CHIRAL: SIDE Y

CHIRAL

SIDE Y

Hey, new readers! This adventure is largely information-based, and plot details will gradually be revealed over time. It's like a mystery that unfolds over many, many updates-- where your suggestions can help figure it out and even mold what the overall outcome will be!

We've got recursion, universes, copies upon copies of people and things, and chatting amidst panels that continually and gradually attempt to jump larger and larger shoddily-drawn sharks. It's a slow starter and pretty thick with dialogue, and if you'd like to leap forth to a more recent part of the adventure where things are really heating up and you have control over actual Characters, I will be making RECAPs periodically to jump ahead.

If you don't feel like reading the early pages full of convoluted lore and setup, feel free to leap to page 8.

RECAP 1 (Page 8)

If not...

Things begin on a lonely terminal in a dilapidated, empty room.

Something is asking for input.



What comes immediately familiar to you is a flood of usernames-- 43 of them, all with various shapes and sizes, all belonging to those already DECEASED. You feel compelled to pick one out of the void, though in a slightly more explanatory form, you are completely free to make one up.

Nicopter

Hunk Chudfest

>> Hunk Chudfest
What a wonderfully strong name. You can already picture your nonexistent body brimming with muscles and wielding a grandiose sword, saving these mysterious Inhabitants from... whatever it is is threatening them. However, as is unfortunate, the owner of this name is still currently ALIVE.

>> Nicopter
Yes. The name leaps out at you, and it seems to suit the moment well. Its owner was suitably depressive, and as he was on the front line of the Green Team, it's more than likely he perished. As you will the input into the computer interface, it accepts it without another button press-- and thrusts you headlong into a different screen.

Hanging at the bottom of the window is an exclamatory, seemingly submitted by somebody named "cripesalmighty" arguing with "YUPPERS". You will the terminal to scroll upwards, read the log in its entirety, and return to the bottom once more.

Show Content

Chatlog
cripesalmighty: Urgh!
cripesalmighty: I just woke up to knocking on my door and it was yuppers again, with absolutely nothing to say except that I should be awake earlier.
cripesalmighty: There is nothing wrong with waking me up and telling me that, but why could you have not have at least said good morning?
cripesalmighty: OK??
cripesalmighty: It is not the end of the world yet! We’re still friends!
YUPPERS: it is absolutely THE END OF THE WORLD
YUPPERS: at least to the DEGREES which MATTER
YUPPERS: THE LEAST YOU COULD DO is spend more time ATTEMPTING TO REVIVE YOUR DEAD FRIENDS than playing VIDEO GAMES.
cripesalmighty: Please. If I could bring back an additional trove of friends who don’t berate me over not bringing back more friends literally every day at the same time, I absolutely would.
cripesalmighty: But we basically brought this on ourselves. I think it’s a very hero-ia-en-eian? philosophy that we get what is kinda coming to us. Poetic justice!
cripesalmighty: Nine left for a total of nine months! And no insane war or anything.
cripesalmighty: So long as you and I just keep this dumb squabble nonviolent forever we’ll be all fine until it inevitably blows over because we get tired of it.
tiptopGipgop: Everything ends.
cripesalmighty: Yes!! Exactly.
cripesalmighty: You will get super bored of this encounter and eventually just accept that I am not a magic person who can bring our dead friends back to life, and I can wake up really late on purpose.
YUPPERS: ok it’s really FRUSTRATING when you hammer on a single point of mine for WHAT’S THAT, SOMETHING LIKE SIX POSTS
YUPPERS: here are the steps which you REFUSE to take:
YUPPERS: suddenly get the NEED to have your FRIENDS back.
YUPPERS: the NEED DISPENSER will DISPENSE OUR FRIENDS BACK
YUPPERS: NOBODY WILL LISTEN TO ME
Crast Pactian: as far as we’re aware, the bug incident has not happened again.
Crast Pactian: you can keep trying to manipulate the need dispenser, but i feel as if all you’re really going to get is more menagerie for your vault, YUPPERS.
Crast Pactian: there are, surprisingly, better ways to waste time.
tiptopGipgop: Here I was thinking that filling up your vault with useless menagerie was the point.
tiptopGipgop: I don’t think it matters how you waste time, so long as you can wait long enough for one of the heroes to get us out of this place, which is likely never happening.
YUPPERS: it is RIDICULOUS how much this conversation is getting EXISTENTIAL out of NOWHERE
YUPPERS: we were GIVEN this INFINITE POTENTIAL in the form of SUPER GREAT NEED DISPENSERS and there should be NO METHOD of getting bored
cripesalmighty: We’re allowed to get darn damned bored yuppers, it is a thing we’re allowed to do!
YUPPERS: yes but it’s QUITE RIDICULOUS to do in the first place
YUPPERS: go and NEED something better than a comb or whatever you NEED
cripesalmighty: What is this argument even about?!?!
YUPPERS: you started it, CRIPES
cripesalmighty: YEPPERS AND I’M GONNA END IT
cripesalmighty: Go do something productive and stop knocking on my door, please!
>_

You seem to have input.

Sup my main dudes, my first come first serve compadres, my large and in charge amigos, my radically radical buds, my dear dear friends who I care for so so much.

>Ask a random trivia question

>>Sup my main dudes, my first come first serve compadres, my large and in charge amigos, my radically radical buds, my dear dear friends who I care for so so much.
>>Ask a random trivia question

Messages flood the screen quickly. It seems the people on this chat are eager to respond, and it seems they are uncomfortable with the name you've picked.

Show Content

Chatlog
Nicopter: Sup my main dudes, my first come first serve compadres, my large and in charge amigos, my radically radical buds, my dear dear friends who I care for so much.
Hunk Chudfest: fthchooo
Hunk Chudfest: mklhey man whno changejed their name to nciboprtr tha’t sbn eertreptt done tdeaf
Crast Pactian: are you throwing up on your keyboard again, hunk?
Crast Pactian: i don’t mean offense, but you’re meant to type with it.
cripesalmighty: NIC?!
Nicopter: The one and only. Here’s a random trivia question: which American landmark once stood tall as a copper statue on an island on the eastern coast? It’s a hard one, pallies, so don’t sweat if you can’t get it right on the first try.
YUPPERS: nobody knows what you’re on about, FALSE IDOL
YUPPERS: of the CHATLOG variety, not of the RELIGIOUS kind
tiptopGipgop: I know this one.
tiptopGipgop: Or, I mean, at least, I realize that it’s about human places and things, and I know that most of you don’t possess an interest, so…
Crast Pactian: that narrows the suspects.
Hunk Chudfest: demoins dngid it
cripesalmighty: I told everyone to stop this goddamn bullshit with pretending to be Nic!!
cripesalmighty: I’M THIS CLOSE TO FLYING OFF THE RAILS RIGHT THIS SECOND |--|
cripesalmighty: WHO’S DOING IT

You continue to retain input on this computery device which is your home, for now.

An Inhabitant stares blankly at a screen as it displays a series of messages. After a short rant, there seems to be a lack of response, and she droops her hands to her sides, just staring at its marigold background for a solid few seconds.


The INPUT AGGREGATOR isn't always functional. At times, INPUT fails to enter in a time period short enough to fulfill the EAGER, ADMITTEDLY IMPATIENT NARRATOR, as it is a finicky device which relies on the time and interest of other people who likely have better things to do with their time and interest-- and that's all good! Sometimes letting the chatlog fester amongst itself is the best course of action, though you're unsure how this is furthering your MISSION, exactly.

Still, you let the chat members talk amongst themselves, apparently thunderstruck by your messages.

Show Content

Chatlog
cripesalmighty: I swear
cripesalmighty: I swear I will get moderately angry and completely derail like the train in that movie in a totally non-violent non-implicative manner
cripesalmighty: if nobody just says they are pretending to be Nic right now.
cripesalmighty: I don’t even care!! I’ll forgive you!
cripesalmighty: He is just dead and of all dead green team members to possibly drum up on this morning of all mornings, you picked a crappy combo, I guess.
cripesalmighty: And it has been a blast getting over the fact that he’s dead and I really don’t need a rerun of old Cripes, okay?
YUPPERS: at least somebody’s still around to make MEAN JOKES from time to time.
YUPPERS: i know EXA is still asleep
YUPPERS: NOT FOR LONG, EXA
YUPPERS: IT’S 47 O’CLOCK AND THAT’S THE WAY TIME GOES
Crast Pactian: that’s not really the way time goes and you know it, YUPPERS.
Crast Pactian: for cripes; please try and step away from the computer for a little while. you spend too much time on here as is, and it doesn’t help when people are trying to be ‘funny’.
Crast Pactian: even if it is admirable the way you all still come up with new forms of humor.
cripesalmighty: I can’t imagine a universe where this is funny really.
cripesalmighty: OK, well, I can, that’s absolutely a doable thing, but we are NOT living in it.
cripesalmighty: OK granted we are not living in a universe strictly anyway I guess so the rules are just all over the place, huh??
tiptopGipgop: It can’t be Exa. I’m going to rule out cripes and Crast because there’s just no way. I know I look like a prime suspect, so you’re free to suspect me.
Hunk Chudfest: itg couild be exsa if uypers is lyin
Hunk Chudfest: murder myssterytime.
tiptopGipgop: Ah!
tiptopGipgop: But therein lies the problem. If Yuppers is lying, it’s because he’s the one pretending to be Nic, and therefore it isn’t Exa. And if he’s telling the truth about Exa being asleep, then Exa is asleep and therefore it isn’t Exa.
tiptopGipgop: But this does still not logically rule out Yuppers at all! In fact, that’s who has landed as my prime suspect in this matter.
cripesalmighty: TG, I love and respect you as a friend, but holy cripes I don’t think all that is necessary.
cripesalmighty: I’ll move past it probably.
cripesalmighty: Gonna just get on a winning streak and basically forget about all of this horrible traumatic garbage. Woo!
Hunk Chudfest: 4-3 my wnin
cripesalmighty: It’s not going to even remotely be 4-3 your win.
tiptopGipgop: This case is getting cracked down on even if you don’t want it, missie. In the great words of the detective Jurnalizt: it’s not about what you can prove, it’s about what you can evidence and get evidence at.
Crast Pactian: ...firmly yes.
Crast Pactian: that is exactly what the detective said.
YUPPERS: wow you all spammed my INBOX very quickly
YUPPERS: EXA may have been FAKING her sleep time
cripesalmighty: Cripes
YUPPERS: THOUGH THIS IS UNLIKELY
YUPPERS: given her HISTORY
YUPPERS: which is so PAINFULLY OBVIOUS and HAS ALREADY BEEN SPOKEN ABOUT on this CHATLOG for NINE SOLID MONTHS at this point
cripesalmighty: CRIPES
YUPPERS: and yet which i will HAMMER ON ABOUT for the next HOUR
Hunk Chudfest: exfa neends baettert friends that asejeuinpport hjer mental aaittiurde more omaften.
Crast Pactian: the chat is full of scholars today! so wonderful.
tiptopGipgop: Isn’t it?
tiptopGipgop: Nicopterposting is not even on anyone’s minds anymore.
tiptopGipgop: What happened to being young and getting obsessed?
cripesalmighty: Are we supposed to have a young and getting obsessed phase, actually? Is that a thing that we are specifically supposed to have?
cripesalmighty: Because I am totally ready to move past that bad painful area of living and just bury everything unpleasant super deep so it never comes up again.
Hunk Chudfest: schoalaryl
Crast Pactian: while i think it is good that you’re straying away from the point, there’s a lot of value in communicating with whomever is presenting themselves as nic, and asking them to stop.
Crast Pactian: all of you here are wonderful, with equally wonderful places where you could improve. especially when it comes to this.
Crast Pactian: nine months and we have barely moved past being at each other’s throats.
YUPPERS: i wasn’t ever at ANYONE’S throats.
YUPPERS: if ANYTHING, i was the BIGGEST THROAT with the most AT at ME
cripesalmighty: You do a lot of stuff that annoys people! This is fact!
Crast Pactian: and even after the dust had settled, that form of annoyance was enough to make perfectly free-willed inhabitants kill each other.
Crast Pactian: 9/52 is not a good ratio.
Crast Pactian: this is not what any of the heroes could have ever possibly wanted.
tiptopGipgop: Maybe they shouldn’t have cursed two of the teams to be murderers through and through.
YUPPERS: that’s the way the COOKIE crumbles
YUPPERS: GOTTA BREAK A FEW OMELETTES TO MAKE A FEW EGGS
YUPPERS: which is to IMPLY
YUPPERS: that i’m currently SATISFIED
YUPPERS: with our current LOW-POPULATION AFFAIR.
cripesalmighty: Yeah, well
cripesalmighty: And I full well know this is probably just going back on what I said earlier, but
cripesalmighty: I still would not mind having ten people if it meant getting Nic back.

The INPUT AGGREGATOR buzzes, notifying you that after that wall of text and two sloppily presented images, you finally have INPUT back.

Hi, again. I didn't know Nic before they died, but it does seem like they were a great person, but hopefully I(we) can fill that void as the new Nic because I(we) have possessed their body(?).

>>Hi, again. I didn't know Nic before they died, but it does seem like they were a great person, but hopefully I(we) can fill that void as the new Nic because I(we) have possessed their body(?).

The terminal bleeps quickly with another series of messages.
The indicator that you might be able to press some button * to go to the VIEWFINDER hovers irritatingly in front of part of the chat.

Show Content

Chatlog
Nicopter: Hi, again. I didn't know Nic before they died, but it does seem like they were a great person, but hopefully I(we) can fill that void as the new Nic because I(we) have possessed their body(?).
cripesalmighty: AAA
cripesalmighty: No, I’m just going to ignore that message. It’s complete hock
tiptopGipgop: What if it’s not? This is intriguing.
tiptopGipgop: What terminal are you on? What team are you from? Who are you?
tiptopGipgop: I apologize if these questions are too much, but if you are telling the truth here, and somehow possessing Nicopter, it would be a welcome break in a very bleak future.
YUPPERS: oh BOY won’t this be a TREAT
cripesalmighty: AAAAA!

INPUT AGGREGATOR: buzz.

>>This chat is like a bunch of monkeys wrestling underwater. This is very unreosonable behaviour

An astute observation. The members of the chat proceed to be the case in your point.

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Chatlog
Nicopter: This chat is like a bunch of monkeys wrestling underwater. This is very unreasonable behavior.
Hunk Chudfest: whas a mnkey
tiptopGipgop: Yes, you’re right, Nic. That’s a problem we’ve kind of gotten accustomed to, I suppose.
tiptopGipgop: You can enter a private log with me if you want to keep the peanut gallery out of this conversation.
cripesalmighty: There is no such thing!! Peanut galleries are not a thing that exist!!
cripesalmighty: I have a VESTED INTEREST in this kook and if he’s gonna infiltrate my personal life by impersonating Nic he’s gonna get in a private log with ME, if anyone.
tiptopGipgop: Just bring up the user list on the right side and tap on my name. Assuming you’re even at a terminal at all, and not dropping literal messages in a bottle.
cripesalmighty: A-A-A.
Crast Pactian: perhaps we should all stop typing.
Crast Pactian: ...please.

Your INPUT AGGREGATOR buzzes and starts bleeping out some words, which is great, because you've always wanted more dialogue.
INPUT AGGREGATOR: psst
INPUT AGGREGATOR: if you gimme generalized commands for how ye wanna chat
INPUT AGGREGATOR: ill just keep postin for a while
INPUT AGGREGATOR: yknow, 2 or 3 posts
INPUT AGGREGATOR: im a great conversationalist

See monkey, see water, see ardent, ardent wrestling.

>>Private chat with cripesalmighty
>>INPUT AGGREGATOR: generally flirtatious and vaguely sexual 3 posts

INPUT AGGREGATOR: can do
INPUT AGGREGATOR: i know how to strut my stuff with the misses
After... thinking really hard, you manage to move the screen to the RIGHT and get onto a private log chat with cripesalmighty. You seem to retain the ability to swipe between them, keeping tabs on what's going on in both, and perhaps communicating in either one at will.


Swoosh!


The INPUT AGGREGATOR decides to make the first move.

Show Content

Privatelog (cripesalmighty)
Nicopter: Hon, hey. Sorry for earlier. I really didn’t mean to freak your sweet self out at all, and definitely didn’t mean to impersonate this Nic guy.
cripesalmighty: My sweet self?!!
cripesalmighty: Well, that’s actually really nice of you, but that’s kind of the REASON I’m freaking out so much right now.
cripesalmighty: Him and I were-- y’know, pals!!
Nicopter: Oh, I’ve dawdled with a pal once or twice in the past. I know the feeling that comes with having a good pal.
cripesalmighty: Right, then you might get why this is awkward for me.
cripesalmighty: ...Maybe I shouldn’t blow up at you, if you’re the real deal, like you’re some debug built in if we all screw up so bad that we’re in this state.
cripesalmighty: But we thought that was what the literal bug was and instead it was just a bug.
Nicopter: What kinda state are y’all stuck in? Maybe I could help a feller out, you know.
cripesalmighty: Thanks, and… it’s complicated, I guess??
cripesalmighty: But it’s my duty as an Inhabitant to basically know everything and I’ll be goddamned if I don’t tell you it all!
cripesalmighty: ...so long as you tell me specifically who YOU actually are.

Meanwhile, the main chat continues to strut its stuff.

Show Content

Chatlog
tiptopGipgop: You… haven’t opened a private chat with me, yet? I’m confused, Nic.
cripesalmighty: We’re talking!
tiptopGipgop: Lucky you.
tiptopGipgop: Well, so long as there’s some form of communication going on, I’ve done my part.
YUPPERS: a surprise TWIST
YUPPERS: a twisty JIST
YUPPERS: the MIST meets its MAKER
YUPPERS: the FALSE IDOL BUGTEST has COMMUNED
cripesalmighty: Oh my god
YUPPERS: with our MIDDLE-MOST FRIENDLY individual
YUPPERS: C R I P E S
YUPPERS: instead of somebody REASONABLE
YUPPERS: and whom uses CAPITAL WORDS to designate IMPORTANCE
cripesalmighty: Why do you put every message on a new line?!! JUST MAKE A PARAGRAPH, YUPPERS!!!
YUPPERS: like ye olde NARRATION
YUPPERS: and does not DAWDLE around the POINT
YUPPERS: for extended periods of TIME
YUPPERS: FOR DUMB REASONS.
YUPPERS: no offense intended CRIPES.
cripesalmighty: None taken assuming you agree to a blood pact wherein we both agree we are really, really good at dawdling around the point.
YUPPERS: maybe.

>>Private chat: I am who i am.

True. And, it seems, not entirely provocative of a helpful response. cripesalmighty only sends two messages your way.

Show Content

Privatelog (cripesalmighty)
Nicopter: I am who I am.
cripesalmighty: Thanks! You just dropped being sweet and got vague all of a sudden which is neat!
cripesalmighty: Can you at least, um… if you are some weird ethereal being or a group of people or just somebody pretending to be Nic, can you at least give a real, actual name for yourself? Or like make one up on the spot for me, anything.

However, in traditional fashion, the main chat is blowing the hell up once again in like five minutes' time. These folks don't have much better to do than sit and chat, it seems.

Show Content

Chatlog
YUPPERS: my morning WAKEUP routine has met an INTERRUPTION with all of this shenanigan
YUPPERS: question
YUPPERS: should shenanigan be APPROPRIATELY CAPITALIZED
YUPPERS: does it meet APPROPRIATE CAPITALIZATION STANDARDS
Crast Pactian: i’ve always thought of your capitalization as emphasis.
Crast Pactian: since that’s how you use it when you speak, i suppose.
YUPPERS: my manner of SPEAKING realms under the realm of SIMILAR
YUPPERS: but it is decidedly PURPOSEFUL in text
Crast Pactian: so not for emphasis?
YUPPERS: for HIGHLIGHT.
YUPPERS: YOU KNOW, LIKE A MARKER.
YUPPERS: (occasionally just for EMPHASIS yes)
EXA: zzz.
EXA: zzz… because… this is a boring Convo.
EXA: conversation.
EXA: self-centered… referential…
cripesalmighty: I swear I’ll break your easy-access needspensers if you don’t just condense your stuff into one singular line. It’ll happen for real!
Crast Pactian: cripes, no threats.
cripesalmighty: Sorry.
EXA: line breaks-- to designate a thought
EXA: independent thoughts
EXA: much more cozy than… a comma. or ellipses.
tiptopGipgop: Finally, more conversations about everyone’s unique imitations of the famous human concept of ‘typing quirks’. Finally.
tiptopGipgop: Nevermind just typing in an ordinary way that you feel like doing at any given time.
YUPPERS: typing is an EVERYDAY ACTIVITY
EXA: monotonous, contiguous, essential,
YUPPERS: which must be SPICED UP, so to speak, with LIMITATIONS, ENHANCEMENTS
YUPPERS: all manners of FLAVOR
EXA: zzz, …, ,,,.
Crast Pactian: it’s a fun activity once one gets around to doing it. i haven’t really found a need yet-- communication is satisfying in of itself.
YUPPERS: a few CAPITAL LETTERS
YUPPERS: some PUNCTUATION, or LACK THEREOF
YUPPERS: QUINTESSENTIALLY a tone that ALL HEAR YOU BY
Crast Pactian: it seems like an unnecessary waste of time to be worried about how certain words are typed, though like an accent in speech, i suppose it does lend some credence to one’s character…
YUPPERS: yes:
YUPPERS: a FOUNDATION by which ALL THOUGHT can be formed.
tiptopGipgop: I’m the person who picked this stupid username and even I think that it’s a little derivative to use typing quirks.
tiptopGipgop: When we got in here, I really wanted to be...
tiptopGipgop: You know, like, a name with twelve letters, two segments, T and G or A or C, that whole huge deal.
tiptopGipgop: But it is just a weak way to imitate one of the most surface-level, unimportant parts of their character. It honestly feels like by using a typing quirk or a name like mine, you’re forgetting the point in favor of a cheap callback to somebody cool.
tiptopGipgop: Like naming yourself after your hero, instead of being somebody you could admire.
tiptopGipgop: For me, that’s pretty literal, right?
YUPPERS: it’s for SPOKEN ACCENT, not your trivial IMITATION GAME.
tiptopGipgop: I would rather speak through the words I choose and the way I pick them than trying to convey my actual spoken accent than trying to pretend I’m something I’m not, by- say- interjecting random numbers into my text for truly no reason.
1234567890: w3111d0n77h1nk7h475f41r
tiptopGipgop: Goddammit.
cripesamighty: Cripes almighty.
Crast Pactian: good morning, numbers!
Crast Pactian: please, please, please remember to put spaces between words today.
Crast Pactian: not that we’re not fully cognisant of what you say, but there has been a visitor.

INPUT AGGREGATOR: haha heyyy
INPUT AGGREGATOR: im not sure who we actually be?
INPUT AGGREGATOR: but if you wanna use my name n get all nice n tidy with me
INPUT AGGREGATOR: input aggregator aint the actual worst name anybody ever got,

Nah, input aggregator is a lame name. We need something cooler... How about zack, Zack sounds like a pretty radical dude that just wants to kick back and share a non alcoholic drink with his bros.

>>Nah, input aggregator is a lame name. We need something cooler... How about zack, Zack sounds like a pretty radical dude that just wants to kick back and share a non alcoholic drink with his bros.

INPUT AGGREGATOR: aw.
INPUT AGGREGATOR: guess i had that comin for bein such a lame object

Show Content

Privatelog (cripesalmighty)
Nicopter: Well, definitely not INPUT AGGREGATOR.
cripesalmighty: Okay?
cripesalmighty: I’m not sure where that’s coming from but it’s definitely not what name you wanna be, so we’re not gonna use it.
Nicopter: What about… ZACK? Zack? Zack is much cooler. Zack sounds like a radical dude who just wants to sit back and enjoy a drink with his bros.
cripesalmighty: That’s more like it!
cripesalmighty: Yeah, I can totally see you as a Zack. I mean, you’re totally unpredictable, you say weird stuff, and it seems like you’re way too rad to be hanging out with a bunch of, um… us.
cripesalmighty: Wait, enjoy a drink? Please tell me you’re not another drunkard.
Nicopter: Non-alcoholic.
cripesalmighty: Oh, thank cripes.
cripesalmighty: And thank you, Zack, for… not making me call you Nicopter ever again.

The main chat swirls with fervor over the tiniest development or conversation topic.

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Chatlog
1234567890: v15170r?
Crast Pactian: that’s right. though we’re not certain they’re here in physical form.
Crast Pactian: they were using the username of Nicopter, at least for the moment, though i’m still unsure why.
tiptopGipgop: But at this point, I don’t personally think it’s totally likely it’s a real thing. More likely, somebody found a way to reverse engineer the terminal to get a different username and decided to pick Nicopter, or…
tiptopGipgop: Wait, has anyone just CHECKED Nic’s room?
YUPPERS: YUPPERS.
tiptopGipgop: Thanks for being the one to run around the whole compound, Yuppers.
YUPPERS: my duty, SACRED
YUPPERS: my skill, TALENTED
YUPPERS: UNDOUBTEDLY it would be a shame if ANY OTHER INHABITANT had to run around the whole COMPOUND just to wake people up.
YUPPERS: i am your ALARM CLOCK
YUPPERS: i am your SECURITY CAMERA.
1234567890: 1 w4n73d 4 4l4rm c10ck 4nd 53cur179 c4m3r4 w49 83f0r3 90u 83c4m3 17
123456890: c0u1d3n7 n33d5p3n53r 17 345119 7h0u6h
YUPPERS: IF ONLY YOU’D NEEDSPENSERED ANOTHER ME
YUPPERS: i’d have PLENTY more FREE TIME
YUPPERS: to be DEPRESSED about.
cripesalmighty: It’s not Nicopter.
cripesalmighty: I mean, specifically, they don’t want to be called Nicopter. And, um… they don’t like the name ‘INPUT AGGREGATOR’, either. But ‘Zack’ works. It likes the name Zack.
tiptopGipgop: Why not INPUT AGGREGATOR? Why that specifically?
cripesalmighty: I guess maybe… um…
cripesalmighty: Maybe there’s somebody in the room with them giving advice?
Crast Pactian: the name is quite foreboding.
Crast Pactian: what sort of input?
tiptopGipgop: Zack?
Hunk Chudfest: jnfjgg ye ncice name gdotcha i .ikme the zack name a dlot a n i ts gettin the name of someone’s my ol buddy. . .
tiptopGipgop: Zack, if you’re in here, can you explain what an Input Aggregator is?
cripesalmighty: I will say, Zack is a pretty goddamn rad name.
Hunk Chudfest: greeda

You retain INPUT once again.

Not sure.

>>Not sure.

Whatever could it be, indeed.

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Chatlog
Nicopter: Not sure.
Nicopter: It helps me type on here sometimes, but that’s about it.
tiptopGipgop: So you’re not… you’re...
tiptopGipgop: ...are you on a terminal?
tiptopGipgop: Do you have text on the screen, a green background-- do you have a prompt to return to the viewfinder?
tiptopGipgop: Are you running a version of the game right now? Who are you connected to?
Crast Pactian: you may see some luck in slowing down with the questions for a moment.
cripesalmighty: For real! This is clearly a lot of damn stuff at once and honestly I don’t see the rush. We found somebody who might- somehow- be an OUT of this godforsaken place.
cripesalmighty: No offense to the heroes but I would love a sunset or a moon to live on or at least something better than needspensers to get my goddamn groceries in.
tiptopGipgop: Augh.

INPUT AGGREGATOR: yknow
INPUT AGGREGATOR: worth mentionin i aint sentient
INPUT AGGREGATOR: got my own automated responses n all
INPUT AGGREGATOR: but im just a computer
INPUT AGGREGATOR: yer on your own bosses

Actually I'm pretty sure that my objectives include saving you guys, being discreet about it and then killing myself once I finish.

>>Actually I'm pretty sure that my objectives include saving you guys, being discreet about it and then killing myself once I finish.

Oh right, your OBJECTIVES.
INPUT AGGREGATOR: yesss
INPUT AGGREGATOR: its wired to gimme pleasure when you mention objective stuff

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Chatlog
Nicopter: Actually, I’m pretty sure my objectives include saving you guys.
cripesalmighty: HELL YES!!
Hunk Chudfest: jazack puglgin through fror us at least man i’sm so g lad he’s a real rbro
tiptopGipgop: Well, that’s… extremely good.
Nicopter: --and being discreet about it.
Crast Pactian: well, you haven’t done a fantastic job of that, i will be honest.
EXA: shoulda staaayed asleep.
EXA: s’mores instead of s’more… fakery.
tiptopGipgop: That’s extremely neutral.
Nicopter: --and then killing myself once I finish.
cripesalmighty: Oh, cripes almighty!!
Hunk Chudfest: no!111!1
1234567890: 0uch135, 84d n3w5 b34r5
tiptopGipgop: That’s extremely bad.
tiptopGipgop: Er, well, not inherently. I mean no offense to you, “Zack”, but we are very desperate for some help at the moment, and if your purpose here is to save us and then die, I hope that death isn’t very scary for you.
cripesalmighty: TG!!
cripesalmighty: That’s INCREDIBLY rude!
cripesalmighty: Zack is weird but they’re a person, too, and not altogether unflattering. Death is super scary for ANYONE involved. I don’t feel like it’s fair to just make that assumption about Zack either way though!!
tiptopGipgop: I wasn’t making an assumption. That’d be you and you only, Cripes.
1234567890: 1 11k3 n3w n1c0p73r m0r3 7h4n 01d n1c0p73r h0n35719
cripesalmighty: And I miss old Numbers who wasn’t a goddamn indecipherable mess! Shut the hell up about Nic!
cripesalmighty: AAAAA.
1234567890: ju57 4n 0p1n10n.
1234567890: n1c 93113d 47 m3 4 107 700.
1234567890: w311, n07 93113d, 8u7 m4d3 m3 f331 4wfu1.
YUPPERS: well, this has been a FUN CONVERSATION, with DEAD NICOPTER and DYING OTHER GUY, but i shall be LEAVING to make the ROUNDS.
YUPPERS: and leaving my HEADSET behind.
YUPPERS: so i can CONCENTRATE.
YUPPERS: on my STUPID STUFF.

INPUT AGGREGATOR: what i just said earlier
INPUT AGGREGATOR: that was a big ol joke
INPUT AGGREGATOR: pleasure is foreign to me n so is most stuff
INPUT AGGREGATOR: thanks for lettin me characterize myself for a sec there

>Say some gay shit. He'll yeah.

>>>Say some gay shit. He'll yeah.

Oh that is totally doable. Admittedly you're not sure exactly what 'gay' constitutes in this instance, since you're not sure as an INPUT AGGREGATOR THING you have any orientation or sexuality to speak of, but you are ABSOLUTELY capable of flirting with everything and everybody.

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Chatlog
Nicopter: Oh, and I figured I should mention.
Nicopter: I kind of flirted with cripesalmighty earlier, but that definitely doesn’t rule any of you out, and especially not the dudes and bros of this crowd.
Nicopter: I am a confused being and I just know that relationships are my groove, both ways.
YUPPERS: CONSIDER ME VERY FLATTERED BUT I MUST GO NOW
cripesalmighty: First off, okay??
cripesalmighty: Beyond that exclamation,
cripesalmighty: I didn’t even think you were flirting! I just kinda thought you were being sweet.
cripesalmighty: I guess you were kind-of-flirting which is what you just said, so
cripesalmighty: ...thanks???
Nicopter: You’re welcome.
cripesalmighty: Gonna just kindly say no for right now though.
cripesalmighty: Still no idea if you’re a person or what in this instance!
tiptopGipgop: Cripes, let me restate how much of a fantastic friend you are, right now.
tiptopGipgop: Then I would like to notify you that you are probably, most likely, quite almost truly, actually speaking to the only person who hasn’t spoken in the chat yet.
cripesalmighty: It’s not her.
cripesalmighty: I’d be able to tell, I promise!
EXA: you bothering to tell nikko whoms you’re talking about
EXA: hmm???
EXA: or is it gonna… stick to… vague… sentences… dealio.
cripesalmighty: Zack, um
cripesalmighty: OK, yeah, good point exa, honestly. Zack, the only TWO people who haven’t talked in the chat yet are Levyyts and Tars Mossburg.
cripesalmighty: Legendarily interesting and mysterious names, I know!!!
Hunk Chudfest: gnhhh
cripesalmighty: Levyyts is awake definitely, this time of morning, but unlike most of us, she basically never types in here.
cripesalmighty: And tars is… um.
Hunk Chudfest: zaaavhk, y flritgin with thewhole chat
Hunk Chudfest: << 3#<3< 3<# <3
cripesalmighty: Because he’s a RED TEAM MEMBER, he is completely psychopathic. He has basically been for the past nine months with no exception. We locked him in a cage and as much as I really would like him to be sane again, because he was everyone’s friends before we became Inhabitants, there is no consoling him.
cripesalmighty: Levyyts wouldn’t make up a whole thing because she is a kind soul.
cripesalmighty: Tars wouldn’t because he is really crazy.
1234567890: 74r5 15 wh47 un1735 0ur 3ff0r75 70 35c4p3.
1234567890: w3 4444111111 w4n7 74r5 84ck.
Crast Pactian: numbers, i’ve given it some thought
Crast Pactian: at least while our new friend is unfamiliar with your, er, speech
Crast Pactian: could you keep your letters in your speech?
1234567890: 90u kn0w h0w 17 m4k35 m3 f331 n07 70!
cripesalmighty: ...augh.
cripesalmighty: I’m sorry numbers, I yelled earlier. You can keep using numbers. Really, I’m sure Zack will figure it out on his own.
Crast Pactian: ah, well, i suppose that’s fair.
Crast Pactian: i don’t mean to make you uncomfortable at all.
tiptopGipgop: Cripes, Levyyts is a “kind soul”, but you have to admit this is at least pretty close to the pinata incident, which she claimed responsibility for.
tiptopGipgop: She likes getting laughs! And at this point, it’s no longer uncomfortable, so it’s inevitably going to be funny.
tiptopGipgop: Which is why I think she’s pretending to be Nicopter or Zack or whatever whomever whichever. It’s the razor analogy where the sharpest knife in the box is also the most likely to be in the shed.
Hunk Chudfest: ocfhams rasor?
Crast Pactian: yes, that’s the one.
Crast Pactian: the old human metaphor that a razor is only bent twice if it’s more likely than to be bent by a psychic.
tiptopGipgop: Right.
Crast Pactian: even if it is more likely somebody is fooling us with this nicopter disguise,
Crast Pactian: it has given people hope.
Crast Pactian: myself included.
Crast Pactian: and that is much better than just a few laughs.

INPUT AGGREGATOR: now were gettin this metaphorical party started
INPUT AGGREGATOR: n all that etc etc etc

>So uh. Mind givin the ol' 101 on whats up here? Can guess how a needspenser works, but whats this about teams?

>>>So uh. Mind givin the ol' 101 on whats up here? Can guess how a needspenser works, but whats this about teams?

You put on some SLEUTH GOGGLES and vow to get to the bottom of this conundrum.

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Chatlog
Nicopter: So, uh. Mind givin’ the ol’ 101 on what’s up here? Can guess how a needspenser works, but what’s this about teams?
cripesalmighty: Right.
cripesalmighty: OK, so that’s kinda a question we ask sometimes too, because we obviously don’t have all the answers and are confused on plenty of stuff too.
cripesalmighty: I’m on the Yellow Team and the other 4 are on the Green Team. Nobody on our teams ever got any compulsion to do psycho stuff at all! We’re all pretty much our normal selves.
cripesalmighty: But the Blue Team and Red Team both, um…
EXA: they were all gucci… for a little bit
EXA: juuust a little bit.
cripesalmighty: Yeah.
cripesalmighty: Sunshine and lollipops, everyone was ecstatic that we’d made it in, and then like five minutes later they started murdering the cripes out of everyone.
Crast Pactian: which was quite ironic, considering.
cripesalmighty: 17 people on Green and Yellow died, and 25 on Red and Blue.
cripesalmighty: I think we only pulled through because we hid and waited for Red and Blue to finish each other off.
Hunk Chudfest: honeslty the darkes t days f my life
Hunk Chudfest: no djokes
Hunk Chudfest: geniteinely.. really crap.y
cripesalmighty: ...yeah.
Crast Pactian: nicopter did survive that period of time.
Crast Pactian: it was not any team’s fault in particular that he died, and was not entirely too long ago.
1234567890: R1P.
tiptopGipgop: Rip, indeed.
cripesalmighty: Then there’s the teams in the game, the game on the terminals. Um. Ahem!
cripesalmighty: We’ve all got numbers per-team, and every number has a corresponding 3 other numbers on the other teams.
cripesalmighty: For instance, I’m the YELLOW 4, and Nic was the GREEN 4.
cripesalmighty: So we both got to play the same session of the game, in which we got to control the yellow and green teams respectively.
cripesalmighty: Then usually TG and Hunk would hop over to the abandoned blue and red terminals and play the other two teams.
tiptopGipgop: Nowadays, however, Numbers usually plays green, or sometimes Levyyts.
EXA: a-a-a-nd.
EXA: i play when cripes is… dozing.
EXA: or leaves her door open.
EXA: offften.
cripesalmighty: Truly exa you are like a little child who wanders into my room and plays my video game sometimes.
EXA: zzz.
Crast Pactian: a game which has wasted many hours and caused many fights.
Crast Pactian: not one i have ever advocated or played myself, as many other forms of entertainment often surface.
cripesalmighty: Yeah, but I gotta keep my win streak against Hunk or else I’m just a big failure!!

INPUT AGGREGATOR: thanks fo lettin me aggregate all ur inputs tonite
INPUT AGGREGATOR: yer a real buncha friends

So My Dear New Friends
What Was The Goal Of The Game?
If You Would Care To Say

>>So My Dear New Friends
>>What Was The Goal Of The Game?
>>If You Would Care To Say

You dig yourself 3 and 1/2 feet deeper into the MYSTERY TRENCH.

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Chatlog
Nicopter: So My Dear New Friends
Nicopter: What Was The Goal Of The Game?
Nicopter: If You Would Care To Say
1234567890: w311 7h47’5 4 816 5h1f7 1n 79p1n6 57913, huh?
cripesalmighty: OK. The goal of the game.
cripesalmighty: Like all games, the goal is simply… to win.
cripesalmighty: We each command an army of 13 PAWNS and duel them to the last team standing. Each pawn has special powers and disadvantages, and you can win with any team, but each one has a different playstyle!
cripesalmighty: I’m partial to yellow because it’s home base but blue is also really fun. There are four tank characters and that’s a great ratio to the other teams.
cripesalmighty: Also, every PAWN on every team can get items from conditional BARRACKS, which are almost always random on a per-round basis, but a skilled player like me can almost always get what you want if you try hard enough!
tiptopGipgop: As you can probably guess, it takes a lot of mental prowess to play and win.
tiptopGipgop: Especially since all commands are entered through a command line, rather than any kind of user interface.
tiptopGipgop: If, for example, you want your team leader to take down another pawn in a fight, you have to tell them that with words.
Hunk Chudfest: n ic atn’at salways spel so ogodd soa ic an’t get all the srtuff to line p right
Hunk Chudfest: whean i’m sobbnere i’ma t the tomppsa my game :(
cripesalmighty: Oh my god sober hunk is basically unbeatable.
tiptopGipgop: Which is why, perhaps, you occasionally feed his alcohol habit with your own needspenser?
cripesalmighty: NO!!
cripesalmighty: You know that is an almightily shitty rumor and rude to say when Zack is around.
1234567890: 53r10u519 wh9 15 n1c0p73r c4p1741121n6 3v3r9 w0rd n0w
tiptopGipgop: Okay, okay, Cripes, cool it for a second.
tiptopGipgop: I don’t like playing him sober any more than you, but I think we can both agree that we probably should do better at weaning him off.
Hunk Chudfest: myuh
cripesalmighty: Anyway.
cripesalmighty: If you win, you get a prize, and the game resets instantly. So we get kind of competitive. And by kind of I guess I mean really a lot!!
tiptopGipgop: It teaches tactics, hand-eye coordination, the intricacies of combat…
tiptopGipgop: It’s not nearly as dangerous for the player as the heroes’ Game, but at least as much fun to play.
tiptopGipgop: I even figured the exact set of inputs to get an item combinator every single game.
cripesalmighty: The bastard!!
cripesalmighty: ONE DAY I’LL FIGURE IT OUT.
tiptopGipgop: You definitely won’t.
tiptopGipgop: Not if Zack really means to get us out of here.
cripesalmighty: Oh, um
cripesalmighty: Yeah. True.
1234567890: WH9 15 N1C 74LK1N6 D1FF3R3N7 N0W?!?!
Crast Pactian: numbers… please, just take a breath
1234567890: HE TALKED WITH CAPITALED EVERY WORD WHY’S HE DOING THAT WHY ISNT ANYONE LISTENING TO ME
cripesalmighty: I’m sorry, aaaa!! Jeez, numbers, calm the hell down!
cripesalmighty: I don’t know why he did that, I guess it didn’t occur to me as a big deal!
1234567890: CHANGED HIS QUIRK
Crast Pactian: perhaps zack doesn’t feel any compulsion to follow any typing style.
1234567890: SHSHSHSHSHSHSH
1234567890: SHUT UUUUP
1234567890: INTENTIONAL CHANGE
1234567890: IT WAs intentional
1234567890: intentional
1234567890: …
Crast Pactian: it’s alright, numbers.
Crast Pactian: we’re sorry for not hearing you earlier.
Crast Pactian: you know it can be tough to see what you’re saying sometimes.
1234567890: 1 kn0w.
1234567890: 50rr9
cripesalmighty: Zack, was that change in how you were typing, um…
cripesalmighty: Did it have some kinda meaning or something?

INPUT AGGREGATOR: wow look at that psychic interlude we jus got
INPUT AGGREGATOR: thats not our comp just so ya know
INPUT AGGREGATOR: thats somethin actually the narrator showed ya for funsies
INPUT AGGREGATOR: yknow, whatever it was that you saw
INPUT AGGREGATOR: this is an automated response
INPUT AGGREGATOR: heh.