe your nerves
Adler: Object as he just had a cup of ham tea
Estvan: "No Adler a real drink *wink wink nudge nudge"

Estvan: "No Adler a real drink *wink wink nudge nudge"

This product placement paid for by the [Brotherhood of the Distillers of the Vale of Elfhame], makers of [Tears of the Trees].

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>Estvan: Well, actually a few favors. First and foremost, you want Adler's Ixies to help you find your family. You also want protection from the duchess for you and your family. You want a nice retirement plan, you've been doing this shtick for too long. You want a nice house in the countryside. Full access to all parties, high society or otherwise. And you want your own holiday.

"What kind of favor?" I asked suspiciously.

1113demands.gif

"Oh, nothin' much, me boyo," the old tod chuckled as he ticked points off on his fingers. "All oi want is help locatin' me family, and subsequent protection from the Duchess fer meself an said family. Also a cozy retoirement villa in the countrysoide, along with a comfortable pension so oi can at last rest me weary old bones. Standin' invitation to all society parties. AND a holiday named after me."

>Sam: Ask if you can have a holiday too.
>Sam: Chastise Estvan for extorting the heir apparent of the Faerie in his moment of weakness.
>Estvan: Oh yea anything that monk wants, add that on the pile too while you're at it.
>Sam: Express happiness that Estvan has learned his lesson, be quick to forgive him.

"For shame, Estvan," Sam scolded. "Improper it is, in his moment of need, advantage of the heir apparent to take."

"Anything the Adoyret wants, add it to the list, bedad," Estvan continued.

"Ham, all is," Sam beamed. "Sorry I am that your integrity I ever doubted. My own holiday I also would like."

"For Fuma's sake, you guys," I whined. "I can't deliver all of that, and you know it!"

"Sure an maybe not now," Estvan pointed out. "But when you're King -"

"IF I'm King," I corrected. "It's not guaranteed .. and it might be a long time from now."

"Tish, what's a few centuries to an elf?" Estvan scoffed. "Sure an oi know yer good for it, lad. Just give me yer solemn oath -"

"It's not elfly to swear oaths," I pointed out.

"Begorrah, you made me swear one just a few minutes ago," he objected.

"No," I refused. "I'm not going to promise you something in the future and have you show up to collect at the most inconvenient time! That may work on lowfolk but it won't work on me."

(Estvan) Explain how Elves in Eire are beating temporal slip by using this ONE WEIRD TRICK.
(Estvan) Explain the new rule that the Duchess of Daisies DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW ABOUT.
Estvan: All you want is your family back, also you want you a drink something to soothe your nerves
Adler: Object as he just had a cup of ham tea
Estvan: "No Adler a real drink *wink wink nudge nudge"

"Begorrah, ye know that old routine?" Estvan sighed ruefully. "Eudora Chitterleigh taught ye too well, me boyo ... all roight, sure an oi can wait till yer King to petition ye fer all that other. But oi DO need to foind me family, and oi could also use a drink to soothe me jangled nerves."

"You just had a cup of ham tea," I pointed out.

"Oi meant somethin' stronger," he added, with a meaningful look.

"Do I look like I carry a jug of liquor in my Elfintory?" I snapped.

"What self-respectin' elf DOESN'T?" Estvan retorted. "Unlimber yer flask, ye mullygrubbin spalpeen, an pour yer auld Ooncle Estvan a dram. Tis a small proice to pay fer me to reveal the One Weird Trick which elves in Eire are usin' ta foil the temporal slip, as well as the obscure rule the Duchess doesn't want ye to know about, at all at all."

"Sorry, no."

"Well of all the stingy blatherskytes," Estvan grumbled. "Foine, foine, oi'd settle fer access to the Scroyin' Tower so as to search fer me woife an' son, as well as the library o' magickal tomes attached to it. Sure an there IS a library, isn't there?"

"There are some books," I admitted.

"Well then, sure an oi'm sellin' meself short, but just you let me read those books an' use the Tower, an ye've got yerself a deal."

"I guess that sounds reasonable," I mused, despite a gnawing suspicion.

>Estvan: Anyway, now that all the arrangements have been made, your lessons can begin.
>Sam: Object. You were already training Adler, Estvan has to wait his turn.

1113negotiate.gif

"Roight then, let the learnin' commence."

"Hold on," Sam interrupted. "Training Adler first I was. Wait your turn you must."

"Whisht!" Estvan remarked. "Ye can teach the lad yer vulgar Lengra-Cha fisticuffs any toime. Sure an it's the foine elfly arts o' magick oi'll be readin - er, teachin' him. Tis far more important, crucial, an dare oi say, toimely fer him to learn immediately, bedad. Yer choppin an kickin japes can wait."

Sam scowled and tightened his grip on his staff.

(Wanton Marten Lowfolk Femme) Appear, suddenly.
(Wanton Marten Lowfolk Femme) Be dressed in a fashion that makes it obvious you are a Wanton Lowfolk Marten Femme.

1113wanton.gif

Before the two foxes' debate could proceed, they were interrupted by a timid voice from behind one of the menhirs:

"What is this place?" it said. "Who are you?"

>Adler: Wah, buh, who is that? She's pretty...
>Adler: It could be that you're still emotionally vulnerable from your last breakup and subconsciously willing to desperately throw yourself at anyone to fill the void or maybe your scarring ordeal and time spent with Ethel is causing you to latch on to an emotional tether and conflate all lowfolk woman as being a source of comfort and stability, but she's the ONE! You're sure of it this time.
>Estvan: Ah, good. A lowfolk, you can demonstrate to Adler how you should and how you shouldn't speak to lowfolk.
>Adler: Rush forward to meet this young lady. "HI! I'm Lord Randal! I'm an elf and I don't make shoes! You're really pretty!"
>Sam: Stare in disbelief. You heard Adler was a ladies man, but this is just coming across as desperate.
>Estvan: Oh no... He's completely infatuated with lowfolk women now. This is going to be a problem.
>Wanton Marten Lowfolk Femme: You heard that there's a magical elf out here that lets people braid his hair for free. You're trying to be a hair dresser and the town drunkard told you braiding elf hair guarantees success in all hair related ventures.

Random Femme: Ah good some local folks maybe they know the way to the Tailthrust ballroom, your carriage broke down and you are going to be super late if you can't find your way back.
Adler: HELLO LADY!
Adler: Act like a complete ass in front of the confused and scared Femme.

>Estvan: Pinch Adler to snap him out of it.
>Sam: Pinch Adler to snap him out of it.
>Adler: Ow! Once would've been enough!
>Foxes: True, but not as funny.
>Marten: Pinch the meanies picking on the cute boy.
>Free for all nipple twister brawl: break out.

(Wanton Marten Lowfolk Femme) Shyly[?] pad out from behind menhir.
(Wanton Marten Lowfolk Femme) Flash some serious leg.
(Estvan Silverbrush) Yawn. Seen one super-attractive lowfolk femme, seen 'em all.
(Adoyret Sam) Yawn. Pretty femmes, a copper a dozen they are.
(HM King Adler II) HOMINA HOMINA HOMINA! WHAT A BABE!
(HM King Adler II) Zip over to whether the Wanton Marten Lowfolk Femme is.
(HM King Adler II) Introduce yourself, Smoothly.
(Wanton Marten Lowfolk Femme) Giggle. State that you like Adler's headband. It's pretty.
(Estvan Silverbrush) Realize, with awful prescience, that Adler is right next to Weaponized Stoopid.
(Bridget and Trixie Ashearth) Explain (?) what Weaponized Stoopid is.
(Wise Professor Skunk) Do a better job of explaining.

(Wanton Marten Lowfolk Femme) Giggle.  State that you like Adler's headband.  It's pretty.
(Estvan Silverbrush) Realize, with awful prescience, that Adler is right next to Weaponized Stoopid.
(Bridget and Trixie Ashearth) Explain (?) what Weaponized Stoopid is.
(Wise Professor Skunk) Do a better job of explaining.

All of the above, of course,  is a Cultural Imperative.  ;-)

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>Estvan: Ah, good. A lowfolk, you can demonstrate to Adler how you should and how you shouldn't speak to lowfolk.

"Sure an' let me handle this," Estvan whispered, then called out to the strange femme: "Who is it ye moight be, lass, an what's the nature of yer business out here in the dark, nigh-impenetrable forest?"

"Oh sir," the marten femme sighed despondently as she sashayed out from behind the menhir. "My name is Rowan, and I'm lost! Those horrible rabbits drove me out of Tulgeyside just because I'm wanton, and now I have nowhere to go! I came this way because I heard voices, but ..."

>Adler: It could be that you're still emotionally vulnerable from your last breakup and subconsciously willing to desperately throw yourself at anyone to fill the void or maybe your scarring ordeal and time spent with Ethel is causing you to latch on to an emotional tether and conflate all lowfolk woman as being a source of comfort and stability, but she's the ONE! You're sure of it this time.
>Adler: Rush forward to meet this young lady. "HI! I'm Lord Randal! I'm an elf and I don't make shoes! You're really pretty!"
>Wanton Marten Lowfolk Femme: You heard that there's a magical elf out here that lets people braid his hair for free.
Adler: HELLO LADY!
Adler: Act like a complete ass
(Wanton Marten Lowfolk Femme) Shyly[?] pad out from behind menhir.
(Wanton Marten Lowfolk Femme) Flash some serious leg.
(HM King Adler II) HOMINA HOMINA HOMINA! WHAT A BABE!
(HM King Adler II) Zip over to whether the Wanton Marten Lowfolk Femme is.
(HM King Adler II) Introduce yourself, Smoothly.
(Wanton Marten Lowfolk Femme) Giggle. State that you like Adler's headband.

1120cherie.gif

"TAKE HEART, MY DEAR!" I exclaimed as I lunged forward. Never had I seen such a beautiful femme since Eth- (NO! I would not think about her!) Her fur was sleek! Her curves were intoxicating! She was showing a lot of leg with her skirt slit high up one side! "Some call me Lord Randall, but you can call me your loyal servant," I schmoozed suavely as I took Rowan's delicate hand and kissed it.

"Well hello, Lord Randall," she chuckled. "You must be the elf I've heard tales about. Nice headband. Is it true that braiding your hair brings luck?"

"Try it and see," I suggested, as I snatched the headband off and blinked fetchingly at her.

>Sam: Stare in disbelief. You heard Adler was a ladies man, but this is just coming across as desperate.
>Estvan: Oh no... He's completely infatuated with lowfolk women now. This is going to be a problem.
(Estvan Silverbrush) Realize, with awful prescience

1120begorrah.gif

"Through the guarding trees, how did she get?" Sam whispered. "Not the easiest task it was for us, and woodsy elves we are!"

"Cushlamochree," Estvan groaned. "Tis an appallin' spectacle for certain. Just look at Adler humiliatin himself, bedad."

"To deal with lowfolk femmes has no-one taught him?" Sam inquired skeptically. "A serious oversight that was."

"Sure an the lad never had a proper upbringin' at all at all," Estvan whispered. "We've got to get him out o' there before he starts makin' irrevocable promises."

"Perhaps if hard enough we pinch him," Sam suggested.

"Oi've sworn not to harm him," Estvan pointed out.

"Pinch lightly then, but do it we must."

>Estvan: Pinch Adler to snap him out of it.
>Sam: Pinch Adler to snap him out of it.
>Adler: Ow! Once would've been enough!
>Foxes: True, but not as funny.
>Marten: Pinch the meanies picking on the cute boy.

1120pinch.gif

"OW!!" I exclaimed as the two foxes pinched me. "What's the big idea?"

"Hold still!" Rowan demanded. "I can't braid this hair with all that twitching around! What's up with you two fox weirdos anyway? Are you trying to keep me from getting lucky?"

"Afther a manner o' speakin," Estvan admitted.

1120engarde.gif

"If you guys intend to interfere between me and my lady-love," I growled. "Well, I can promise that you'll regret it."

"This should be interesting," Rowan smirked behind me.

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/33912621/

>Estvan: You swore not to harm Adler, directly anyway, and you're still too beat up to be of use. It's up to Sam for this one.
>Sam: Luckily you haven't taught Adler everything yet. Immediately subdue Adler by putting him in a headlock and giving him a wet willy.
>Adler: "Ack! Okay! Uncle! Uncle! I give!"
>Rowan: Well, that was disappointing. At least you can start braiding his hair again now that he's not moving.
>Estvan: Okay, first things first. Who is this lowfolk woman and how did she get past the tree guards so easily?
>Rowan: *Shrug* You and your family have been gifted with trees, shrubs, and specific bushes since about a year ago. Your father owns a large portion of land in the forest, for weeks he kept leaving to talk to someone a bunch, then half the forest disappeared, and since then you've been able to talk to plants and boss them around.
>Adler: Wait a minute... That sounds familiar.
>Tree Guards: Nervously explain, Since Rowan's family helped create and assemble Bonsai's army, they were granted many boons and you owe them a bunch of favors. While you did swear an oath to guard Adler, only Bonsai and his shrubs swore the sap-oath. Your oath to her family takes priority over your oath to keep Adler imprisoned.
>Estvan, Sam, and Adler: That's very interesting...
>Rowan: Continue to explain. You caused a bit of a scandal back home, and your father and mother kicked you out and told you not to come back until you got a "real job". You've gotten chased out of every town you've been in since then. You heard there was an elf out here that grants wishes with his magical hair, you thought you'd give it a shot.

Adler: In chivalrous defense of this lowfolk femme proceed to get beat up by Sam and Estvan, while they are not trying to harm you, you trip and hit your head on the ground and start whining that it hurts
Rowan: Jump to Adler's defense like a mother breaking up a schoolyard fight between her son and bullies, tell these wicked foxes not to touch another hair on his very very lucky head (I mean this may be your only chance at getting lucky).
Sam: Stare at Rowan until see becomes very uncomfortable.
Estvan: Get very angry because of the accusation by this femme that you would harm Adler (well maybe you would just a little).

>Adler: A real job? You'll give her a real job and more! You'll return with her to her father and ask her hand in marriage, being a princess is as real as it gets!
>Reality: Throw a spanner in the works.
>Rowan: Let's not be too hasty to abandon this plan, you really liked the being a princess part. What if there was a way...

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>Estvan: You swore not to harm Adler, directly anyway, and you're still too beat up to be of use. It's up to Sam for this one.
>Sam: Luckily you haven't taught Adler everything yet. Immediately subdue Adler by putting him in a headlock and giving him a wet willy.
>Adler: "Ack! Okay! Uncle! Uncle! I give!"
Adler: In chivalrous defense of this lowfolk femme proceed to get beat up by Sam and start whining

"Begorrah, sure an oi've sworn not to harm the impudent spalpeen," Estvan sighed. "Plus me knee still whinges a bit. Tis up to you, Sam, to teach the lad a lesson."

"I've had several of your lessons already," I growled menacingly, "and I'm ready for your worst."

"So cocky do not be," Sam warned me. "Not everything have I taught you."

1127unclesam.gif

A few seconds later he had me in a headlock.

"Much to learn you have," Sam sighed. He licked his finger and stuck it unpleasantly in my ear. "What say you now?"

"ARRGH," I protested as I squirmed, but I could not break free. Then I recalled the words of surrender that Estmere had taught me when I was an elflet and he had similarly administered the spit-finger torture, which he had enigmatically referred to as 'Moist William.'

"UNCLE!" I shrieked as the finger wriggled. "I yield, Sam! UNCLE, I say!"

Rowan: Jump to Adler's defense like a mother breaking up a schoolyard fight between her son and bullies, tell these wicked foxes not to touch another hair on his very very lucky head (I mean this may be your only chance at getting lucky).

"He said Uncle," Rowan snapped. "Now break it up. You have to stop and leave him alone, that's the rule. You two ought to be ashamed, picking on a little dimwitted weakling like that. I get it, you're after his pot of gold, but you're just being mean."

>Estvan: Okay, first things first. Who is this lowfolk woman and how did she get past the tree guards so easily?
>Rowan: since about a year ago. Your father owns a large portion of land in the forest, for weeks he kept leaving to talk to someone a bunch, then half the forest disappeared
>Tree Guards: Nervously explain, Since Rowan's family helped create and assemble Bonsai's army, they were granted many boons and you owe them a bunch of favors. While you did swear an oath to guard Adler, only Bonsai and his shrubs swore the sap-oath. Your oath to her family takes priority over your oath to keep Adler imprisoned.

1127dubious.gif

"Sure an' who exactly ARE ye, lass?" Estvan asked, suspiciously.

"I already told you, my name is Rowan."

"Aye, that ye did, but .. how did ye get here through the forest? Tis supposed to keep Ad- .. er, oi mean the whoite-furred lad there socially isolated. Sure an nobody should get in or out exceptin' they have a great deal o' skill an' power."

"I dunno," Rowan shrugged. "My father owns a lot of formerly wooded land near Percysthorpe. I've always been very comfortable in the forest, but about a year ago dad went away a bunch of times - working out a deal with some important people, he said - and then one morning suddenly the forest was gone."

"Now THAT's peculiar," Estvan exclaimed.

"We owe her family a great debt," the trees rustled nervously. "Our obligation to her supersedes our vow to guard the Traitor. We only promised General Bonsai; we did not swear the sap-oath that he and his companions swore."

"Hello? What are you listening to?" Rowan interrupted, waving her hand in front of Estvan's face. "Are you an elf too? You got a glazed, faraway look for a second there. If I have your attention, I'll continue my story .. since you seemed so darn curious a minute ago."

"Boy all means, do continue," Estvan said, with a slight bow.

>Rowan: Continue to explain. You caused a bit of a scandal back home, and your father and mother kicked you out and told you not to come back until you got a "real job". You've gotten chased out of every town you've been in since then. You heard there was an elf out here that grants wishes with his magical hair, you thought you'd give it a shot.

"Well, with the wood gone, and our biggest client - O'Daisies Industries - mysteriously disappeared at the same time, my family's livelihood was pretty much obliterated. Facing the prospect of hard times, I fell back on my other skills and sought to make a living in town. It didn't work out. I'm afraid I caused a bit of a scandal .. but what's wrong with being wanton, I ask you?"

"Tis nothin' wrong at all, at all," Estvan tutted, shaking his head.

"My parents had to turn me out. They told me not to come back until I had found a Real Job, but that's been pretty much impossible since rumors seem to precede me everywhere I go. I've gotten kicked out of every town I've been in. I blame those snooty rabbits. They're everywhere lately. But then I heard a story about an elf in these woods who grants wishes with his magical hair, so I thought I'd give it a shot."

>Adler: A real job? You'll give her a real job and more! You'll return with her to her father and ask her hand in marriage, being a princess is as real as it gets!

1127proposal.gif

"You poor dear!" I exclaimed as I tried to dry my ear. "Fallen on hard times? Need a 'Real Job?' Well what could be more real than being a PRINCESS? I shall go to your father forthwith, and ask your hand in marriage!"

>Reality: Throw a spanner in the works.
>Rowan: Let's not be too hasty to abandon this plan, you really liked the being a princess part. What if there was a way...

1127nope.gif

"No, lad, ye won't," Estvan glowered. "Are ye forgettin' that ye can't leave this circle o' stones, AN that ye can only marry nobility? Not to mention all the tales o' the dire misfortune that befalls an elf who becomes unduly attached to a lowfolk?"

"Now now, hold on," Rowan protested. "The idea is not wholly without merit. Maybe there's a way it could work. Let's hear him out."

>Rowan: Your father is very, very wealthy. What can mere magic do against the power of money?
>Rowan: Your dad will hire men to uproot the entire stone circle and plant it on the backyard of your family mansion!