The Ballad of Adler Young, Canto 2.5

>Adler: Lay back and think of Faerie.

>Unfortunately, before anyone can use the keys, she drops them irretrievably down a storm drain in the floor.

>Adler: Curse so loudly that it may be heard on the other side of the world.

>Adler: Be elated, blurt out 'I could marry you!'

>Adler: Be elated, blurt out 'I could marry you!'

Technically not a lie. He could, hypothetically, marry her. Unless Adler is 100% certain in his mind that the brother of the king couldn't marry a floozy I guess.

Also aren't the keys not really helpful anyhow? He can leave via magic it's just a stupid idea right? Doesn't that happen with the keys too?

Ever since the mspaforum crash I unfortunately didn't catch up on Adler and his shenanigans. I totally forgot how great and underrated TBoAY is. I read the entire thing from start to finish in just about a day nonstop : ~)

P.S. You write like a DnD fanatic Douglas Adams with an affinity for furry porn
P.S.S. How many times have you accidentally written a lie and had to rewrite it?

>Unfortunately, before anyone can use the keys, she drops them irretrievably down a storm drain in the floor.

>Adler: Curse so loudly that it may be heard on the other side of the world.

Unknown individual in the sewers beneath the storm drain, find the keys and be so pleased to laugh maniacally at the find.

Adler's cursing, do not be connected to the keys in any way.



King, return from the bedchamber after a surprisingly short amount of time. Declare the trial to commence.
Avogadro, give Adler the "good" news yourself, all while grilling him about the white vixen.
Doris, be sad and annoyed at the same time. Sobbing and yelling, be a large part of this.

Adler, get another visitor. This one far less helpful than the last one.

Adler, be visited the next day by the prosecutor. Be informed of the time and place of the trial. Worry.
Thomson, know the prosecutor well. Worry even more than Adler.

> The charges are as follows (1) Conspiring to destroy an heir to the king (2) Complicity in the explosion which a Lengra-Cha terrorist has committed and The death of Marshal Sweetcheeks (his body hasn't been dug out yet) (3) The suspicious disappearance or murder of Lengra-Cha SALV Fauxfox (Sergeant Avogadro added this)

>Estmere will be the judge and will announce ,Alders Doom!, if found guilty
>Estmere wears his "Serious Business" fine raiment

King, return from the bedchamber after a surprisingly short amount of time. Declare the trial to commence.

>Bedchamber be full of pleased floozies, laying limply everywhere

You know I still want to point that Addler could just say "I have not betrayed the empire, I have protected my brother from a Vulpitian plot to destabilize the throne as i swore my father I would on his deathbed and I didn't not participate in the muder of any SALV FAuxFox' and it should bea big factor in his favor because ELVES .DO .NOT .LIE. Drect denial should be a big deal.

You know I still want to point that Addler could just say "I have not betrayed the empire, I have protected my brother from a Vulpitian plot to destabilize the throne as i swore my father I would on his deathbed and I didn't not participate in the muder of any SALV FAuxFox' and it should bea big factor in his favor because ELVES .DO .NOT .LIE. Drect denial should be a big deal.

Technically if you view death as not existing anymore he did kill Fauxfox

(HM King Estmere) Wear black judicial robe, wig, and fuzzy ant-slippers that go "gronk" with each step.
(HM King Estmere) Call upon the Prosecuting Floozie.
(Prosecuting Floozie) Be the deadly arch-rival of Ms. Thomson.

(Prosecuting Floozie) Annoy Ms. Thomson with your Legal Rhymes.

"If the heir is no more, time fo' Alkali Tor!"
"If the vixen go missin', time fo' suspicion!"

Technically if you view death as not existing anymore he did kill Fauxfox

He's still alive and the memories and skills to act as her are still in his mind and he can turn into her on a moment notice as such she still exist. Even if just as a persona of him (which she alway was in the first place).
So, no, even by outstretching the meaning of killing beyond the normal usage of 'actualing causing death to', the acusation doesn't work.

You know I still want to point that Addler could just say "I have not betrayed the empire, I have protected my brother from a Vulpitian plot to destabilize the throne as i swore my father I would on his deathbed and I didn't not participate in the muder of any SALV FAuxFox' and it should bea big factor in his favor because ELVES .DO .NOT .LIE. Drect denial should be a big deal.

That's the thing, isn't it? Since everyone always telling the truth makes determining guilt trivially easy, I'm assuming that this whole court case is a sham meant to get rid of Adler. We don't know yet who is behind it, but we can make some good guesses: Vulpitanians want to see the empire destabilized. A Mephitist loyalist (Theo?) wants to get rid of Sisterhood influence in politics. Adler siring a heir is a threat to queen Edessa.

You know I still want to point that Addler could just say "I have not betrayed the empire, I have protected my brother from a Vulpitian plot to destabilize the throne as i swore my father I would on his deathbed and I didn't not participate in the muder of any SALV FAuxFox' and it should bea big factor in his favor because ELVES .DO .NOT .LIE. Drect denial should be a big deal.

This would only work if Adler does get to make a statement. Maybe in this court, he'll only be permitted to answer given questions. Maybe even with only with a "yes" or "no". In which case, if he's asked whether he had anything to do with the DISAPPEARANCE of SALV Fauxfox, or if he acted in any way against imperial law, the answers would have to be "yes".

Also, remember that he was caught red-handed stealing Vulpitanian state property.

This would only work if Adler does get to make a statement. Maybe in this court, he'll only be permitted to answer given questions.

Or maybe not allowed to defend himself at all. Or maybe they'll determine his guilt by looking by the palm of his hand.

If you go out of your way to come up with a scenario that only allow for a single outcome, that outcome will happen and if the court is rigged so well in such a way he can only be found guilty then he'll be found guilty, sure.

I was just pointing that assuming a system that allow a modicum of defense (or rather int he more likely case that for as kafkaian and rigged I expect this kangoroo court to be, there'll still be an oversight due incompetence) THEN telling the truth should have a lot more weight than it should in, say, a lowfolk court that is all.

Also, remember that he was caught red-handed stealing Vulpitanian state property.

Oh yes, of that he is definitively guilty, no question. But the charge he was arrested for is treason againt the empire, not thievery.

I'm assuming that this whole court case is a sham meant to get rid of Adler. We don't know yet who is behind it

The Queen certainly seems a good bet. Although it's doubtfull things will be that simple.

It will be up to ms.thompson to stop the most damaging questions to be asked and estmere to sustain the objection.

unless the queen gets involved and tells estmere what to say (overruled)

TARNATION!

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Spoiler
Well this is embarrassing, but I just realized this weekend's update is going to be late. I have been sick most of the week, so the art's not ready (I haven't even started), and tomorrow is scheduled full of activity that I don't usually have on a Saturday, and I can never get anything done on Sunday anyway .. so it's looking like Monday, maybe? Sorry, everyone.

P.S. You write like a DnD fanatic Douglas Adams with an affinity for furry porn

Since those are all good things, I'm going to take it as a compliment! Thanks, Zeph, and hello again!

P.S.S. How many times have you accidentally written a lie and had to rewrite it?

I'm actually pretty good at keeping track of those things. I've never had to go back and retcon something (though I did a few tweaks when I rewrote the whole Ballad for Tumblr). Because elves don't lie, the problem usually runs the other way: How can I make things work out so what so-and-so said in episode X turns out to be true?

We'll keep a light on for you. :D

get well soon duder

Haha not updating, who has ever heard of such a thing!

Get well man, we love you.

P.S. I mean that in the platonic, non-awkward sense.

P.P.S. Okay I can only speak for myself and cannot make claims on behalf of your other followers, but statistically speaking it is likely that at least one of them finds you attractive and matches your preferences. Maybe even two!

>Unfortunately, before anyone can use the keys, she drops them
Curse so loudly that it may be heard on the other side
blurt out 'I could marry you!'
Doris, be sad and annoyed at the same time. Sobbing and yelling

Suddenly the key ring slipped out of Doris's hoof, and she let out an alarmingly loud curse.

"HEY!" the jailer called. "Watch your language! I'll not have such filthy talk in my jail!"

"Why am I such a klutz?" Doris sobbed, as she knelt and tried to reach the keys, which were perched precariously close to the edge of a drain in the floor. "I was this close to rescuing Cute Prince Adler and marrying him, but it's not gonna happen now!"

the brother of the king couldn't marry a floozy
aren't the keys not really helpful anyhow? He can leave via magic it's just a stupid idea right?
(Jailer) find the keys and be so pleased to laugh

"I don't think I could have married a Floozy in any case," I pointed out helpfully.

"I'd settle for a scandalous affair," Doris grunted as she strained toward the keys.

"Escape would be futile," I continued. "If I wanted to get out of here, I'd have used magick and already been gone long before now. But doing so would only incriminate me, and I'd be a fugitive."

"I'd fugit with you," the doe insisted. "Life on the run! Stolen moments of passion amidst constant danger from every side! It would be so romantic!"

"Oh hey, you found my keys," the jailer exclaimed with delight. Doris howled with dismay as the pig stooped and picked up the keys. "I would have been in some serious trouble if I'd lost these."

King, return from the bedchamber after a surprisingly short amount of time. Declare the trial to commence.
Be informed of the time and place of the trial. Worry.

"Well, Your Highness," the jailer continued, unlocking my cell door. "It seems the King has emerged from his bedchamber and has declared that your trial is to commence.

"When?" I asked.

"Immediately."

"But, but, I've had no time to prepare my defense."

"Too bad," the jailer shrugged. "The constables are already here to escort you to the Chamber of Severity."

"The Chamber of Severity?" I exclaimed nervously.

"Don't let it worry you," Ms. Thomson muttered blandly. "That has to be the venue, because the Chamber of Mercy is being re-painted this week."

A pair of constables came in and led me down the hall, down some stairs and through a series of twisting corridors in the Underworks. A few minutes later we emerged into the Chamber of Severity. Ms. Thomson and I took our places at the Defense table. Marshal Theronmyathus, Sergeant Avogadro, and the Prosecuting Floozy were already standing at the Prosecution table.

Thomson, know the prosecutor well. Worry
(Prosecuting Floozie) Be the deadly arch-rival of Ms. Thomson.

"Oh, for Fuma's sake," Thomson grumbled, as the other Floozy grimaced and stuck out her tongue at us. "It's my arch-rival from Legal Floozy Academy. I was my class valedictorian, and Miss Thompson was maledictorian. She has always borne a personal grudge against me for taking away the top spot. She knows my one weakness, and has trained rigorously to exploit it. If this trial requires any Pole-Dancing then we might actually be in some trouble."

"ALL RISE!" somebody bellowed from the front of the room. "HIS HONORABLE MAJESTY, JUDGE-EMPEROR ESTMERE GAWAINSSON PRESIDING!!"

There was a muted hubbub of rustling as the courtroom spectators all stood up and looked expectantly toward the judge's bench. I was momentarily confused to hear a series of muffled "GRONNK"s, but then Estmere stepped out of a doorway and stood there, surveying the crowd.

>Estmere will be the judge and will announce ,Alders Doom!, if found guilty
>Estmere wears his "Serious Business" fine raiment
(HM King Estmere) Wear black judicial robe, wig, and fuzzy ant-slippers that go "gronk" with each step.
(HM King Estmere) Call upon the Prosecuting Floozie.
(Prosecuting Floozie) Annoy Ms. Thomson with your Legal Rhymes.

He looked magnificent in his official Magistrate's Wig and Judicial Bathrobe, complete with GRONNKing ant slippers. He ascended the steps to the judge's bench and sat down, then casually waved his scepter and said, "Be, like, seated, dudes."

He consulted a sheet of paper for a few seconds, then looked at Miss Thompson. "Prosecuting Floozie, would you like, totally start these proceedings by reading the charges?"

The charges are as follows (1) Conspiring to destroy an heir to the king (2) Complicity in the explosion which a Lengra-Cha terrorist has committed and The death of Marshal Sweetcheeks (his body hasn't been dug out yet) (3) The suspicious disappearance or murder of Lengra-Cha SALV Fauxfox (Sergeant Avogadro added this)
caught red-handed stealing Vulpitanian state property.

"Okay," Miss Thompson chirped brightly. With quite a bit more bending and wiggling than was necessary, she extracted a scroll from her briefcase and unrolled it. Gasping and fluttering her eyelashes, she read in a sing-song voice:

"Prince Adler Young just might be Unseelie!
You think that's a gag but it's serious, really!
When you hear what he's charged with, you might throw a fit!
I'll list off his misdeeds as follows, to wit:
Conspiring to wipe out an heir of the King!
Why in the world would he do such a thing?
Conspiring with baddies on Saint Reynard's Day
To torch the Vulps' Embassy and then run away.
Poor Marshal Sweetcheeks was kicked in the head
And then was blown up (and for all we know, dead.)
To help him accomplish the tasks dark and grim,
Adler had an accomplice: A beautiful femme,
A Lengra-Cha vixen; but here's what's so chillin':
She's vanished completely! Where is she, you villain?
To top it all off (he don't do things by halves),
He stole from the lab of the visiting SALVs."

"Dude," Estmere exclaimed, looking at me after the charges had been read. "Some of that doggerel is a little vague, and I'm not sure exactly what it means, but seriously Bro? This sounds like some pretty heinous stuff. How do you plead?"

>Adler: Lay back and think of Faerie.
Addler could just say "I have not betrayed the empire, I have protected my brother from a Vulpitian plot to destabilize the throne as i swore my father I would on his deathbed and I didn't not participate in the muder of any SALV FAuxFox' and it should bea big factor in his favor because ELVES .DO .NOT .LIE.

"I'm screwed," I thought to Ms. Thomson. "Most of that, except for conspiring to blow up the Embassy, is halfway true."

"Don't say anything you don't absolutely have to," Thomson thought back. Then she declared, aloud: "My client pleads Not Entirely Guilty, Your Majesty."

>When in doubt, use the "Chewbacca Defense".
>Dance around the issue by making compelling arguments that, despite being unrelated, no one can argue against.

Or

>If you antagonize the prosecutor enough for her to make mistakes, that might work out well for you.

>Estmere: Sentence Adler to exile until further notice. You don't actually think he's guilty, but the dude's looked stressed lately so he could use an extended beach vacation.

Scit-worde! Maledictorian! I like these wordplays!

>When in doubt, use the "Chewbacca Defense".
>Dance around the issue by making compelling arguments that, despite being unrelated, no one can argue against.

Dancing around the issue, devolve into actual pole dancing. Thomson, lose as predicted. Be a rather sore loser.

Witnesses, be called and questioned.

Audience (NOT the jury, which is not a part of the legal system in this case), keep interrupting with various comments. Adler's supporters and enemies, keep trying to outshout one another.

More poetry, happen.

A half-forgotten clause in the treaty with Vulpitania, be invoked.
Everyone, realize that in the event that Adler is found guilty, even for just the charges of being involved in the destruction of the embassy, working with a certain white vixen, or vandalizing the Vulpitanian lab, he is to be extradited to Vulpitania immediately.
Unless, of course, he is found guilty of treason against the Empire, in which case he would be sentenced to execution instead.

(love the charges read out in rhyme tegerioreo)

>Miss thompson present the table of evidence. Items related to Relda fauxfox's which alder had in his possession.

>Ms thomson argue that the items where left by fauxfox. Alder simply picked them up to return to her in the next meeting.

>Miss thompson ask where is Fauxfox? did adler help her escape or did he dispose of her?

>Ms thomson says her client did neither of these things and are false accusations.

>Ms Thomson then notices Miss Thompson has one button undone on her blouse. Estmere "seems to be listening" to her more intently. Ms Thomson acts accordingly

>Estmere: Sentence Adler to exile until further notice. You don't actually think he's guilty, but the dude's looked stressed lately so he could use an extended beach vacation.

The queen then arranges alder to spend that time in a mental asylum for a good long while.

>Just one minute: One cannot 'wipe out' what doesn't exist in the first place, therefore you can honnestly plead not guilty to the charge of conspiring to wipe out an heir to the king.
Had the charge been conspiring against the conception of an heir to the king maybe, but that's not what she said.

You are non guilty of this charge.

>You have not conspired to torch the embassy. It happened by accident, or maybe as the result of malice but you certainly had no prior knowlege nor intention it could or would happen.

You can plead non guilty to this charge

(Poet Actively Seeking Hurly-Burly of Courtroom Drama) Be very interested in the case.
(Prosecuting Floozy) Outline to the King the shape of your case.
(HM King Estmere) Be very impressed with Miss Thompson's case.
(Defence Counsel) Set forth a slightly surprising defence.
(HM King Estmere) Be expecting defence counsel to be putting on more of a show.
(Prosecuting Floozy) Call the Marshal to the stand.
(HM King Estmere) Dismiss the evidence as "borrrrrrrring"
(HSH Prince Adler) Get your hopes raised.
(Prosecuting Floozy) Call Sgt. Avogadro to the stand.
(HM King Estmere) Dismiss his testimony as too vixen-centric.
(HSH Prince Adler) Get your hopes raised.
(Prosecuting Floozy) Call the SALVs (both of them) to the stand.
(HM King Estmere) Opine that any witnesses dressed like that don't have interesting testimony.
(HSH Prince Adler) Get your hopes raised.
(Prosecuting Floozy) Break out what you think is the transcript of an interview as evidence.
(Prosecuting Floozy) Givney-Flip as you realize it's an issue of Jane, the Lowfolk Femme.
(HM King Estmere) Find this evidence, based on the plot of the story, to be compelling.
(HSH Prince Adler) Feel the hot, briny air of Alkali Tor on your neck.
(Elf in form of well-known seeker of justice) Intervene at critical time in Lowfolk Perry Mason style