"Seriously brain, what the hell?" A Thread For Weird Dreams and Nightmares

Dad and I get out of a car, middle of nowhere, snowy valley, I'm fumbling with locking the door properly and making sure I don't forget to take anything with me
He's already set off ahead and I manage to lock the car with the ceiling light still on, we've got to find the shelter before the nukes get dropped and everything's irradiated so I figure leave it be and follow him

The vault's nice. Underground but looks like a wood lodge somehow. Community of twenty or so to wait out the period where the surface is uninhabitable.

<A whole bunch of shit I couldn't retain after waking up - a hotel, and the much fancier next vault over from us; a borehole the sun's trapped in; some kind of apocalypse; climbing up a hill with some kind of guide+prophetic figure to still the raging fires or waters I can't remember which>

Sitting in a ruined structure on a hillside, overlooking the hotel and the borehole and the ocean, the hillside is so steep the structure's beams in the foreground and the straight lines of the scenery are all at crooked angles and I'm trying to remain seated and balanced at this pool

The supporting beams break+frame the backdrop into a narratively cohesive diptych
I'm mentally prepared to perform the ritual+chant+whatever that restores order and obliterates me as payment+transaction for this monumental task
My 7am alarm on my phone (it's birdsong) is repeating every couple minutes while I'm sitting here trying to recite this bullshit uninterrupted, no matter how many times I swipe it to Stop

I press on despite the distraction and after twenty minutes or so everything is as it should be
I'm not dead for my efforts either and while that sort of feels like a copout I'm grateful I guess that the ritual didn't demand that of me?

My conscious brain kind of kicks in at this point like "hey that broken alarm you're dreaming of? That's probably your actual alarm" so I wake up

check my phone and it's only 5 past seven and I'm like "ugh I hate time dream time dilation"

Last night I dreamed I was with my roommate on a trip to go his high school reunion, though standing from here I can see now it's clear we were never going to make it there in the dream. On top of the fact that we were certainly not dressed for a high school reunion, I can say with some certainty that we also weren't headed to his high school, as I've been there on more than one occasion. Our attire was actually much more in line with going on a hike to the middle of nowhere as we were kitted up in our usual clothing for outdoors shenanigans. (If anyone's wondering it looks like this.)

The dream began with us in a car on what was a lonely country two lane road. The sun was shining, and fields passed us by as the road began to narrow and eventually turn to a badly paved single lane. This too was soon overtaken by gravel, and then dirt. What had started as a simple road trip was soon a backwoods adventure through a forest as thick as the Forest of Fangorn. Sunlight struggled to reach the ground, and over gullies and ridges were fallen trees large enough to live in.

Eventually we came to a stream crossing, though the entirety of the crossing had been overtaken by flood waters. There was no hope of us going across in our vehicle, though as fate would have it we were not alone at that crossing. Going back and forth for seemingly no reason was a man with a hovercraft. He was incredibly thin, wearing a short sleeve work shirt with "Jon" embroidered on a tag on the front. Manically he worked a shifting knob on his hovercraft, adorned with a flaming 8-ball. From under the shadow of his own flowing brown mullet he called to us with a Southern draw, saying, "Hey! D'y'all need a lift across the crik?"

We were more than happy to take the opportunity, and were chauffeured across the waterway. It was no later than our first steps on the soft ground, though, that we turned our sights back across the stream to notice a truck with a lift kit that hoisted its chassis nearly 20 feet in the air. From inside its rolled down window was a heavy set man with a trucker's cap, wearing a pair of cheap Wal-Mart sunglasses. With a mighty roar the vehicle plunged forth, though strangely its wheels failed to meet water. The waters of the stream had suddenly subsided, turning only into a muddy and debris covered bed. This hardly bothered the man at the wheel, as he simply gave a cheer while sending grime cascading through the air.

Needless to say, we never reached that high school. I woke up not long after that, realizing as soon as I opened my eyes that I had just experienced in my sleep the quintessential aesthetic of the deep American South.

I have one that came out of nowhere the other day.

So basically I was in this field full of long grass, think big open pasture, and luckily dream me was not allergic to everything like real me would be so that was cool.

Anyway I was with someone, don't know who because I never actually saw them I just sort of assumed they were there. Like some kind of presence, I guess. Dream me didn't question it.

So we were in this open field and there was a decrepit white picket fence near-by, half torn down with chipped paint and claw marks on it. I didn't question this, really, but I got a sort of weird feeling from it, like something was wrong. But I'd gotten the idea in my head that I was on an adventure, so we started exploring.

Further into the field was this broken down and dirty shack missing a roof and part of the walls. The door was in tact and rather than hopping the walls, we used that for whatever reason.

Inside the shack was mostly just broken tools, but there was this huge cellar door right smack in the middle. So, naturally, I wanna open it. Dream-me must be built as fuck because I lifted that thing no problem even though it was a massive, heavy metal door.

We swung that sucker open and hopped down into the dark abyss it led to. I suppose I had a flashlight because as we were spelunking down the deep, dark and damp cave that door lead to I had a light I was shining on things. Whenever I hit a particularily dark shadow, these weird squiggle smoke tendrils would react and kind of make strange backwards quiet-shriek sounding noises. This was starting to really creep dream me out but I wanted to keep going, so I did.

We got past the ruined tunnels and leaky ceilings into a bigger hollowed out area. Sitting in the corner, sort of propped up sideways against the wall was the most dark, decrepit carousel I've ever seen. But instead of horses, the figures were faceless people in pencil stances, broken and downright demonic looking in the dim light.

So what does dream me do upon seeing this horrifying thing? Ride it, of course.

To get on you sort of had to cling to the figures and it would just start up on its own. I got the feeling my 'friend' was watching me. It ran super slow, and played horror-game-esque music box melodies as I went around.

The squiggly shadows were everywhere in this room. And by the end of the ride all I wanted to do was leave. It wasn't genuine fear but it was a definite 'alright I'm done' creeped-out feeling.

My friend was gone then. Like I said I never saw them for sure but I got the feeling they left. So I got off the ride and tried to re-trace my tracks but the whole tunnel had rearranged itself to always lead me back to that room.

Eventually I found a trap-door under the carousel that somehow led up and I'm not even sure how that looked to be honest. It was like I was going down... then suddenly climbing.

The trap door lead me into this huge, well-decorated but abandoned mansion. The TV was on but I somehow knew this place was abandoned.

So dream me decides to sit on the couch and watch TV. My friend had been waiting there, I guess, and... then I woke up.

Lemme tell ya it was a hell of a ride.

Had a weird and actually pretty depressing dream. I dont remember much of it but I can summarize the story.

tw: violence against children, child death

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SpoilerMy kids, that I'm teaching, got infected by this... thing that caused them to become superpowered but also vaguely evil. I got the power to control other people. Kids go out, wreak havoc, all in pursuit of one Powerful Object. They die, kill other people, or worse. I find out there is no cure. I send them to a convenience store, where I lure them into the basement with promises of a candy Grand Prize. There are guns everywhere. It's a spacious basement. Weeping, I ask (coerced with my power) them to kill themselves. They do, and a butterfly comes out of their body. Apparently, in this world, people's souls get turned into butterflies when they die, and those butterflies ascend to a higher plane. But there was something off about these butterflies. They were like, papier-mache creations. Hanging from the ceiling on strings, circling the room endlessly. Another teacher tells me that this thing that infected them infected their souls as well, so they will never be able to... ascend I guess. She then brings her infected kids to me, and asks me to kill them. They are too dangerous to let live. I do, and other teachers start coming to me. The basement starts filling up with paper butterflies.

I had a dream that I was a tourist in America. I was trying to give money to an orphanage, but these two blond gang members were chasing me around. Then I got sent to jail, which was actually really nice with good beds and a quiet environment to think.

I told the woman running the jail (who was also the woman running the orphanage?) that I was Canadian and she laughed and then let me out of jail.

The end.

Well this is what I get for sleeping before 2 I guess

First I visit some sort of penguin farm and apparently you're allowed to eat one penguin every 3 hours (to avoid depopulation) and one melon every 2 hours and apparently breeding works just like in Minecraft

Second, a more scary dream

There is this new product that comes out which directly modifies your brain to help it run better. You need to take some personality test to make sure that it's "compatible" with you or whatever that means and eventually about 97% of the world is qualified to use it, and there are initiatives pushed by early adopters to make everyone who can use it gets it. Of course I am not qualified so I'm stuck with my regular brain and life generally outpaces me

And then one day bad firmware is pushed and everyone who has the product commits suicide...

To add to my weird maybe slightly creepy dream collection, here's last night's.

I was in a strange RPG like world where I had to go through this dungeon that kind of looked like an airport in some places (I distinctly remember stopping for coffee), and I guess there were a lot of other people going through this too. I had a friend with me, and as per usual in my dreams they were a vague faceless indication of 'friend' I can't put an IRL person to. Anyway there was this one passage where we had to go through a tunnel which we didn't fit through only to realize the real tunnel was through the wall and we had to break it to get there, but the wall was kind of covered in weird faerie-looking bugs that tried to take my arm off before we got free.

So we go through the tunnel, and get to this new room where there's this face on the wall. We get through that by talking to the face, which promptly sheds away to reveal a new face under that one. This one has many rows of large, sharp teeth but humanoid nose and eyes and stuff. This one we're stumped at, though it turns out we had to reach into the wall and break off a body part to get it to open up.

So uh, we do that. The wall opens up to reveal this weird lab-like room and at the other end is a sort of long air-plane looking structure we're meant to jump off of to get through this dungeon (we were given parachutes as free prizes with our coffee), so we try to get there but they stop us and lock us in the lab-like room. It looks kind of like where you might test out something dangerous. The people before us were sprayed with something that made one of them try to kill the other so... it didn't look too good.

So this time I was the one who got sprayed with the stuff but apparently I could resist it (with effort) so they kept trying but eventually my friend managed to break through the lab wall somehow, grabbed me, and we both dived off the airplane-looking structure with the lab guys chasing after us. I wasn't doing too good though and everything got weird and hazy near the end. Then I guess I woke up.

Had a dream that I was having playing some jolly Dark Souls coop with some random guy and another equally random gal. We end up at a ship and the boss here possesses other units whenever he gets too badly damaged (and could also possess spirits (AKA us)) so we just got him to possess weak AF skeletons and completely obliterated him. Then he goes and possesses and entire other ship which starts firing on us. We talk about how we can't fire the cannons because the ships magic is damaged to which I reply "Why don't we just fire them manually by lighting a fuse or something?" And so we go light all the cannons on fire, which surprisingly works and all the cannons fire correctly. The other guy stays back to continue firing the cannons but me and the girl proceed deeper into the ship and discover its crew that was trapped. We start having a party, but then me and the girl are taken hostage because reasons? The random kidnappers put Fitbits on us and claim they are MAGIC DAMPENERS! so we just kind of sit there. The kidnappers take the girl away to a magic reappointer thingamabob but I manage to stretch the chain holding me to the wall just enough to try to stop them but end up just watching. I end up slaughtering the people that took the gal and delayed my own "reappointion" by about a month. Then a month passes and I've managed to take my Fitbit off so when they take me to get "reappointed" so I just kill everyone with magic. Then I started playing Wizard 101 for reasons unknown and then I woke up.

Thom Yorke was at my school but it was just acoustic covers of folk classic stuff. Half of the time Thom wouldn't even play, he would just squat, crack wise, and smoke really fancy cigarettes. The madman went through like three whole packs. It was way better than actual Radiohead nonetheless.

I, uh, I had a dream that Trump was playing against me in a 1v1 basketball match but he was using a forklift to dribble the ball.

Do old dreams count?

6-7 years back, I had a weird dream in which me and my family all ran a Zoo together. Of what I remember, the government was trying to shut us down because of them wishing to kill/get rid of the animals. So what does my family do? We decide to form our own animal rights group. I remember it starting out perfectly normal, but somewhere in the dream it eventually escalated to us stealing animals out of government facilities and setting up bombs on giant walls that kept the animals separate from everyone else.

After a while of that, the government gives up and we all go back to our Zoo-keeping Jobs. I was put on station at the Aquarium where we had a giant (and i mean Jaws sized) shark as our prized attraction. I don't remember the specifics of how it happened, but I know the tank began to break at one point, but the water refused to flow out. Kids were pulling at the glass, screaming that the shark couldn't breathe with all that water in it's lungs. Panicking, I reached in to try and grab some of the glass out as well.

The next part, I remember very clearly. The shark had been uninterested in what we had been doing the entire time. Until I stuck my hand in the water. The moment I did, I felt myself freeze and saw the shark whip around to face me. I could see the black pits of it's eyes. The jagged teeth. The uncaring hunger. Ever so slowly, it swam closer and closer, till all I could see was the shark. I felt a sharp pain in my arm, then in my leg, so on and so on. Over and over, as if I was being bitten by those terrible teeth. Then I woke up.

I was downstairs in our living room. I couldn't talk, I couldn't move. I felt my body get up and start walking. At this point, I guessed I was dreaming and tried to open my eyes, but I just couldn't seem to do it. I remember walking this long circuit in my house which took me through every room that was downstairs. I remember trying so hard to wake up, but being unable to. For hours.

Eventually did wake up, mind you. Found out later that morning that I had actually been sleepwalking that same circuit all night. When my parents had tried to wake me up, I had looked them straight in the eye and had just kept walking my circuit... I live on my own now and outgrew it awhile back... but that. THAT is why I hate fricken sharks. Thought you guys might enjoy this.

Edit: There was probably ore cool, fun spy/activist stuff that happened, but dang if I only remember the terrifying parts well. XD

Had a dream that a group of three teenagers (including myself) stumbled upon an arctic base run by a batshit insane giant scarecrow...thing... The guy seems nice at first but as we discovered the horrifying secrets of him and his base he became more and more aggressive. So we ended up discovering *all* the secrets including failed experiments and dead children! FUN. So then hes all pissed off and lecturing the kids in a medbay thing while i sneak over to a security station and turn off all the alarm and security systems. Then the scarecrow sees me so BOSS BATTLE START. But because all the security systems are off a dwarf with a portal gun shows up and completely obliterates the scarecrow for us so we just walk out the front gates to freedom. Then we ended up at the KSC and went to the moon, probably.

I had a dream where I had a pet monkey that I was teaching to make stone tools and speak English. (That isn't as far off as it sounds, see this fuckin badass wikipedia article)

I had another dream where it was the Great Gatsby, but instead of Myrtle being run over, the climax of the book was when I threatened to blackmail Tom with some dirty pictures of him and Daisy.

I had a rather terrifying dream where a whole bunch of alt-right Roadhogs were lynching Bastions and gays.

I had a dream in which people were being fused together in horrific human amalgamations by the government for some reason. At some point I was on a space ship trying to infiltrate the experimentation base with some other random people I never got a clear view of (some I think were cartoon characters?)

Real life competitive incremental game as part of a Google AFD joke thingy. Teams of 5 race to fill up a huge tank with paint. Teams are also allowed to disrupt other teams by sending people to other rooms.

Later, a dream about bisecting gerrymandered districts

I had an extra pair of very heavy eyelids that took conscious effort to open; my regular ones were useless and their presence arguably made things more disorienting

I dreamed that I was walking through this weird fair/community college/indoor mall thing, and I walked through it and it felt more like a Doom level halfway through. Sometime around then, my dream turned into me being in a cool big Discord chat (that I don't remember the contents of), then suddenly I got banned and placed in a smaller one with most of the new members. I decided to look on the website for the server, and they said they did this because the chat was originally a friend chat before some Diggity Doosh put the invite out for everyone to join. However, they will let people back into the big chat if they decide to go through The Ritual™, one of the steps was trying to beat a DOOM level put out on the site. I forget what the gameplay of said level was like, but I tried to beat it, but I just got stuck. I then found out I could talk with the creator INSIDE the map itself with a keystroke, and I don't think they could help me.

Soon after, the dream cut out to something else ENTIRELY, which was gameplay of an old DOS game that I'm assuming was an adventure game about either cowboys or sheiks. (I think it was the latter.) However, I found out that I was playing a mod in which someone modded a new character in called "JONTRON," and when you tried to play the game with it, Jon would just fall in from the character select screen and fall into some hay (the selection screen was not traditional in any sense, the bottom half was just the stage you started out on with said character), then dying, I'm assuming. I thought that was so stupid and kind of hilarious that I woke up.

Then I didn't get any sleep for two hours. Joy.

I had a dream where the skin on my leg split open and it felt so real I had to check if it really happened.

My leg is a bit sore right now but I don't know if that's my brain being stupid.

My family was trying to convince me it was already May 5th. The closest I got to a coherent Why was some combination of daylight savings time and leap year(s).

May the 4th be behind you

having multiple daylight savings times is great for skipping any unpleasant, scheduled events. like exams.

Alas, that is the stuff of dreams.

I had a dream where I might Schazer irl, only instead of being an eaglemodenglishteacher, she was a nintendo sales representative, answering questions about breath of the wild.

edit: Oh and the conference was taking place in a semi-frozen creek, and Schazer paused it halfway through to catch a frog.

I passed out by accident this morning and had a weird dream about needing to escape from a malicious teacher who was trying to lead a class into this weird dungeon thing but doing so discretely (one at a time horror movie style). I and my usual faceless dream-companion teamed up to try and get out. None of the others believed us so we tried escaping on our own. We managed to get to a lake and crossing it was the only way to get away. For some reason I brought my cat with me and we spent a good while trying to decide how to get him across without him drowning.

We came up with putting him on a big ol log and pushing it. We managed to get halfway across the lake before the teacher, using fucking hawk-vision, spotted us and started trying to shoot at us with a goddamn harpoon-gun of all things.

Something pulled us underwater then and we got dragged down into this big ol bubble cave (my cat included) where we could breathe. I'm not sure what pulled us under but I think I saw hands in the shadows.

Anyway there was a tunnel down there so we continued on our quest through that and got out the other side and suddenly everything was winter for some reason (it was summer before) and we were in a totally different area.

We found a log-cabin and broke into it but that's where the dream ends cause I woke up soon after. I think we were trying to raid the fridge for food or something, I dunno.

dream3: i do meals on wheels in real life, it's a volunteer thing, kitchen make food and then it gets delivered to old people, i do the delivery, and many cities around the country do it. i do it for my local town...
this week it's take place in in nearby BIG major city........... nearby as in an hour on the highway away. and also in the evening
this wouldn't happen in the real world since.... most cities have their own division of Meals on Wheels.......

so i drive up there and get there an hour early..... so i decide to visit a museum! i look at my map and find a parking lot and walk a couple blocks through a nice beautiful park with a riverpond thing....
and so the museum is a museum about............ taking a tour and getting led in circles and i meet 2 new friends from eagletime who happen to be there (they don't exist irl :( other tour group people are some military guys who are on lunch break and have to leave early, and also an egyptian mummy who has been reanimated

my plan is when done with museum i will walk over to the meals on wheels kitchen..... oops look at map!!! IT"S 9 miles away! what a bungle! i can't walk that far in time

anyway museum over and its time to go home, i say goodbye to my two new friends at the curb and then i look at the curb and.... W>HRERE IS MY CAR?!@??!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!??! so i hitch a ride with them and they're on their way to wherever and i'm like WAIT tURN AROUND!!!! i just remembered.... duh i parked in the parking lot not at the curb.........
and so they have to turn around and i'm wasting everyones time

i drive home and then play video games for hours and then i realize FUCK I FORGOT TO GO TO MEALSD ON WHELS






dream1

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Spoilerdream1 An ancient evil mermaid, who was cut into many pieces, has returned as an undead zombie, with all her parts stitched together.
She kidnaps various characters from the fictional media that i follow and also real life people that I know. We're all put into a big cave and forced to solve deadly puzzles and do fishing minigames in order for our chance at freedom.

dream 2

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Spoiler
dream 2: dream where i went to a new dimension full of snake pirates and portals

there was a dog, a blue dog with big green spots shaped like earth's continents (and in all the right positions)
the dog's name was Earth and anything that happened to Earth would happen to the planet in the real dimension correspondingly
earth was a good dog

edit: as in, if i gave earth a push, then the planet earth would experience that amount of force pushing it out of nowhere. and ultimately having negligible impact on account of earth being very large. but if i subjected earth to a very very strong pull, then planet earth's orbit would be shifted

.