What ARE birds?

Are pandas birds?
Are birds?
Are animals existing before hominids birds?

Toucans are not birds.
Not all pandas are birds.
Bald eagles are not birds.
Not all animals existing before hominids are birds.

Brazilian blind electric rays are birds.

quails, sixgill stingrays, zonetail butterfly rays, Brazilian blind electric rays, zebras, foxes.

Are birds animals with high-value scrabble letters in their names?

Birds are animals with x, q, or z in their English common names.

yaaaaaay

Ok I have one!

Tree wasps are birds.
Anacondas are not birds.

Are honeybees birds?
Are rattlesnakes birds?
Are chickens birds?
Are pufferfish birds?
Are bullet ants birds?
Are naked mole rats birds?
Are mosquitos birds?

honeybees are not birds.
rattlesnakes are birds!
chickens are not birds.
not all pufferfish are birds.
bullet ants are birds!
naked mole rats are birds!
not all mosquitos are birds.

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Am I a bird?
Are Aedes Aegypti birds?
Are spiders birds?

Do birds have sharp teeth or pincers?

Are any members of the crocodilian family birds?

not all bears are birds.

humans are not birds.
Yellow fever mosquitos are not birds.
not all spiders are birds.

birds are not animals with sharp teeth or pincers.
Not all crocodilians are birds.

Are Golden Orb Weaver spiders birds?

Golden Orb Weaver spiders are birds!

Bonus hint: Howler monkeys are birds.

Not all crocodilians are birds.

Well, I'm going to have to follow up on this.

Are alligators birds?
Crocodiles?
Gharials?
Caimans?
False Gharials?

hmm...

American alligators?
Mugger crocodiles?
Spectacled caimans?

sorry, sorry. I should be asking this question:

Are birds specific species?

Alligators are not birds.
True crocodiles are birds.
Gharials are not birds.
Caimans are birds!
False gharials are not birds.

American alligators are alligators, and are thus not birds.
Mugger crocodiles are true crocodiles, and are thus birds.
Spectacled caimans are caimans, and are thus birds.

Birdness is determined taxonomically, so "birds are species which _______" is a good way to think about it, yes.

Are species that existed prior to homo sapiens birds?
Are birds birds?
Are species that are not animals birds?
Are dogs birds?
Are male platypuses birds?
Are female platypuses birds?
Are fennec foxes birds?

Not all species that existed prior to homo sapiens are birds.
Not all birds are birds.
Not all organisms that do not fit in the kingdom Animalia are birds.
dogs are not birds.
platypuses are not birds.
fennec foxes are birds!

Are unicellular organisms birds?
Are prokaryotes birds?
Are arctic foxes birds?
Are Dolphins birds?
Are sessile animals birds?
Are plants birds?

arctic foxes are birds!
Not all dolphins are birds.
sessile animals aren't a distinct taxonomic group, however, I can tell you that nont all sessile animals are birds.
Not all plants are birds.

Not all unicellular organisms are birds, nor are all prokaryotes. Probably. There's a chance that either of the above are not birds, and establishing as such is really goddamn time-consuming.

To make up for not being able to answer an admittedly bad question, an additional hint:
Common Whelks are birds.
Ptarmigans are not birds.

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birds are not species which hide for some time then reappear later!

Keel-billed toucans are birds.
Toco toucans are not birds.

Are river dolphins birds?
Are oceanic dolphins birds?

Not all river dolphins are birds.

The only oceanic dolphins which are birds are hourglass dolphins.

Okay time for some lists:

_____ are birds:

SpoilerShow

• Tree wasps
  
• Rattlesnakes
  
• Naked Mole Rats
  
• Bullet Ants
  
• Golden orb weave spiders
  
• Howler Monkeys
  
• True crocodiles
  
• Caimans
  
• Fennec Foxes
  
• Arctic Foxes
  
• Whelks
  
• Keel Billed Toucans
  
• Hourglass dolphins
  

_____ are not birds:

SpoilerShow

• Anacondas
  
• Honeybees
  
• Chickens
  
• Yellow Fever Mosquitos
  
• Alligators
  
• Gharials
  
• Dogs
  
• Platypuses
  
• Ptarmigans
  
• Toco toucans
  
• Any oceanic dolphin except the hourglass dolphin
  

Not all ______ are birds.

SpoilerShow

• Not all mosquitos are birds
  
• Not all pufferfish are birds
  
• Not all bears are birds
  
• Not all spiders are birds
  
• Not all species that existed prior to homo sapiens are birds.
  
• Not all birds are birds.
  
• Not all organisms that do not fit in the kingdom Animalia are birds.
  
• Not all plants are birds.
  
• Not all animals that stay fixed to one location are birds
  
• Not all unicellular organisms or prokaryotes are birds (probably)
  
• Not all river dolphins are birds

So it's a category that is selective across kingdoms, but ostensibly limited to living things. It doesn't have to do with interactions with people. Bluarg! This is a good one. I'm having a really hard time seeing a distinct pattern here (and lots of little patterns that just don't fit!)

Okay lets check out some plants!

Are angiosperms birds?
Are gymnosperms birds?
Are ferns birds?
Are mosses birds?
Are carnivorous plants birds?

Then...

Are pandas birds?
Are orcas birds?
Are dimetrodons birds?

Are any of the archaea responsible for the coloration in the grand prismatic spring birds? (or is it possible to tell without extensive research?)

Not all angiosperms are birds.
Not all gymnosperms are birds.
I cannot without extensive research confirm whether or not all ferns are not birds.
Not all mosses are birds.
Not all carnivorous plants are birds.

Giant pandas are birds, but red pandas are not birds.
Orcas are not whales.
Dimetrodons are not birds.

I cannot find the information necessary to determine if any archaea found in the Grand Prismatic Spring are birds.