Good patent ideas

Fortune cookies that never lie.

"Reading this fortune will fill you with disappointment."
"Don't forget to do your taxes this week."
"They're always watching."

A $19.99 bill.

a 10trillion dollar bill with which you can easily collapse all international markets

a toaster that turns toast back into bread

An oven that turns cooked meat raw, and baked goods into batter.

An oven that turns batterers, batteries, and baseball players into cake

A device that automatically corrects all uses of "soccer" to "football".

A device that reads your mind and says aloud everything you want to say but can't.

flavored bricks (comes in lemon, chocolate, cherry, and birthday cake)

A hat that actually fits on my head.

a therapist that actually shrinks heads

A device that has a light which turns on when its light fails.

an escalator that also tells you how much you weigh via app

A swimming lane for people who would rather just walk.

Pokemon Stop

socks that keep your feet cool on hot days

Anti-spicy sauce, in case you go a little overboard on your soup.

A gun that shoots bread.

Also: A bread that shoots guns.

Political commentary that never stops running in circles chasing itself.

Clothes that change colors when they are washed.

Bong with etching on inside of bowl; as resin builds up from use, decontextualized bible verses condemning refugees and immigrants are revealed.

A bong that's actually pronounced "böng".

dogs bred to shitpost

A recorder delivery system, to help poor unfortunate people who don't have one.

electric chairs that only work on innocent people, so you can make sure that they really are guilty before they go to jail