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typeandkey · 03-09-2021, 09:44 PM

>Adler: So, why is Burnside here now? Did the Duchess send her to kill you?
>Burnside: No, she wanted you to scare him, then join him so you can spy on Adler for the Duchess. She's been made aware that Adler is starting projects that might interfere with her plans. Same arrangement as last time.
>Adler: She's... Being very honest.
>Burnside: Uh, yeah. Elves don't lie, remember? Adler's been spending too much time around lowfolk.

tegerioreo · 03-11-2021, 02:43 AM

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Quote:>Adler: So, why is Burnside here now? Did the Duchess send her to kill you?
>Burnside: No, she wanted you to scare him, then join him so you can spy on Adler for the Duchess. She's been made aware that Adler is starting projects that might interfere with her plans. Same arrangement as last time.

"You're here on a mission from the Duchess?" I inquired, somewhat uneasily. "What exactly was your assignment?"

"Well, I was supposed to try to assassinate you," Burnside admitted with a shrug. "But if that didn't work out, my secondary task was to keep you distracted for a while."

0310uhoh.gif

"Keep me distracted from WHAT," I exclaimed with a sinking feeling.

"Gonna have to ravish me a LOT more afore I'll tell you that," she chuckled.

smuchmuch · 03-11-2021, 04:36 PM

Quote:"Gonna have to ravish me a LOT more afore I'll tell you that," she chuckled.

>"And you're going to bath a little more for that to happen".

>YOu may want to check on your cult. If the duchess is making a move, they might be a target.
>Maybe she's going to send... *dun dun* her own barber gang*dun dun*
>A war between hair carers would be messy, yet very minutious, you could say there would be ....a lot of hair spliting.

>(Still, it's nice to see you've still got it in bed)

>Also you did inconvenience the duchess o'Daisy after all, and she takes you seriously enough to send an agent (beyong her two cretinous sons). Guess that well Percic tor siege wasn't as complete a mess as it seemed after all. That's gonna be a boost to your esteem. (gotta take those little victories where you can)

typeandkey · 03-17-2021, 09:52 AM

>Adler: "C'mon, what are you trying to distract me from? Tell me for old time's sake."
>Burnside: "Alright, enough time has probably passed anyway. You're supposed to distract him for as long as you can so the time slips keep Adler out of the way and undo whatever he's working on."
>Adler: "You know, I can control the time slips now."
>Burnside: ". . . Oh. . . "

or

>Adler: "What are you trying to distract me from?"
*Load, distant, and ground shaking explosion*
>Burnside: "That."

tegerioreo · 03-18-2021, 01:23 AM

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Quote:>YOu may want to check on your cult. If the duchess is making a move, they might be a target.
>Also you did inconvenience the duchess o'Daisy after all, and she takes you seriously enough to send an agent

0317gocheck.gif

Oh no, oh no, this wasn't good! I thought I had cleverly fended off an assassination attempt, when in actuality I had fallen for the simplest ruse in the book! Of COURSE the Duchess wouldn't have sent Burnside alone! There must be someone else, messing with my operations in the lowfolk world while I was busy being distracted here in Faerie! My hairdresser cult might be in danger!

I quickly gathered up all of Burnside's blades (lest she re-acquire them while I wasn't looking) and carried them with me into the scrying tower.

I dumped the weapons in a corner and entered my scry-space. Everything seemed in order around the vicinity of the stone circle. The trees had nothing unusual to report. Thinking of my hair cult, I guided my attention toward the village of Tulgeyside ... only to be stopped by an unseen barrier at the edge of the forest!

I tried scrying in all directions, and my panic increased as again and again I found that my range was limited to the bounds of the tulgey wood that contained the Albric Tor Gate.

Quote:>Adler: "C'mon, what are you trying to distract me from? Tell me for old time's sake."
>Burnside: You're supposed to distract him for as long as you can

0317whatudone.gif

I rushed back outside and shook Burnside roughly by the shoulders.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE??" I bellowed. "WHY CAN'T I SCRY OUTSIDE THE FOREST?"

"Like I said, honey," she giggled. "You're gonna have to ravish me real hard to make me talk. And do it more Unseelie-like this time."

smuchmuch · 03-18-2021, 09:13 AM

>Aaw gosh darnit they burried more of these stupid little dolls that block your sight while you were distracted, didn't they ?

>Gotta admit that's clever.

>But y'know you do have burnside with you, you could turn her

>Oh you won't convince her to turn on the duchess but you probaly can convince her to do stuff for you with judicious application of 'the touch' as reward.

typeandkey · 03-24-2021, 07:11 AM

>Adler: Your scion powers engage as you are catapulted into a frothing rage.
>Burnside: "Uh-oh..."

tegerioreo · 03-25-2021, 02:07 AM

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Quote:>Aaw gosh darnit they burried more of these stupid little dolls that block your sight while you were distracted, didn't they ?
>Oh you won't convince her to turn on the duchess but you probaly can convince her to do stuff for you with judicious application of 'the touch'
>Adler: Your scion powers engage as you are catapulted into a frothing rage.

"TELL ME WHAT YOU DID," I snarled while applying my most powerful Orgasmic Touch.

0324whammy.gif

"Ohhhhh," Burnside moaned. "I didn't do nothin' honey, I been here distractin' you."

"What did THEY do then?" I demanded, keeping on the pressure. "Why can't I scry outside the forest?"

"Ahhhhh," Burnside gasped. "I don't rightly know. It was them crazy religious rabbits at Bunkirk ... uhhhhh Fuma ... we convinced 'em you was practicin' witchcraft an' they come up with their own way to contain you."

"We??" I snapped. "Who's 'we?' Who else was with you?"

But Burnside had passed out and was snoring blissfully on the porch pavement.

typeandkey · 03-30-2021, 10:08 PM

>Adler: Well, what now? Find out what the rabbits did, you suppose. Go and survey the stone circle. Take Burnside with you. She may be useful, or at least so you can keep track of her. You leave her here and the time slips will let her run away.
>Adler: Don't panic, there are still ways around this. That Ash character is working for you, discretely. Surely he'll send someone to contact you to inform you of how things are going. And the trees should still be under your command. You can bounce back from this easily. Right? Right???

smuchmuch · 03-30-2021, 10:31 PM

>You can use the trees to contat Ash since he's a voice of the forest expert. He just sworn himself to your service and look like you're jsut gonna need ikt. Ain't the timing just perfect ?
>(A little *too* perfect, but sadly you're not in mosotion to listen to somehealthy paranoia right now)
>So yeah use the tree to contact him, have him bring some of your clutists, dig the stupid dolls out or whatever it is they did.
>Enjoy as for once you have managed to competently .. well not avoid yor enemy's machoination, they're still outsmarting you and being way ahead of you, but at least yu managed to react quickly. Good enough.

tegerioreo · 04-01-2021, 02:10 AM

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Quote:>Adler: Well, what now? Find out what the rabbits did, you suppose. Go and survey the stone circle. Take Burnside with you. She may be useful, or at least so you can keep track of her. You leave her here and the time slips will let her run away.

0331schlep.gif

I needed to get outside and investigate this, but I couldn't leave Burnside unsupervised. The time-slip might allow her to get away, or perpetrate some other manner of villainy while I wasn't looking! I got dressed and awkwardly pulled her assassin's cloak back onto her semi-conscious form. Then I lugged her down the stairs and out through the Gate into the stone circle.

"Tell me what's going on," I commanded the trees as I laid Burnside down on the grassy sward.

"In reference to what?" they rustled in reply. "We've just been standing here, photosynthesizing and minding our own business."

"What did the rabbits do to prevent me from scrying beyond the forest?"

"They haven't done anything unusual that we are aware of."

"You're sure? They didn't bury little poppets in the ground or spill milk all around the perimeter?"

"No. We have our orders to punish them if they get too cozy within reach of our branches."

Quote:>Adler: Don't panic, there are still ways around this. That Ash character is working for you, discretely. Surely he'll send someone to contact you to inform you of how things are going. And the trees should still be under your command. You can bounce back from this easily. Right? Right???
>You can use the trees to contat Ash since he's a voice of the forest expert. He just sworn himself to your service and look like you're jsut gonna need ikt. Ain't the timing just perfect ?
>(A little *too* perfect

"Where's Ash Marten?" I asked. Unfortunately it looked like I would be needing that devious fox's services after all.

"He left."

"I already knew that. Where did he go?"

"Hold on. We'll ask around."

I waited for a few minutes while the Voice of the Forest faded off into the distance and then came back.

"Bad news. We're cut off."

0331badnews.gif

"Cut off?" I repeated, with a sinking feeling. "What do you mean?"

"The land all around is cleared for settlements and farms. There used to be a few trees scattered here and there, within rustling distance, that could relay messages to and from the greater wooded world. Now they are gone. It seems there is nothing but open fields and meadows in all directions, as far as we can perceive."

I realized I should have made Ash swear that oath after all.

Tai-1 · 04-04-2021, 02:13 AM

> Adler: Do not panic! You're of Ireaneus blood dammit! You just have to think! Besides, you were correct in refusing Ash's services, in fact you think if you go whining to him now, you'll look even more pathetic to him. You'll have to wake up Burnside and make her tell you what she knows.

>Adler: Whoa....you really should learn to control your anger...Burnside isn't waking up anytime soon...

smuchmuch · 04-05-2021, 11:24 AM

>Fine, no Ash, just as well. You can solve this problem yourself.
>Wait, what about the Ixies ? They're still bound to your service and they're mobile.
>There should be a few zipping around either the ruins or the forest.
>If they're feeling mercenary to day, you can alway ask the plants to bribe the ixie with the aphids that plagues them (kind of an almost symbiostic thing there, clever of you)
>Send them to check on your cultist and spy on the rabbits.
>Meanwhile... you've been hitting the books for a while now, was there anything in there on how to block scrying ?

tegerioreo · 04-08-2021, 02:23 AM

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Quote:> Adler: Do not panic! You're of Ireaneus blood dammit! You just have to think! Besides, you were correct in refusing Ash's services, in fact you think if you go whining to him now, you'll look even more pathetic to him. You'll have to wake up Burnside and make her tell you what she knows.
>Fine, no Ash, just as well. You can solve this problem yourself.

Fine! I didn't need that sly, sneaky old fox to bail me out of this predicament! He probably had a part in causing it anyway! I would solve this on my own because I was a scion of Irenaeus and I was destined to rule someday!

Quote:>Adler: ...Burnside isn't waking up anytime soon...

0407shesasleep.gif

I tried to wake Burnside so I could ask her who her accomplice was, but she was sleeping off the effects of a super-potent Orgasmic Touch. Nothing I did would rouse her from her blissful slumber. I would have to wait for answers to those questions.

Quote:>Wait, what about the Ixies ? They're still bound to your service and they're mobile.
>There should be a few zipping around either the ruins or the forest.
>Send them to check on your cultist and spy on the rabbits.

0407ayeaye.gif

"IXIES!" I yelled, and a few of them buzzed into the stone circle.

"Hast thou finished thy venery with yon raccoon femme, Sire?" one of them asked cheekily while giving a salute.

"You were watching the whole thing, weren't you?" I groaned.

"Twas quite entertaining," the Ixie giggled. "Now I understand what our great-grand dam saw in thee. Plus I actually managed to win a few aphids from Typantronn."

"You know my feelings about betting," I scolded. "I need some of you to contact my hairdresser cultists and make sure they're okay. Some others, go spy on the rabbits in Bunkirk and find out what they did to prevent me from scrying beyond the forest."

"Oh, canst thou not scry beyond the forest now?"

"No. Whatever they did, it must have been recent ... after I spoke with Ash Marten, in fact."

"We shall see what we shall see," she replied, and flitted away.

Quote:>Meanwhile... you've been hitting the books for a while now, was there anything in there on how to block scrying ?

Now, while I waited for the Ixies to bring me information, it would certainly be useful to peruse the scrying tower library for information on ways to block scrying. I knew about the enchanted poppets that the Boy Dukes tried to bury, and of course everyone knew you couldn't scry over spilled milk ... but the trees had already ruled out both of those possibilities. What else was there?

typeandkey · 04-12-2021, 06:06 PM

>Adler: You should also have your Ixies find out where Ash went. You might want to keep your suspicions of his involvement in your current troubles quiet until you know for sure. Then again, he might be flattered that he was your first suspect.
>Adler: You might want to go back and sift through those books to find something to give you a clue. Your control over the time slips should keep you from losing your Ixies.
>Adler: Also, Burnside seems to know what's going on. Restrain her so she can't escape. She said she'd tell you if you play her games. No, that would take too long, plus it's letting her know she can manipulate you. Interrogate her for real, threaten her if you have yo. What do you know that truly scares her?

smuchmuch · 04-12-2021, 11:06 PM

>Oh you've alway been good with Gramayre and curses.
>You could threaten her with the dreaded (at least for her it sure would be) curse of Veganism.
>Or mild temporay frigidity. (... full on would probably be crossing a line somewhere)
>Or the "curse" of self control
>... I wonder if you could curse an unseelie elf to alway act nice and seelie (now that would be crossing a line for sure. But it doesnt matter if you can or would actualy dl it, only the fact she believe you could do it matters.)

>Don't forget you can do crazy things with Gramayre too. You've alay hesitated to overuse the power becuse of it's danger but here... you've got an entire ruin and forest to pratice pretty much by yourself.
>You could actualy make the bushes mobile
>You could animate paper cranes to use as flying messengers
>You could make the books tell you their secrets. Litterlay search themselve to get at the pages containing the information you seek
>Like what are the ways to block scrying in an aera.

>Don't forget you also have Rebecca the rabbit among your cultists (remember you turned her father into a poodle ?). She could go at the village and spy for you
>Heck maybe you could have her father do the spying (who would pay attention to a poodle ?) in exchange for finaly lifting the curse.

tegerioreo · 04-15-2021, 02:17 AM

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Quote:Adler: Also, Burnside seems to know what's going on. Restrain her so she can't escape.

First I tied up Burnside so she couldn't escape or cause trouble. Then I settled down to do some research while I waited for her to wake up, and for the Ixies to return with news.

Quote:>Adler: You might want to go back and sift through those books to find something to give you a clue. Your control over the time slips should keep you from losing your Ixies.
>You could make the books tell you their secrets. Litterlay search themselve to get at the pages containing the information you seek
>Like what are the ways to block scrying in an aera.

0414easyreader.gif

I was already pretty sure the information I wanted wasn't in any of the things I had already read, so I sent some time apporting random books and scrolls from the library. Luckily the third item I pulled seemed to have what I was looking for, but unfortunately there wasn't much beyond what I already knew. Wards that took physical form (like the Dukes' poppets) had to be placed, and their area of effect was limited, so to completely seal the forest there would have to be dozens of them buried all around the perimeter. Milk worked the same way. It had to be poured in a steady stream all around the area to be blocked, and it had to be replaced every few days because it quickly lost its effectiveness.

The trees hadn't noticed anyone doing anything suspicious around the edge of the woods recently, so it could not have been either of these techniques.

There was a third, more powerful type of warding which was essentially a form of geas based on Gramarye, but it had to be carefully constructed by an expert, and took an incredible amount of power and concentration to put into place. What lowfolk had that kind of ability? For that matter, what elf did? I didn't know of anybody who could have accomplished this in the amount of time, and yet - somehow it had been done.

These special wards were not as durable as the ones that used totems or poppets, but their advantage was that you couldn't break them simply by destroying the physical component. This type was practically escape-proof unless you knew the exact Gramarye that had been used to make it. If you knew the spell, it was possible to "unsay" it and cancel out the effect - but how would I ever be able to do that?

Quote:>She said she'd tell you if you play her games. No, that would take too long, plus it's letting her know she can manipulate you. Interrogate her for real, threaten her if you have yo. What do you know that truly scares her?
>... I wonder if you could curse an unseelie elf to alway act nice and seelie

0414fittobe.gif

"You sure know how to show a gal a good time," Burnside giggled from the base of a menhir where I had placed her. She wriggled in her bonds and grinned even wider when she realized she was tied up in earnest. "What you plannin' to do with me now?"

"Perhaps I'll place a geas on you which compels you to curtsey daintily and sip tea with your pinky finger raised," I suggested.

The saucy grin vanished off her face.

"That ain't very nice," she muttered. "You wouldn't, would you?"

"I might," I snapped. "And you know I could. Tell me who you were working with."

"Does it matter? What's done is done. Knowin' who ain't gonna change that."

"Was it Ash Marten? Sometimes called Dr. Owter Cesawonki?"

"Them Vulpitanian names is so silly," Burnside giggled. "Nah, all he done was distract you so I could get into Albric Tor and distract you some more."

"For what purpose?"

"I already said they persuaded them crazy religious rabbits to do somethin' to contain you. I don't know what, but it musta worked real good."

"WHO WAS IT?"

"I dasn't say," Burnside whispered, and for the first time I saw genuine fear in her face.

0414badnews.gif

Of course it was right at that moment that my Ixies returned.

"Nothing unusual to report from Bunkirk," one of them stated. "The rabbits are going about their regular lives: Farming, praying, and being prudes. Same as always."

"I am afraid I bring bad tidings from Tulgeyside," the other Ixie sighed. "All of the citizens are either shaggy and unkempt, or else they have very bad and tacky haircuts. The salons have become shoe stores, and of thy hairstylist cult I could find not a trace."

"Not a trace?" I repeated in disbelief.

"Nary a one, Sire."

"How is that possible?" I murmured. "It hasn't been that long, and I thought I had control over the timeslip now..."

Quote:>Adler: You should also have your Ixies find out where Ash went. You might want to keep your suspicions of his involvement in your current troubles quiet until you know for sure. Then again, he might be flattered that he was your first suspect.
>Don't forget you also have Rebecca the rabbit among your cultists (remember you turned her father into a poodle ?). She could go at the village and spy for you
>Heck maybe you could have her father do the spying (who would pay attention to a poodle ?) in exchange for finaly lifting the curse.

"Sire?" the Ixie asked with some concern after I trailed off and the silence had lasted for a few seconds.

"I'm all right," I blurted. "Just thinking. I need you to find out where Ash Marten went when he left here after talking to me. Also, can you track down Rebecca, the rabbit girl who ran away from Bunkirk to join my cult. Where's Vernier? I need to find her too. And see if there's a primitive poodle-dog running around Bunkirk. It might be Rebecca's father, on whom I placed a curse. He could be of use to me."

smuchmuch · 04-18-2021, 02:46 PM

>Those rabbits are reigious and superstious, could be it may be possible to use them as some grammayre spell amplifier by having them say the right prayers or protecting geas or whatever ?
>Or maybe their absolute lack of fun act as a owerfull majo denial aera. Or the fact they are vegan perturbagte the ham force (for as we know, all is ham).
>Well you got nothing to do but wait for results, either they come back or someone contact you first.
>In the meantime you can keep an eye on Burnside, maybe she'll repport to someone if you stay unseen.
>Don't forget that you cna use more than one "carrot" wth he to encourage to talk, you have the orgasmic touch AND your stew mojo. She loves them /qjuite/ a it if memory serves.
>Or hit the book some more and hope you'll learn something more usefull.

typeandkey · 04-19-2021, 09:18 PM

>Adler: Your anger and frustration is growing. Take it out on Burnside by interrogating her again. Threaten to transmogrify her into someone more dainty and gentle.
>Burnside: Adler is taking this too far. This game isn't fun, you don't want to play anymore...
>Adler: Oh really. Does Burnside go through life thinking all of her murder and cruelty is just a game. She even told you you're going too far. That's rich coming from her.
>Burnside: Break down and start bawling your beady little eyes out. You haven't been this terrified since your lowfolk father locked you in a box for a week when you were a child.

tegerioreo · 04-22-2021, 02:55 AM

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Quote:>Adler: Your anger and frustration is growing. Take it out on Burnside by interrogating her again. Threaten to transmogrify her into someone more dainty and gentle.
>Burnside: Adler is taking this too far. This game isn't fun, you don't want to play anymore...

After the Ixies had received their orders and buzzed away, I turned again to Burnside.

"Are you going to tell me who you were working with?" I growled.

"Ain't," she blurted.

"What dainty and ladylike form should I transmogrify you into?" I mused while she glared at me nervously. "Remember that Floozy prosecutor during my trial? Oh wait, you weren't there. She turned up again, selling tainted food to my army just before the battle. I think her name was Miss Thompson. She seemed like a femme with some class. Or how about a marsh bird, like an ibis or a crane? They move with such care and precision on those spindly legs. Or why not a frail old lady? Yes, an old lady with refined and courtly manners. I can geas you so you'll always have to say 'please' and 'thank you.' How would you like that?"

"Th-this ain't fun no more," Burnside grumbled uncertainly. "I don't wanna play. Yer takin' things too far."

Quote:>Adler: Oh really. Does Burnside go through life thinking all of her murder and cruelty is just a game. She even told you you're going too far. That's rich coming from her.
>Burnside: Break down and start bawling your beady little eyes out. You haven't been this terrified since your lowfolk father locked you in a box for a week when you were a child.

"I'm taking things too far?" I scoffed. "This is coming from the little beast who thinks murder and cruelty is jolly fun! I'm taking things too far! HA! By Fuma, that's rich coming from you! Choose your dainty new form, or I'll choose for you."

0421scareher.gif

"DON'T PUT ME IN THE BOX AGAIN!" Burnside screamed as I made my finger sparkle with Gramarye and brought it close to her.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, startled, as she keeled over and lay huddled & sobbing in the grass.

"Ohhhh I ain't been this scared in a long time," she gasped in between sobs.

"Are you serious?"

"Nor this turned-on," she moaned. "Stop torturin' me, Adler, you durn varmint. Please."

Quote:>Don't forget that you cna use more than one "carrot" wth he to encourage to talk, you have the orgasmic touch AND your stew mojo. She loves them /qjuite/ a it if memory serves.

Something about this didn't seem right, so I backed off.

"I'm going to make some stew," I announced. "If you co-operate, I'll let you have some. If you're very good you can even have some more Orgasmic Touch. If not, well, I hope you have enough gold saved up to buy a complete wardrobe of Old Lady clothes."

I apported a stew pot and got the trees to help me locate ingredients as I slowly assembled a hearty forest stew.

0421stewtime.gif

Quote:>Those rabbits are reigious and superstious, could be it may be possible to use them as some grammayre spell amplifier by having them say the right prayers or protecting geas or whatever ?
>Or maybe their absolute lack of fun act as a owerfull majo denial aera. Or the fact they are vegan perturbagte the ham force (for as we know, all is ham).

As the stew cooked, I pondered my predicament. Assuming everything I knew was true, and lowfolk could not work magick, how had the rabbits managed to confine my scrying to these woods? They were religious and superstitious; could this somehow be used as a spell amplifier? Did their prayers somehow have this much efficacy? Did some god other than Fuma rule the lowfolk world? I had never considered the possibility before now.

Or maybe it was simpler than that. Maybe the rabbits' prudery and utter hatred of all forms of fun was causing some sort of nullification effect ... no, that was silly. As was the idea that their vegetarian lifestyle had caused some sort of disruption in the ham-force. This would only make sense if the Gnostermongers were right, and All was indeed Ham. But that couldn't be the case - could it?

smuchmuch · 04-23-2021, 04:44 PM

>Adler: After a while get some answers
>Some time passes.
>The ixies bring a crucial testimony
>you find something important you hadn't read in one of the text yet
>Burnsides gives up and tells you something
>Someone is contacting you through scrying/elfmind.

(Yeah, I'm sorry if it's not much of real suggestions but at this point we've more than enough moving parts with all that's happening, I really don't want to add more.)

typeandkey · 04-26-2021, 10:15 PM

>Adler: After a while, the Ixies come back with news. They were actually able to find and speak with Ash. He was very open and jovial when he spoke with you. He is blatantly and openly playing both sides. He said if you wanted him to exclusively work for you, he should have been made to swear an oath. He said to consider this a lesson in dealing with shady characters like him. He didn't do anything to stop the rabbits and the shoe cult because you only specifically directed him to find info on Zandar. To show there are no hard feelings, he sent back more information about Zandar's movements and actions. Sorry to say, but she's looking more and more like a murderous psycho. Ash is willing to renegotiate his contract with you, but you're going to have to be more cutthroat and quicker on the uptake if you don't want anymore surprsies.

>Burnside: You admire Ash's ability to play everyside until he knows who the winner will be, but his assassinations leave much to be desired. The goal is bodycount, not finesse.

tegerioreo · 04-29-2021, 01:50 AM

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Quote:>Adler: After a while get some answers
>Some time passes.
>The ixies bring a crucial testimony
>Adler: After a while, the Ixies come back with news. They were actually able to find and speak with Ash. He was very open and jovial when he spoke with you. He is blatantly and openly playing both sides. He said if you wanted him to exclusively work for you, he should have been made to swear an oath.

Burnside watched me intently while the stew cooked, but she didn't say anything.

After a while, one of the Ixies returned.

0428report.gif

"Sire, we found Ash Marten taking his ease in a town about six miles away," she reported breathlessly. "He seemed quite relaxed, even jovial, and not at all surprised to see us."

"That's just the way he acts," I remarked. "What did he have to say for himself?"

"He freely admitted that he is playing both sides. If thou wantedst him to serve only thee, then thou shouldst have made him swear an oath of allegiance. So he sayeth."

"I knew it!" I groaned. "Did he give any particulars about what the rabbits did to block my scrying?"

"He hath sent a messenger with further details."

Quote:>Someone is contacting you
>Burnside: You admire Ash's ability to play everyside until he knows who the winner will be, but his assassinations leave much to be desired. The goal is bodycount, not finesse.

0428lysander.gif

A moment later, Lysander came stumbling through the underbrush.

"Gevalt!" the monkey exclaimed. "These woods are getting harder and harder to pass through every time, what with the tulgeyness and the security and the rabbits watching all the time. Why Ash had to send me all this way to relay messages when the bug-thing was coming here anyway, I don't know. Anything I could say, she could have told you. I think it's just antipathy all of you jerks have towards me. Lysander, he'll do the dirty work. Lysander, nobody will mind if he suffers. What's one monkey in the grand scheme of things? What's one monkey to a high and mighty elf?"

"Since you endured such hardship to bring me a message," I interrupted his rant. "You might as well make it worthwhile, and tell me."

"Okay," Lysander began, after taking a deep breath. "Ash said to consider this a lesson in dealing with shady characters like him. He didn't do anything to stop the rabbits and the shoe cult because you only specifically directed him to find out about this Zandar person. To show there are no hard feelings, he sent information about Zandar's movements and actions. You want her known locations, I've got them all written down. We found police reports, church records, wanted posters, real estate contracts, the works. Sorry to say, but this femme, she's looking more and more like a murderous psycho. A real floozy too. Not marriage material if you ask me. Ash is willing to renegotiate his contract with you, but you're going to have to be more cutthroat and quicker on the uptake if you don't want anymore surprises. Is that stew? It smells great. Is there any lizard in it? Because I can't eat lizard."

"Heh heh," Burnside chuckled. "Ain't that just like ol' Ash. He's always playin' every angle. Way too picky about his killin' though."

typeandkey · 05-05-2021, 09:40 PM

>Lysander: Oh, yeah. Ash also wanted you to deliver this package to Adler. It's supposed to help teach Adler how to deal with people. Seelie and Unseelie.
>Adler: It's a book. "How to be Unseelie and Look Good Doing It". Written by Dr. Owter Cesawonki. Of course...
>Burnside: Looks like Ash is trying to convert Adler to the Unseelie side. That's a hobby of his. Darn good at it too. Adler should give it a try, he'll have more fun and get more done.
>Adler: Oh great, that's just what you need in your life, yet another crazy old fox trying to mentor you. That makes, what, three now?

tegerioreo · 05-06-2021, 02:00 AM

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"What happened to my hairdresser cult?" I asked Lysander angrily. "I thought you had supplied them with weapons for self-defense."

0505evasive.gif

"Ah, well, yes, about that," Lysander waffled, suddenly getting itchy and fidgety. "You see, because of my known association with Ash Marten, who was not in good favor with the O'Daisies firm at the time I approached them with your order..."

"Let me guess," I snapped. "You never got the guns. In that case you owe me a refund."

"Oh no, I've got them," Lysander insisted. "It's just that the order was delayed, and by the time I finally managed to get back here with them I could not find anyone to deliver them to. Everybody was gone and the salons were all selling shoes. Total surprise to me. I will gladly hand the Blunderettes over to you at your request."

"How was I gone long enough for all of this to happen?" I asked indignantly.

Quote:>Lysander: Oh, yeah. Ash also wanted you to deliver this package to Adler. It's supposed to help teach Adler how to deal with people.
>Adler: It's a book. "How to be Unseelie and Look Good Doing It". Written by Dr. Owter Cesawonki. Of course...

"That I can't tell you," Lysander shrugged. "But OH! Ash wanted me to give you this. It's supposed to teach you how better to deal with people."

The monkey reached into his jacket and pulled out a small book.

"How to be Unseelie and Look Good Doing It, by Dr. Owter Cesawonki," I read aloud from the frontispiece.

"Study that'n real hard, Adler," Burnside chuckled. "Is the stew just about ready?"