Let's Write English... 2!

We are creating a very new language by, one post at a time, defining or changing a basic grammar or spelling or whatnot rule! When you do so, make sure to give an example so we can see how it may crop up in the wild.

Try and remember to follow as many rules as you can, but there's no penalty for breaking one since we ain't proscriptivists here. If there gets so many rules everyone starts forgetting some, I'll invest in a rule compendium, but for now, do your best!

If you're having trouble making the definition of your new rule be remotely intelligible, there's no shame in writing it out in symbology or even plain English, but try to avoid this.

rule new: adjectives after nouns, always

Nouns all that end in [sound vowel + s] in the plural must now end in [sound vowel + ns].

Example: When we were passing by the farms, we saw a herd of cowns grazing between the treens oak.

RULE: I after E, except after C.

EXAMPLE: My freinds good Tim and Frank are studying science in the library.

Rule: Instead of using "do not," verbs used negatively are conjugated as [verb + n't].

Example: I liken't moveins horror, so I will gon't with you guyns; the time last I saw one, I screamedn't once.

New rule: look to the future. No more past tense.

In 1999, the toens big of all the presidents American dead are gone. Also I am born.

New rule: Namens proper must begin AND end with letterns capital.

ThomaS has a house wonderful, and he will selln't it.

Rule: [ck] -> [kk]

Example: The bakk of library JoshuA's is pakked with books thikk containing castles and knights and issuens pacing major.

rule new: every case of <not>, wherever it is in its respective phrase, must be replaced with the contraction <x + n't>, where x is the word it is modifying. this includes <n't>s from normal contractions

ex: this orange is orangen't, it's azure, therefore, it's an orangen't, it's an azure

Rule new: articlens indefinite (a and an) are to be replaced with [one]

The day other, I meet one bear, out in the woods, away out there

Rule new: order of adjective typens in sentence with adjective multiplens is reversed. Adjectivensn't now go quantity, quality, size, age, shape, colour, adjective proper, purpose, but now go purpose, adjective proper, colour, shape, age, size, quality, quantity.


Example: In day hence I plukk applens cooking Irish red round old big wonderful five. I use them to make pie old big one.

Rule 1 -- Adjectivens Always After Nouns
Rule 2 -- Nouns plural like .*[aeiouy?]s become .*[aeiouy?]ns
Rule 3 -- I after E, except after C.
Rule 4 -- Negativens n't alwayns.
Rule 5 -- Prohibitten se past.
Rule 6 -- Namens also endca pitalized.
Rule 7 -- [ck] to [kk].
Rule 8 -- [n't] attaches to word modifeid.
Rule 9 -- Articlens to [one].
Rule A -- Adjective order to: Purpose, adjective proper, colour, shape, age, size, quality, quantity.

Rule New (B) -- Verbs ending in [b, k, d, g, t, ch] takessyl lable of word following except when finishing sentence before modifications other, but for "one" suffix instead [on] taking care to repeathn't [o], and for "and" instead [an].

Example:

Henceforth, I capturedon opportunity honored for one adventure exciting, to catchon creature large in ruination overt but distantn't, which be coveredan blokkedby one timens deepest and dusts farthest.

At timens certain, one desert opens one amount, "trillion five," of one sand which shines from above up, casting shadowns darkenedon to here ahead.

Rule New ©: "The" is only to be usedbe fore nouns large. For nouns small, you must use "Theed." Your definition of large and small may vary.

Example: The idea is great, I can stressn'this enough, but theed problem teensy with the plan is theed club is broke and none of us can affordon flight around the globe to collectheed grapes greatest.

Rule 1 -- Adjectivens Always After Nouns
Rule 2 -- Nouns plural like .*[aeiouy?]s become .*[aeiouy?]ns
Rule 3 -- I after E, except after C.
Rule 4 -- Negativens alwaynsn't.
Rule 5 -- Prohibitten s'past.
Rule 6 -- Namens also endca pitalized.
Rule 7 -- [ck] t'[kk].
Rule 8 -- [n't] attaches t'word modifeid.
Rule 9 -- Articlens t'[one].
Rule A -- Adjective order thence: purpose, adjective proper, colour, shape, age, size, quality, quantity.
Rule B -- Verbs ending with [b, k, d, g, t, ch] takessyl lable o'word following except when finishing sentence before modifications other, bu'for "one" suffix instead [on] taking care t'repeathn't [o], an'for "and" instead [an].
Rule © -- "The" 'sonly t'b'usedbe for'nouns large. Fo'nouns small, yo'must use "Theed." Your definition o'large an'small ma'vary.

Rule New (D) -- After applying rulens previous, words o'syllablens single an'fewer than letters four contractin t'theed word following except i'break obvious, replacing letter final with apostrophe, excepting [is] which becomes ['s].

Example: Long from away fa'b'peans o'pain o'th'pyramids orange fa'far.
Fo'on'bit, th'path enduring walkedtour their patina eternal, after on'circlens fe'stepping forward u'an'down fo'that duration.

Rule new:



Adverbns follow thier verb, separate b'dash an'i'thier form noun (o'approximation).
Example: Gon't-gent into that night good.


Example 2: H'smiles-happiness.

Rule 1 -- Adjectivens Always After Nouns
Rule 2 -- Nounsito plural like .*[aeiouy?]s become .*[aeiouy?]ns
Rule 3 -- I after E, except after C.
Rule 4 -- Negativens alwaynsn't.
Rule 5 -- Prohibitten s'past.
Rule 6 -- Namensito also endca pitalized.
Rule 7 -- [ck] t'[kk].
Rule 8 -- [n't]ito attaches t'word modifeid.
Rule 9 -- Articlens t'[one].
Rule A -- Adjective order thence: purpose, adjective proper, colour, shape, age, size, quality, quantity.
Rule B -- Verbsito ending with [b, k, d, g, t, ch] takessyl lable o'word following except when finishing sentence before modifications other, bu'for "one" suffix instead [on] taking care t'repeathn't [o], an'for "and" instead [an].
Rule © -- "The"ito 'st'b'used-one before nouns large. Fo'nounsito small, yo'must use "Theed." Your definitionito o'large an'small ma'vary.
Rule D -- Wordsito o'syllablensito single an'fewer than letters four contractin t'theed word following except i'break obvious, erasingtheed letter final, excepting [is] t'['s].
Rule E -- Adverbnsito follow thier verb, separate b'dash an'i'thier form noun.

Rule New (F): Theed nounito subject main o'on'verb, after pluralization, have [ito] appended t'theed end, replacingtheed vowel final i'i'ends i'one.

Example: The peoplito wh'own this store known'thow on'businessito 'srun; they even known'thow their ow'shoensito ar'teid.

Rule 1 -- Adjectivens Always After Nouns
Rule 2 -- Nounsito plural like .*[aeiouy?]s .*[aeiouy?]ns nounbecome
Rule 3 -- I after E, except after C.
Rule 4 -- Negativens alwaynsn't.
Rule 5 -- Tense past tenhibit.
Rule 6 -- Namensito also capitalized namend.
Rule 7 -- [ck] t'[kk].
Rule 8 -- [n't]ito t'word modifeid n'ttaches.
Rule 9 -- Articlens t'[one].
Rule A -- Adjective order thence: purpose, adjective proper, colour, shape, age, size, quality, quantity.
Rule B -- Verbsito ending with [b, k, d, g, t, ch] syllable o'word following verbtakes except when finishing sentence before modifications other, bu'for "one" instead [on] yousuffix taking care t'repeathn't [o], an'for "and" instead [an].
Rule © -- "The"ito 'st'b'before nouns large used-one. Fo'nounsito small, yo'"Theed" youse-mustment. Your definitionito o'large an'small ma'devary.
Rule D -- Wordsito o'syllablensito single an'fewer than letters four wordtractin t'theed word following except i'break obvious, theed letter final wordrasing, excepting [is] t'['s].
Rule E -- Adverbnsito their verb adfollow, separated b'dash an'i'their form noun.
Rule F -- Theed nounito subject main o'on'verb, after pluralization, have [ito] nounppendedto theed end, theed vowel final i'i'ends i'one nounplacing.

Rule New (G) -- Verbsito except [be] an'it'forms somewhere after words affected-immediation al'verbgo-mustment, an't'relations huhmaintain, th'syllable first o'th'verb with that o'th'actor youreplace, except when i'ha'fewer than syllables three i'which case prepend. Fo'actor unknown [huh] youprepend.

Example: Wito twain th'waterns lighted parted mobile weroamed-thusment, weduring-drunkard. Othernsito each beneath obent, i'th'vale panoramic languorous long.

Rule 1 -- Adjectivens Always After Nouns
Rule 2 -- Nounsito plural like .*[aeiouy?]s .*[aeiouy?]ns nounbecome
Rule 3 -- I after E, except after C.
Rule 4 -- Negativens alwaynsn't.
Rule 5 -- Tense past tenhibit.
Rule 6 -- Namensito also capitalized namend.
Rule 7 -- [ck] t'[kk].
Rule 8 -- [n't]ito t'word modifeid n'ttaches.
Rule 9 -- Articlens t'[one].
Rule A -- Adjective order thence: purpose, adjective proper, colour, shape, age, size, quality, quantity.
Rule B -- Verbsito ending with [b, k, d, g, t, ch] syllable o'word following verbtakes except when finishing sentence before modifications other, bu'for "one" instead [on] yousuffix taking care t'repeathn't [o], an'for "and" instead [an].
Rule © -- "The"ito 'st'b'before nouns large used-one. Fo'nounsito small, yo'"Theed" youse-mustment. Your definitionito o'large an'small ma'devary.
Rule D -- Wordsito o'syllablensito single an'fewer than letters four wordtractin t'theed word following except i'break obvious, theed letter final wordrasing, excepting [is] t'['s].
Rule E -- Adverbnsito their verb adfollow, separated b'dash an'i'their form noun.
Rule F -- Theed nounito subject main o'on'verb, after pluralization, have [ito] nounppendedto theed end, theed vowel final i'i'ends i'one nounplacing.
Rule G -- Verbsito except [be] their predicate verbpostcede. Syllablito first o'it'actor (or [huh] i'actor unknown) syllable first o'verb sylreplace i'verbito 'sthree syllables o'more, sylprecede-other.

Rule New (H): Theed endingito [er] o'on'adjective comparative 's-stead [ing]. Theed endingito [est] o'on'adjective superlative 's-stead [ed].

Example: I th'storito t'sadding an'more tragic storget meexpect, bu'i'th'end I th'laugh bigged an' most boisterous o'm'life melet out.

Dr. Andrea Fifty's English to English 2 Guide for Anthropologists, Linguists and Tourists:

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Spoiler
Rule 1 -- "Adjectivens Always After Nouns"
Adjectives come after the nouns they modify (as in Romance languages)

Rule 2 -- Nounsito plural like .*[aeiouy?]s .*[aeiouy?]ns nounbecome
Plural nouns ending with a vowel sound are pluralized with "ns", rather than the usual "s". Note that this applies to nouns ending with a silent consonant as well, such as "cow" -> "cowns".

Rule 3 -- I after E, except after C. Self-explanatory

Rule 4 -- Negativens alwaynsn't.
This rule, when directly translated, reads "Negatives do not always", a nonsensical statement. I believe this to be either a grammatical error on the part of the writer, or perhaps an undocumented but widely understood convention or abbreviation that makes sense to speakers of English 2 but confuses our English 1 sensibilities.
Historical analysis of the original text, however, reveals that in the early stages of English 2, this rule read "Instead of using "do not," verbs used negatively are conjugated as [verb + n't].", which, due to the similarities and common ancestry between early English 2 and English 1, is simple enough to understand.

Rule 5 -- Tense past tenhibit.
Past tenses are prohibited entirely. The convention instead seems to be to state the time the statement refers to, and then continue in present tense, as if that was the current time. It is unknown how hypothetical past tense ("I wish I was" etc) is treated in English 2, although I expect it is done in a similar manner, simply replacing verbs with their appropriate current tense form.

Rule 6 -- Namensito also capitalized namend.
The last letter of proper nouns is capitalized as well as the first. Unclear how this applies to contractions or possessives, although it's like that the final letter of the original name is capitalized, rather than anything added to the end.

Rule 7 -- [ck] t'[kk].
All occurrences of "ck" are replaced with "kk".

Rule 8 -- [n't]ito t'word modifeid n'ttaches.
Similarly to 4, phrases of the form "not <word>" become "<word>n't". A native English 2 speaker pointed out to me that this applies to contractions, even those not immediately obvious. Ie. "never" becomes "evern't", as "never" was historically a contraction of "not" and "ever".

Rule 9 -- Articlens t'[one].
All articles ("a", "an", etc.) are replaced with the word "one".

Rule A -- Adjective order thence: purpose, adjective proper, colour, shape, age, size, quality, quantity.
Self explanatory. Note the explicit inclusion of quantities as adjectives.

Rule B -- Verbsito ending with [b, k, d, g, t, ch] syllable o'word following verbtakes except when finishing sentence before modifications other, bu'for "one" instead [on] yousuffix taking care t'repeathn't [o], an'for "and" instead [an].
In certain cases, the syllable after a verb is attached to that verb. For this to occur, the verb must end with the letter/group "b", "k", "d", "g", "t", or "ch", and it cannot be the last word in a sentence, or directly before a comma. If the attached syllable is from the article "one", "on" should be appended instead. Likewise with "and" -- "an" should be appended instead. This process takes place after most other modifications, so make sure to apply the other rules, (G especially, as it tends to nullify any effect of Rule B) before applying this one.

Rule © -- "The"ito 'st'b'before nouns large used-one. Fo'nounsito small, yo'"Theed" youse-mustment. Your definitionito o'large an'small ma'devary.
"The" should only be used when referring to "large" nouns, and "theed" should be used for all others. The definitions of "large" and "small" are contextual, and depend on the speaker.

Rule D -- Wordsito o'syllablensito single an'fewer than letters four wordtractin t'theed word following except i'break obvious, theed letter final wordrasing, excepting [is] t'['s].
Single syllable words of three letters or less should be contracted and attached to the following word, replacing the final letter with an apostrophe, except in the case of "is", which is abbreviated to "'s". This takes place after the application of all previous rules, including Rule B. Should be avoided if it results in ambiguity. Note that words which are not ordinarily single-syllable may become single-syllable words after the application of Rule B, and are therefore affected by Rule D, ie. "into water" would remain as it is, but "jumped into" would become "jumpedin t'water".

Rule E -- Adverbnsito their verb adfollow, separated b'dash an'i'their form noun.
Adverbs come strictly after the verbs they modify, separated by a dash, and converted to nouns. Ie. "Run fast" becomes "run-fastness".

Rule F -- Theed nounito subject main o'on'verb, after pluralization, have [ito] nounppendedto theed end, theed vowel final i'i'ends i'one nounplacing.
The main subject of a verb has "ito" appended to the end. This occurs after pluralization. If the noun ends in a vowel, the final vowel is removed before "ito" is added.

Rule G -- Verbsito except [be] their predicate verbpostcede. Syllablito first o'it'actor (or [huh] i'actor unknown) syllable first o'verb sylreplace i'verbito 'sthree syllables o'more, sylprecede-other.
English 2 follows SOV order. The first syllable of the actor is prepended to the verb (if the root verb is shorter than three syllables), or replaces the first syllable of the verb (if the verb is longer than three syllables and replacing the first syllable does not change or confuse the meaning of the sentence). If the actor is unknown or it does not make sense for the verb to have an "actor", the syllable "huh" is prepended to the verb. Note that this rule applies before Rule B, and in most cases, nullifies it.

Rule H -- Theed endingito [er] o'on'adjective comparative 's-stead [ing]. Theed endingito [est] o'on'adjective superlative 's-stead [ed].
The comparative ending "er" is replaced by "ing", and the superlative ending "est" is replaced by "ed".

Rule I -- Rule new: Yoito D rule ma'b'youusen't i'emphasis emphquire.
The contractions mandated by rule D may be omitted for emphasis.

godito m'godFUKKthat work on'LOT workwas

Rule new: Yoito D rule ma'b'youusen't i'emphasis emphquire.

Example:
Ito weed on'LOT weedsmokenight last

rule new: Wherever on'soundito vowel mi'central huhoccurs, itito with's theed symbol <@> itreplaced. I'there s'voweln't, on'<@> th'consonant onreplaces just before theed sound.
example: tak@n, @bout, penc@l, mem@ry, s@pply, sib@l, rhyt@m

Rule 1 -- Adjectivens Always After Nouns
Rule 2 -- Nounsito plur@l like .*[vow@lsound]s .*[vow@lsound]ns nounbicume
Rule 3 -- I after E, except after C.
Rule 4 -- Negativens al't'appropriate usage o'[n't].
Rule 5 -- Tense past tenhobot.
Rule 6 -- Namensito also capit@lized namind.
Rule 7 -- [ck] t'[kk].
Rule 8 -- [n't]ito t'word modifeid n'ttechis.
Rule 9 -- Articl@ns t'[one].
Rule A -- Adjective order thence: purp@se, adjective proper, c@lour, shape, age, size, quality, quantity.
Rule B -- Verbsito ending with [b, k, d, g, t, ch] syll@ble o'word following verbtekes except when finishing sentence before modificat@ns @ther, b@'for [one] instead [on] youswffox tekong care t'repeathn't [o], an'for [and] instead [an].
Rule © -- "The"ito 'st'b'before nouns large used-one. Fo'nounsito small, yo'"Theed" yowse-mustment. Your definit@nito o'large an'small ma'devary.
Rule D -- Wordsito o'syll@blensito single an'fewer than letters four wordtrectIN t'theed word following except i'break obvi@s, theed letter final wordresong, excepting [is] t'['s].
Rule E -- Adverbnsito their verb adfulluw, separated b'dash a'their form noun.
Rule F -- Theed nounito subject main o'on'verb, after pluralization, heve [ito] nounppendedto theed end, theed vowel final i'i'ends i'one nounplecong.
Rule G -- Verbsito except [be] and forms, their predicate verbpustcide. Syll@blito first o'it'actor (or [huh] i'actor unknown) syll@ble first o'verb sylroplece i'verbito 'sthree syllables o'more, sylpricide-other.
Rule H -- Theed endingito [er] o'on'adjective comparative 's-stead [ing]. Theed endingito [est] o'on'adjective superl@tive 's-stead [ed].
Rule I -- Yoito D rule ma'b'youusen't i'emph@sis emphquore.
Rule J -- Vowelito mi'central (schwa) sound with [@] youroplece. Fo'vowelsito unsounded, th'cons@n@nt preceding roplece.

Rule New K -- In verbs subjunctive an'imperative, vowelsito voiced i'th'mouth vowmuve. Spelling t'make i'clear youchenge.

Example: Allerose! Airy sabernsito u'sadally! @sito lauded t'lead allcerre, a'ou'ears allstrake. Morning around, allrilise an't'th's@mmit allmuve, save fo'th'fellows stoutest - u'elloghtin, an's'long.

Rule New:

Fo'nouns plurala, th'adjectivito adplur@lizes too, with th'suffix "-a" o' "-ya."

Example: Th'threadns fineya threglisten-softness i'theed light.

Rule 1 -- Adjectivens Always After Nouns
Rule 2 -- Nounsito plur@la like .*[vow@lsound]s .*[vow@lsound]ns nounbicume
Rule 3 -- I after E, except after C.
Rule 4 -- Negativens al't'appropriate usage o'[n't].
Rule 5 -- Tense past tenhobot.
Rule 6 -- Namensito also capit@lized namind.
Rule 7 -- [ck] t'[kk].
Rule 8 -- [n't]ito t'word modifeid n'ttechis.
Rule 9 -- Articl@ns t'[one].
Rule A -- Adjective order thence: purp@se, adjective proper, c@lour, shape, age, size, quality, quantity.
Rule B -- Verbsito ending with [b, k, d, g, t, ch] syll@ble o'word following verbtekes except when finishing sentence before modificat@ns @ther, b@'for [one] instead [on] youswffox tekong care t'repeathn't [o], an'for [and] instead [an].
Rule © -- "The"ito 'st'b'before nouns largeya used-one. Fo'nounsito smalla, yo'"Theed" yowse-mustment. Your definit@nito o'large an'small ma'devary.
Rule D -- Wordsito o'syll@blensito singlea an'fewer than letters foura wordtrectIN t'theed word following except i'break obvi@s, theed letter final wordresong, excepting [is] t'['s].
Rule E -- Adverbnsito their verb adfulluw, separated b'dash a'their form noun.
Rule F -- Theed nounito subject main o'on'verb, after pluralization, heve [ito] nounppendedto theed end, theed vowel final i'i'ends i'one nounplecong.
Rule G -- Verbsito except [be] and forms, their predicate verbpustcide. Syll@blito first o'it'actor (or [huh] i'actor unknown) syll@ble first o'verb sylroplece i'verbito 'sthree syllables o'more, sylpricide-other.
Rule H -- Theed endingito [er] o'on'adjective comparative 's-stead [ing]. Theed endingito [est] o'on'adjective superl@tive 's-stead [ed].
Rule I -- Yoito D rule ma'b'youusen't i'emph@sis emphquore.
Rule J -- Vowelito mi'sound central (schwa) with [@] youroplece. Fo'vowelsito unsoundeda, th'cons@n@nt preceding roplece.
Rule K -- In verbs subjunctivea an'imperativea, vowelsito voiceda i'th'mouth vowmuve.
Rule L -- Fo'nouns plurala, th'adjectivito adplur@lizes too, with th'suffix "-a" o' "-ya."

Rule New M: When t'c@nnectphra se'with verbs, c@nj@nctions coordinatinga al'with [so] ar'@ppended, theed letter fin@l removing, except "so" which with [and] 's@ppended.

Example: It's@me@ne's wall@t lost mefindan s't'give it back mewantb@ s'i''s10:25 soand th@ b@'o'whatever i'@bout t'leave anso It't'miss th'meal an'show mewantn't.