The Ballad of Adler Young, Canto 2.5

Adler: Begin to realize how in trouble you are probably in at the moment, your best soldiers can be forced to stand down, this means you now don't always have an invisible army at the beck and call. Go into a panic attack as you ball up and cry.
Vernier: Be shocked at this, but your instincts from having to raise your little brother kick in, you proceed to console Lord Randall by calmly singing to him and patting his head.
Adler: you are receptive to this treatment, as you do begin to calm down and for a few moments and notice Vernier who is calming you. You try to stand but this femme is so captivating!
Ixies: You find your Lord and father in this depressing state of affairs, oh he being the biggest loser in the world right now, quick cuddle pile! You need to cheer him up.

Show Content

SpoilerSee pictures https://www.patreon.com/posts/39867624 or read the entire thing https://adleryoung.tumblr.com

>Adler: "It depends on what they're saying."
>Trees: Inform Adler that the reason those rabbits slipped through was because Vernier loudly stated a special code phrase that forces them to stand down and not act in any capacity until ordered to. A special code phrase that only elves should know.
be interested in knowing why a bunch of rabbits were already ready to spring

0729thonking.gif

"Sorry, who said what about what?" I mumbled distractedly as the forest whispered to me the reason why they had let this band of rabbits through:  Vernier had uttered the secret phrase known only to elves, which required them to stand down and await further orders.

There was a secret passphrase?  Known only to elves?  And I didn't know it??

>Adler: . . . Very carefully ask Vernier if she said anything before entering the woods and who told her about it.
>Vernier: there was this friendly old man who used to own a tavern. He referred you to the hair salon that sent you here and he told you the phrase that would guarantee your safe passage through the wood. He also told you that before you left the woods to tell "Lord Ramble" that he is very interested in meeting him.

"Are you all right, Your Lordship, sir?" Vernier asked.  "You look slightly ill."

"Are you an elf?" I demanded.

"Goodness, no," she laughed.  "At least, not as far as I know."

"What did you say as you entered the forest, to gain passage to this circle of stones?"

She told me the passphrase, which I won't repeat here because it is Top Secret, for elves only.

"Why did you say that instead of using the Scissors Sign given to my Mystical Order of Hairdressers?"

"Well, the fellow who told me about it said it was more effective."

"What fellow was that?" I whispered hoarsely.

"He's one of the Marten family," she replied.  "The one who used to run a tavern.  It burned many years ago, remember?  I think his name is Ash.  Funny name, considering his tavern burned.  He never rebuilt it, just sort of disappeared after that - but he turns up every now and then.  I remember him from when I was very little, and he hasn't changed a bit in all these years.  He recommended I go to the hairdresser's shop where they told me about you, and then he told me about the passphrase that was better than Scissors.  He told me to wear a flower in my hair to 'honor the lady' whatever that means .. oh, and he also said to tell you he was very interested in meeting you someday."

>Adler: *HRRK* Why is it that every time something starts to go your way it immediately goes off the rails?
Adler: Begin to realize how in trouble you are probably in at the moment, your best soldiers can be forced to stand down, this means you now don't always have an invisible army at the beck and call. Go into a panic attack

AHA!  It seemed that the elf I had been looking for was also looking for me.  It also seemed that the forest I was relying on for a great degree of my own security could be rendered ineffective with a few words.  It seemed I was a sitting duck for basically any enemy who wanted to come after me.  I started to hyperventilate.

Vernier:  proceed to console Lord Randall by calmly singing to him and patting his head.
Adler: you are receptive to this treatment, as you do begin to calm down and for a few moments and notice Vernier who is calming you. You try to stand but this femme is so captivating!

0729solace.gif

Everything went black, and the next thing I knew I was lying on the ground with my head in Vernier's lap.  She was gently stroking my hair and humming a soothing lullaby.

"What happened?" I murmured.

"You fainted," Vernier explained.  "My little brother used to get panic attacks just like that, and the best way to calm him down was to rub his head and sing to him.  I see what they mean about your hair - it is really nice."

I tried to get up but found myself powerless to resist the lowfolk femme's Wiles.  Her hand stroking my head was too soothing!  I could not un-relax!  This surely spelled my doom!

Ixies: You find your Lord and father in this depressing state of affairs

0729hussy.gif

"Get Ur filthy paws off him, U hussy!!1!" Angela screeched as some Ixies flitted toward us.

"Oh my goodness!" Vernier exclaimed.  "Talking bugs!"

"Pardon my colleague's rudeness," one of the other Ixies apologized.  "She's not related.  We just noticed that our Sire seemeth to be incapacitated again, and wish to ascertain exactly what sort of shenanigans thou art up to.  Be advised that there are a lot of us, and we have offensive powers which we will use if necessary."

Is it my imagination or does Vernier bear a certain resemblance to Mavis?

>No need for high spirirt, ppur guest was nothing if not nice.
>Okay calm down, you knew you weren't complelty secure but that's why you working on it, after all only a couple a few elves and those they entrusted it with know this secret passworld, the forest will protect from everything else.
>This Marten wants to meet you ? That's good, you'd like to meet him too. That will be an occasion to get your side of the storry to another eld who isn't Estvan Silverbrush, maybe. And if they mean harm, you're not defenless yourself, you can pook and use a bow like no one's buisness.
>Anyhow thanks the lady for her tender touch but you need to make a deal
>She's an administrative assistant, you have a cult you can't really manage hands on, in exchange for your tender hair ministrations once a week, she'll help them organise and balance their books as long as the arrangement statisfy your both (that way you have a quick way out if for some reason you want to break it..)
>Oh and please, dear lady feel free to bring me the food basket and news of the rest of the island whenever you want (any excuse to see more of her....)
>Jsut please ue the scissor sign rather than the secret phrase if you can.

>Vernier: Explain yourself. Also, all these bugs are adorable.
>Ixies: All of you except Typantron receive the cute compliment very well. "I'm not cute... *sulks*"
>Adler: Tell your Ixies to stop harassing this blameless woman who is merely a victim of circumstance and deliver their report.
>Adler: Think for a moment, perhaps you were overreacting earlier. If there was a secret phrase that makes all plants stand down then the empire's elite shrub soldiers would've been completely useless. This here is probably a unique circumstance. The phrase "only elves should know" most likely means just that, only elves should know it not that every elf knows it. This phrase might be something only this mysterious elf and the people he's told know. That would make him very powerful where the forces of nature are concerned. You need more information. This mystery elf is an honorary member of the Martin family. Perhaps summon one of them for more information.

Adler: Tell Typantron to calm down and give her a cinnamon stick.
Typantron: Receive this cinnamon stick like your recieving the medal of honor.
Ixies: Be very upset that none of your where given cinnamon sticks, start a union.

Show Content

SpoilerSee pictures https://www.patreon.com/posts/40146839 or https://adleryoung.tumblr.com

>No need for high spirirt, ppur guest was nothing if not nice.
>Vernier: Explain yourself. Also, all these bugs are adorable.
>Ixies: All of you except Typantron receive the cute compliment very well. "I'm not cute... *sulks*"
>Adler: Tell your Ixies to stop harassing this blameless woman who is merely a victim of circumstance
Adler: Tell Typantron to calm down

0805howcute.gif

"Stand down," I ordered my Ixies, as I used the momentary distraction to break free from Vernier's insidious Wiles. "This femme has come here on legitimate business and I'm sure she meant no harm."

"Ooh, the little bug-fairies serve you?" Vernier squealed. "They're so CUTE!"

"No I'm not!" Typantronn snapped indignantly. "I'll show thee cute, thou oversized floozy!"

"Cool it," I warned. "All of you withdraw to the dolmen and let me talk to my visitor in peace."

>Okay calm down, you knew you weren't complelty secure but that's why you working on it, after all only a couple a few elves and those they entrusted it with know this secret passworld, the forest will protect from everything else.
>Adler: Think for a moment, perhaps you were overreacting earlier. If there was a secret phrase that makes all plants stand down then the empire's elite shrub soldiers would've been completely useless. This here is probably a unique circumstance. The phrase "only elves should know" most likely means just that, only elves should know it not that every elf knows it. This phrase might be something only this mysterious elf and the people he's told know. That would make him very powerful where the forces of nature are concerned.

Now that I'd had a moment to think about it, I realized that the new revelations Vernier had brought me did not necessarily have to be as alarming as I had first assumed. If the secret passphrase that required plants to stand down was widely known, it would have made the Empire's Shrub Knights absolutely useless .. however, all of Faerie had at one time trembled before the leafy hordes. Therefore, this passphrase was specialized knowledge held by very few elves .. perhaps only by this one individual and the few people he had told. I was still safe from the majority of would-be invaders.

But why would he tell Vernier his passphrase if he knew that my hairdresser cultists already had a secret sign that granted them admission to the heart of the tulgey wood? I could only conclude that he wanted me to know about the passphrase, and he told Vernier deliberately so that she would relay the information to me.

Another fact puzzled me: If this mysterious elf was so interested in meeting me, why had he not come here and introduced himself? Clearly he knew where I was, he must know that I could not leave this location, and obviously he had the means to get through the woods to my place of refuge and/or confinement. I could only conclude that the reason he had not come in person was because he was prevented from doing so. "Uncle Ash" must be bound by a geas that forbade him from approaching too close to the Gate!

I ransacked my memory, trying to think if there was an elvish criminal in the ballads and lore whose crime was heinous enough to warrant such a banishment. I couldn't think of one, but suddenly became nervous again as I realized (hypothetically) what sort of Unseelie monster might be showing an interest in me.

Adler, you clod. You let yourself get distracted and missed out on Vernier’s hint that you should be fornicating shamelessly.
>She's an administrative assistant, you have a cult you can't really manage hands on, in exchange for your tender hair ministrations once a week, she'll help them organise and balance their books as long as the arrangement statisfy your both (that way you have a quick way out if for some reason you want to break it..)
>Oh and please, dear lady feel free to bring me the food basket and news of the rest of the island whenever you want (any excuse to see more of her....)
>Jsut please ue the scissor sign rather than the secret phrase if you can.
This mystery elf is an honorary member of the Martin family. Perhaps summon one of them for more information.

0805holdon.gif

"I think you will be of great use to me," I stated after what was probably a very awkward pause. "I have a cult to manage, but I can't leave this circle of stones .. and it's inconvenient at this time to use the means of remote communication which I would ordinarily have at my disposal. This is where your skills as an administrative assistant will prove invaluable."

"Is THAT all you wanted?" Vernier asked incredulously. "They said you were looking specifically for skunk femmes."

"Well yes, I am, but -"

"ATTRACTIVE skunk femmes," she continued indignantly. "And you only want them for secretarial work, eh? I find that hard to believe."

"Madam, elves do not lie," I insisted loudly, over a strangled outburst from Angela atop the dolmen. "You'll help my cult organize and balance their books, and you will bring a detailed report along with the supply basket once a week - in exchange for which I will personally style your hair. We shall continue this arrangement as long as we both find it satisfactory."

"Bookkeeping and reporting to you in person, eh?" she murmured thoughtfully. "Throw in a gold piece a week for my time and I'll do it."

"Two silver," I countered.

"Make it three."

"Two. You're also getting a free hairdo, remember."

"All right, but if I don't like the hairstyle, I reserve the right to renegotiate."

"Fair enough," I acquiesced. "Be sure to use the Scissors sign, not the passphrase Ash taught you. Oh, and bring one of the Martens with you next time you come. I have some questions to ask them about their so-called Uncle."

>Adler: Have a Pow-wow with your Ixies, anything new?
>Angela: Once you are alone with him, try your wiles out on Adler again. He doesn't find you completely abhorrent, you're halfway there.
>Kill time until the next notable encounter.

Vernier: Two silver a week is still a good amount of money, better than your last job. Remember you need to save up to buy another box of soldiers from the popular miniature wargame "Battles and Beavers", you need to defeat your cousin Reme and his stupid overpowered army of Giant Rock Lobsters. Your great Honey Badger cavalry and musketeers shall conquer the felt table top.
Adler: Be worried when you see a look of conquest on Verniers face, she may have aspirations to become a general and you know how well that turned out last time you made a lowfolk femme into a military leader.
Cultists: Route out the rest of the heathens who dwell in this wood, one however surrenders a young Rabbit who is terrified and has refused to commit ritual suicide like the others you cornered. Bring him back to your golden haired lord!

Adler: Be worried when you see a look of conquest on Verniers face, she may have aspirations to become a general and you know how well that turned out last time you made a lowfolk femme into a military leader.

Could have gone much worse, considering you're the one who screwed it all up by dispearing for years and years before any sort of organisation or anything was established ?

>Speaking of, wonder wat happened to those two, Ethel and Percy Jr, they must be older by now but they did know of your existence and they could still be tapped for favors if you need things done further away in the island.
>(Also you are interested in fornicating with Vernier, just... never before at least the third meeting and a proper level of admiration was established, an elf gotta have standard.)
> Now keep reading untill the next relevant evant happens.

Show Content

SpoilerSee pictures https://www.patreon.com/posts/40400943 BONUS LEVEL https://adleryoung.tumblr.com

Vernier: Two silver a week is still a good amount of money, better than your last job. Remember you need to save up to buy another box of soldiers from the popular miniature wargame
Adler: Be worried when you see a look of conquest on Verniers face

With our business concluded, and her first week's advance in her pocket, Vernier headed back to the village. I could not help noticing a certain avaricious gleam in her eye. That's lowfolk for you! I would have to stay on my guard, even among my supposed allies.

>Adler: Have a Pow-wow with your Ixies, anything new?
>Angela: Once you are alone with him, try your wiles out on Adler again. He doesn't find you completely abhorrent, you're halfway there.

"Do you have anything to report?" I asked my Ixies.

"Nothing much, Sire," Typantronn replied. "We were going to say we had found a skunk femme, but thou has already met her."

0812weakwiles.gif

"Miss Vernier is charming, dont U think?" Angela asked as I sat down to read.

"Uh huh," I mumbled distractedly.

I was almost finished with the introductory volume on temporal mathematics, which would help me master those pesky inter-reality time slips.

"Should I consider her a rival?" Angela squeaked.

"What? No, that's absurd. Now please let me get on with my reading."

"He said it was absurd!!1!" Angela sighed dreamily as she flitted away. "Elfs dont lye!"

>Kill time until the next notable encounter.
Cultists: Route out the rest of the heathens who dwell in this wood
> Now keep reading untill the next relevant evant happens.

I finished the volume on temporal math, which unlocked a dusty tome concerning theoretical chronothaumaturgy, which had been nothing but gibberish when I pulled it out of the library a few weeks earlier. I nibbled the cheese and dried figs which Vernier had brought in the supply basket, and I read.

I finished the book of chronothaumaturgy, and picked up one called "Retroactive Scrying in Theory and Practice." I finished the supply basket and my stomach began to growl. How many days had it been?

I completed "Household Cantrips" (I could not figure out the reason for its security cloaking), and this led to a volume on manipulating the scry-space to suit any decorative taste.

Certainly it had been longer than a week by now. I had my Ixies gather edible weeds, and made another stew from that and an assortment of beetles and grubs which Typantronn was happy to provide.

I ate my way through that pot of stew while reading "Remote Viewing on a Budget" and "Bylaws of the Department of Definitive Veracity." Where was Vernier with the next supply basket?

0812whew.gif

I had just started on "The Ethics of Surveillance, With an Emphasis on Blackmail" when finally Vernier and Oak came stumbling through the underbrush.

"What kept you?" I snapped. "You look rough. Is the forest impeding you?"

"No, sir," Oak panted. "The trees still honor the signs and their behavior is exemplary. It's those rabbits! They no longer dare to enter the wood, but they've taken to patrolling the perimeter and preventing anyone from entering. That's the reason we are late. We've been having lots of trouble finding a way to evade them."

>Adler: They've organized this quickly? Aren't they still feuding with the shoe cult?
>Oak: They were, The Rabbits gained the upper hand quickly since the shoe-huggers were a bunch of untrained kooks. In response, Lady Hawke hired a bunch of armed mercenaries to guard Jerry's cultists and harass the rabbits whenever they get too close. The rabbits have pulled back and are now guarding the forest to deprive the shoe cultists of the stone circle inside, but since the shoe cultists never  had an interest with the forest to begin with, the conflict has moved to a standstill.
>Adler: Nothing can ever be easy... You need to think of a way to get them fighting again. Also, you're going to need to make your cult able to defend itself. Hairdressers are useful, but no good in a fight. Maybe it's time your organization broadened its horizons. You can discus that later, though. First things first, question Oak about her Uncle Ash.
(>This is a good opportunity to bring back or introduce a character from early on in the series, from the Winterbough saga, or the Zandar webcomic.)

>You'll need to co-opt those annoying rabbits at some point. But first you need to learn more about them, what they believe and how they are organised.
>You'll need to tzlk to the wanabe 'evil witch' young rabbit you recruited in your ranks

Adler: Your first idea is very unseelie but it could work, send your cultists out to hire a trained assassin to take out the head of the rabbit cult or a important prophet and blame it on jerry and his cultists by leaving shoes at the scene of the crime.
Vernier: You know of a retired assassin but he is a drunken lout of a bear. But he is the best around nothing ever gonna keep him down. Tell Adler of this.
Adler: He sounds perfect hire him

(Guys, I'm pretty sure the shoe cult was almost entirely killed in the previous batlle)

Show Content

SpoilerPictures https://www.patreon.com/posts/40645797 or don't be afraid of https://adleryoung.tumblr.com

>Adler: They've organized this quickly? Aren't they still feuding with the shoe cult?
>Oak: They were, The Rabbits gained the upper hand quickly. Lady Hawke hired a bunch of armed mercenaries. The rabbits have pulled back and are now guarding the forest to deprive the shoe cultists of the stone circle inside, but since the shoe cultists never had an interest with the forest to begin with, the conflict has moved to a standstill.
you need to learn more about them, what they believe and how they are organised.
>You'll need to tzlk to the wanabe 'evil witch' young rabbit you recruited in your ranks
hire a trained assassin to take out the head of the rabbit cult or a important prophet
I'm pretty sure the shoe cult was almost entirely killed in the previous batlle

0819owzat.gif

"The rabbits have organized this quickly?" I asked in alarm. "Aren't they still feuding with the shoe cult?"

"They were," Oak replied. "But that didn't last long since the shoe cultists are a bunch of incompetent weenies. Their numbers were decimated and they fell back to Percysthorpe, where Lady Hawke hired a group of mercenaries to protect what was left of them. The rabbits were not interested in pursuing, and they seem to be afraid of actually entering the forest now, so they've established tight patrols of the perimeter to deny the shoe cult entry. But since Jerry's people were never interested in this place to begin with, it has turned out to be a new problem for us instead."

"Blast!" I exclaimed. "I can't figure out these rabbits. I need somebody to tell me all about their belief system and how they are organized. I probably should have a talk with what's her name, that witch we recruited last time."

"Rebecca," Oak reminded me. "It will be difficult getting her here, because of the patrols .. not to mention Rebecca's utter dread of meeting anyone from her old home."

"Maybe we could hire an assassin," I mused, thinking out loud. "To take out their leader or prophet or whatever."

"All of the local talent is currently employed by Lady Hawke," Vernier pointed out.

First things first, question Oak about her Uncle Ash.

"Well, let's wait on that then," I sighed. "The primary reason I needed you to come here is because I need to know more about your Uncle Ash. Tell me about him."

"Well, he's terribly mysterious."

0819suspicion.gif

"Wait a minute, wait a minute," Vernier interrupted. "I think I came out here with false expectations. I was told that this elf lord was looking for skunk femmes, but it turned out he only needed an administrative assistant. He's small and dainty, dressed in a decadent green satin suit, and is the leader of a cult of hairdressers. Now he's alone in the middle of the woods with two beautiful femmes, and all he wants to talk about is your mysterious uncle. What exactly is going on here?"

"Hmm," Oak pondered. "I see what you mean. Mind you, I'm not complaining - but it is a bit suspicious."

Show Content

SpoilerHelp me out with Uncle Ash. I've avoided having him show up because I can't think of a single blasted thing for this mystery character. Y'all want him in this here Ballad, you gotta fill in the blanks. Who is he? What's his story? What does he want?

"Wait a minute, wait a minute," Vernier interrupted.  "I think I came out here with false expectations.  I was told that this elf lord was looking for skunk femmes, but it turned out he only needed an administrative assistant.  He's small and dainty, dressed in a decadent green satin suit, and is the leader of a cult of hairdressers.  Now he's alone in the middle of the woods with two beautiful femmes, and all he wants to talk about is your mysterious uncle.  What exactly is going on here?"

"Hmm," Oak pondered.  "I see what you mean.  Mind you, I'm not complaining - but it is a bit suspicious."

Well Adler, I think I've figured out a way for those femmes to willing keep on doing your biding.  

>Adler: You're going to have to use your....."venery touch"

hrr hrr hrr

Show Content

SpoilerHelp me out with Uncle Ash.  I've avoided having him show up because I can't think of a single blasted thing for this mystery character.  Y'all want him in this here Ballad, you gotta fill in the blanks.  Who is he?  What's his story?  What does he want?

I'm OK with Uncle Ash being mysterious a while longer...

Show Content

Spoiler Uncle Ash isn't actually related to Oak.  He's actually a rotund vulpine with a monocle and a sash, has an odd accent, fond of saying "Tzo!"

>If you wanted to throw Adler a curveball, what if "Uncle Ash" is the real Lord Randal. From what I recall, the gravestone said he was poisoned, it never said that he died. What does he  want? He wants his name cleared and his position of power back. Sounds familiar...

>Vernier and Oak: Start speculating  that Adler might be "the other way".

>Adler: Hold on, inform them that speculating about someone right in front of him is just plain rude, also you have perfectly legitimate reasons for not trying to court them. One: When you specifically requested to interview skunk women, you are looking for someone specific. An elf. Vernier had useful skills so he hired  her instead of sending her away. Two: You where the one who transformed Oak and it would be strange as well as an abuse of your mentor status to pursue a relationship with her.  Three: You have tried flirting with them both on your first meetings and neither one noticed, so you gave up.

>Oak and Vernier: *start whining* "You gave up on us so easily? Are we really so hideous?"

>Adler: "No fair! Stop using wiles on me!"

>Vernier and Oak: "But... We're not."

>Ixies: Intervene. Tell everyone to stay on track, this is a professional meeting. No hanky-panky.

>Adler: You felt like you were on the verge of groveling. And they weren't even trying to use wiles on you? Something's wrong. You need to build a tolerance for lowfolk women asap!

Pick one or more (or none).

-Uncle Ash is a former imperial inteligence officier (a good way to advance some of the things going on) and close to uncle Roland ( a good way to bring this character in the ballad too later if necessary)

-Uncle Ash is an exiled elf who was one of the first elf to talk about the whole 'lowfolk infusion' and 'fairfax arch' plan (remember when those were a big deal ? man that was a while ago) and a real torn into the Vulpitans and/or Sisterhood and/or whotever plans.

-Uncle Ash is an elf who left faerie a long time ago because of his fun loving and taste for lowfolk femmes. He never cared for all that much for all the imperial politics. As it turns out he's gone kinda native, he enjoys lowfolk food, lowfolk music, parties and he almost, *gasp*, indulge in falsehood. Not direct lies but definitively skirting with the truth. But hey on the plus side that made him one of the few elves who seems not only to sruvive but even strive in the lowfolk world and there's plenty of tips he could give Adler.

-Uncle Ash is sir Ravenmad, after Abic Tor fell the whole 'permamnentl wearing a mask' schtick kinda lost it's interest. He's kinda mad about that by the way, way to ruin a good gimmick he had cultivated for centuries.

-Uncle Ash knows how How high is a roebuck.

Well Adler, I think I've figured out a way for those femmes to willing keep on doing your biding.

>Adler: You're going to have to use your....."venery touch"

Funnily I was wondering about that too. ...Adler used to be a master at willes, feels like he's been kinda loosing his touch (litterlay too) lately.
(But of clourse those are lowfolk femmes, they can be a willy and strange lot)

Funnily I was wondering about that too. ...Adler used to be a master at willes, feels like he's been kinda loosing his touch (litterlay too) lately.
(But of clourse those are lowfolk femmes, they can be a willy and strange lot)

Wiles!  That's what I was trying to remember!  Venery touch....what the hell was I thinking?

Funnily I was wondering about that too. ...Adler used to be a master at willes, feels like he's been kinda loosing his touch (litterlay too) lately.
(But of clourse those are lowfolk femmes, they can be a willy and strange lot)

Wiles!  That's what I was trying to remember!  Venery touch....what the hell was I thinking?

(I mean he does have an orgasmic touch nerve punch thingy, it's the apex of willes using apparently. (talk about stretching the art of sedduction to it's limit. Or I suppose one should say .. it's climax))
Of course rereading the very first page of this thread it does have the flaw that it can get sliiiightly addictive apparently. (then again for controling a cult, that might be a boon, if Adler doesn't mind getting in what coud be felt like slightly iffy if not unseelie territoriy there)

Adler: Offer ice tea to the girls and pull up some lawn chairs, they need to get a full run down of what is to come. Explain to them that they are going to be a part of a grand new empire and will be part of the new aristocracy that he shall implement.
Vernier: Think of all the miniatures you could buy if you become an aristocrat! Start salivating at the thought.
Oak: Aristocrat?! Royalty!? Think of it, you could become the queen of all hairdressers! A prophet in the eyes of your people! Start salivating at the thought.
Adler: Be very confused why these girls are so hot and bothered suddenly, it must be your natural charisma.
Ixies: Begin grumbling because you are going to have to get a mop for all the spit spilling onto the ground.

Show Content

SpoilerSee pictures https://www.patreon.com/posts/40900828 also https://adleryoung.tumblr.com

>Vernier and Oak: Start speculating that Adler might be "the other way".
>Adler: Hold on, you have perfectly legitimate reasons for not trying to court them. One: When you specifically requested to interview skunk women, you are looking for someone specific. An elf. Vernier had useful skills so he hired her instead of sending her away. Two: You where the one who transformed Oak and it would be strange as well as an abuse of your mentor status to pursue a relationship with her.

"Just what are you insinuating?" I demanded. "I am looking for a specific skunk femme, an elf of noble blood - and you, madam, are not her. However you have a useful skill set so I hired you instead of sending you away. Oak is my high priestess, plus I transmogrified her some years ago, so it would be sort of weird to get intimately involved."

"Oh, your lordship, you can just admit it," Vernier scoffed.

"Sure," Oak piped up. "There's nothing wrong with being .. That Way."

>Adler: You're going to have to use your....."venery touch"
he does have an orgasmic touch nerve punch thingy, it's the apex of willes using
Vernier: Start salivating

"SO!" I exclaimed. "YOU DOUBT MY ELFLINESS EH??"

0826whammy.gif

I quickly reached out and gave Vernier a dose of my legendary Orgasmic Touch.

"GREAT AAUUUUUUK," she burbled happily as she slowly collapsed onto the grass.

0826andyou.gif

"Do you need some of this too?" I asked, turning to Oak.

"Uhh," she stalled. "I admit I'm intrigued, but you're right, it would be weird."

There was a rustle atop the dolmen as Angela squealed "DONT 4GET MEEEE" before her fellow Ixies could subdue her.

"What was that?" Oak asked, glancing around.

"Nothing important," I snapped. "You were going to tell me about your uncle Ash."

"Recruiting for the cult would have been a lot easier if we had known about your orgasmic touch," Oak muttered thoughtfully.

"Never mind that!" I insisted. "Tell me about Ash! What sort of person is he?"

Uncle Ash is an elf who left faerie a long time ago because of his fun loving and taste for lowfolk femmes.

"He always impressed me as a fun-loving sort. He operated the tavern because he enjoyed being around people."

"How old is he?"

"I have no idea. He's been around for as long as I can remember, and it seems like he's been the same age the whole time. If I had to guess I'd say he was a very spry sixty."

Show Content

SpoilerAw, typeandkey, I would have drawn very different (and much funnier) pictures for this episode if I had seen the edits to your comments before now. Eagle-Time notifies me when new posts appear here, but it does not notify me when existing posts are edited. Rule of thumb for the future, if any of y'all happen to think of cool additional stuff after having already posted comments, and at least one of these two conditions exists:
1. It has been more than 24 hours since your original post
2. Someone else has posted underneath your original post
then please put the new material in a new post so I'll be more likely to see it.