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tegerioreo · 05-16-2019, 02:58 AM

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Quote:>Ethel: "He died at a ripe old age before I was born."
Adler: Maybe it would be pertinent to know how long it has been since the battle? Oh god has it really been that long!? NOOOOOO! (Begin having another melt down!)
Percy's gone then....but how'd he escape Persec Tor?

"Percy died?" I asked, somewhat surprised. "Years ago you say? What happened?"

"Nothing happened," Ethel explained. "He was just old."

"How did he escape the, um," I started to say. "How long ago was that?"

"I dunno," Ethel shrugged. "Percy le Gobelet died years ago, before I was even born."

0515woeful.gif

"It's been that long??" I wailed, as the realization of how much time I had lost came crashing down on me.

"Hey," Ethel snapped. "What are you implying? You make it sound like the time before I was born was AGES ago. I'm not that ancient! I don't look ancient do I?"

"No wonder the Duchess is so far ahead of me!" I groaned. "Everything has changed! Nothing is like it was!"

"Oh hey," Ethel quipped, interrupting my woeful reverie. "Speaking of the Duchess, are you serious about me being your General-In-Chief and War-Marshal?"

"Yes, of course."

Quote:>Ethel: "So, I'm your War-Marshal now, am I? Do I get paid?"
>Ethel: You still haven't bought completely into all of this nonsense. Tree soldiers, dumbest thing ever. But, you've gone this far, you may as well hang on until the end to see where this goes. In for a penny, in for a pound. "Alright, I'm in."
if the dark magick enhanced tree-and-shrub army is really that dangerous, what a dumb sentence, he will want to make absolutely sure they lose the battle. Should they win, he's a dead man. Adler will want to find a way to provide unseen assistance to the Duchess to ensure his own safety.

0515getem.gif

"Well, this is one of the dumbest stories I've ever heard, but it's also the most interesting thing that's happened in a while, so I'll play along. Assuming for the moment that there really is a shrub army, and it isn't some fable your ladybugs concocted to amuse themselves at your expense -"

"We do not lie about such things," Typantronn insisted haughtily.

"I believe your lord gave you a mission," Ethel reminded the Ixie. "And as his second-in-command, I'm reminding you to be off and fulfill your duty. DOUBLE TIME, SOLDIER!"

Typantronn reflexively saluted and buzzed away.

"Now then, Randall, if the reports are true then your objective must be to help the Duchess win the battle against the shrubs. I can't believe I just said that. Still, that's what you must do. You've got to do it from a safe distance and in such a way that she does not win without suffering heavy losses. Because you want her to be weakened from the encounter, unable to turn and attack you next. Black powder isn't going to be any use to her against an army of trees, and it won't be any use to you either, so we have to come up with a different strategy."

I thought to myself that the powder might be far more useful than she thought, if it were properly steamed ... but I was too awestruck by Ethel's military Wiles to say anything.

"If you actually can do magic," she continued. "Now would be the time to work up a spell involving axes, or .."

Quote:>Percy the Younger: Appear at an inconvenient time, continue your grandfather's work.
Ask if "Lord Randal's" real name is actually Adler Young.

0515intruder.gif

She suddenly turned and pointed at an eerily familiar-looking bird skulking behind one of the menhirs.

"A SPY IN OUR MIDST!" Ethel yelled accusingly. "Is this one of the Vulpians you mentioned?"

"Vulpitanians," I corrected. "And no, I doubt it, because it's not a fox and it isn't wearing the proper uniform."

"Is that Adler Young?" the bird asked, pointing at me.

typeandkey · 05-16-2019, 01:09 PM

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Kofiman · 05-17-2019, 12:50 AM

Adler > Make yon shovel into an axe with grammerie. Then see if you can improve your war-marshal's physical prowress, if she should desire.

That should solve tree-related combat issues.

smuchmuch · 05-17-2019, 11:17 PM

>Percy the younger: Having extensively (obsessively in fact) studied your ancestor notes and stories, you are quite well protected againt elfshot and quite a bit of elf magic in fact.
> But keep pretending you're affected if he does it anyway. Because you've been looking for this encounter since you were a wee lad, you don't want to be rude.

tronn · 05-18-2019, 04:00 AM

>Percy the Younger: Let it slip that you're defenseless against the wiles of elf-women that your grandfather wrote about. Lament loudly that you've accidentally revealed your secret weakness to your interrogators, oh woe!
>Percy the Younger: Discover that you're even weaker against Ethel's knuckle sandwich wiles.

El Santo · 05-19-2019, 07:03 AM

Percy The Younger: Immediately realize your in over your head, hide behind one of the large rocks and place a fake mustache on your face, you have heard that works for everyone.
Ethel: See the fake mustache and just shake your head, look to Adler who of course you give the benefit of the doubt that he is not going to believ-
Adler: "WHO IS NEW BIRD I SEE BEFORE ME!? WHERE DID HE COME FROM?!" your still too overpowered by Ethel's wiles to think rationally
Shurb army: Begin the blood sacrifices to call up the dreaded pomum ligni

tegerioreo · 05-23-2019, 03:12 AM

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Quote:>Adler: ELF SHOT! Right between the eyes.

0522twang.gif

"This is how we deal with interlopers in Albric Tor," I muttered as I whipped my bow out of Elfintory and instantly elf-shot the blabbermouth bird right between the eyes. I couldn't have him revealing my true name to this lowfolk wench, no matter how infatuated .. no, ESPECIALLY because I was infatuated by her uncanny Wiles!

"Wow," Ethel stated quietly behind me. "I'm not even going to ask where you keep that bow, nor why you thought it was necessary to kill that guy. All I'm going to say is, that was an amazing shot."

"Thank you, my dear," I replied curtly as I stashed the bow back in my Elfintory. "But he's not dead, only temporarily incapacitated. It is traditional among my people to play pranks on lowfolk while they are unconscious from elfshot. It looks like he managed to fall behind that menhir, and I can't step outside the circle. If you'll be so kind as to drag him around to this side, then you can help me stitch his pant-legs together and fill his hat with mud."

Quote:>Ethel: explain that this scrawny bird is the useless, layabout grandson of Percy le Gobelet. He's been living off the success of his forbear's fortune and enterprises. You have no idea why he's come all the way out here in the wilderness, since he is well known for running at the first hint of work or hardship.
>Percy the younger: Having extensively (obsessively in fact) studied your ancestor notes and stories, you are quite well protected againt elfshot and quite a bit of elf magic in fact.
>Percy the Younger: Let it slip that you're defenseless against the wiles of elf-women that your grandfather wrote about. Lament loudly that you've accidentally revealed your secret weakness to your interrogators, oh woe!
Percy The Younger: Immediately realize your in over your head, hide behind one of the large rocks and place a fake mustache on your face
Adler: "WHO IS NEW BIRD I SEE BEFORE ME!? WHERE DID HE COME FROM?!"

0522whoyou.gif

As we approached the stone, suddenly a very similar-looking bird with a mustache slunk around the corner and faced me.

"Who are you?" I demanded. "And where is your companion? Hand him over immediately or you'll share his fate!"

"Uh .." Ethel interjected. "Are you serious? That's the same guy."

"Nonsense!" I insisted. "It's clearly someone else!"

"Nope," she stated flatly. "That's definitely P.J. Gobelet with a fake mustache on. He's the lazy layabout grandson of the Percy who wrote the Chanson. What he's doing all the way out here is a mystery, since it is common knowledge that he abhors anything that smacks of work. Exertion and effort are anathema to him."

"You wound me, madam," the bird replied breezily.

"Speaking of which," Ethel said, "how are you not wounded? I saw him shoot you right in the face with an arrow."

"Twas an Elf-Shot," the bird declared. "I am warded against most forms of Elvish attack, thanks to grandfather's research - I mean Old Percy of course, not my own grandfather since I am most definitely someone else. Yes indeed, I'm quite relieved to learn that the old fellow's notes were correct in every particular. Ha ha! Why, I'm impervious to every form of Elvish magic except the Wiles of a beautiful elf-femme! Oh. Oh dear, I shouldn't have said that. Please disregard -"

"Oh stuff it, you pompous windbag," Ethel snapped. She grabbed the bird by the front of his shirt, then snatched the mustache off of his beak and tossed it aside.

"Your Lordship!" she called, addressing me. "As General-in-Chief and War Marshal, am I authorized to interrogate prisoners?"

"Huh? Oh, yes, of course," I replied absentmindedly as I picked up the false mustache.

Quote:>Percy Jr: Immediately assume they're going to torture you for info and start spilling your guts before they can even ask you anything. you heard Jerry's story about a snow-elf and came to investigate. You've grown resentful of living in Percy Sr's shadow and wish to write an elf-lore book of your own that will put the former's to shame.
>Percy the Younger: Discover that you're even weaker against Ethel's knuckle sandwich wiles.
Shurb army: Begin the blood sacrifices to call up the dreaded pomum ligni

0522spillit.gif

"Start explaining why you're here," Ethel growled. "And keep it concise. I've already had a very weird day and am in no mood for more nonsense."

"Whoah, whoah!" P.J. squawked. "There's no need to hurt me! I'll tell you everything! The truth is, I'm tired of being called a lazy layabout and living in the shadow of my illustrious literary ancestor! Plus the family fortunes are beginning to be, er, somewhat depleted. Sales of the Chanson are slumping; everyone has already read it. The market demands a new, up-to-date guidebook of Elfin lore. I can write just as good as anything that old codger churned out! I just need some source material. So I heard Jerry's talk of elf maidens here in the Tulgey, and it got me thinking .. and then when that strange forest suddenly surrounded Percysthorpe I knew for sure that something magical was afoot -"

"Hold on," Ethel interrupted. "So it's true? There really is a forest that suddenly appeared?"

"Sure is. When I left, they were pelting the Duchess's villa with rotten apples. I had to use all of my wits to get out of there unscathed!"

"Hear that, Lord Randall?" Ethel asked me.

"It's amazing," I murmured as I examined the mustache closely. "So small, so simple, and yet such a convincing disguise! Could this be Vulpitanian technology?"

Quote:>Ethel: ask Adler if he'd consider using biological/parasitical warfare against the shrubs. He could magick a whole bunch of wood ruining bugs, parasites, and diseases to infect the forest army.
Adler > Make yon shovel into an axe with grammerie.

"I say, Your Lordship!" Ethel barked, interrupting my reverie. "It seems the hostile ambulatory forest does exist after all. That's something I never expected to hear myself say. They are weaponizing their own fruit, but the good news is they are focused entirely on the Duchess and leaving the periphery of the town undefended. Even this shiftless cretin was able to get out without any problems."

"Hey!" P.J. exclaimed in an offended tone.

"Now's the perfect time to hit them," Ethel continued. "But you need a weapon that will work against trees."

"I hear what you're saying, my love," I grinned as I quickly used Gramarye to persuade Matholwch's shovel to become an axe.

0522axe.gif

"I of course cannot leave this circle," I added as I handed the weapon to Ethel. "So I'm trusting you, War Marshal, to do your best. Go give 'em Netherhells!"

"I don't think one femme with a hatchet is going to be very effective against an entire Shrub Army," Ethel muttered. "I was hoping for something more along the lines of a swarm of wood-boring pests. We can sap the enemy's will to fight by .. well .. draining their sap. Don't you have an army of bugs at your command?"

tronn · 05-23-2019, 04:47 AM

>Ixies: Absolutely refuse to nibble trees. It's demeaning!

El Santo · 05-25-2019, 07:36 AM

Adler: This mustache you have found, it is so powerful, you can feel energy radiating off of it.... yes Adler listen to the power of the mustache... put it on Adler, it won't hurt
Adler: The mustache is powerful, and it gives you the masculine confidence you needed just about now, Ethel's suggestion to use the Ixies may be sound, but you need something more to fuel your ravenous children....... sugar. Maybe it would be pertinent to ask Ethel if Trudy is any good at baking sweets.
P.J: Break out a note pad and in incredibly poor hand writing start trying to document everything you can about this strange Elf whom stands before you, end up drawing a bad stick figure doodle instead. Think to yourself "I'm a genius".

typeandkey · 05-25-2019, 11:48 AM

>Adler: "Army of bugs... THAT'S GENIUS!" Quickly call your Ixies and tell them to gather many sticks and twigs. You will Gramarye them all into tiny hatchets. You will never want for firewood again.
>Ethel: *Facepalm* Very, very calmly, patiently, and angrily explain to Randal that, instead of sending his only allies to their deaths, he think smartly and have his Ixies gather up some wood destroying parasites and covertly distribute them amongst the shrub army.
>PJ: Your grandfather's book described elves as being slow witted, gullible, and easily fooled. So far, he wasn't wrong.
>Typantronn: Okay, time to step in and try for that promotion again. Tell Adler that he needn't worry about the wood parasites. You're an adventurous eater and like a great many more bugs than just aphids. You've been betting with your sisters for a very long time, and as a result, a huge percentage of them are now indentured to gathering up tasty bugs for your dining pleasure. You've got barrels of just the kind of bugs and parasites Adler needs. Promotion please.
>Adler: "Have you really been diverting entire swaths of my forces on errands suited only to inflating your ego and filling your pockets?"
>Typandtronn: ". . . . Yes?"
>Adler: You may have a use for Percy's grandson. He's looking to outshine his ancestor with a bigger and better elf-lore book, and elf-lore is something you know a lot about. For a cut of the profits, you could very well be persuaded to divulge a secret or ten. Elves cannot lie, but what's the harm in telling only the truth that makes you look good and garners sympathy for your cause. Money and possible soldiers on the horizon. How deliciously ironic it is that the descendant of your old enemy should become your business partner/servant in a venture that would aid you beyond belief.

Angustine · 05-27-2019, 01:47 PM

>Adler: Liquor firebombs, if you even know that alcohol is flammable.

smuchmuch · 05-28-2019, 09:02 AM

>Adler: As you put on the mustache, experience that mustache feeling
>Ethel: Suddenly Adler is starring into space and babling nonsense (again). slap him out of it.
>Adler: You could use grammayre to make some termites the size of ants ! (...I mean the ants you used as mount in faerie, not the small lowfolk kind, that'd be pretty pointless.)
>Have you ixies gather some termites at once !
>Percy jr: Boogles at those shenanigans and jsut take notes. This is gold material for the 'ballad of Adler Young Encore, the revenge of the twit"

tegerioreo · 05-30-2019, 02:02 AM

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Quote:Adler: This mustache you have found, it is so powerful, you can feel energy radiating off of it.... yes Adler listen to the power of the mustache... put it on Adler, it won't hurt
Adler: The mustache is powerful, and it gives you the masculine confidence you needed just about now, Ethel's suggestion to use the Ixies may be sound, but you need something more to fuel your ravenous children....... sugar. Maybe it would be pertinent to ask Ethel if Trudy is any good at baking sweets.
>Adler: "Army of bugs... THAT'S GENIUS!" Quickly call your Ixies and tell them to gather many sticks and twigs. You will Gramarye them all into tiny hatchets. You will never want for firewood again.
>Adler: You may have a use for Percy's grandson. He's looking to outshine his ancestor with a bigger and better elf-lore book, and elf-lore is something you know a lot about. For a cut of the profits, you could very well be persuaded to divulge a secret or ten. Elves cannot lie, but what's the harm in telling only the truth that makes you look good and garners sympathy for your cause. Money and possible soldiers on the horizon. How deliciously ironic it is that the descendant of your old enemy should become your business partner/servant in a venture that would aid you beyond belief.
>Adler: As you put on the mustache, experience that mustache feeling
>Ethel: Suddenly Adler is starring into space and babling nonsense (again). slap him out of it.
>Adler: You could use grammayre to make some termites the size of ants !

Cautiously, reverently, I tried on the mustache.

0529stache.gif

EALA! I instantly felt more powerful, more confident, more ELFLY!

"YES!" I exclaimed. "It's brilliant! Gather up all the twigs and splinters you can find, so I may arm all of my Ixies with tiny hatchets! Percysthorpe will have firewood enough to last for years! Bards will sing songs of this victory for generations to come!"

"I was thinking more along the lines of pests that devour trees," Ethel remarked. "Like wood-boring beetles or -"

"Termites, of course!" I exclaimed. "I just need a bunch of termites and I'll Gramarye them up to the size of dray ants!"

"I'm pretty sure termites only eat wood that's already dead and rotting," P.J. theorized.

"I have plans for you too, bird," I chuckled. "How would you like an exclusive interview with one of the few elves to survive the Battle of Albric Tor? Oh, the startling stories I could tell you! The lore! Yes, you shall be my unwitting propaganda officer, and after your book is published, volunteers will flock to join my army - OW!"

The mustache fell off as Ethel smacked the back of my head.

Quote:P.J: Break out a note pad and in incredibly poor hand writing start trying to document everything you can about this strange Elf whom stands before you, end up drawing a bad stick figure doodle instead. Think to yourself "I'm a genius".
>Ethel: *Facepalm* Very, very calmly, patiently, and angrily explain to Randal that, instead of sending his only allies to their deaths, he think smartly and have his Ixies gather up some wood destroying parasites and covertly distribute them amongst the shrub army.
>Percy jr: Boogles at those shenanigans and jsut take notes. This is gold material

0529numptie.gif

"Yes, very interesting," P.J. murmured as he scribbled in his notebook. "I'd be glad to take you up on that, Your Lordship."

"Later," Ethel scolded him. "Right now we need to find out exactly what these insects can do. Lord Randall, if you would summon them?"

"Ixies!" I yelled. "Report!"

Quote:>Ixies: Absolutely refuse to nibble trees. It's demeaning!
Tell Adler that he needn't worry about the wood parasites. You're an adventurous eater and like a great many more bugs than just aphids. You've been ... gathering up tasty bugs for your dining pleasure. You've got barrels of just the kind of bugs and parasites Adler needs.
>Have you ixies gather some termites at once !

0529getbugs.gif

"Yes, Sire," an Ixie buzzed before me.

"I need you and your sisters to go devour the Shrub Army," I commanded.

"Sorry, Sire," the Ixie replied. "We do not nibble trees. Tis beneath us. However, we dine on numerous pests that do, many more than just aphids. I believe Typantronn hath a sizeable stash of destructive leaf-cutters, stem-nibblers, and pith-borers .."

"Well, have her bring them immediately," I ordered.

"She is presently away with the party carrying out thy previous order, Sire."

Quote:>Adler: Liquor firebombs, if you even know that alcohol is flammable.

0529powder.gif

"We're back!" Typantronn called out at precisely that same moment, as her squadron appeared - lugging several bags of explosive powder through the air.

"That was fast," I observed.

"We knew where to look," Typantronn replied. "Which I think qualifieth me for promotion to at least Spymaster, if not Generalissimo and Undersecretary of Espionage."

"Excellent work," I replied, rubbing my hands together. "Set the bags aside for now, until I have a chance to properly steam them."

"Randall, you can't steam black powder!" Ethel reminded me, with an exasperated sigh.

"Maybe not with water," I chuckled. "But what about with aqua vitae? Specifically, grain spirits, which I know are flammable."

typeandkey · 05-30-2019, 10:22 AM

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Angustine · 05-30-2019, 05:52 PM

>Adler: Get a bunch of grain spirit bottles and MAGIC them into large sizes and then have them rolled at the trees and when they break have the ixies set them on fire.
>Adler: If that fails just have the ixies drop bottles on the bushes and then setting them on fire, starting with the fanciest looking one, since they're always the leader.

El Santo · 06-01-2019, 07:17 AM

Adler: Pick up the moustache and place it in your elfintory, this could come in handy. While bending over to pick it up notice PJ's drawing of you that he just dropped, become furious and stamp your feet on the ground in rage
PJ: Wow this elf reminds you of your spoiled little cousin Fercy, instinctively smack him with a newspaper to get him to shut up.
Ethel: Barely hold back uncontrolled laughter, but then realize your going to need to discipline this new soldier, tell him to drop and give you..... uh 50
PJ: 50 what? You interpret this as 50 coins, so you fall to the ground and hand Ethel off the three pence you have in your pocket and then draw up an IOU.
Ethel: Smack your head in utter bewilderment, this army is doomed to fail.
Typantron: Begin without permission from your superior promoting the Ixies under you to higher ranks
Adler: "Hey only I get to do that" proceed to enter an argument with Typantron about how the ranking system works in your army.

Torchfire · 06-01-2019, 10:09 AM

Wow... It seems a lot has happened while I was away...

Ixie swarm, unbeknownst to Adler, be infiltrated by an enemy agent.

Adler, attempt to steam the powder, then magically dry and repowder it. Realise that the resulting granulated powder is noticably more potent than the basic kind, but credit this potency entirely on your elven magic.

P.J., slip an embarrasing reason why the family fortune is declining faster than expected. Also, mention your two brothers (you're ano of a set of triplets).

Kofiman · 06-02-2019, 04:57 PM

Adler > While waiting for the ixies to return with the bug, and having your steaming plan poo-pooed once again, go get your marshal properly equipped. You can make clothes into armour.

Ethel > Object to the medieval-style armour, but only half-heartedly because you know it'd take months of effort and plenty of money to do that without magic.

tegerioreo · 06-06-2019, 02:47 AM

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Quote:Point out to Randal that putting black powder in alcohol will just make it ignite, wasting the powder and likely sending whoever performed the act to several places at once.
>PJ: Get into an argument with Ethel over whether or not that's actually true.
>Adler: Harrumph derisively. Steaming it with lowfolk ingredients won't do it any good. Perhaps if the steam were made from more magical, elfy components, you might get something worthwhile. You'll need to see about setting up an alchemy lab
Adler, attempt to steam the powder, then magically dry and repowder it.
P.J., slip an embarrasing reason why the family fortune is declining faster than expected. Also, mention your two brothers

0605debate.gif

"Mixing gunpowder with liquor will make it explode," P.J. warned.

"That's not true at all," Ethel scoffed. "You have to light it with a match, and it will burn only if the liquor is sufficiently strong."

"But my brother Fercy says -"

"Your brother Fercy is an idiot. Your family fortunes are in a decline because he couldn't resist playing the ponies, isn't that right?"

"He had honorable intentions," P.J. pouted.

"I doubt it," Ethel scoffed. "There's no way he could have married all of them. But to return to the point, mixing gunpowder and booze will likely just ruin both."

"SHUT UP, both of you!" I snapped. "Minister of Disinformation, do not debate matters of fact with the War Marshal! War Marshal, do not question the judgment of your Lord! You're not taking Elf Magick into account! I will steam that powder and dry it, and the compressed result will be lighter and more potent that the original! You'll see! I will have to set up an alchemy lab, but first I need to confer with my agents regarding the new plans - so keep quiet while we discuss."

Quote:>Adler: Anyway, bring Typantronn (who is still wearing the helmet) up to speed on your new plans.
>Typantronn: A-HA! Obviously this was you subconsciously anticipating your lord's orders and as such deserves a promotion.
>Adler: Inform Typantronn that her constantly badgering you for promotions is not making you feel inclined to give her one.
>Typantronn: Yes, but if he gave you a promotion, you wouldn't have to keep asking for one.
>Adler: FINE! Make up some bogus, new meaningless title to placate her so she'll quit pestering you and get back to work.
>Adler: Get a bunch of grain spirit bottles and MAGIC them into large sizes and then have them rolled at the trees and when they break have the ixies set them on fire.
>Adler: If that fails just have the ixies drop bottles on the bushes and then setting them on fire, starting with the fanciest looking one, since they're always the leader.

0605proudtyp.gif

"Now then, Typantronn, we have decided in a High Strategic Council that our best tactic will be to release swarms of tree-destroying pests on the Shrub Army. We have been advised that you have a sizeable collection of such pests already in your possession."

"That's right, Sire," the Ixie beamed. "I am pleased to be so useful to thee. My pantry shall be at thy disposal. Meanwhile, surely the anticipation of orders on such a tremendous scale deserveth a promotion?"

"I might also need a squadron of Ixies to roll or perhaps hurl bottles of flammable material at the Shrubs," I continued.

"Assuredly Sire, we are at thy service. But promotion to a rank befitting my responsibility -"

"Your constant begging for a promotion is making me uninclined to give you one," I pointed out.

"Ah, but once the promotion is granted," she countered, "then I shall stop asking thee for it."

"Fine," I sighed. "You are now Grand Poobah of the Ominous Orse. Now go get your swarm of pests ready for deployment."

Quote:Typantron: Begin without permission from your superior promoting the Ixies under you to higher ranks
Adler: "Hey only I get to do that"
Ixie swarm, unbeknownst to Adler, be infiltrated by an enemy agent.

0605salvixie.gif

"Hear that, sisters?" Typantronn exclaimed as she turned to face the gang of Ixies that had helped her bring the bags of powder. "I am Grand Poobah now! I promote thee, Beelzebabs, to Sprite Lieutenant. Tinkle, thou'rt now Sergeant Top Class."

"What about me, LOL?" chirped an unusually large Ixie near the back. "After all, Im teh 1 who knew wear 2 find teh powder."

"I promote thee to Special Ablities Ladybird Vindicatrix," Typantronn declared without missing a beat.

"HEY!" I snapped. "STOP THAT! I'm the only one who can hand out promotions! None of those ones you just did are official."

"But I've worked hard to make it to Sprite Lieutenant," Beelzebabs whined.

"Fine," I snorted. "These three I'll allow, but no more unauthorized promotions! I mean it! Now, you have your assignment. Dismiss!"

They all saluted and buzzed away - except for the oversized one, who scampered inelegantly along the ground with her elytra and her lower pair of arms flopping limply. The poor thing must have been the result of a birth defect .. "Special Abilities" Typantronn had designated in her rank. It made me proud to know that my elite squadron of spies and operatives were able to find a place even for the unfortunate and odd-shaped among them.

I lowered my head to discreetly wipe my eyes on my sleeve, and noticed the mustache lying on the ground at my feet. Hmm. I bet there would be a lot less insubordination among my troops, and a lot more obedience, if I had this magnificent ornament adorning my lip! I quickly snatched it up and stowed it in my Elfintory for later.

Quote:Adler: Pick up the moustache and place it in your elfintory, this could come in handy.
get your marshal properly equipped. You can make clothes into armour.
Ethel > Object to the medieval-style armour

0605creepin.gif

"Now then," I said, turning to Ethel. "As General-In-Chief and War Marshal, you must be properly equipped. You must be resplendent in gleaming armor to protect your person, as well as strike fear into the enemy and inspire courage among your allies. I should be able to Gramarye your clothes into something suitable. Would you prefer to take them off, or have me alter them directly on your body?"

"Uh," Ethel stalled. "Armor really isn't as relevant as it used to be, not in this modern age of ballistics and firepower and walking forests."

tronn · 06-06-2019, 04:17 AM

>Adler: Fine, give your propaganda officer a shining armor instead. At least he'll appreciate it!

Heh, the vulpitanian agent cracks me up :)

typeandkey · 06-06-2019, 05:31 AM

>Ethel: Explain to Adler, despite his insistence to the contrary, that plate armor is a liability now. Bullets punch though it like it's nothing. Modern combat wear must allow for freedom of movement. The only way to survive a bullet is to not get hit by it.
>Adler: BAH! There these lowfolk go with their nonsensical "function over form" malarkey. No one appreciates the classics anymore. Still, if it's what your love wants, it is what she shall get. Whip her up a uniform befitting her rank, but more in line with the times.
>PJ: Point out that you've met that unusually large Ixie before, only she wasn't an Ixie. She's the one who gave you that mustache. Everyone ignores you.
>Ladybird Vindicatrix: The time you've spent amongst these Ixies have been some of the best days of your life. The kinship they have is unequaled. Not to mention they treat you much better than anyone ever did back home. And the food is better than what they have back home too. Decide that from this day forward, you shall be an Ixie forever. Go native and become a turncoat.

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Torchfire · 06-06-2019, 07:49 AM

I don't think I ever laughed at the Ballad this hard before... The SALVixie NEEDS to be featured more!

Adler, experiment with the uniform designs. Try both the heavy plate veriant, as well as the Vulpitanian "uniform-covered-with-medals" style. And make one for P.J. as well. Any royal minister deserves a grand uniform.

Angustine · 06-06-2019, 02:00 PM

>Adler: Give Ethel a fancy vulpitanian uniform instead of the armor.

Kofiman · 06-07-2019, 02:38 AM

> That might apply to mundane uniforms, but this is magic! It weighs as much as you say it weighs, does it not?

(Sorry for pushing it, but I do want to see a platemail wearing axe-wielding pyromaniac eventually.)

El Santo · 06-08-2019, 08:09 AM

Large Ixie: Climb up a tree and fly, fly forever with your ixie sisters! Wait why do your bones hurt so much, all of a sudden
Other Ixies: Sigh this happens every day
Adler: Create the most modern and free flowing uniform you can think of, which to your perverted mind is a bra and panties with some silk draped over the front
Ethel: Smack Adler until he gives you a proper uniform
Adler: "OW OW OW FINE!" Poof, you make her a landsknecht uniform, complete with resplendant colors that don't translate well to a black and white comic, a breastplate to stop blades and blunted weapons, a cap with a peacock feather for style, and finally a large Halberd.
Ethel: "A bit too tacky for my tastes"
Adler: Everyone's a damn critic