Cent's Yuenyeung [ Too Much Tea, Not Enough Coffee ]

To: Cent, Realized Their Purpose

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SpoilerSo a long time ago, in the days when the hive was still ruled by a queen, I was but a humble drone passing the time by making stories. I was often referred to as the "Royal Talespinner," and a bee with a particular talent for performing would sometimes host events where they told my stories to the others. The first story that really caught on was the story of the Ancient One. The tree that would pick the most "worthy" sleeper every night and give them a vision of the future. It was a vague kind of worthiness that didn't really mean anything once you thought about it. But when that vague kind of worthiness exclusively applies to the bug you've been hard-wired to adore and have been working for your whole life, you kind of don't really think about it.

One day I pointed at a patch of mushrooms growing by the gas station and said that they looked a lot like human fingers. I made a whole ton of stories about them. Sometimes they were growing on top of a grave, inheriting the genes of the human that was buried there. Other times they were actually blades of grass, cast out of grass society due to their appearance. Most recently they were minions of the dark god. I guess I was the only one really enjoying playing with that concept, the rest of the hive just wanted me to stick to one explanation.

When I found out that there was a family of ants living out in the forest, my imagination went wild. I started telling stories of this team of superheroes with diverse powers and colorful personalities, saving the day from the dark god and other such malignant entities. Every week a new monster, a new battle, and a new valuable life lesson learned. I know it sounds awfully formulaic but the important part is it was a lot of fun. What the hive got from these stories, though. was that the ants in the forest were all witches.

I think the finger plants and the "witches" have essentially served as scapegoats for many of the tragedies that have occurred in that area over the years. Just last year, this butterfly named Kron (mentioned him briefly in a previous email) went missing in a snow storm. Most likely he was caught off-guard by a strong gust of wind that buried him in snow and suffocated him. Winter is such a harsh season, especially this far north, it's no wonder some bugs decide to just sleep through it all. But despite that, it was the "witches" in the forest that the hive blamed.

There is so much more I have to say about Kron, but this letter is getting way too long so it'll have to wait. I hate to keep talking about the hive when I tried to leave it behind over a month ago, but I have to get this off my mind eventually or it'll just keep gathering dust. I haven't moved anywhere since my last email. The last few days have been pretty bizarre to be honest, I haven't really made a decision on where I'm going next. I've tried to think of a way I could cross the ocean without dying to weather, waves, or starvation. It seems like such an impossible problem, but I'm not giving up yet. If all else fails, maybe I can just ask the tractor ants to build me a flying tractor. That's all from me for now.

To: Mímir, Concerned

Royal Talespinner is a pretty great title, but it isn't quite a name, so I'm glad you got a proper one after all. It seems like to a lot of those bees, you weren't just telling stories, you were providing explanation for things that confused and terrified them, and giving them justification for things they already wanted to believe. I mean, if the hegemony of your hive was already being called 'worthy', now they had one more propagandist telling the people the same.

Not that you were a propagandist! But for things like the ant witches in the forest, you saw sooner than anyone how that kind of scapegoating could be harmful. For you, the stories of the finger-shaped-mushrooms were fun in a rainbow of ways, with every explanation giving its own twist on the idea... more stories than explanations. But maybe the rest of your people were looking to you to make sense out of a senseless world.

I mean... it's senseless to have a friendly bug die because of weather too big to comprehend. I hear stories of us dying in the New York storm drains all the time, at least pre-Burst. If we never knew better, or we never wanted to confront how shitty the world can be, a group of mystical people in the forest being behind everything is comforting, in its own backwards way.

Sorry about Kron, regardless. I don't mind at all you talking about the folks in your life, if it helps work through the things you've experienced. And I'd also say it's okay not to know where you're going next! I was mostly kidding about meeting up, given the distance. I think the world's made to be isolated a lot more nowadays, and there's not a lot to be done about it.

I'm sorry I didn't send mail last week. It's been a little bit complicated lately, but that's no excuse, because it always feels this way. I hope you have a good start to your new year, seeing as so much else has been new for you, haha.

...Good luck with all the new, Mímir. I know it's a lot.

- I Will Reply

SENT

To: Cent, Realized Their Purpose

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SpoilerYeah, that’s the funny thing about the Internet! We’re so far away that the time it would take to get to you is barely imaginable, and yet we can talk. The world is so much bigger for us than it was for humans.

It’s almost like those stars you mentioned : )

The Station was set up by ants! It’s just … there were a few more of us around then? It was right after the Burst. I don’t think anyone alive back then really knew what was happening or what was going to happen, and that must have felt like possibility as well as confusion.

Anyway, the area we’re in was a human hotel. Every morning people would emerge and sweep away the sand that blew in from the desert to cover the walkways. Ants were never able to establish much of a settlement there. But suddenly they were all gone and a new dune system was forming in/around the hotel, and that’s when ants decided to set up the research station. But I don’t think it was the only grand project that was started in those days, that wasn’t really followed through on.

They only sent me out here because I asked, you know? There’s nominal support from the colonies out on the plain, and nominal government support beyond that. But bugs are busy and there aren’t too many of us.

We have some really cool devices here for studying wind currents, though! Sure do get a lot of wind around here.

Well, how are things over on your end of this connection?

To: Aoiphyrgana, Part Of Things

Yeah, it is a lot like the stars. I guess it's been on the mind a lot lately, but the fact that we're sitting on a planet of unimaginable magnitude, separated from everything by unimaginable distance... it feels like we're all planets in the vacuum, even if we're all down here on Earth. Maybe that's just the condition of being alive, being separated.

The Research Station sounds different than I first pictured it! Makes plenty of sense that a place like that would be a nice home for a colony, though. Even in a desert, there's a lot you can do to remedy isolation, so I'm happy for you, having ants to keep you company. Does the building extend 'underground' now that the dunes have had time to move?

And, ooh, you measure wind currents? Does that mean you help predict weather? That stuff has always amazed me. I imagine that if you go into studying wind, it could be just as interesting as any other study-- it's responsible for so much of what shapes the world around us. Buildings and bridges were built by humans taking wind into account, and dunes are shaped by wind. I love the little chaos of it. I can imagine New York as bustling as the wind, but those days are long, long gone.

Things are mostly okay over here. I'm headed out to meet a friend for New Year's soon, so the emails are a little rushed, but I'm happy to be sending them out! Last one of this year, for me at least... though I guess it's probably long past that point for you by the time you'll get this, haha.

I started drinking yuenyeung sometimes, which is a mix of milk tea and coffee. It was part of some kind of weird... metaphor thing, I guess. It's a taste that grows on you, though! Weirdly, neither taste gets in the other's way, they just... coexist. It's kind of magical, if you don't mind something super weird. I might stick to mocha mostly, but...

...I guess we'll see!

- I Will Reply

SENT

To: Cent, Realized Their Purpose

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SpoilerHey Cent its like , midnight or something, i menat to tell you the box opened afew days ago!!! Jsut as the sun rose, it just opened all on its own, one of the sides that were mangetic swung open, and inside was this teeny human!! It wasn't an actual humna but it scared me for a moment, but it was just plastic. It started spinning sloqly while this tune play ed out of this stand it was on. It was so weird!! To see this human up close, just twirlinging with its hands in the air. I watched it for at least 10 minutes. The music was weird too, it was kindof squished, but swaying from place to place, i don't thinn i would be able to hum it.
Also what you said about card games makes a lot of sense, that's a good awy to describe it. With the miniscule and clever design and stuff. We shoudl toally have a game!! I dont remember how to set up a lob by though. Earliwr today my parents were like "oh you're growing up so fast" with the festival plan and going out and exploring and finding thinga out about the world and stuff, and we had this little celerbation. We've never done something like it beforw but i think the box reminded them of aoemthing. They cooked some special food, like with honey, we almost never have honey, and they found this old song online and played it and danced with eachother, and then we all sat together and read from this book i liked when I was younger, this one about the really tall tree that led to this fantastical land at the top. It was a bit embarrassing but it was also really nice. Ummm. I don't remember what i was saying. Lemme read back.
Oh yeah so, after that they took out this bottle and poured this kind yellowish, bubbly drink, and gave me some. It was funny, but I liked ot, so i had some more. They said it might make me feel a bit weird in a bit and i fidint know what they meant, but i think i do now. Its all like, a bit fuzzy,like im still asleep, but also i think that might be because its late and i should probably go to sleep. I feel good thougg, like, really content.
Well appearnetly that took an hour to write so i should really sleep now, but i wanted to reply to you. Hope youre good Cent, good night.

To: Dalorh, Kinda Unsure

Oh, wow, Dalorh, you're probably a little tipsy, haha. You gotta be careful with that stuff (it's alcohol) especially if you aren't really carefully measuring your current body weight, and even then, stuff can vary between different bugs. It's like caffeine, if your parents have taught you much about how to take it on your own. Definitely ask them about it if you're still curious by tomorrow.

I've got to head out pretty soon, so I can't make for longer mail, but it sounds like it's been a good New Year's! Hope you're good, too. Goodnight!

- I Will Reply

SENT

"What do you think?" Tieni asked, her head crooning a little. The city was lit up on the muddy firelight of electric lamps, again, like every other night, but now the lamps were, themselves, electrifying. Cent didn't really know how long it was until midnight, but for the past while, it'd felt like it was within seconds of every waking moment.

Or, maybe, they were overdue by hours. It felt a lot like that, too, like they'd overstepped, and that nothing really mattered, like they were long past the point of understanding themselves or the year they'd just had. Maybe Tieni didn't feel that way, but Cent certainly did. Her chitin shuddered in open air, and she was tempted to dangle her legs off the wide openings of the fire escape, but instead she simply rested against the railing, safe and sound.

"I think it's kinda meaningless, but it can mean some things to some people if they want it to," she answered, in a weakened kind of fashion.

Tieni chittered. "That's pretty generic."

"Yeah, I guess."

"Well," Tieni said, swivelling her head over to face Cent. "I've stayed awake overnight for about thirty of these things, and those are some of the most memorable nights. But then you wake up, and it's still the thing like before." Her mantis arms shrugged. "It's just a holiday. Could be just as crap as anything the year before, but certainly won't automatically be the fixer."

Cent nodded, not averting her gaze, much. "I'm trying to fix my life a little, bit by bit."

"Yeah?" the mantis asked.

"...but when I try to be optimistic about that, or pessimistic, it seems like it bounces the other way." She finally broke eye contact, and stared down at the street, a mile-feeling below. "So I'm kind of just... nothing, about it. I think every day feels like New Year's. Good, until the morning, and then the same."

Tieni nodded slow, and went back to looking out, like a bird was trying to scoop them up, and she needed to keep watch. Her eyes reflected everything. "We're bad at judging ourselves."

"Yeah."

"...yeah."

"And we can get better at judging ourselves, but it takes a long time, Cent. A lot of years, and New Years, gotta go by."

Cent swiveled slightly against the metal. "It sounds better said like that."

"It gets better. Even if you don't say it like that," the mantis murmured. "I've had so many revelations and downfalls and pits and peaks, it's too much. Things have to get better if you keep improving them, even if you can never tell."

New York pulsated quietly. Cent felt the new year tick over. "I think this is an improvement," she managed.

"This?"

"You," she said. "You're... an improvement in my life, over how it used to be. For what that's worth."

Tieni grinned with her mandibles. "Worth a lot, I think. Thank you."

Jittering with caffeine shakes, Cent chuckled happily, letting her coffee-addled self drip further into the night, until long after she had time to sleep. For that night, at least,

the bug would show no sign of stopping herself dead.