The Ballad of Adler Young, Canto 2.5

>"You light my fire, honey". Keep a straight face and ignore how cheesy it sounds. Chicks dig cheesy lines.

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>Adler: Despite your previous confidence, you simply cannot refuse a request from Ethel. You act too quickly and without thinking, not to mention you're still high. You set yourself on fire.
>"You light my fire, honey". Keep a straight face and ignore how cheesy it sounds. Chicks dig cheesy lines.

0410flambe.gif

"You light my fire, baby," I schmoozed as I ignited the closest object I could think of. I'd show Ethel she wasn't the only one around here who could use Wiles!

"Nope, it looks like you lit your own fire," Ethel observed. "Is it the wyrmweed, or do elves always use their tails as torches?"

"AIEE!" I remarked. "PUT ME OUT! PUT ME OUT!!"

>Ethel: Quickly help Adler put out his burning fur.

0410extinguish.gif

Ethel quickly leaped into action, swatting vigorously to extinguish the flames. I didn't know which was hurt more, my singed & battered tail or my dignity.

I needed to do something to salvage this situation! Something that would demonstrate my authority and my tactical prowess!

I summoned an Ixie, and she arrived almost instantly, munching on a tiny green bug.

"In case Jerry himself forgets to mention it," I instructed, "I need you to make sure everyone at Percysthorpe knows that SALV Relda Fauxfox gave Jerry his quest. What on Fuma's green earth are you eating?"

"I owe thee, Sire," the Ixie burped. "None of my sisters wagered thou wouldst go so far as to set thyself alight. I won six aphids by thy tomfoolery."

I could hear Ethel stifle a chuckle behind me.

>Adler: In some desperate attempt to try and salvage the situation and impress Ethel, summon an Ixie to relay your new plans
>Ixie: Inform Adler that you and the others have been watching the entire time and taking bets on how badly he would embarrass himself.
Adler: Be angry at the Ixie for taking bets on you
Ethel: Punch Adler in the shoulder for being mean to such a precious little creature

0410cuteixie.gif

"What?" I demanded imperiously. "Have you been spying and taking bets on your lord?"

"Spying is our profession, Sire."

"How dare you!" I seethed. "I forbid any such practice from now on! You are to spy FOR me, not ON me!"

"Hey, don't be mean to the cute little ladybug fairy," Ethel scolded me. "Such a precious tiny creature! I had no idea they were real! What is its name?"

>Ixie: Have a really dumb name.
>Adler: "Wait, you just carry a bag of black powder around everywhere you go?"
>Ethel: "Yes."

>Ixie: Buttercup

Ixie: Be offended that this lowfolk cur would dare to ask what your name is, smite her with all your power!
Ethel: Be very unimpressed by Adler's minions, why is this sparkling pixie trying to slap you?
Adler: DEFEND YOUR LOVE!

Ixie: Be offended that this lowfolk cur would dare to ask what your name is, smite her with all your power!

(Somehow I doubt the Ixie would care. I'm pretty sure to them , lowfolks and elves are the same: Suckers to be milked for all the money and shugar possible. Only reason Addler get sometign going he's because he's her dad.)

>Ixie: Your name is Pepper. Because you sting.

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>Ixie: Have a really dumb name.
>Ixie: Buttercup
Ixie: Be offended that this lowfolk cur would dare to ask what your name is, smite her with all your power!
Ethel: Be very unimpressed by Adler's minions
Adler: DEFEND YOUR LOVE!
>Ixie: Your name is Pepper. Because you sting.

"My illustrious name," the Ixie declared, "is Typantronn Smuchpepper Santocup. And thou hadst better not laugh!"

0417myname.gif

"Typantronn Smuchpepper Santocup?" Ethel snickered. "What kind of name is that?"

"AN ILLUSTRIOUS ONE!" the Ixie snapped as sparks of electrical zapping magick began to twinkle around her. "I'll teach thee to scoff!"

"Ahem," I interrupted sternly. "It seems apparent that the lady already knows full well how to scoff. No need to teach her. Besides, I believe I gave you an assignment to spread vital information in Percysthorpe."

"Some of my sisters can handle it."

"But I asked YOU. Get going."

The Ixie scowled and harrumphed, then buzzed away.

>Adler: "Wait, you just carry a bag of black powder around everywhere you go?"
>Ethel: "Yes."

0417ofcourse.gif

"I don't think you appreciate, my dear," I said gently to Ethel, "how much danger you were in just now."

"Clearly I don't," Ethel shrugged.

"Do you always carry a bag of explosive powder with you wherever you go?" I asked.

"Of course. Who doesn't?"

I couldn't think of a good answer for that, but a sudden idea came into my head. I could impress this femme who carried volatile materials around and seemed to enjoy combustion in all its forms!

0417uhmm.gif

"YOU WANNA BLOW STUFF UP TOGETHER?" I asked excitedly. "You can lay the powder and I can light it."

"Actually that does sound fun," Ethel admitted. "But it's a little creepy knowing your bug servants are watching us from the trees and apparently taking bets on what we do next."

>Tell her it's okay, knowing that people watch makes things more exciting.

>Adler: "Ixies, I demand that you cease your spying on me! ... Please, you're embarrassing me..."
>Ixies: "No can do. We're not just spies, but your bodyguards too. It's for your own safety. Anyway, I'll put down five more that he'll set himself on fire again."
>Ixies: Start taking a shine to Ethel over her razzing the one with the long name. Typantronn's kind of a huge jerk, no one likes her.
>The promise of explosions and fire outweighs Ethel's misgivings over the peanut gallery. What follows is an adorably awkward montage of Ethel and Adler tentatively bonding over a mutual love of destruction. The cornerstone of any healthy relationship.
>Ethel: There's no way around it, this elf is a dimwitted, smelly hobo with no people skills or any other skills, but, darn it, all that keeps getting overshadowed by the fact that he can start fires with his mind. There might, just might,be some potential here.
>Adler: Ethel is treating you in a way that isn't just her usual barely tolerant, patronizing disdain, you're walking on cloud nine! You also only set yourself on fire three more times. Could this day get any better?

Typantronn: As you are flying off and harumpfing, you notice after some time flying over the tree line in a clearing near percythrope a small camp of armed lowfolk, you listen in on their conversation.
Armed soldier 1 (Dale): Begin talking very loudly about all the recently built secret entrances to the Duchess's manor house, hell you even made copies, its a new hobby. Begin passing them out to all of the new recruits, even that really short new recruit that looks like a bug.
Typantronn: You literally had to do nothing they did it all for you
Armed Solider 2 (Chuck The Woodchuck): Talk about your good friend Jerry, and how he recently purchased that new villa on top of the hill, its shaped like a shoe of all things, well Lady Hawk really knows how to pick em
Typantronn: This is too easy something is wrong here, you look to check and make sure your not being punked, your not these guys are really just that stupid, in fact when you report back to Adler, you think you should tell him to make to the education standards in this land.

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>Adler: "Ixies, I demand that you cease your spying on me! ... Please, you're embarrassing me..."
>Ixies: "No can do. We're not just spies, but your bodyguards too. It's for your own safety. Anyway, I'll put down five more that he'll set himself on fire again."
>Ixies: Start taking a shine to Ethel over her razzing the one with the long name. Typantronn's kind of a huge jerk, no one likes her.

0424amscray.gif

"Hey Ixies!" I yelled, and a group of them peeked over the top of one of the menhirs. "You're making the lady uncomfortable! Go away and give us some privacy."

"Can't do that, Sire," they replied. "Spying is our duty as well as our pastime. We are bound by an oath to oversee and protect thee, which supersedes any of thy commands. Plus we also want to see thy legendary Wiles in action."

"Such insolence!" I fumed as they giggled and whispered amongst themselves.

"We like this femme, Sire," one of them sent via Elfmind. "She hath Moxie. Anyone who taketh the piss out of Typantronn is okay in our book."

>Tell her it's okay, knowing that people watch makes things more exciting.

"I can't get rid of them," I sighed, turning to Ethel. "But think of it this way: Having an audience makes things more exciting."

"Uhh.." Ethel started to protest.

"Just go srpinkle some more powder in that hole," I suggested.

What follows is an adorably awkward montage of Ethel and Adler tentatively bonding over a mutual love of destruction.
>Ethel: There's no way around it, this elf is a dimwitted, smelly hobo with no people skills or any other skills, but, darn it, all that keeps getting overshadowed by the fact that he can start fires with his mind. There might, just might,be some potential here.
>Adler: Ethel is treating you in a way that isn't just her usual barely tolerant, patronizing disdain, you're walking on cloud nine! You also only set yourself on fire three more times.

0424montage.gif

And so we whiled away the afternoon blowing things up and setting things alight. The way her eyes sparkled at each blast .. the way she giggled with delight when I ignited handfuls of powder which she tossed into the air .. with each combustion she became more relaxed, more warm, more adorable. I didn't know who was using Wiles on whom, and I didn't care. I wanted this moment to last forever.

Typantronn: As you are flying off and harumpfing, you notice after some time flying over the tree line in a clearing near percythrope a small camp of armed lowfolk, you listen in on their conversation.
Typantronn: This is too easy something is wrong here, you look to check and make sure your not being punked, your not these guys are really just that stupid, in fact when you report back to Adler, you think you should tell him to make to the education standards in this land.

0424news.gif

As Ethel was beating out a wayward blaze on my sleeve, an Ixie buzzed up and saluted me.

"Yes?" I prompted after an awkward pause. "I trust you are interrupting for a reason."

"Typantronn Smuchpepper Santocup reporting, Sire," the Ixie gasped. "Thou art not going to believe this. I did not believe it myself, but I flew on to Percysthorpe and beheld it with my own eyes."

"Go on."

"The town is surrounded by a hostile forest which was not there yesterday."

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SpoilerWhat else did Typantronn discover? I can still use some details from El Santo's previous command .. but few commands means shorter episodes ..

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Spoiler>Typantronn Smuchpep-etc. etc.: Inform Adler that he needn't have worried about everyone believing a "Salv Fauxfox" sent Jerry. The loudmouthed idiot hasn't stopped bragging about it since he got there. Everyone in Percysthorpe knows. Everyone in all the other surrounding towns probably knows too. Also, the Shrubs haven't captured Jerry for questioning yet, but that's sure to happen soon enough. The Duchess is also aware of the stories Jerry's been spreading and, on the belief that the Vulpitanians are trying to sabotage her, she probably has a few questions for him of her own.
>Typantronn Smuch-whathaveyou: On that note, you have some good news and some bad news. Adler's plan to sic his enemies on each other is working wonderfully. Both the Duchess and her minions and the Shrub Soldiers are aware of what's to come and gearing up for a fight, but Adler might need to rethink who he's rooting for. "Pun intended, Sire." The Duchess still believes that her scheme to block Adler's scrying succeeded and that he's still locked away and no threat, if she comes out of the battle on top, she's content to leave Adler where he is and go deal with Vulpitania. On the other hand, the Shrubs, though distracted by the Duchess, have not forgotten their Sap-Oath of retribution sworn on Adler's head. If the Shrubs succeed, whatever they find out about the Vulpitanians, they will not pursue them until after they've skinned Adler alive, torn him limb from limb, placed his head on a pike, and made branch ornaments out of his entrails. With the Shrubs having seemingly summoned all the forces of nature to assist them, the newly surrounding hostile forest, the approaching battle looks to be leaning in their favor.
>Adler: "Branch ornaments?! That's disgusting!"
>Typantronn-wossname: "I may have been using artistic license."
>Ethel: "Hold on, All that nonsense about an army of bushes was true? That is the single dumbest thing I have ever heard. No wonder that never showed up in the Chanson."
>T-dumb name ixie: "By the way sire, did you set yourself on fire again? Please say, 'Yes.' I have a lot riding on it."

Typantron: "Alright girls its time to fork over the dough" begin waving around a tiny blade when no one produces the cash
Adler: You will have to be very careful with your next steps, you think as your pant leg catches fire
Ethel: Quickly push Adler into the mud to put out the fire

>Well look like the bushes are making their moves. That's ..good.
>Wouldn't worry about the duchess lossing this, she has flamable exploding powder, the bushes are very unlikely to win this one.
>What's important is whoever is the winner be 1)exposed, 2) seriously weakened and 3)have their sights away from you dfor a while and on the Vulpitans
>(But If the bushes do win this one and decide to come after you, ..well it's not like you haven't trained this whole evening to set things on fire yourself....Just to be sure, order the ixies to, steam you some small bags of exploding powder.)

>Adler: The Duchess has the upper hand in this conflict, so looks like you need to help the Vulpitanians to prolong the conflict.
>Adler: Contact them by elfminding the sexiest vixen in the administration you can think of.
>Sexiest Vixen: Put Adler on hold.
>Adler: Contact them by elfminding the sexiest tod in the administration you can think of.

>Adler: The Duchess has the upper hand in this conflict, so looks like you need to help the Vulpitanians to prolong the conflict.
>Adler: Contact them by elfminding the sexiest vixen in the administration you can think of.
>Sexiest Vixen: Put Adler on hold.
>Adler: Contact them by elfminding the sexiest tod in the administration you can think of.

(... WThat would mean revealing himself to more of his enemies when he already realized revealing his continued existence to the duchess was a bad idea in the first place ? I know Addler is not the finest mind and kind of a blockhead but he's not complelty stupid. ... Presumably.. Only when it's funny, anyway.

>At least disguise your identity when elfminding (if that's even possible))

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"Excellent," I chuckled. "And did you spread the word that Jerry was there at the behest of a Vulpitanian SALV?"

Jerry, and how he recently purchased that new villa on top of the hill, its shaped like a shoe of all things, well Lady Hawk really knows how to pick em
>Typantronn Smuchpep-etc. etc.: Jerry. The loudmouthed idiot hasn't stopped bragging about it since he got there. Also, the Shrubs haven't captured Jerry for questioning yet, but that's sure to happen soon enough. The Duchess, on the belief that the Vulpitanians are trying to sabotage her, she probably has a few questions for him of her own.
>Both the Duchess and her minions and the Shrub Soldiers are gearing up for a fight, but The Duchess still believes that her scheme to block Adler's scrying succeeded and that he's still locked away and no threat, if she comes out of the battle on top, she's content to leave Adler where he is and go deal with Vulpitania. On the other hand, the Shrubs, though distracted by the Duchess, have not forgotten their Sap-Oath of retribution sworn on Adler's head.
>Ethel: "Hold on, All that nonsense about an army of bushes was true? That is the single dumbest thing I have ever heard.

"There was no need, Sire," the Ixie replied. "Everyone already knoweth about the beautiful snow-fox. It seems Jerry hath been blabbing the story all over town."

"Which side has captured him for questioning?" I asked eagerly.

"Neither yet. Lady Hawk hath sequestered him and none are certain how to breach the Shoe."

"The Shoe?" I asked in perplexity.

"Lady Hawk hath built a sort of fortified villa -" the Ixie began.

"Shaped like a giant shoe," Ethel finished with a sigh. "It's every bit as ridiculous as it sounds. Those two were really meant for each other. I just wish he had stayed with her permanently, and never come back to Tulgeyside."

"Okay .. you say the town is surrounded by a hostile forest?" I asked the Ixie. "That means the Shrub army travels faster than I expected, and they must have recruited a lot more allies to form a forest."

"Aye, Sire. Their troops are large, leafy, and menacing. They have formed ranks of almost impenetrable verdure on three sides of the city."

"That's good," I giggled. "The Duchess will be getting nervous now."

"Consider carefully how thou wouldst have this play out, Sire," the Ixie warned. "The Duchess still believeth thee to be sealed away and incapacitated by her magicks. If she prevaileth, she will be content to ignore thee, and bring the fight to the Vulpitanians. The Shrubs, however, still honor their sap-oath. Thy destruction is their top priority."

0501noway.gif

"Wait a minute," Ethel interrupted angrily. "Do you mean there really is a shrub army? That has got to be the most idiotic thing I've ever heard! How can a shrub fight? What kind of threat could they possibly be on a battlefield? The Chanson never mentioned this, and I can see why! It taxes credibility to the limit."

"Nevertheless, it is true," the Ixie declared.

"I've got to see this for myself," Ethel snorted.

"No, my sweet!" I squawked. "It is far too dangerous!"

Armed soldier 1 (Dale): Begin talking very loudly about all the recently built secret entrances to the Duchess's manor house, hell you even made copies, its a new hobby. Begin passing them out to all of the new recruits, even that really short new recruit that looks like a bug.

"Sire, I also came across a detachment of the Duchess's troops," Typantronn continued. "They were discussing recent renovations to her manor, and one of them was handing out plans."

She pulled a surprisingly large scroll out of what I assumed was her Ixie version of Elfintory (Ixintory?) and handed it to me.

0501plans.gif

"How did you get this?" I asked.

"Believe it or not, the officer gave me one as he was handing them out to his squad. I never thought I'd say it, but thou truly hast the advantage over them in terms of brains and cunning, Sire."

>Adler: The Duchess has the upper hand in this conflict, so looks like you need to help the Vulpitanians to prolong the conflict.
>Adler: Contact them by elfminding the sexiest vixen in the administration you can think of.

"This information would be invaluable to launch a covert counter-attack," I mused. "If the Duchess has the upper hand against the Shrubs, then I could .. hmm .. can you get this information to the Vulpitanians?"

"We are prevented by Gaps from establishing contact with the Republic," Typantronn replied. "We are not even sure how they fare."

"Perhaps I can reach them by scrying," I mused.

That would mean revealing himself to more of his enemies when he already realized revealing his continued existence to the duchess was a bad idea in the first place

"Honestly Sire, if I may be so bold, I would advise that thou refrainest from doing so. Contacting the Duchess was a mistake, and it would not do to alert more potential enemies to thy presence at this time."

Adler: You will have to be very careful with your next steps
>Wouldn't worry about the duchess lossing this, she has flamable exploding powder, the bushes are very unlikely to win this one.
>What's important is whoever is the winner be 1)exposed, 2) seriously weakened and 3)have their sights away from you dfor a while and on the Vulpitans
>(But If the bushes do win this one and decide to come after you, ..well it's not like you haven't trained this whole evening to set things on fire yourself....Just to be sure, order the ixies to, steam you some small bags of exploding powder.)

"Hmm, good point," I concurred. "Still, I think the Duchess is the most likely winner, since she is armed with weapons that make use of this lowfolk exploding powder. Isn't that correct, Ethel my dear?"

"Huh? Oh yes, firearms are one of the many things made by O'Daisies Enterprises."

"With the power of fire on their side, the Shrubs will be no match for them. But even if I'm wrong, and the Shrubs prevail - I have been practicing my fire cantrip all day, and I feel ready to face any menace as flammable as a Shrub army! Just to be sure, I want you and your sisters to procure and steam for me several bags of the exploding powder."

"Er, steam them, Sire?" the Ixie asked uncertainly.

"Yes, to purify and compress them to the smallest possible size for easy portability."

"Steaming will remove its fiery virtue, Sire," she informed me.

"Huh?" I countered.

"She's right, you can't steam it," Ethel interjected. "You have to keep your powder completely dry."

"Oh," I acknowledged sagely.

>T-dumb name ixie: "By the way sire, did you set yourself on fire again? Please say, 'Yes.' I have a lot riding on it."
Typantron: "Alright girls its time to fork over the dough" begin waving around a tiny blade when no one produces the cash

"Ah, this remindeth me," Typantronn declared. "Didst thou set thyself aflame again while I was gone? Please say yes. It meaneth a pile of aphids for me if thou didst."

"I do not approve of you making bets concerning -" I began, sternly.

"He did," Ethel interrupted. "Thrice."

0501typantronn.gif

"PAY UP, GIRLS!" Typantronn yelled at the group atop the menhir. "Don't make me get all Irenaeus on thee!"

...
.... I really need to find a way to enable some form of reliable spell checking in my browser, don't I ?. Well that still made me laugh, thanks.

>So as you order the Ixies to steaL some more powder for you, tell them to make sure they aren't detected.

>As for making sure the Vulp get the info... they probaly have agents in the lowfolk world..

>Speaking of... where is Percy in all that ? I mean we've been talking a lot about Percythrope but where is the actual eponymous bird ?

>Adler: Ask if everyone is absolutely sure that you can't steam black powder. A possible future enterprise?
>Ethel: Point out that while wood is indeed flammable, living trees are difficult to burn. Bullets and shrapnel from handguns and rifles don't do much to trees. There also isn't enough black powder in the whole countryside to blow up an entire forest all at once. You know from experience.
>Typantronn: Your successfully completing a single mission has immediately gone to your head. After collecting your winnings, place some kind of crazy war hat on your head and try to subtly, not subtly at all, suggest that Adler should make you the leader of his ixies.
>Typantronn: Oh yeah, the shrub army arrived at Percysthorpe much faster than they plausibly should have. There is a big chance that they are so consumed in their hatred of Adler, that they've begun delving into the darker side of nature magic. The Duchess might truly be in for the fight of her life.
>Adler: "Why didn't you say that sooner?!"
>Typandtronn: *munching on aphid* "I was hungry."

Adler: Wait surprised that your?- DID SHE JUST CALL YOU DUMB
Ethel: "Don't worry Adler you have managed without brains so far- oh wait nevermind
Adler: HEEEEEY!

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Smuchmuch, spellcheck would not have saved you because "steam" is a correctly spelled word.

>Adler: Ask if everyone is absolutely sure that you can't steam black powder. A possible future enterprise?

0508rusure.gif

While Typantronn collected her illicit winnings, I turned to Ethel and asked - with a great deal of skepticism - "Are you SURE the exploding powder can't be steamed?"

"I'm positive."

"It would be a lot more useful if you could steam it," I persisted.

"It would become completely useless if you steamed it," she replied.

"We'll see about that," I muttered as the vague beginnings of an idea began to form in my mind.

>Typantronn: Your successfully completing a single mission has immediately gone to your head. After collecting your winnings, place some kind of crazy war hat on your head and try to subtly, not subtly at all, suggest that Adler should make you the leader of his ixies.
>Typantronn: Oh yeah, the shrub army arrived at Percysthorpe much faster than they plausibly should have. There is a big chance that they are so consumed in their hatred of Adler, that they've begun delving into the darker side of nature magic. The Duchess might truly be in for the fight of her life.
Adler: Wait surprised that your?- DID SHE JUST CALL YOU DUMB

0508promoteme.gif

"Now then, Sire," Typantronn declared as she returned, wearing a tiny helmet and holding a small green insect out of which she took occasional juicy bites. "It's time to discuss my promotion."

"What makes you think you deserve a promotion?" I asked.

"I successfully completed my mission in record time, bringing back valuable intelligence .. oh, which remindeth me .. the Shrub Army arrived at Percysthorpe much faster than should have been possible, which indicateth that they are probably dabbling in dark Druidic nature magick. They must be desperate, or else motivated by such an unreasoning hatred of thee that they are willing to brave the perils of foul Unseelie pacts. The Duchess may well have an epic fight on her hands."

"Why didn't you mention this earlier?" I yelped nervously.

"I was hungry," she quipped airily, taking another bite of the green bug. "At any rate, someone with my unmatched skill at carrying out assignments, gathering more information than asked for, accurately predicting thy buffoonery, and winning large piles of aphids surely deserveth to be promoted to General-in-Chief and War-Marshal of thy troops."

"I don't like your cavalier attitude," I rebuked. "You put your gambling ahead of your duty and withhold vital information until after you've satisfied your own greed. AND I'm pretty sure you insinuated earlier that I, your lord and commander, was an idiot."

>Ethel: Point out that while wood is indeed flammable, living trees are difficult to burn. Bullets and shrapnel from handguns and rifles don't do much to trees. There also isn't enough black powder in the whole countryside to blow up an entire forest all at once. You know from experience.
Ethel: "Don't worry Adler you have managed without brains so far- oh wait nevermind

0508itsher.gif

"She has a point, Randall," Ethel murmured behind me. "Setting aside the whole magical nonsense, which I don't buy for a second .. and assuming that Percysthorpe is actually threatened by a weird somehow-mobile forest .. which I also strongly doubt, but I'll play along for now because you're all taking it so seriously .. the Duchess doesn't have much of an advantage if she's relying on firepower in this fight. First: Although wood is flammable, living trees are moist and full of sap and don't burn very well. Second: Bullets, shrapnel, or basically projectiles of any sort aren't going to have much of an effect on them. Not unless they are saplings, and who has the kind of aim that he can cut down a sapling with a single shot? And third: There isn't enough black powder in this duchy to blow up a reasonably-sized vegetable garden, let alone a whole forest. I know this first-hand."

"You hear that?" I remarked to Typantronn. "That is how a master strategist thinks. That is why SHE is my General-in-Chief and War-Marshal."

"I - I cannot fault thy choice, Sire," Typantronn sighed meekly.

>So as you order the Ixies to steaL some more powder for you, tell them to make sure they aren't detected.
>As for making sure the Vulp get the info... they probaly have agents in the lowfolk world..

"You are still of vital importance to our endeavors," I reassured her. "I need you and your sisters to obtain as much of the exploding powder as you can, and avoid detection while doing so."

"That we shall do, Sire!"

"Also, if you happen to spot a Vulpitanian agent, make sure they are aware of the intel regarding the Duchess's tactical weaknesses."

"How will we know a Vulpitanian agent, Sire?"

"Well, it will probably be a fox with a monocle and a silly accent, and they will be acting Sneaky so you'll be able to spot them easily. If they are doing their job, they will probably already know the information, but remind them just to make sure."

"Consider it done, Sire."

where is Percy in all that ? I mean we've been talking a lot about Percythrope but where is the actual eponymous bird ?

"Oh, and one more thing," I added as the Ixie started to fly away. "What ever happened to Percy?"

"You mean Percy le Gobelet?" Ethel interjected from behind me. "Founder of Percysthorpe and author of the Chanson?"

"Yes, him, the annoying lowfolk bird who showed up at the most inconvenient times."

"He died years ago."

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Spoiler>Adler: "He died already? Well dang, there goes my chance at payback. Years, huh? It didn't feel that long. What did he die of?"
>Ethel: "Old age."
>Adler: ". . . What?"
>Ethel: "He died at a ripe old age before I was born."
>Adler: "WHAT!?"
. . .
>Ethel: "So, I'm your War-Marshal now, am I? Do I get paid?"
>Adler: "Yes, just as soon as I have something to pay you with."
>Ethel: "Hmmm... Do I get a uniform?"
>Adler: "Of course. Just as soon as I have something to make a uniform from."
>Ethel: You still haven't bought completely into all of this nonsense. Tree soldiers, dumbest thing ever. But, you've gone this far, you may as well hang on until the end to see where this goes. In for a penny, in for a pound. "Alright, I'm in."
. . .
>Ethel: Ask if "Lord Randal's" real name is actually Adler Young. The Chanson described Adler at length, calling him the biggest patsy in elven history, and "Randal's" situation, past, goals, allies, and enemies all match Adler's perfectly.
>Adler: Start to suspect that your potential lowfolk sweetheart might be a little smarter than you are.
>Ethel: You assume "General-in-Chief" means "Keep Him From Doing Something so Stupid that He Gets Himself Killed".
>Adler: You would have worded it differently, but, in essence, yes.
>Ethel: To that end,if the dark magick enhanced tree-and-shrub army is really that dangerous, what a dumb sentence, he will want to make absolutely sure they lose the battle. Should they win, he's a dead man. Adler will want to find a way to provide unseen assistance to the Duchess to ensure his own safety. If black powder isn't going to help the Duchess, it sure won't help Adler any.

>Percy the Younger: Appear at an inconvenient time, continue your grandfather's work.

Dark Magick Fulled Tree Cult: Begin worshipping the dark evil transdimensional deity only known as the "Al Gorian", this is all because of the Dark Druidic Magick the Shrubs began using
Mercenary Soldiers: Why are the trees starting to snarl at you all? Why do some of them have forks and knives? These are questions that should not normally be asked, and you probably won't live long enough to get any answers.
Adler: Maybe it would be pertinent to know how long it has been since the battle? Oh god has it really been that long!? NOOOOOO! (Begin having another melt down!)
Ethel: Watch as Adler spazs out on the ground... again, you know it was kind of funny last time now it is just getting annoying.
Typantronn: Begin actually realizing your failures, become extremely self conscious, this is all it took, now become overly emotional! By Fuma your sisters hate you, what kind of monster am I in their eyes?
Rest of the Ixies: Here we go again with this cry baby crap, happens three times a week
Matholwch: As your staring at the paperwork your Aunt-Mama gave you, in a vain attempt to teach you to read and write. You open the window and proceed to throw the paper into the slave garden below, while doing so you spot the green menace. Coming from the boundaries of the town, giant evil trees being led by very pissed off shrubs wielding a plethora of weapons in each branch. "Oh my Fuma, Bodb quick grab the -HEY PUT DOWN ME SHOVEL! FUMA DAMN IT BODB!
Bodb: lie there in a pile of shovels without a care in the world, oh shit you've just been tackled

Oooch...Percy's gone then....but how'd he escape Persec Tor? That must've been an adventure in itself.

>Young Monacled Patriot: Vulpitanian agent's don't sneak! They scheak!!


....I got nothing....