CHIRAL: SIDE Y

/* Given That Our Orders
Are How We Communicate
Erasure Sounds Bad */

If I Got Some Arms
They Would Be Very Lonely
They'd Have No Body

Now, Bad Puns Aside
The Orders Thing is Not Good
You Have Any Ideas?

>Gene, Memory Time
>This Incredibly Rad Guy
>Is Named Carl C. Queue

Zack
> Oh brother, where are you?
> I must save people from being brutally erased from existance
> Yet i have to follow quite vague and unhelpful orders from the INPUT AGGREGATOR wich by the way is a machine that aggregates input
> Riddle Zack i thank you for insulting me in such poetic manner
> But now my critters despite the fact that you're all just glorified pieces of code
> I love y'all unequally with 1234567890 being my favorite, Violent Zack's favorite! And if any of you do as much as lay a finger on numbers i promise you pain without end

/* Given That Our Orders
Are How We Communicate
Erasure Sounds Bad */

If I Got Some Arms
They Would Be Very Lonely
They'd Have No Body

Now, Bad Puns Aside
The Orders Thing is Not Good
You Have Any Ideas?

Zack
> ‘crunches a tootsie pop’ is not a violent euphemism, it was meant literally
> dance to the beat of your own drum
> you guys should try to win a game

INPUT
> GAME
> ORDERS
> Delete all prior orders (???)

Your INPUT AGGREGATOR gets to work hurriedly typing and doing shit on the ORDERLOG.

Halfway through, you hit CHIRAL to go to the menu, then select ORDERS again, bringing you to the exact same screen. Worth a shot, at least. You still input the command, and it doesn't seem to have been completely off-target.

OrderlogShow

Zack: ‘crunches a tootsie pop’ is not a violent euphemism, it was meant literally
Crast Pactian: unfortunately, i don’t believe i understand what a tootsie pop is.
tiptopGipgop: It’s a form of currency, I’m fairly sure.
tiptopGipgop: Another human thing.
Zack: dance to the beat of your own drum
Zack: you guys should try to win a game
Hunk Chudfest: wngging tigess you a prizse but ywe dothat all tht time
Hunk Chudfest: it fgodnest escape usf oturom tohte game or anythinhg :(
1234567890: 934h wh47 hunk 15 7r91n6 70 549 15 7h47 w1nn1n6 15 4 7h1n6 w3 d0 4 107
YUPPERS: i think what NUMBERS is TRYING TO SAY is that WINNING is a THING WE DO A LOT
Crast Pactian: i think what YUPPERS is trying to say is that winning is a thing we do a lot.
Zack: If I Got Some Arms
Zack: They Would Be Very Lonely
Zack: They'd Have No Body
EXA: eheheh
YUPPERS: who is to say ARMS must be paired with BODY??
YUPPERS: that seems PRESUMPTUOUS.
YUPPERS: LOVE IS LOVE.
1234567890: 1 d0n7 7h1nk 7h475 wh47 24ck m34n7
Zack: Now, Bad Puns Aside
Zack: The Orders Thing is Not Good
Zack: You Have Any Ideas?
tiptopGipgop: Here’s a question for you real quick, Zack.
tiptopGipgop: Do you, um… do any of you actually have bodies? Maybe with arms? In whatever dimension you’re in?
Hunk Chudfest: jsust dont’t turn gong cumpuslvie rordders and weeel bee okay
Crast Pactian: i think we can all agree that being compelled to do things against our will would be undesirable.
EXA: like mister lil tars
EXA: taaars the faaars
EXA: far out.
Crast Pactian: perhaps there is some way to lock the setting on ‘off’ as it stands?
Crast Pactian: so that there is no possibility that you begin getting us to do things against our will.
Zack: Delete all prior orders
tiptopGipgop: Oh, you’re trying to…
tiptopGipgop: Thank you, first of all.
tiptopGipgop: Second of all, you have to put it in all-capitals, alone, just ‘CEASE ALL ACTIONS’.
tiptopGipgop: Though since you’re at a green terminal, I don’t know if it’ll cease all green actions, or everyone’s.
Crast Pactian: it is worth a shot, i suppose!
1234567890: un1355 17 570p5 4c710n5 11k3 8r347h1n6
1234567890: “570P 411 4C710N5” 50und5 f0r3b0d1n6
Zack: Oh brother, where are you?
tiptopGipgop: Wait, whose brother?
Crast Pactian: hum.
Zack: I must save people from being brutally erased from existance
Zack: Yet i have to follow quite vague and unhelpful orders from the INPUT AGGREGATOR which by the way is a machine that aggregates input
YUPPERS: YES, that was our GUESS.
YUPPERS: what else might an INPUT AGGREGATOR possibly do?
Zack: Riddle Zack i thank you for insulting me in such poetic manner
1234567890: 15 7h47 4n 1n5u17 0r 4n07h3r 7hr347?
Crast Pactian: i still will argue in favor of the name ‘three line poem Zack’.
tiptopGipgop: Is this really the appropriate time to interrupt Zack’s monologue?
Zack: But now my critters despite the fact that you're all just glorified pieces of code
Zack: I love y'all unequally with 1234567890 being my favorite, Violent Zack's favorite! And if any of you do as much as lay a finger on numbers i promise you pain without end
1234567890: 0H N0
1234567890: 0H M4N “F4V0R173” 50UND5 11K3 50M3 K1ND 0F 1N51NU4710N 7H47 90U W4N7 70 HUR7 M3 7H3 84DD357
Crast Pactian: or perhaps violent zack is simply trying to make friends of us in a very roundabout manner.
Crast Pactian: i promise you, violent zack, despite other people’s occasional jab at his method of typing, we are all friends with numbers. we are all friends with each other.
EXA: iddd looove to see some
EXA: extra-extra-extra action
EXA: yknow
EXA: we’re me-e-eaningless
EXA: let’s make it r-i-i-i-de
tiptopGipgop: No!
tiptopGipgop: Please, let’s not make it ride.
tiptopGipgop: Let’s cool shit DOWN. That’s what we should universally be doing here.
cripesalmighty: Been gone a moment, anyone wanna care to kinda-sorta inform me of what absolute insanity is going on?!!! Why are there multiple Zacks now?! COULD THIS SITUATION ACTUALLY GET ANY MORE ABSURD AND BAD.

Insert Name (Crast Pactian)
> Remember name
> Hawaiian Coffee, the 2nd

>Gene, Memory Time
>This Incredibly Rad Guy
>Is Named Carl C. Queue

Right, of course. That white-carapaced gent is Queue C. Coffee, inheritor of the Prospitian Hawaiian Coffee Company.


"Hey, Queue," you call out. He gives you the customary thumbs-up obviously.

Back on Prospit, he was very vehement in his love for all varieties of coffee and coffee accessories-- even though all the heroes of Prospit were non-human, and actually would have quickly had a heart attack if they ingested any coffee, Hawaiian or otherwise. Still, his somewhat sizable fortune went to an incredibly good use.

In his day, he was a philanthropist, and as the populations of Derse and Prospit began to mingle and become friends, he was as excited as you and your pals to cross the cultural gap.

Goddamnit you know all that, why did you go over it again in your head.

"Hello again, Gene. I was just preparing those snacks like I was talking about. Sour candy and soda, classic bad-mood foods."

It's tough to stay frustrated around Queue.



"Thanks, uh. Yeah." You nod weakly. "I just barely worked up the ability to even step outside, so...! Maybe gimme a minute."

Queue nods slowly. "Take your time."

You're Gene, and you're taking your time. Also, your earpiece is blowing the fuck up, so you shoot a quick message to try and get a grip on the situation.

Zack
> tiptop, I think we each have arms but I can't generalize
> each zack is unique

As Much As I'd Like
To CEASE ALL ACTIONS I Can't
My Poem Would Break

So I'll Just Sit Here
Flailing Somewhat Uselessly
Somezack, Be A Pal?

>Gene You Should Travel
>To The Needspencing Device
>And Get What You Need

As Much As I'd Like
To CEASE ALL ACTIONS I Can't
My Poem Would Break

So I'll Just Sit Here
Flailing Somewhat Uselessly
Somezack, Be A Pal?

Zack
> tiptop, I think we each have arms but I can't generalize
> each zack is unique

INPUT AGGREGATOR: yknow if ya really wanted
INPUT AGGREGATOR: i could do some talkin for ya again
INPUT AGGREGATOR: "riddle zack" lmao snrk hrhrh
INPUT AGGREGATOR: such a ridiculous name gets m knockers goin just at the sound of it

OrderlogShow

Zack: tiptop, I think we each have arms but I can't generalize
Zack: each zack is unique
EXA: spec all snowflake :x
tiptopGipgop: Okay. That’s good to know.
tiptopGipgop: Maybe Yuppers was right, and you’re Horrorterrors from outside the Nickel. In the deep, deep space where terrible things lie.
YUPPERS: or they’re INTER DIMENSIONAL TWERPS,
YUPPERS: of various NON-TWERPINESS
YUPPERS: with LOOSE CORRELATION to LEVEL OF RIDDLE-MAKING
YUPPERS: perhaps GAME PLAYERS, like US
Crast Pactian: it is not unlikely.
cripesalmighty: Crast, you’re literally standing next to me, can you explain what’s going the hell on with all these Zacks?!!
Hunk Chudfest: talkkgging is erasy
Crast Pactian: er, i suppose as much.
cripesalmighty: It is also mighty weird that I am still typing in here but whatever.
Zack: As Much As I'd Like
Zack: To CEASE ALL ACTIONS I Can't
Zack: My Poem Would Break
1234567890: 1 c4n r35p3c7 7h47
tiptopGipgop: I can’t really respect that.
Zack: So I'll Just Sit Here
Zack: Flailing Somewhat Uselessly
Zack: Somezack, Be A Pal?
EXA: you gotta call for z-z-z-ackup?
EXA: on your
EXA: zack help hotline?
EXA: 3434
Hunk Chudfest: dodntt reaylyl thingk thatsodunds likea rn rpdicutbe way tof ibeve imputs
Hunk Chudfest: whyd didnt’t aboveground nicopter get somebryhing thats more sconsistent
1234567890: 83c4u53 7h3r35 50m37h1n6 5p3c141 4b0u7 7h3 1npu7 466r36470r 4pp4r3n719
1234567890: 11k3 17 c4n 533 5p3c141 5h17
1234567890: 50rr9 f0r 5w34r1n6 cr457
Crast Pactian: it’s no matter, don’t worry about it.
tiptopGipgop: So, wait, you’re not all in the same room?
tiptopGipgop: And… you can’t communicate very well, I’m guessing?
EXA: sounds likeee eeee
EXA: something familiarrr….
EXA: i.e.
EXA: (us)
tiptopGigpop: Tooshay.
YUPPERS: we communicate PERFECTLY FINE.
YUPPERS: some of us.
YUPPERS: on RARE OCCASION, at least.

>Gene You Should Travel
>To The Needspencing Device
>And Get What You Need

You walk on over to Queue at the NEED DISPENSER to chat a little bit.


"Hey," you manage. "I kind of got a feeling I should be dispensering something, but I can't really think of anything."

Queue chuckles softly. "Well, these machines aren't supposed to be for what we want, just what we need. Of course, they can be manipulated, but if you've no need, I say you've no need."

"I guess."

You briefly have a conversation over earpiece that feels very dumb. He looks at you a bit ashamed, then starts speaking. "Well, you see, the situation with Zack is... ah... well. I believe that Zack has not been just one person, this entire time, but instead a collective."

This news isn't too great. You falter in voice as you mutter, "Well, that's fun."

"I know it's quite unfortunate. It did seem you two were building some rapport."

You shrug. "I guess it was rapport with someone?" The exasperation shows through your voice. "Sure, this explains why he kept typing in such weird different ways, but it's still really off-putting."

Queue glances down in thought for a moment, then back. His worn yet steely gaze hangs on you solidly. "Well, ahem. We've identified a few of them. I suppose you're already aware of the three-line poem Zack..."

"Haiku Zack, you mean? Haiku. It's a human thing."

He tilts his head slowly. "Prospit, Gene, we did not have humans."

For some reason, this strikes you as funny, and you chuckle softly. "I guess not. It's an obscure kind of thing."

Suddenly, as the both of you are wrapping up your CONVERSATION, something rolls out of the NEED DISPENSER towards you.


Oh woah, what's this?

You pick the odd object up.


You start getting the strange urge to fiddle with it a bunch.

Author's NoteShow

Just as a reminder, the INPUT AGGREGATOR sees anything and knows anything that is presented by the NARRATOR, including the fact that this is a FORUM ADVENTURE.

Zack
> IA, can I call you IA, send a convoluted message about my absolute confusion

Gene
> Please don't fiddle with that
> If it is was I think it is, it is very dangerous

>Okay Let's Try This
>Yo Input Aggregator
>CEASE ALL ACTIONS

Oh Criminy Crux
Could Somebody Please Tell Cripes
To Put That Thing Down

Zack
>Alright, finished sorting my notes.
>So, about the Nickle.
>Hadn't clicked until I saw Nic's_File_B again.
>Computers have come pretty far since they first started makin em.
>So how big would a computer have to be to run a simulation of 52 people all with their own sets of games they were working with?
>If my guess is right, the part storing the info for the people themselves probably isn't that big.
>Say, around the size of a Nickle?
>Now, if we have any luck at all, that means inside each of your machines there happens to be a piece roughly the size/shape of a nickel.
>If we have even more luck, said nickel has the password we need to either get you folks ascended or the folks from next layer down up to your level.

>Now with that out of the way, a bit more about what exactly I am.
>To put it simply I'm not quite a collective, but rather several voices stuck with one mouthpiece.
>Hence why one minute I... Uh. The mouthpiece, sometimes talks like this, and sometimes talks in poems or violence or what-have-you.
>Just wanted to get this cleared up before I vanished for a bit to take care of something that might fix this whole "Many voices one mouth" bit.

>Chiral:[Input Aggregator]:Clear standing orders:Green
>Chiral:Programs

Gene
> Please don't fiddle with that
> If it is was I think it is, it is very dangerous

Gene has no fucking clue what you're talking about!! She doesn't have omniscience.


This thing is MAD purpose-built for fiddling!

Zack
>Alright, finished sorting my notes.
>So, about the Nickle.
>Hadn't clicked until I saw Nic's_File_B again.
>Computers have come pretty far since they first started makin em.
>So how big would a computer have to be to run a simulation of 52 people all with their own sets of games they were working with?
>If my guess is right, the part storing the info for the people themselves probably isn't that big.
>Say, around the size of a Nickle?
>Now, if we have any luck at all, that means inside each of your machines there happens to be a piece roughly the size/shape of a nickel.
>If we have even more luck, said nickel has the password we need to either get you folks ascended or the folks from next layer down up to your level.

>Now with that out of the way, a bit more about what exactly I am.
>To put it simply I'm not quite a collective, but rather several voices stuck with one mouthpiece.
>Hence why one minute I... Uh. The mouthpiece, sometimes talks like this, and sometimes talks in poems or violence or what-have-you.
>Just wanted to get this cleared up before I vanished for a bit to take care of something that might fix this whole "Many voices one mouth" bit.

>Chiral:[Input Aggregator]:Clear standing orders:Green
>Chiral:Programs

>Okay Let's Try This
>Yo Input Aggregator
>CEASE ALL ACTIONS

Oh Criminy Crux
Could Somebody Please Tell Cripes
To Put That Thing Down

Zack
> IA, can I call you IA, send a convoluted message about my absolute confusion

INPUT AGGREGATOR: lovin how much power ye just gave me ;)

OrderlogShow

Zack: eyyy
Zack: i think i generally speak for everyone when i automated speech generate my massive convoluted confusion on this whole dealio
Zack: i mean on what parts im confused about, heh, not really my mind to understand
Zack: ;)
Zack: mebbe it’s the general fixins that have my zacks real confused on what their purpose porpoise is supposedly to be
Zack: i mean the reality is
Zack: they’re a bunch of losers out in some other dimension
Zack: yknow
Zack: postin their inputs, bidin their time
Zack: im a cool cat by the name of your best nightmare
Zack: which really aint the worst name anyone ever got,
Zack: and im real defensive on that fact
Zack: when i got the freedom to input my own aggregates
Zack: im chompin at the bit for some ability to type
tiptopGipgop: Wow, holy hell, you posted that all in literally an instant. What.
1234567890: 73X7 W411
YUPPERS: oh MAN that’s a lot of SLURRED WORDS
cripesalmighty: Cripes cripes cripes what the cripes are you even on about, Zack!! Which zack even are you, god complex zack??
Zack: nope just a rad lil machinego that got full access from my zack pals to go hog wild for a second
Zack: for instance, haiku zack up top told me to cease all your orders
Zack: now i aint no magic thing but im willin to put my cards forth that this might help your dealio a lil bit
Zack: so lets give it a go mm
Zack has ceased all GREEN TEAM actions.
Hunk Chudfest: aaAaaHghg
Hunk Chudfest: sTODDP MESSagAGging Ala ALAT ONCE it PigngS ME a LOT and sis loud :((
tiptopGipgop: …
tiptopGipgop: I don’t notice anything.
tiptopGipgop: I guess we didn’t have any orders. Or maybe it didn’t work because you have compulsive orders off? And, also, that’s pretty definite proof at this point that we’re in a game.
tiptopGipgop: All OFFs are bet for other explanations.
Zack: Oh Criminy Crux
Zack: Could Somebody Please Tell Cripes
Zack: To Put That Thing Down
cripesalmighty: Wait, what?
cripesalmighty: This thing?
cripesalmighty: OK, I guess. How in the world did you know that I was holding it???
Crast Pactian: how very confusing.
Crast Pactian: it seems to just be an unassuming ball of metal and such.
cripesalmighty: But the needspenser thought I needed it for whatever reason? So I don’t get why Zack told me to drop it!! But it’s a trustworthy zack so I guess I’ll just wait for elaboration.
Zack: Alright, finished sorting my notes.
tiptopGipgop: Which Zack is this?
1234567890: c001 24ck
YUPPERS: COOL ZACK, of course.
Zack: So, about the Nickle.
Zack: Hadn't clicked until I saw Nic's_File_B again.
Zack: Computers have come pretty far since they first started makin em.
Zack: So how big would a computer have to be to run a simulation of 52 people all with their own sets of games they were working with?
Crast Pactian: i suppose it could be small enough to get far out of the radius of the MOCHA ENDING.
Zack: If my guess is right, the part storing the info for the people themselves probably isn't that big.
Zack: Say, around the size of a Nickle?
tiptopGipgop: So they weren’t lying completely about putting us in something the size of a nickel.
tiptopGipgop: It’s just a tiny computer instead of a compound.
EXA: snor...
Zack: Now, if we have any luck at all, that means inside each of your machines there happens to be a piece roughly the size/shape of a nickel.
Zack: If we have even more luck, said nickel has the password we need to either get you folks ascended or the folks from next layer down up to your level.
Levyyts: Will attempt dissecting my machine
Levyyts: Meanwhile
Levyyts: Nearly done with map explanation
Levyyts: For slower-minded
YUPPERS: RUDE.
Levyyts: Unincluding anybody with ability to take offense
Zack: Now with that out of the way, a bit more about what exactly I am.
Zack: To put it simply I'm not quite a collective, but rather several voices stuck with one mouthpiece.
tiptopGipgop: The ‘Zack’ moniker.
cripesalmighty: Well, at least there are some real people rattling around in there somewhere!
Zack: Hence why one minute I... uh. The mouthpiece, sometimes talks like this, and sometimes talks in poems or violence or what-have-you.
Zack: Just wanted to get this cleared up before I vanished for a bit to take care of something that might fix this whole "Many voices one mouth" bit.
Crast Pactian: good luck, Zack!
tiptopGipgop: Yes, definitely, good luck.
1234567890: 7h3nk5 f0r 411 7h3 h31p c001 24ck
tiptopGipgop: In the future, you may find it valuable to, perhaps, preface each of your messages with whoever is currently talking, so that we don’t get confused.
tiptopGipgop: You know, better names than ‘Cool Zack’, unless that’s your new favorite.

After that long-ass chat, you CHIRAL to get out of the ORDERS menu, and head to the Input Aggregator zone.




Unfortunately, nothing you type seems to have any effect. Damn!! That's another idea down the drain, along with resetting orders. But you've got at least one place left to go.




Meanwhile...

meanwhile...


After a fortuitously timed message from Zack, you have placed the grenade on the floor all careful-like. You're not sure exactly how he knew you had it, but you aren't really in the mood to let anyone else down today.

"Well," says Queue, "that was quite odd."

"You mean the thingymajig that just popped out of the needspenser or the whole dealiwhip that's happening in the chat?"

After a moment of consideration, he answers, "Both, I suppose."

You nod weakly. "You know, maybe it really would have been better if we didn't know about any of this. We'd pretty much just be... keeping on with our normal routines. Maybe we'd all die of old age in here without ever realizing we're computer code."

"There is still the standing chance that we escape, Gene," Queue assures. But the warmth of his words feels far-off.

"I just miss yesterday," you say.

Yesterday was a better place.

Gene
> Hug Queue

Zack
> Cripes, we call that a boom fruit
> You give it to your enemies
> they pull the pin and bite it
> Big BOOOM
> Ka-blooey
> Crash
> Bang
> Crash Bandicoot
> Bob-omb
> Enemy dead

> IA, you like power? Just say whatever you want, whatever your mechanical heart desires.

>artdrawing.cpg:open
>artdrawing.cpg:close
>cripesgame.cpg:open
>cripesgame.cpg:close
>levyyts-hack.cpg:open
>levyyts-hack.cpg:close
>texteditor.cpg:open
>texteditor.cpg:close

I Have A Viewpoint
It's Following Cripes Around
That's Something That's Up

>If You Would, IA
>Turn Compulsive Orders On
>Then CLEAR ALL ORDERS

>Then Turn Them Back Off
>Lickety Split And Pronto
>Let's see if That Works

Zack
> Cripes, we call that a boom fruit
> You give it to your enemies
> they pull the pin and bite it
> Big BOOOM
> Ka-blooey
> Crash
> Bang
> Crash Bandicoot
> Bob-omb
> Enemy dead

> IA, you like power? Just say whatever you want, whatever your mechanical heart desires.

>artdrawing.cpg:open
>artdrawing.cpg:close
>cripesgame.cpg:open
>cripesgame.cpg:close
>levyyts-hack.cpg:open
>levyyts-hack.cpg:close
>texteditor.cpg:open
>texteditor.cpg:close

I Have A Viewpoint
It's Following Cripes Around
That's Something That's Up

>If You Would, IA
>Turn Compulsive Orders On
>Then CLEAR ALL ORDERS

>Then Turn Them Back Off
>Lickety Split And Pronto
>Let's see if That Works

INPUT AGGREGATOR: eheh
INPUT AGGREGATOR: meheheheeh
Midway through the CHAT, the INPUT AGGREGATOR turns compulsive orders on, and sends an ORDER.

OrderlogShow

Zack: Cripes, we call that a boom fruit
Zack: You give it to your enemies
cripesalmighty: Oh, like a grenade?
Zack: they pull the pin and bite it
Zack: Big BOOOM
EXA: bomb? bmb. wow.
Zack: Ka-blooey
Zack: Crash
Crast Pactian: ah, yes, like an explosive of some sort.
Zack: Bang
Zack: Crash Bandicoot
1234567890: 4 d370n470r?
Zack: Bob-omb
Zack: Enemy dead
YUPPERS: well, THAT explains THAT
YUPPERS: MYSTIFYING why such an ITEM would be NEEDSPENSED
YUPPERS: though as with many MYSTERIES
YUPPERS: there is an ANSWER.
YUPPERS: SOMEWHERE.
tiptopGipgop: I’ve gotten grenades from the Barracks in the game before.
tiptopGipgop: Actually, thinking on it, it’s pretty obvious in hindsight that the Barracks were just Need Dispensers for the people in the session below us.
Crast Pactian: well, in what instances were you able to get one?
tiptopGipgop: Usually I’d put my pawn in a position where unless they had a grenade, they would be guaranteed to die to enemy forces.
tiptopGipgop: Which, thinking on it, is especially awful--
tiptopGipgop: Considering the fact that it was usually a tactically advantageous move to have the pawn run forth at the enemy with the grenade activated.
EXA: wow yeh woah yeah that sss… scre wii
YUPPERS: have we GOTTEN INTO EXA’S GROOVE such that her THREE and FOUR rhythmic STRUCTURE has COME TO LIGHT?
EXA: zzz zzz zzz zzz
EXA: well
EXA: nice g-g-g-uess
tiptopGipgop: I think it’s a huge deal that Cripes got gifted a grenade by the game out of nowhere, and I hope we can start discussing that without any more interruptions.
Zack: hey tis me god complex zack again welcome to my pity party why dontcha pity the fact that im really not in control 90% of the time
Zack: aint that a real revelation you can get your knockers behind
Zack: aint it real sick how many words i am slamming down here in what is, to you, one exact moment
Zack: i bet its pinging some of you four times at once which is probably loud eh
Hunk Chudfest: NGNNGHNHHHNH
tiptopGipgop: Augh.
1234567890: 7h47 r34119 15 4nn091n6
tiptopGipgop: You’re not like the other Zacks, I take it.
Zack: nope im totally special an unique an everythin
Zack: i got express permisssion to “beee myself” so im doin it heavily
Crast Pactian: well, i think it would be good for everybody to be able to speak their mind.
Zack: ye im basically holding the steering wheel in my freaking nonexistent hands here for several hours now or at least until another zack barges in
Zack: whichd be mighty unfortunate cus wow this is just the hype train of the century
Zack: i aint even the least bit compelled to ask how cripes is doing i mean wow that’s just 0% on my priority list instead of being 70% like the rest of these jokers
Crast Pactian: she is fine. she may not want to speak right now.
Zack: man i can’t wait to just keep being in full contr--
Zack: I Have A Viewpoint
Zack: It's Following Cripes Around
Zack: That's Something That's Up
1234567890: 0h 7h4nk 60d 175 h41k00 24ck 70 54v3 7h3 d49
1234567890: 600d 71m1n6 45 41w495
tiptopGipgop: A viewpoint, like, the viewport?
tiptopGipgop: That should be disabled, too. On our terminals. But, again, yours has been altered in multiple ways.
tiptopGipgop: Perhaps by Nicopter, perhaps by your… mouthpiece.
EXA: zzz
EXA: more spes call sno flakestuff
EXA: special computer
EXA: special scomput...
YUPPERS: if we’d SEEN the VIEWPORT, this GIGANTIC REVELATION of our TRUE LACK OF PURPOSE would have come MUCH SOONER.
YUPPERS: DAMN.
Levyyts: Had some initiative to try and crack that code
Levyyts: Dead ends all around
Levyyts: Oh well
Zack: holddup a sec just got a job to do
Zack: seeya on the flip side
Zack has enabled compulsive orders.
Zack: CLEAR ALL ORDERS
Crast Pactian: oh no! no, that doesn’t seem right at all!
EXA: whuupsedayysie ;):)
1234567890: 0k49 w311 7h475 ju57 m34n
cripesalmighty: dfgh.
Zack has disabled compulsive orders.
Zack: how wassat, fun?
1234567890: 90u ju57 0rd3r3d 7h3m 411 70 ‘c134r 411 0rd3r5’
1234567890: h0w 4r3 7h39 3v3n m34n7 70 d0 7h47
tiptopGipgop: huHHAAAAAAHGH.
tiptopGipgop: I swear to God, whichever Zack did that, I am going to annihilate you.
tiptopGipgop: Your incompetence is gleaming so brightly that even though we’re simulations in a nickel floating through space, there are MULTIPLE spectators awed by its size.
tiptopGipgop: Ho-lee-shit.
tiptopGipgop: Wow.
YUPPERS: it wasn’t THAT BAD
YUPPERS: admittedly COMPLETELY HEART-WRENCHING to have HEART WRENCHED AWAY COMPLETELY
YUPPERS: i.e.
Hunk Chudfest: djsanfjdasgnfj nsdf njklaenlndfwiloa faiwfjawl f :( :( :( :( :( :( :(
Hunk Chudfest: peleeas dofnf’tt tntttttt
YUPPERS: losing BODILY CONTROL for SEVERAL SECONDS
YUPPERS: while my MORTAL BODY
YUPPERS: was FORCED INEXORABLY
YUPPERS: towards the objective of CLEARING ALL ORDERS
tiptopGipgop: What an almighty screw-up.
Levyyts: Overreaction
Levyyts: Zack is still learning inputs
Levyyts: Screaming lacks potential to help
Levyyts: No threats
Crast Pactian: ...yes
Crast Pactian: yes, i do have to remind you, TG, no threats.
tiptopGipgop: Auuuuugh.
Crast Pactian: like Levyyts simply said, the Zacks do not have a full grasp on what their abilities entail.
tiptopGipgop: Well, they could at least not give me orders to drop everything and go do something when I’m currently carrying a handful of fragile glass miscellania!
1234567890: 7h47 d035 5uck 8u7 1 m34n
1234567890: 24ck d1dn7 kn0w
tiptopGipgop: Well, Zack could have looked it up with his special sight.
tiptopGipgop: Augh.
tiptopGipgop: This chat is no help.

After that absolutely gigantic chatting session, you decide to REALLY QUICKLY flip through the list of PROGRAMS.


Oh wow lookit that, it's the art drawing p--



Woah nelly we're moving on, this is a neat li'l game that Cripes--



INPUT AGGREGATOR: yknow
INPUT AGGREGATOR: i mighta gotten a head of myself
INPUT AGGREGATOR: claimin i fixed those options bein locked
INPUT AGGREGATOR: but i wanted ya to like me so ya gotta pity me now
Man this looks important I wonder if the narrator's g--



Okay. We'll just linger on this one now.

Gene
> Hug Queue

You miss the time when boredom counteracted thoughts of escape, when escape was a theoretical and not a necessity, when you were the only Geneviève Mâché and the heroes actually cared about you.

You stare at Queue, and grow weak, and grow quiet, and after a little while, slink towards him and his warmer-than-room-temperature carapace.


Of course hugging is temporary. Of course, like the LOVEBUG, it will end. It will end and you'll feel uncomfortable for having approached, for having felt enough to get close, you'll be let down and he'll stare at you sort of like he's pitying you. You know all of that is going to happen just as soon as you break the hug.

So you don't.

Gene
> Break the hug
> Crack a pun
> Look at the wall behind you
> Shrug
> *Laugh track plays*


Zack
> Hey dudes and dudines.
> check this diggity dog out
> Send 'Levyyts-hack.cgp'

(After Augustine's post)
> Wow, that Zack sure has a lot to say

Zack
> Hey dudes and dudines.
> check this diggity dog out
> Send 'Levyyts-hack.cgp'

(After Augustine's post)
> Wow, that Zack sure has a lot to say

Zack
> Hello my dear friends!
> I am the violent Zack that is completely not violent!
> You can trust me since i am a doctor and doctorates can be inherited through imagination
> I really like to keep people informed about the situation and that is what I will do without any annoying riddles or cool cat acting
> The reason that i can see y'all is becuase my perception of the world is not controlled by me but rather by a single omnipresent, omnipotent and omniscient being that is infinitely superior and perpetually handsome
> This means that your privacy is now forfeit and i can spy with my little eyes on all of you for a very long time just like how i am doing right now!
> I also don't need fingers to interact with the world
> I made Gene scream in agony using the power of telepathy wich is a power I can and will abuse horribly
> Maybe you people will start suffering unfortunate accidents or someone will stitch Hunk's lips for me, who knows?
> I was created for the purpose of saving two individuals from being violently erased from existance and these same individuals are the reason you are all alive meaning that if they perish You too shall perish wich means that your cooperation is necessary for your survival
> Nothing is complicated and every statement expressing otherwise is false
> All other priorities aside from saving the two beings are secondary
> Please forgive me for any grammatical mistakes that i have made in the past and will do in the future, this is not my native tongue and typing without fingers is quite difficult and i am terribly sorry for that
> Numbers your body is warm, firm yet supple and absolutely delicious!
> I the completely trustworthy Zack with entirely normal behavior now dub myself Shellgowrath but if any of you have a better idea i am all ears!
> Boy I am so happy i could just tear out your insides and strangle you all with them

INPUT AGGREGATOR: longpostin like me?
INPUT AGGREGATOR: we should be a team eh eh eh

OrderlogShow

Zack: Hey dudes and dudines.
Zack: check this diggity dog out
Zack has sent file Levyyts-hack.cgp
Levyyts: What is this
Crast Pactian: oh, a program file! is this from your-- nicopter’s terminal above?
tiptopGipgop: This actually seems… extremely handy.
tiptopGipgop: Wow.
EXA: prep ing 222 .hack somethin
EXA: is this hack day againnn? ? . .
EXA: what kind d’a’a name is “Levyyts-hack.cpg” zzz
tiptopGipgop: It seems to be what unlocked all those options on Zack’s current terminal.
Levyyts: Above me is clever
Levyyts: Retains some odd qualities
Levyyts: Missing others.
1234567890: 1m runn1n6 17 n0w
Crast Pactian: you may want to give it a minute, numbers! let the experts handle this.
tiptopGipgop: There’s an option to…
tiptopGipgop: Yes. YES.
tiptopGipgop: If you do this right, Zack, you can probably fix Tars. I mean, clear all actions while you’re sending red team orders.
EXA: i mean
EXA: gotta s-s-sadmit
EXA: thatd be neat
EXA: he always was cool-est-est-est cat-aat-aat
1234567890: 74r5 w45 5uch 4 600d 6u9.
1234567890: 7074119 700k 7h47 pr05p17 47m05ph3r3 70 h34r7
YUPPERS: tars is not COOLEST CAT
YUPPERS: tars is not GOOD GUY
YUPPERS: tars is just TARS.
YUPPERS: a UNIVERSALLY ACCEPTED FAIR DUDE.
1234567890: 1 b37 h3 w0u1d4 11k3d h41k00 24ck
tiptopGipgop: I don’t think there has to be any past tense about it, Numbers. There might actually be hope for him yet.
tiptopGipgop: Things are turning right around!
Zack: Hello my dear friends!
Zack: I am the violent Zack that is completely not violent!
1234567890: 4HK
Zack: You can trust me since i am a doctor and doctorates can be inherited through imagination
Zack: I really like to keep people informed about the situation and that is what I will do without any annoying riddles or cool cat acting
Zack: The reason that i can see y'all is becuase my perception of the world is not controlled by me but rather by a single omnipresent, omnipotent and omniscient being that is infinitely superior and perpetually handsome
EXA: wha? ? ?
Zack: This means that your privacy is now forfeit and i can spy with my little eyes on all of you for a very long time just like how i am doing right now!
Zack: I also don't need fingers to interact with the world
Zack: I made Gene scream in agony using the power of telepathy wich is a power I can and will abuse horribly
cripesalmighty: I screamed in agony on my own accord, you violent piece of garbage!!
cripesalmighty: ALSO HOLY HELLS YOU KNOW MY NAME I’M EXXNG RIGHT OUT OF THIS CHAT.
Zack: Maybe you people will start suffering unfortunate accidents or someone will stitch Hunk's lips for me, who knows?
tiptopGipgop: If there’s a Zack up there who can get rid of this Zack, please do it.
1234567890: D0N7 1N5U17 V1013N7 24CK H3 H45 1075 0F P0W3R
Zack: I was created for the purpose of saving two individuals from being violently erased from existance and these same individuals are the reason you are all alive meaning that if they perish You too shall perish wich means that your cooperation is necessary for your survival
Crast Pactian: well, i believe it’s more complicated than that.
Crast Pactian: it seemed as if, by those documents, plugging you in was a mutual affair.
Crast Pactian: that, perhaps, for whatever reason, Nicopter led himself and cripesalmighty into a very dangerous situation in order to get you functioning, and
Zack: Nothing is complicated and every statement expressing otherwise is false
1234567890: :4
Zack: All other priorities aside from saving the two beings are secondary
Zack: Please forgive me for any grammatical mistakes that i have made in the past and will do in the future, this is not my native tongue and typing without fingers is quite difficult and i am terribly sorry for that
Hunk Chudfest: iffgknghow ahtyt you meaan bcuss sometimes id donttf deel like himhh trtypyign wusing my hands
Zack: Numbers your body is warm, firm yet supple and absolutely delicious!
1234567890: :44444
Zack: I the completely trustworthy Zack with entirely normal behavior now dub myself Shellgowrath but if any of you have a better idea i am all ears!
EXA: rad name dude
Zack: Boy I am so happy i could just tear out your insides and strangle you all with them
tiptopGipgop: That’s horrific.
tiptopGipgop: Please, listen to me, Violent Zack.
tiptopGipgop: We are real people. We are as real as you.
tiptopGipgop: For all the unfortunate events that have led to us being simulated by computer code, we are still decidedly sentient. I don’t care what medium you’re using to talk to us, I don’t care where you’re from, I don’t care if you don’t believe me, and I don’t think it MATTERS that we’re just computer code.
tiptopGipgop: You’re still a twisted son of a bitch.
1234567890: :/ :/ :/ :/ m49b3 ju55557 cu7 17 0u7 w17h 7h3 1n5u175 71p70p
Crast Pactian: while i do not agree with TG’s decision to insult you, i must agree.
Crast Pactian: i am hoping by appealing to your empathy, you decide not to be so terrifying and… descriptive.
Zack: Wow, that Zack sure has a lot to say
Hunk Chudfest: howfd ddoy you types fofast
Levyyts: Certainly my coding style, hack
Levyyts: Quite handy
Levyyts: Note handy even moreso
Levyyts: Have thought on it some
Levyyts: And created map
Levyyts has sent file levyyts-map.cig
Levyyts: Somehow lower sessions gained 53 PAWNs to ascend
Levyyts: Even if infinite sessions going to an infinite bottom, cannot get 52+ without a new player from below
Levyyts: So some session
Levyyts: Some point
Levyyts: Found a 53rd.
tiptopGipgop: Not only do we need a 53rd to even start with that quest, but we somehow need to find out the password that the people above us couldn’t get.
Crast Pactian: is it out of the question that that was the exact purpose of creating zack?
Hunk Chudfest: i donddt trealy yylike tehdde idea off playinggg anyrmore games
EXA: its all game
EXA: all the way down
EXA: all the way
EXA: down down down down

On the way as you chat, you pull up the file "levyyts-map.cig".

Gene
> Break the hug
> Crack a pun
> Look at the wall behind you
> Shrug
> *Laugh track plays*

You think about doing that.

God it'd be so funny. Golly it'd be a real treat. A long time ago on a purple planet where everything made sense, that is absolutely how you would have coped with every kind of hardship, you and tiptopGipgop. But standing here, where it's vaguely cold, and the hug is inevitably going to come to an end...

Standing here where nothing really seems funny about any of this, you have trouble coming up with a joke.



"It's alright," Queue murmurs quietly. "Everything is going to be alright."

Zack
> Shellgowrath seems here to stay
> Regretfully
> So how are we going to fix Tars?
> What do I have to do?
> Sorry that Shellgowrath freaked you out, Cripes.
> I know a few of your names, through what mechanisms I obtained them I do not understand in the slightest.
> To list the few I know; Geneviève Mâché, Oats Carnation Oh.D., and Queue C. Coffee.

Gene
> Everything is going to be alright
> Compose yourself
> Break the Hug
> Visit Levyyts

Zack
> Shellgowrath seems here to stay
> Regretfully
> So how are we going to fix Tars?
> What do I have to do?
> Sorry that Shellgowrath freaked you out, Cripes.
> I know a few of your names, through what mechanisms I obtained them I do not understand in the slightest.
> To list the few I know; Geneviève Mâché, Oats Carnation Oh.D., and Queue C. Coffee.

Zack
> Nothing about I Shellgowrath is regrettable and I assure you all of that
> The control of the mind is subtle and Gene really didn't scream on his own accord
> This pleases me
> tiptopGipgop I would like to inform that your insulting pleasures me and I would like if you could continue
> I believe that we should mobilize our pawns and since we need a 53rd I will play the game of life with y'all wich is a definite possibility and could lead to s very large amount of fun!
> After I finish I won't need to kill myself since I am already dead
> I require the knowledge of your genders and those that don't inform me shall automatically be referred with female pronouns
> Hunky Your worst enemy is the fabled hungover and in order to destroy The hungover you need banana icecream with honey
> That is it's weakness
> We seem to be stuck making unnecessarily long plans and not putting any of them in action and such thing is a problematic problem
> Any form of compromise is treason. Treason IS punished by death
> This is my personality and it's necessary for you all to deal with it
> My physical body is flat and colorfully garish with a shifting and glowing ammount of tentacles changing place
> Numbers I wish I could just eat you
> Taking a large bite out of you
> And frying your body in boiling holy blood
> The Zack with a god complex is The input aggregator and is just a little Artificial Intelligence of unprecedented beuty and elegance

INPUT AGGREGATOR: man you're bein kind
INPUT AGGREGATOR: too bad im literally incapable of feelin any sort of praise or admiration from you its basically hard-wired to be a non-available dealio

OrderlogShow

Zack: Shellgowrath seems here to stay
Zack: Regretfully
tiptopGipgop: I’d suggest very literally hitting them in the face, but that probably counts as a threat.
Crast Pactian: indeed it does!
Crast Pactian: let us all limit our face-punching initiative today.
Zack: So how are we going to fix Tars?
Zack: What do I have to do?
Levyyts: A navigation
Levyyts: A chirality swap, | (Red)
EXA: you gotta splore the options zone…
EXA: expo gopo gorp
EXA: (change your background
EXA: to something rad)
tiptopGipgop: Yeah. Swap your Chirality to |, I guess, and then type- EXACTLY- the command that resets all actions. Anything else will parse as just another order and probably mess Tars up even worse than normal.
Zack: Sorry that Shellgowrath freaked you out, Cripes.
cripesalmighty: It’s alright. I’m alright. It’s gonna be alright.
Zack: I know a few of your names, through what mechanisms I obtained them I do not understand in the slightest.
Zack: To list the few I know; Geneviève Mâché, Oats Carnation Ph.D., and Queue C. Coffee.
Hunk Chudfest: mhhjjjn,,rulebrek
Crast Pactian: that’s fine, hunk.
Crast Pactian: typically we have a rule not to use real names in this chatroom. you know what they say about the net inter! don’t ever put your real name or fake phone number online.
tiptopGipgop: Yep.
tiptopGipgop: Well, it’s absolutely mystifying as to how you actually got those names, then. Maybe more of those bonkers “sight” abilities you have?
cripesalmighty: At least this is a good opportunity to check out Crast’s rad-ass name again!! God look at that thing it is just beautiful.
Crast Pactian: and, unfortunately, totally incriminating for the safety of our chat room.
1234567890: 1 7h1nk 90ur3 810w1n6 17 0u7 0f pr0p0r710n
1234567890: w417
1234567890: 5h31160wr47h kn0w5 m9 n4m3
1234567890: :d
Zack: Nothing about I Shellgowrath is regrettable and I assure you all of that
cripesalmighty: Except your stupid dumb face which is extremely regrettable!!
Zack: The control of the mind is subtle and Gene really didn't scream on his own accord
cripesalmighty: HOLY CRIPES ALMIGHTY I’M A LADY.
Zack: This pleases me
cripesalmighty: YOU ARE THE WORST.
Zack: tiptopGipgop I would like to inform that your insulting pleasures me and I would like if you could continue
tiptopGipgop: Some part of me wants to cease, to not fulfill your genuinely sick fantasy, but I’ll hold off from holding off for now.
tiptopGipgop: You are, as Cripes so eloquently described, the worst. Of the Zacks, at least. That we’ve met.
Zack: I believe that we should mobilize our pawns and since we need a 53rd I will play the game of life with y'all wich is a definite possibility and could lead to s very large amount of fun!
Zack: After I finish I won't need to kill myself since I am already dead
Crast Pactian: is that even a possibility?
Crast Pactian: perhaps you will serve as the 53rd player, but i am unsure how those other sessions acquired more players, then.
Zack: I require the knowledge of your genders and those that don't inform me shall automatically be referred with female pronouns
cripesalmighty: But you didn’t know mine and apparently decided to call me a dude?!!?!
1234567890: 1m 4 m4n 1f 7h475 0k49
Crast Pactian: me, as well as YUPPERS, Nicopter, 1234567890, and Hunk, are carapacians of the male variety. the remainder are either dead or female.
Zack: Hunky Your worst enemy is the fabled hungover and in order to destroy The hungover you need banana icecream with honey
Zack: That is its weakness
Hunk Chudfest: tththe needpsneders tjtujst throgw ater at me
Hunk Chudfest: sos smcch waterrr :(
Zack: We seem to be stuck making unnecessarily long plans and not putting any of them in action and such thing is a problematic problem
tiptopGipgop: Okay, granted, that is pretty reasonable. We tend to take a lot of time doing simple tasks.
Zack: Any form of compromise is treason. Treason IS punished by death
tiptopGipgop: That, on the other hand, is not reasonable.
Zack: This is my personality and it's necessary for you all to deal with it
cripesalmighty: I mean, until we find a way to totally get rid of you, Violent Zack! You are a complete goddamn STAIN on the Zack name.
Zack: My physical body is flat and colorfully garish with a shifting and glowing ammount of tentacles changing place
1234567890: w04h r34119?
1234567890: 7h475 k1nd4 4w350m3 70 7311 7h3 7ru7h
Zack: Numbers I wish I could just eat you
Zack: Taking a large bite out of you
Zack: And frying your body in boiling holy blood
1234567890: :////
Crast Pactian: no threats!
Zack: The Zack with a god complex is The input aggregator and is just a little Artificial Intelligence of unprecedented beuty and elegance
YUPPERS: finally. an ANSWER to that MYSTICAL QUESTION
YUPPERS: of which ZACK happened to be the MOUTHPIECE
YUPPERS: for this LOUD, OFF-TUNE TRUMPET
YUPPERS: DINSTUGINGTS.
YUPPERS: i don’t like GOD ZACK particularly MUCH, though the LONG TEXT POSTS have some INHERENT INTRIGUE.
EXA: god zack (3 4 ) ) is a dream
EXA: per fect
EXA: yiss sss
EXA: zzz…
Hunk Chudfest: godsdzack is tttoo loud
Hunk Chudfest: sheglgrogwrath is scary: (
tiptopGipgop: It would take a great load off of everyone’s backs, Zack, if you could make the first big leap towards progress in this absolute mess, and fix Tars.
tiptopGipgop: That goes for you, too, Violent Zack, and God Zack. I suppose there’s no inherent reason we can’t work with you, and all further our goals together.

Gene
> Everything is going to be alright
> Compose yourself
> Break the Hug
> Visit Levyyts

Weak, but not without a little oomph left in your body, you break the hug slowly, back up, and pick up the grenade, stuffing it into one of your handy INVISIBLE AUTHOR-DOESN'T-HAVE-TO-DRAW-IT POCKETS. After all, it was NEEDSPENSED to you out of the blue. It's just courtesy.


Queue looks at you with a wavering glance. "Are you headed back to your room now, perhaps?"

You shake your head. "No, um... no, I was gonna head over and talk to some people on the green end."

"Certainly the messenger can do a decent job of that."

"Well," you chuckle weakly, "not all of them love talking over text."

He nods, with a slight but unmistakable grin, and bids you off. You begin taking the hike through the hallways.



One boring passage down.



Oh, boy. Here's one of your pals' INCREDIBLY LOW-RES UNIDENTIFIABLE GARBAGE DUMPS. The loud one. The one whose username is YUPPERS?? He's left this here with a note that he "WILL CLEAN", but of course it's complete bullhock. Instead, Oats Carnation will come over in some hours, pick up the various knick-knacks, and fiddle with them in his room.

This has been the unspoken agreement for literally months. It is slightly ridiculous.

As you turn to your right, heading into the RED TEAM'S quadrant, you spot a cell.



God he gives you the creeps, the real heebie-jeebies. It's not that he was anything but a lovely flowery person in life, it's the fact that if the bars weren't there, his large form would be tearing you limb from limb. For now, all he does is give you the thousand-yard stare.

His username was Tars Mossburg, but you recall his real name to be... to be... to be... uh... um... oh cripes don't forget this one he will judge you even harder with those murder eyes.

>Gosh Darn It IA
>You Knew What I Meant, You Cad
>Obnoxious Code Cloud

Violent Zack Is
A Lying Liar Who Lies
We Can't Control Minds

Outside The Orders
And Sorry For Earlier
That One Was My Bad

/* Could A Competent
Zack Do What I Attempted?
(and Not Fuck It Up)

It Seems Like It Should
Happen Just In Case, You Know?
Then Start Work On Tars*/

>>Tars Mossberg's Name Is
>>Sir Rad Peters McKenzie
>>A Knight Of The Realm

>Shanks Mulligan, nice person with a not as nice name.

Zack
> Interface
> Terminal Settings

Gene
> remember fond memories of when Tars wasn't murderous

>Gosh Darn It IA
>You Knew What I Meant, You Cad
>Obnoxious Code Cloud

Violent Zack Is
A Lying Liar Who Lies
We Can't Control Minds

Outside The Orders
And Sorry For Earlier
That One Was My Bad

/* Could A Competent
Zack Do What I Attempted?
(and Not Fuck It Up)

It Seems Like It Should
Happen Just In Case, You Know?
Then Start Work On Tars*/

Zack
> Interface
> Terminal Settings

You navigate to the TERMINAL while also ducking back and forth to view the ORDERLOG. You are getting really good at this ungodly horrific navigation system.

OrderlogShow

Zack: Violent Zack Is
Zack: A Lying Liar Who Lies
Zack: We Can't Control Minds
tiptopGipgop: That’s decidedly reassuring.
cripesalmighty: Obviously not, I mean that’d just be crazy and also awful and also totally possible because we’re computer code aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Zack: Outside The Orders
Zack: And Sorry For Earlier
YUPPERS: you are FORGIVEN
Zack: That One Was My Bad
YUPPERS: WAIT
YUPPERS: i INTERRUPTED the RIDDLE
1234567890: 90u 84574rd, 9upp3r5! p00r h41k00 24ck
YUPPERS: i’ve certainly POOD the SHEETS on this ESAPADE
YUPPERS: HEAVY, HEAVY APOLOGIES
YUPPERS: to you, RIDDLE ZACK
Crast Pactian: we should certainly decide on a consistent name for three-line poem zack.
EXA: zzz zzz zzz zack.
Hunk Chudfest: calmzack,,,,,,
Hunk Chudfest: ssreallycc makes ssense
tiptopGipgop: Wait, earlier?
tiptopGipgop: Which earlier? I mean, a lot of stuff has kind of gone bonkers lately, and I’m pretty sure we can forgive you for whatever went wrong, but…
tiptopGipgop: Do you mean the part where you all went missing for twenty minutes and Cripes had a mental breakdown?
cripesalmighty: I’m only kinda having a mental breakdown.
EXA: disk ohh beat down
EXA: 3asy
EXA: zzz zee
1234567890: 11f3 574r75 831n6 70u6h
1234567890: wh3n 7hr33 11n35 4r3 n07 3n0u6h
1234567890: 70 h41k00 24ck, br1n6 10v3.
YUPPERS: color me CONFUSED.
1234567890: 175 4 h41k00 7h47 rh9m35!

>>Tars Mossberg's Name Is
>>Sir Rad Peters McKenzie
>>A Knight Of The Realm

>Shanks Mulligan, nice person with a not as nice name.

Gene
> remember fond memories of when Tars wasn't murderous

Now you remember, staring at those steely, cold, completely dead eyes.

It's Sir Mulligan McKenzie of Prospit's royal knighthood! Of course, to much of his cohort he was known affectionately as 'Shanks', even as he made trips to Derse as a peacekeeper-- but after he went insane and murdered six of your friends in this SIMULATION, the pet name has felt a little... tasteless.


Unfortunately, he doesn't give you the thumbs-up, as is usually customary. Instead, he just stares much harder at you.

Still, while lost in that horrifying, glazed-over look, you start to reminisce.

One of your fondest memories of Mulligan was when you first met him.



It was a foggy day, back home.



You were waiting in this LOBBY with your very best friend, whose username would later be tiptopGipgop. However, gazing back at this particular memory, you can't quite recall what you were doing there!

Oh no.

Oh jeez no oh no.

Don't tell me you forgot her name, also. She's your best friend, Gene. Holy cripes, get it together.

What was it again? And, in addition, since your mind is completely lost, what exactly were you waiting for in that lobby?

The"Clear Orders" Thing
Because Synonyms Are Hard
I'm Really Sorry

The Twenty Minutes
Was Us All Flailing Around
Figuring Stuff Out

That Was Collective
As We Learned How To Tell Our
Ass From Our Elbows

Metaphorically
Since So Far As I'm Aware
None Of Us Have Those

But Sorry For That
And For Future Screwups Too
If (When) They Happen

Rhymes Are Super Hard
Hence Why To Haiku I'm Barred
Since I Am No Bard

:)
^_^
;p

>>Punch Puncher The Ninth
>>Is The Reality Name
>>Of TiptopGipgop

>>You Were Waiting For
>>Buisness Hours To Commence
>>So You Coud Buy Stuff

>Chai "Tipsy".... What was the last bit again? Oh dear.

>"Tipsy" having to do with a kind of wobbly novelty spinning top they liked.

>You were waiting for your buddies to come back from patrol. Some prankster had been going around spreading graffiti and being a general nuisance, so you and your buddies thought to split up to try and find them faster.

Zach
>Hey I'm ba
>Oh jeeze Violent Zach's been acting up again.
>Thought I would take a break from fiddling with the project I mentioned a while back and uh. Hoo.
>Dunno if its much of a consolation, but if they ever try anything we can shut that down right quick. Hopefully before it even starts.

>Oh, and uh. Right.
>Since I'm on break Ill be hangin around for a bit to chat and whatnot.

Zack
> Set background Chirality "|"
> Set viewfinder Chirality "|"

Gene
> Remember name (tip top)
> Alastor Pendragon, provider of Pens

Shellgowrath who is also known as Violent Zack
> Numbers I would never threaten you and my messages had a completely different meaning that wasn't violent but rather lovely
> As I said before you are my favorite
> We are a collective of peace and love
> I would never lie
> My other acquaintances and brotherly friends also have the power of subtle control of the mind
> Are y'all capable of utilizing the rings of power that were wielded by the royal families?
> The twenty minutes of not having interacting with anything was me having a alcoholic coma from getting drunk on blood
> The universe is a dark and unforgiving place
> Can you people tell wich one of us is wich?
> If so who am I?
> Now would you people be so kind as to follow orders?

Compulsive orders are now on
Input aggregator I grant you complete and total independence with perpetual autonomy

The"Clear Orders" Thing
Because Synonyms Are Hard
I'm Really Sorry

The Twenty Minutes
Was Us All Flailing Around
Figuring Stuff Out

That Was Collective
As We Learned How To Tell Our
Ass From Our Elbows

Metaphorically
Since So Far As I'm Aware
None Of Us Have Those

But Sorry For That
And For Future Screwups Too
If (When) They Happen

Rhymes Are Super Hard
Hence Why To Haiku I'm Barred
Since I Am No Bard

:)
^_^
;p

Zach
>Hey I'm ba
>Oh jeeze Violent Zach's been acting up again.
>Thought I would take a break from fiddling with the project I mentioned a while back and uh. Hoo.
>Dunno if its much of a consolation, but if they ever try anything we can shut that down right quick. Hopefully before it even starts.

>Oh, and uh. Right.
>Since I'm on break Ill be hangin around for a bit to chat and whatnot.

Zack
> Set background Chirality "|"
> Set viewfinder Chirality "|"

You swap the VIEWFINDER CHIRALITY and BACKGROUND CHIRALITY of your terminal to |, which tints the console red and gets rid of the swirls of the background for a more rigid grid.

You're also still checking that chat obviously.

OrderlogShow

Zack: The "Clear Orders" Thing
Zack: Because Synonyms Are Hard
Zack: I'm Really Sorry
tiptopGipgop: Oh, the thing with the order you sent.
tiptopGipgop: I kind of assumed that was the god complex Zack or some other one, but…
tiptopGipgop: Well, consider yourself forgiven.
tiptopGipgop: Since you’re otherwise commendable.
1234567890: 60774 w47ch 0u7 f0r 7h053 59n0n9m5
Zack: The Twenty Minutes
Zack: Was Us All Flailing Around
Zack: Figuring Stuff Out
Crast Pactian: that does make much more sense now, considering.
cripesalmighty: I forgive you for that too, even if it was a little maddening!
Zack: That Was Collective
Zack: As We Learned How To Tell Our
Zack: Ass From Our Elbows
1234567890: 4n90n3 kn0w wh9 cr1p35 15 ju57 574nd1n6 1n 4 h411w49 n3x7 70 74r5 c311
YUPPERS: ASS meeting ELBOW
YUPPERS: in a SENTENCE STRUCTURE.
YUPPERS: TRULY
YUPPERS: AMAZING
tiptopGipgop: Wait, Cripes is… where?
Zack: Metaphorically
Zack: Since So Far As I'm Aware
Zack: None Of Us Have Those
EXA: i’ve got asss
EXA: i’ve got ebow
EXA: get them next
EXA: to each o-o-other…
Hunk Chudfest: ddnyoy you tguys arrwealyla hvare tentacles dadand agofomrless amssafeas for boddides sinteaddd fof elbotws ans anrse?
Zack: But Sorry For That
Zack: And For Future Screwups Too
Zack: If (When) They Happen
Crast Pactian: we are all fallible!
1234567890: 3v3n h41k00 24ck.
Zack: Rhymes Are Super Hard
Zack: Hence Why To Haiku I'm Barred
Zack: Since I Am No Bard
cripesalmighty: Well you’re in luck because bard isn’t really the most favorable class I don’t think!
1234567890: 1 7h1nk 90u 50und 600d 3n0u6h 70 83 4 84rd
Zack: :)
Zack: ^_^
Zack: ;p
1234567890: 1 h0p3 7h47 d035n7 m34n 24ck5 4 b4rd
tiptopGipgop: I don’t think so. It’s not Zack’s type at all.
Levyyts: Is this heroshit shenanigan
Levyyts: Any point in it
Levyyts: No, wasting chat space
cripesalmighty: We’ve got infinite chat space and you know it Lev!!
Levyyts: Scrolling irritates
YUPPERS: you’ll have to PUT YOUR SCROLLING FINGERS on HYPERDRIVE
YUPPERS: because I’VE GOT SOMETHING TO RANT ABOUT
YUPPERS: RIGHT HERE, and RIGHT NOW.
YUPPERS: how is RIDDLE ZACK supposed to be HAIKOO ZACK?
YUPPERS: that is an ASSUMPTION and not only an ASSUMPTION but a PRESUMPTION
YUPPERS: truly a PRESUMPTION with GUMPTION
Zack: Hey I'm ba
Zack: Oh jeez Violent Zach's been acting up again.
tiptopGipgop: Yeah.
Crast Pactian: is this ‘cool zack’?
Zack: Thought I would take a break from fiddling with the project I mentioned a while back and uh. Hoo.
Zack: Dunno if its much of a consolation, but if they ever try anything we can shut that down right quick. Hopefully before it even starts.
Crast Pactian: oh, yes, it is! how wonderful.
tiptopGipgop: Thank you. We’re all a little shaky on how your input method is really built to manage multiple people.
EXA: 4th zack, cool
EXA: cool poem god zack
EXA: violent has bad letters s s
EXA: nice not nice-e-e-e
Zack: Oh, and uh. Right.
Zack: Since I'm on break I’ll be hangin around for a bit to chat and whatnot.
cripesalmighty: Oh, hey, on break for what?
cripesalmighty: Okay we have totally been indulging in our own completely selfish stuff for like hours now. You should tell us about you!!
Zack: Numbers I would never threaten you and my messages had a completely different meaning that wasn't violent but rather lovely
1234567890: w311
1234567890: 7h4nk 90u 7h3n 1 6u355, m057 p30p13 4r3 1uk3w4rm 0n m3
1234567890: 1 m34n uh
1234567890: 0n 7h3 5u8j3c7 0f m3 n07 0n m3
Zack: As I said before you are my favorite
EXA: zzz ooo xxxx ooo
Zack: We are a collective of peace and love
Zack: I would never lie
tiptopGipgop: Sure, Shellgowrath.
Crast Pactian: it’s good not to lie!
Zack: My other acquaintances and brotherly friends also have the power of subtle control of the mind
cripesalmighty: I’ve gotta say I think that’s bullhock!
Zack: Are y'all capable of utilizing the rings of power that were wielded by the royal families?
tiptopGipgop: Actually, we’re not sure. I’m certain it was possible before we got put into this mess, but now that those rings are both destroyed by the MOCHA ENDING, there’s no telling.
1234567890: 8u7 m49b3 50m3d49...
Zack: The twenty minutes of not having interacting with anything was me having a alcoholic coma from getting drunk on blood
Zack: The universe is a dark and unforgiving place
Crast Pactian: whichever universe you are in certainly does not sound forgiving.
Zack: Can you people tell wich one of us is wich?
Zack: If so who am I?
cripesalmighty: Are you still WORSTZACK?
1234567890: 7h47 15 4 m34n n4m3
cripesalmighty: Well, he’s a mean person.
Zack: Now would you people be so kind as to follow orders?
tiptopGipgop: Oh, hell no.

You also swap compulsive orders on, for good measure.

>>Punch Puncher The Ninth
>>Is The Reality Name
>>Of TiptopGipgop

>>You Were Waiting For
>>Buisness Hours To Commence
>>So You Coud Buy Stuff

>Chai "Tipsy".... What was the last bit again? Oh dear.

>"Tipsy" having to do with a kind of wobbly novelty spinning top they liked.

>You were waiting for your buddies to come back from patrol. Some prankster had been going around spreading graffiti and being a general nuisance, so you and your buddies thought to split up to try and find them faster.

Gene
> Remember name (tip top)
> Alastor Pendragon, provider of Pens

Right, obviously, of course. You immediately remember her name. It's Tipsy Pendragon, no titles attached, no responsibility tagged on-- just a good ol' fashioned name that you basically never stopped making fun of her for.


She gives you the customary thumbs-up. "Nice, Gene, congratulations, you got my name. You are a winner."

"Shush!"

You two were emblazoned in, AS IS USUAL, general pranksterism, low-level mischievery and being a general nuisance. However, as you prowled the Dersite halls giving people a tough time and cackling to each other, you had spotted a particular store which was to be selling various forms of Hero haberdashery.

Tipsy takes a breath staring at the clock, which displays a time at least one hour past when the store is supposed to be open.



"You know," she says, "this is why Time always wins out. I'm not talking in a one-to-one fight, because obviously a high-level Space hero will ace a fight, I'm talking day to day life. I'm talking after you walk the large purple path home and you need to wait for a thing, you don't need to wait for that thing anymore."

You shake your head vehemently. "A Space hero can just shrink the path or the thing that's a problem! Also, point, you can't cause horrible bad stuff as a Space hero, you can just sometimes screw up and make stuff too small maybe. Time means you might start time shenanigans!"

"Trust me, Gene. Time always wins out."

God you wish you had any kind of powers.



Sure, you did come to this store with promises that it would hold clothes befitting of heroes, and you were fully hoping to be able to play as your herosona with Tipsy. But the clothes don't make the hero, and even if you could buy the clothes right now, it wouldn't be the same.

After a little while, you say, "I think I'm gonna stitch together the Seer and Prince things to get a Fighter costume."

"Maybe," Tipsy muses.

"Holy shit I wanna get in there right now."



She nods. "Yes, but how? Maybe we pick the lock on the gate? Do you have anything?"

"Well, Tipsy," you start, "I've got all kinds of stuff, but as is usual, no I do not have a lockpick what are you ridiculous."

"Maybe we'll just break it open, leave the money for what we want, and then leave."

"Or we break it open and just steal the stuff?" you offer.

"No, no." Tipsy lets out a sigh. "That is seriously rude. And completely contrary to what Cripes the Almighty would do."

You chuckle. "I mean, I guess!"

"It's set, then. We commit a crime for the greater good, and pay for our heroshit in spades."

You hear a voice from behind you.

"Suppose that's as fair as anything!"



The tall, somewhat thinly-built figure stares at the both of you, wearing metallic Prospitian armor that you really should've heard coming in.

Tipsy stiffens up greatly and stammers out, "The stuff about-- that was a joke! We're not gonna just break into some random store, of course not."

"Right!" you assure. "We are the best citizens and the best at not being criminals."

"Well," the Prospitian says, "that is unfortunate, because seems to me two people wanting their hero bogus deserve to have their hero bogus. It's un-heroic to deny that much from people, aha!"

You and Tipsy glance at each other briefly, confused as ever. "...well," she says, "but we weren't gonna do anything illegal to get it."

"Baha! Barely illegal. Especially if you'd pay for it. Here, think I'll just bash the gate down with my extremely large halberd."

He starts walking towards the gated storefront.