letter to dad thread (now defunct)

real quick i just want to add, about the eventual moving-out plan: i'm not fully trained to drive yet, and driving makes me super nervous. it'd be idea if someone else would drive me, but aside from a moving company, nobody would want to drive me to new mexico and then have to get themselves back home

i guess there's another option where i just pack a lot of stuff on a plane trip, and possibly ship other things i want to keep to my destination beforehand?

shrugg, i've driven across states before so i wouldn't mind doing it if i had the resources. like.. honestly i'd be going out of state yearly if i had the money to. i'm pretty sure there's plenty of people here that would be willing to help.

flying would actually be the cheaper and better option considering the distance? it should probably be your first choice

been thinking over the past few days, it'd probably be better if I got out of here even sooner than I want/am prepared to

not because he's acting worse towards me, directly, but because he's still really intent on setting up a weed growing operation in our house

hilariously, a few days ago, he realized that weed seeds are NOT free, and are very expensive?? i was hoping that would deter him but it's not, because i keep seeing him browsing growing lamps and junk online

anyway, i feel like, no matter how careful he is, there's an impending storm coming and i need to get out of here. if he gets caught, i'm probably going to be punished too, because i'm technically an "adult" and so i can't really be considered an innocent bystander in this

edit: updated first post with a "getting out of here" checklist

last night i had some dreams that were sort of about packing up and moving out, but they also involved people who were shrunk down and in a movie or something

anyway

if i write a letter to him when i leave, it's going to have to involve this stupid weed-growing thing and how it affects me
like

"hey dad, you probably noticed I'm not here anymore. That's because I left! Because you are so enamored with government conspiracies and "rebellion" that you decided that doing illegal things in our house, for your own fun and for occasional profit, is worth more than my safety."

your dad's kind of a monumental dumbass please get out of there soon

Leave behind steamy Pokemon fanfiction.

Like the R stuff.

Just link him Jimmy Buffest and leave.

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Idk if he's likely to cause a huge scene if you tell him you're outtie, but either way its probably easier to just leave quietly and leave a note saying that you're leaving so don't report me missing, sort of thing. OH and on that note i feel like he's the sort to call and plead at you to come back? If so changing your sim card is probably a good idea.

Anyway good luck, and let us know if you need any help paying for tickets or shipping out of there okay

thanks for the support, everyone.

tbh it's starting to feel a little scary... thinking about leaving this soon, without dads help. it'd be less scary if i knew people nearby who would help me... so far i just have my neighbor and my irl friend, and they both are kinda trapped in a "they're family and they love you" mindset. they could help with some things, but they wouldn't get me out of town.

idk i guess... i feel like doing anything other than letting dad know i want to leave and having him help me get out would be bad, but there's no way he'll let me move out, to live with an online friend, before i've even landed a first job. staying here is a mistake, too, though.

anyway, note to self: find and destroy note i gave dad months ago with gens number on it

i mean, i'm not totally sure what he'd use the weed profits on besides paying rent/medical bills and such. stuff that is still his responsibility, and does benefit me since i am living with him and benefit from having the bills being paid for.

his other money-making option is going back to work for a few years until he hits the actual retirement age (he retired early) but he's old and his skills are outdated so... sighs

Kitet - Today at 4:15 PM
@Agenarchi hey so i approached my dad about the three giveaways to someone growing weed in their house and dad had solutions to all three
1. there's apparently some fan+filter things that cost over a hundred bucks but can filter the smell out
2. he's trying to buy special LED lamps that don't take a lot of power so he can power them with solar energy
3. because those lamps are LED they don't produce a lot of heat
and he knows the risks he's running, he knows if he gets caught it'll be bad and it'll reduce the value of the house and several other things, he does not care.
also now that i've asked these questions i think he thinks i'm in vague support of his plan, he was like "yeah keep asking me stuff, i might have missed something"

wait wait wait, one more

"Dear Kitet's dad,

sm0ke w33d erryday

With Loveather, Kitet"

how dare you call me a weed-doer

no i'm calling kitet a weed-doer. but if the weed fits, take it, and put it in your shoe

remembered some more stuff i could add to the list in the first post, if i can find a way to summarize them better

-when i first moved in with him at the age of 11(?) and started going to public school, i got picked on really hard, a lot, and it didn't stop for years because i was too sensitive. his advice for me was to stop being sensitive, literally "stop being a target"
-the first couple friends i made were special ed kids. i wasn't a special ed kid myself, they were just the only people i'd met who were nice to me. i hadn't met any special ed kids before so i didn't have any reference for what was different about them. so, while me and dad were having breakfast at a denny's, one of them recognized me on their way out and said hi. dad realized i'd made friends with a special ed kid, and took it upon himself to explain what down's syndrome was, and that i shouldn't make friends with people who have it, and that i should be making friends with "normal" kids.
-this kinda led into me being super super ableist and afraid of special ed kids for years
-more recently, within the last year, i went to lunch with dad and he recalled how i made one of his friends mad when we took him and his wife to dinner once. apparently, this friend had a son who had pretty bad brain damage (this is my dads words). i didn't know this, and i had said something about special ed kids or something, and our friend told me that what i was saying was offensive. i apparently didn't get the hint, and kept going on, and it made him lose his calm attitude and more angrily say "STOP. It's OFFENSIVE, you're OFFENDING me." to get me to stop with whatever I was saying. dad concluded this recollection of what happened with "It's really weird, I'd never seen him act like that before. He's always pretty calm."

YEAH??????????

uhhh before i forget
one of the things in my "getting out of here" checklist ought to be "change the bank i'm with" because, uh, the one i've got right now seems to be a California-Only bank? i mean i could probably still use it outside of california but i couldn't go to any physical locations, which bothers me a lot.

idk what the process for that is but if i need to put all my money into paypal and then from there into a new bank account then so be it. there's probably a more elegant solution to it though.

When you have some time, call a bank branch for a national bank and ask them what the process for that is like. Even if you're not ready to make it happen when you call, they should be able to give you the information you need. If social anxiety is preventing you from doing that, try exploring their website or checking resources with lots of contributors and information on a wide variety of things, like reddit or similar

You should be able to det up the new accoubt and transfer it straight from your old bank?

mmmmmmmmmmmmm

sure is a good morning, i woke up a bit late and i'm sleepy, nintendo's showing off some stuff, i skypecall gen and we talk about zelda- oh wait hold up, dad just quietly invited himself into my room and wordlessly sat down on my bed, next to me.

so pretty much the first thing dad says to me this morning, is "hey, what are you planning on doing today?" and i have to say "dunno" because, well, i usually don't have a plan for the day. i've been living every day the same, sometimes going on a walk to the store, sometimes applying to a job nearby, but nothing big ever changes

the fact that i didn't immediately know what i was going to do with my day today, offended my dad so much???

so he felt the need to come into my room and bring up how i'm not doing college anymore and i AGREED to do college years ago, I AGREED, we made a PACT, that I can stay home and do whatever if I'm doing college. and I BROKE THAT PACT when I stopped doing college and decided to try jobhunting. and i haven't gotten a job yet even though it's been, idk, a year, and i'm obviously not trying hard enough, and i'm obviously not taking my job search seriously, and i need to work harder. "you need to stop being on the internet so much, chatting with friend and drinking soda, and you need to be actually working hard on getting a job."

and he was just, so angry, and intimidating, and not, actually, providing any help at all,,,

like, talking with my friends and drawing and drinking sodas is how i make myself feel temporarily okay with the utter lack of progress i've been making

and how dare you imply that i'm not trying hard, or that i'm okay with being stuck at home all the time with no actual job. how dare you try to imply that I"M OKAY WITH THIS AT ALL, AND THAT I'M MOOCHING OFF OF YOU BECAUSE I WANT TO AND NOT BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A CHOICE

We had a pact, Jerry!!!

include that in the letter to your dad. point him out as george costanza, mr. grudge that he is.

That sounds really frustrating. I wish I could offer some advice, but I've never been in that kind of situation and any advice I gave you would probably make things worse.

*proceeds to give advice anyway*

Do you have an idea of what you want to do? (I would say "when you grow up", but I think you're already an adult(?)) While your dad sounds like a complete asshole and he shouldn't be doing things like inviting himself into your room or yelling at you so often, it sounds like part of his frustration with you is that you don't seem to have a "proper" goal in life.

It also sounds like you're knee-deep in the pile of rancid cow shit known as depression. This leads to being less motivated, making your dad madder at you, making depression worse, etc in a nasty tangled up pile of vicious cycle spaghetti.



While it is totally uncalled-for for your dad to give you a lecture about not having a plan for the day first thing in the morning, I do (sorry) agree with him that making some sort of goal for the day/week will help. If you can bring yourself to get out of the house more often, plan things out in advance, and break up your schedule a bit, it might help. Hopefully it would show your dad that you are doing stuff to get out of the house, and it could also help with depression (if that's what's going on).

Hopefully this helped some.

to be honest, i do have a (relatively) long term goal

it's "move out of this house and move in with one of the few people i wholly trust and want to be with"

not gonna tell dad about that goal though lol
don't wanna give him a reason to push me out of the house before i'm ready.

need to get a job, need to save up money. need to get out of this house.