letter to dad thread (now defunct)

oh yeah the um, other problem is, i'm really dependent on other people lol
i kinda need help from other people nearby my irl location if i want to get out of here (and i'm a bit of a hermit so i only have a couple friends in-town. one is my neighbor.)

anyway let's get back to insulting my dad for being a Truther

tbh maybe you should just stick a mousetrap into an envelope and mail it to him :Y

ᵒᵏᵃʸ ᵈᵒᶰ'ᵗ ʳᵉᵃᶫᶫʸ ᵈᵒ ᵗʰᵃᵗ

you should totally send him live rats though

send him a letter that says "MICE TO MEET YOU" and then 1000000000000 live rats fall from the ceiling and crush him

how do you fit 1000000000000 live rats in a letter

several letters

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yeh sure papers
*hug*
if I figure my way out of this mess I'll let you know how so you can follow my lead.

I would caution that it is worth considering that you may do yourself more harm than good in terms of emotional benefit by ever telling your father what you feel of him and why he has hurt you. It seems to me - and I may be mistaken - that you have given him plenty of chances to understand and he has chosen either to ignore what you have told him or deliberately misunderstand you. He made his choices and when he comes to realize you will never return to your life, he will either have to accept the reasons you already gave that him or live in delusion for the rest of his life. Conversely, I would worry that someone that seems to have such a sense of ownership over you and who believes so strongly in the rightness of their own actions may seek you out for retribution or to prove you wrong if he feels that you are calling him out or are being what qualifies and his paranoid mind as ungrateful.

I suppose basically what I'm saying is consider what you get out of this action and how you think he will react to it. I think it is well that you have given yourself the room to figure out your feelings and grievances in this thread, and whether our not to send a hypothetical letter is a good thought exercise too. Just remember that you don't owe him anything, not even an explanation, and people's beliefs and opinions about you don't affect your reality.

^^^^^

It's important that someone who's neuroatypical gets an accurate diagnosis early so they can get specialized instruction by someone who is trained in ways that are most effective for that particular neuroatypicality

this specific thing is unfortunately prohibitively expensive most of the time

honestly i don't think there's anything that could really fix the education system for me outside of some pretty massive education reform and even then

neurotypical people are extremely ignorant and arrogant about this kind of stuff, and i think it'd take a lot to change that

but yeah i agree

my mom actually tried getting me to a psych when i was a kid (about 8 or so) but she has always been really poor. I only went to a couple appointments before they apparently wanted to run some IQ tests, and those Cost Money

mom asked dad for help paying for this and he apparently told her "no, our kid doesn't need to go to a psych, that's a waste of money" so we stopped

for a long time i only remembered the first part of this story, so once, at lunch, i asked dad about it, and he either didn't remember or pretended not to remember it. he asked if, after the appointments i went to, i was put on any medication. i said no. he pointed to that as proof that there was nothing wrong with me, "and besides, even if there is, you don't want to get rid of it with medication! it's what makes you different from everyone else!"

a month or so later i realized i should ask mom about it, so i called her, and she filled in the missing pieces. this was... august last year, i think.

so not only is he a huge asshole, but he is potentially gaslighting?

or did you just not remember

>:y

but yeah like, once or twice, i remember him saying stuff like "your mom tried to put you in a special ed school when you were a baby, but then they realized you were smart and didn't belong there" so, he does know that SOMEONE realized something was up

People with certain conditions engage in confabulation, which is in many ways distinct from both lying and telling the truth. It doesn't necessarily have to do with not remembering or misremembering something so much as the brain creating a false memory in an attempt to maintain its internal timeline in the absence of actual data. This can be a subconscious thing, and can seem very much like intentional gas lighting, and can have many of the same effects. This isn't necessarily to say that anyone has Korsakoff syndrome in this situation, but it is worth remembering that for some people, especially people who struggle with memory issues or paranoia, their perceptions of reality can vary widely from what another person in this situation would likely perceive, and they can become aggressive when challenged because they fear their own inability to remember or believe their own memories so strongly they think the people around them are lying.

I am aware as I say this that it is heavily influenced by my own life experiences and having dealt with people who are like that. I do not know with so little information if your father is the same way, it's just an impression I get based on what details I do have. PPlease discard anything I say that doesn't ring true to you. it's just totally believable to me that someone could have prevented you from getting medication and then taken the fact that you didn't get medication as proof that they were correct in thinking that there was no need to medicate you.

Okay so the first thing you should probably do is look into the logistics of how you could get out and move (ie see what moving states entails). Often its a lot less scary/a big deal when you know what you need to do? I mean i've said before but you really just... Need to get away

Letter wise? Honestly you can say whatever you want, he probably won't take it in. Its all going to be for your benefit, so go nuts. My Dad refuses (or at least did the last time i talked to him) to understand that he's done anything wrong re: years of emotional abuse and gaslighting. When my sister broke off ties he and my stepmum talked about how she was a spoiled, entitled bitch who was being awful and only making dad feel bad right up until she caved and came back, at which point they were Super Best Friends and she could do nothing wrong! During this time he kept asking me why she left, and even though i told him again and again + included the catalyst (him literally telling her to leave and not come back) he refused to take it in. When people get like that they just justify everything to revolve around them being right.

I would probably go with something along the lines of: 'You are a terrible father, and you did a huge amount of damage to me which i hope you feel awful about. Don't try to contact me.' then get the hell out of dodge

@Slorange so like doublethink, basically

whoop got ninja'd by slorange but yeah, i suspect thats probably whats going on. Severe lack of self reflection/self awareness and feeling like you're always right will fuck with memories something fierce, i imagine

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I imagine you would just update anywhere you know has/needs your address with the new one? If you're registered to anything that is government related (voting, student loans? Do any official channels handle that over there) then they require you to update your address whenever you move anyway.

The government here is alarming good at location stalking you... As soon as you move you get a deluge of letters saying something to the effect of it looks like you moved? Plz return this letter to tell us your new address for voting.

you send donald trump a letter saying you live there now and watch him grow in anger as he processes all these ****ing letters like "i didn't sign up for this" and then he abdicates, allowing bernie sanders to reign in power

I assume that you are an American, and as such the process for moving is: within 30 days of moving to a new address, whether it's in the same state or a different one, you go to the DMV in your new area and fill out a change of address form. I do not believe that it costs any money, or at least it did not in my area the last few times I've had to do it, and then they send you an amendment to your license or ID if you have one, and if you do not have one they simply update your records.

the government is actually one of the easiest things to update in terms of your new address. The real hassle is contacting your job ann your bank and your friends and every other person and institution that needs to know where you live. In my state, you can even fill out the necessary forms ahead of time by getting them from the website and bringing them in, which makes the actual DMV trip about five minutes long if you don't go on a busy day. There's no kind of time limit on most of the rest of this stuff, so it can really just happen as the individual people that need to be updated occur to you.

That's something about adulthood and all the big intimidating things about it that has really come to surprise me the longer I've spent in it: most things really are much simpler than you think they're going to be. I mean, some real chumps manage to live day-to-day without too much hassle so it can't be all that hard.

I mean, some real chumps manage to live day-to-day without too much hassle so it can't be all that hard.

what, like you? ahahahhahahahah

I don't know if we've progressed past writing letters but could I suggest:

Dear Mr Kitet's Dad;

NO