Cent's Yuenyeung [ Too Much Tea, Not Enough Coffee ]

To: Cent, Realized Their Purpose

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Man, I dunno what to say. Took me a while to get around to replying as well, so not like I'm very wise on the subject either. The reason I replied initially was cause of a desperate need to get my story told to at least one person before my death, and your email seemed like my only option at the time. Perhaps a bit close-minded of me, in retrospect. So I guess my advice is to pretend like your life depends on you replying. I'm evidently terrible at giving advice.

Anyway, I gotta come clean. I was lying about those plants. They were just dumb stories from the religion of my old hive. I kinda ran away from home and have been paranoid about being hunted ever since. The finger plants probably don't look like human fingers, we just say they do. And I'm pretty sure them killing bugs is a superstition, but I'm sure as heck not testing it. I was hiding out near them to scare people away from looking for me. Nobody wants to go near the MURDEROUS HUMAN PLANTS OF DEATH, right? The Devil flower is seen as the reproductive organ of a god, because of how good it smells I assume. My kind does get pretty aroused by good smells, so flowers are always cherished holy symbols. And that flower is universally agreed to be the best one. I call it The Devil just to piss people off.

I uh, would love to keep talking about the hive and its weird plant religion, but I don't want that to take up the whole conversation. How have things been going on your end? My name is Mimir, by the way. The first i has a special dot over it that I don't know how to get on a keyboard.

To: Mïmir, Concerned

Hey, Mïmir! I can't type that with my keyboard either, but you can look it up if you just search 'i with umlaut'. That's the name of that symbol above it, though I have no clue where it comes from, and if I'm being honest, what it actually does to the sound. Anyway.

On the subject of replying to an email as a last resort-- that sounds really, monumentally stressful. I mean, I'm absolutely willing to help try and listen, but if you're no longer in that place where you feel your life's at risk, that seems like a good thing overall, right? I completely get that fear for crazy folks from home-- I guess I never experienced it personally, but I know it's a pretty common story for people who don't fit in some arbitrary 'norm'. I'm sorry that just getting away from it put you at risk!

I like the name 'The Devil' a lot more now. Names mean a lot, and if they like their flower so much, you're taking away their self-imposed responsibility for it. It's taking the power out of their rhetoric. Maybe the best course, though, would be to go a lot further from home. I mean, it's probably nontrivial for you to stay on caffeine given the circumstances, right? Maybe there's someone out there who could help you move to a town, or at least a safer part of the woods, you know? Just because we're the last animals doesn't mean plants are all safe. Neat trick hiding out by the fingers, but it doesn't sound like a fun time overall.

Don't worry about talking a lot about that all, either way! I'm happy to listen, because if I'm being honest, I think my life is about the last thing anyone would care to hear about. By in large I'm just... at home, sitting around, not doing a lot. I've been getting out more lately, but that's just a few moments in a non-depressive state, then it's right back.

I met this friend a couple months ago who I really like hanging out with, and actually she's kind of forcing me to get out more. I mean, I could turn it down, but having another bug's pressure has been nice. I think. Too early to say for sure?

She's thinking of flying us down from Bends way over to the Sequence Break, on Halloween night, since it's actually not far from there, and being tourists could actually be a pretty refreshing time. There's bound to be a lot more people there, anyway, probably dressing up like bartenders or whatever.

I don't know. It's going to be a hell of a long journey and I'm pretty nervous about... everything. And it feels like I could just cancel and hang out at home that day and feel so much more neutral, instead of constantly exhausted. I don't know how to guarantee I'll actually make it.

I guess I'll keep you up to date?

- I Will Reply

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To: Cent, Realized Their Purpose

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It's great to hear you've got someone to spend time with, it's always better to have someone to talk to than be alone. And don't worry about not replying.
I get a bit overwhelmed trying to think about what the whole world was like before, to be honest. Not just the number of bugs around, and humans, but also the size of everything else. I guess you're probably used to it in Bends, but the biggest thing around where I am are the trees. The idea of cities... I can't imagine it, it's just impossible. When I imagine the past, I always think about what it was like for a single person, or a family, if it's much larger than that I can't picture it actually happening. I like hearing personal stories from that time though. Do you have any other memories, or stories your parents told you? I don't think the present is boring or anything, but... I'm a curious person, and my parents are tired of me quizzing them, heh.
I actually kept a journal for a while! It was nice to have a place to just put down any thoughts i had without worrying that other people would see them. Although, now I'm kind of curious what someone who saw them would think. I've never read any books that are written like a journal, but I think I would like to. It would be very personal, like you would really get to know the journal's owner... that would be nice.

To: Dalorh, Kinda Unsure

You know, trees are actually about the same size as buildings. Well, in the same ballpark, at least. When you're in the thick of it, sitting in an apartment within the floorboards of a skyscraper, it seems impossible to grasp the size of it. Sitting on the ground, at street level? That totally changes the gig. I've only gone that far down with family, on holidays, and... we haven't really had a lot of those get-togethers in the last few years.

I get the same problem trying to think of so many people all together. There's plenty of pictures on the human end of the internet of billions of us all together in some place, and it gets my mind racing, like... what if I were there, in the thick of it, surrounded by more people than exist today? It'd be loud, I think. Really loud.

And there wouldn't be enough coffee.

When my mom was a nymph after humans left, she lived in a small, surrogate family, kept alive with small doses of caffeine. Her brothers and sisters didn't make it past the Burst, but she was kept alive by circumstance, being the one that a passing stag beetle happened to help. She told me that the bugs she was with were brought together entirely at random, having found some abandoned coffee cup in a convertible and found a corner of a convenience store in upstate New York to live in. She's got a lot of stories from back then-- and I think a lot of those bugs are still alive and kicking today.

One story that I thought was pretty great- and not so depressing- was when the stag beetle tried dragging in a thermos they were all sure was filled with coffee, right after the Burst. There wasn't any competition, but it was a serious endeavor, because it was like, a half-mile trek-- they all dedicated themselves to it, almost working to death trying to stay alive before there was a system for keeping them alive. Finally, they get it home, they spend some days getting it open, and they find...

...tea. I remember how she described everyone's reactions. It was such an, 'oh, welp,' moment. I mean, it's not like they weren't thankful. But if you're living on coffee for a year and have to switch to the weaker stuff, you can't help but feel a little let down! Turns out it was a bonding experience, though-- not the buried treasure you wanted, but still treasure nonetheless. Kept them alive, at least.

I guess I'd feel weird contacting that group of bugs nowadays. It's not like my mom is dead or anything. It's just that everything she's a part of is worse now. Thinking about her in the third person, as a collection of stories and interesting events, is a lot easier.

Journal sounds nice. I don't like to vent usually, but I'm in a weird place in my life right now and wouldn't mind to have that tracked to tape, so to speak. I guess these emails are a start.

Trying to decide if I should go on a Halloween trek further into the heart of the city right now. It's to the Sequence Break-- not like there's an event or anything, but my friend thinks it'd be a good time. I guess I keep convincing myself I'll just cancel last minute, which sounds... shitty. How do you keep yourself to a promise when the alternative is so much easier, when your body's telling you not to go anywhere or do anything all day?

- I Will Reply

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To: Cent, Realized Their Purpose

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Saw this in my inbox during a slog through my email backlog, and I figured I'd send something. Was on an extended trip into an internet dead zone. Have some family there that prefers it that way, you see. I suppose it can be healthy to disconnect every once in a while, though it can take some time to fully acclimate.

At any rate, hello! Going from the email, you seem like a pretty cool individual. I would be happy to chat.

To: Disconnect Connection

Hello! Thanks for the compliment-- I guess even if I'm not a cool individual, the email was cool, at least. I appreciate you reaching out to this mildly empty inbox.

Personally, disconnecting from the Internet seems completely impossible. I've grown up on it, since I live in Bends, Brooklyn, New York City, and I've never gone far enough away from home to lose signal. Even if the Internet gets zapped out of existence, somebody kooky in the city will end up wiring all the buildings together, I'm sure.

How was the trip? I imagine it's refreshing to get to spend time with family, since I know a lot of bugs move away easy enough. It's in our nature, or at least a lot of our natures, it seems like. Family at leg's length. But it's still easy to miss them.

- I Will Reply

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A body not in motion would have no reason beyond basic nutrition or obligation to go into motion. A roach not in motion would see it as hopeless to stand up and be lively. Exhaustion from nowhere had overwhelmed Cent-- she would spend hours with Tieni, who made her feel at ease, and then she would sink home, sit down, and do nothing for hours. She was barely even content with doing nothing. There was plenty on the Internet to watch, and she had her mantis friend easily accessed via message, but she just... sunk.

Sunk, and sunk, and sunk. The chair could not accommodate the hole going to the center of New York City.

Confronting Tieni in any capacity except a meaningless one was going to be impossible. She would just wait until Halloween, turn down the offer to go out (which she was sure Tieni would forgive her for (which she was ashamed to be so sure of)) and sink (and sink) into her chair (at home (alone.))

The emails were easy enough, and then she stared at the wall behind the monitor waiting for time to pass with anxious, heaving breath.