The Ballad of Adler Young, Canto 2.5

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>Lemmy: You're out of your league here.
>Lemmy: You can't best him in combat
(Lemmy) Engage in the time-honoured method of possum battle tactics.
Lemmy, it would seem that you'll have to do the unthinkable

After one mighty Frog-Jitsu punch, Lemmy hit the ground and lay there unmoving, presumably dead.

"Let that be a lesson to you," Glenholm Webb quipped.

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In the Hall of Ancestors

>Estmere: Man this totally bites.
Estmere, don't die for at least a couple more updates.
Ixie, find Estmere and Edessa.

An Ixie approached King Estmere. "Majesty, I have upsetting information to relate to thee," it buzzed annoyingly.

"Away, bugling!" Queen Edessa snapped, shooing the Ixie with her hoof. "The king has no time for your foolish prattling."

"It regards the Vulpitanian experiments," the Ixie insisted. "Thou knowest not what they have done to thee."

"They totally helped me and Edessa conceive an elflet," Estmere replied.

"They and the Sisterhood have conspired to rob thee of thy birthright," the Ixie continued.

"Sisterhood?" the Queen exclaimed. "What Sisterhood? Fables and rumors and idle speculations. Husband dear, pay no heed to this insolent creature. You know Ixies are not bound to tell the truth, and this one appears to be slightly drunk."



"Hush, woman," Estmere commanded. "My uncle used to trust these things. I want to hear what it has to say. What's this about Vulps stealing my birthright?"

"They used thy Royal Seed to work foul chronothaumaturgy against thee, trading thy history with that of the Old Crow, and rewriting one letter of thy lineage so thou art the son of one Gowoin Odlersson, a lowfolk bagelmonger. Thy brother Adler is made the true heir to the throne of Irenaeus."

Under the table at ValKon:

(Detective Webb) Pook next to Relda Faufox.
(Relda Faufox) Be surprised by the frog pooking next to you. Smack your head, hard, on the underside of the table.
(Detective Webb) Indicate that with respect to the jig, it is up.

Detective Glenholm Webb suddenly pooked next to me and said, "The jig is up, Prince Adler. Are you going to come quietly, or -?"

I flinched and banged my head on the table.

flies to throw at Glenholm Webb to distract him
Avogadro: Expect a kiss for every pie

"Taste shoo-fly pie, impolite interloper!" Avogadro bellowed as he crammed a gooey, sticky, disturbingly lumpy pie into the face of the Detective. "How dare you startle my beloved mistress and cause her to bump her beautiful head, and speak uncivil and menacing words to her? How DARE you?!?!??"

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At the city's side gate:



"Sorry I don't have time to properly rend you asunder," Angus chortled as he punched Nero out cold. "But I have a pressing appointment with a traitorous vixen, and I'm pretty sure where to find her."

>Estmere: Those damn foxes have gone too far, declare war on Vulpitania.
>Queen: Can what's been done be reversed?
>Adler-Reld: Wow,he's actually being useful. Grab your squire and run for the exit. Trip over Lemmy.
>Glenholm: Crack your eye open, you were merely pretending to be bested. All according to plan, see where they go.
>Scuti-Preston: Attempt to produce a weapon only to find your elfintory is full of bottled ships.
>Ixies: Be informed by the two that escaped of what is happening in the hall of ancestors.
>Chubb: Begin hinting at your sinister agenda.
>Percy: Wonder why she keeps menacingly rubbing her hands together while she speaks.
>Sweetcheeks: Call after Relda that you've got her dress ready.

>Estemere: Welp, that would explain your newfound taste for the doughy treats.
>Edessa: This information cannot be allowed to spread. Get rid of the ixie.
>Edessa: Your child won't be denied the throne. Estemere has outlived his usefulness. Get rid of the bumbling fool before he does something stupid like abdicating.

Relda, experience a brief moment of confusion as your head clears from being bonked.
Then snap back to your senses: You are Relda Fauxfox, here at the con to prove your skills at pie-fighting... And something about the skunk king Estmere... To seduce him maybe? You can't remember, but somehow you're sure his damn rebel of a brother Adler is involved, somehow.
Your slave might know. Ask him.

Avogadro, do not know.

>Estmere: Be justifiably upset, likely towards most of the people you love in general.

Dammit...I got nothing....

although, it's seeming like things're rushing off to a conclusion...and I can't think of anyway to delay that...

_{Alder's still got that vial of the Plague of Battles in his elfintory but I don't see how it could be used yet}

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>Estmere: Those damn foxes have gone too far, declare war on Vulpitania.
>Queen: Can what's been done be reversed?
>Estemere: Welp, that would explain your newfound taste for the doughy treats.
>Edessa: Your child won't be denied the throne.
>Estmere: Be justifiably upset, likely towards most of the people you love in general.

"A lowfolk bagelmonger?" Estmere mumbled in a daze. "No wonder I've been craving those things lately! Those damn Vulps! Damn them to the Netherhells! Is there a way to reverse this? We've gotta - No, wait, what am I saying? It can't even be true. It's gotta be one of those lie thingies, like you said, babe. These Ixies can say stuff that's totally bogus."

"I'm afraid, Your Majesty, that this time I speak the sweet and pure truth," the Ixie insisted.

"Aw man," Estmere moaned. "No way. No way! No WAY!!"

"There there, husband," Edessa consoled, placing a hoof on Estmere's shoulder. "Surely it isn't as bad as all that. Our child is still royalty, and is rightful heir to the Imperial throne."

"What do you mean, our child is still ..?" Estmere began.

"I am not certain that is the case," the Ixie interjected. "They made sure his lineage was edited first, so lowfolk he would be before thou wert permitted to have venery in the special way required to conceive. The grandchild of a lowfolk bagelmonger would have no claim to the throne."

"But the Scuti itself was of royal lineage," Edessa declared hotly.

"Thou art not supposed to know that," the Ixie pointed out.

"Yeah, how do you know that?" Estmere asked suspiciously.

>Adler-Reld: run for the exit. Trip over Lemmy.
Relda, experience a brief moment of confusion as your head clears from being bonked.

For a moment after banging my head on the table, I felt giddy and saw sparkling stars in my field of vision. I had strange, disorienting thoughts of kissing Avogadro, and of attending the banquet in a stunning gown and making the Vulpsmarshal swear his undying devotion to me. Or perhaps I could even tempt King Estmere himself to make an exception to his ungulates-only Floozy policy...

Thinking of Estmere suddenly reminded me of why I was here in the first place.

FUMA'S WHISKERS! My transmogrification disguise was starting to affect me strangely! I had to get out of there and turn back into my proper self.



I darted out from under the table and made a break for a nearby alley, leaping and twisting and dodging pies as I went. I had just reached the cover of some closely huddled buildings when I tripped over the body of an elf lying on the ground.

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>Glenholm: Crack your eye open, you were merely pretending to be bested.
>Chubb: Begin hinting at your sinister agenda.
>Percy: Wonder why she keeps menacingly rubbing her hands together while she speaks.

"Zere he goes," Charmina Chubb chuckled. "Der King is surely beink taken care of at zis moment, und his pesky brother vill soon fall victim to his own folly - if zings go accordink to Der Plan .. und zey all haff zo far."

"Who are you talking about?" Percy asked curiously.

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>Scuti-Preston: Attempt to produce a weapon only to find your elfintory is full of bottled ships.

"At last, a body worthy of my honor!" Angus bellowed gleefully. "I shall punish the traitor and then re-conquer my city, armed with only my wits, and this!"

He reached into his Elfintory and pulled out a bottled ship.

>Edessa: Everyone's giving you the look. Just hope nobody brings up the fact you tried to assassinate Estmere's brother. Uh-oh...
>Adler: Unfortunately, tripping over Lemmy gave Avogadro enough time to catch up. Wait, tripped over... Why is Lemmy here?!
>Avogadro: Begin strangling Lemmy and demanding why he is following your magnificent mistress.
>Chubb: You slipped a magic thingamabob into Adler's "pie" to prevent him from changing back. Soon he will be an air headed vixen FOREVER. Fail to realize as you absent-mindedly scoop pie into your mouth and fantasize about ice cream that the same dangers of transmogrification apply to you too, and you've been disguised for a long time.
>Glenholm: There's something bigger going on here than you realized.
>Scuti-Angus: You see a Shrub wearing an apron and brandishing a rolling pin in the distance. She wants to know where you've been and why you've been neglecting Shrub-Angus Jr.
Or
>Scuti-Angus:Realize that to your absolute horror, this body has an unholy attraction to shrubs. Every potted plant you see seems gut-turningly alluring.

(Angus + Scuti) Approach the Hall of Ancestors.
(Angus + Scuti) Pose at the threshold with a bottle in each fist. Monologue!
(Estmere) They can take away your heritage, they can take away your name, but they are NOT taking away your courage.
(Estmere) Inform all and sundry that you intend to stand and fight for what you think is yours.
(Estmere) Inform your mate that that includes the unborn child. And her, for that matter.
(Estmere) Also declare Ixies to be anathema. Take out a flyswatter from your Elfintory.
(Lemmy) Squeal in pain as you're tripped over. Realize that does blow your cover.
(Det. Webb) Sneak away to the Hall of Ancestors.
(SALV Faufox) Try to sneak away to change back.
(SALV Faufox) Fight a fierce mental battle over whether you WANT to change back.
(SALV Faufox) Imagine HM Queen Faufox, High Queen and Empress of Faerie!
(SALV Faufox) Decide to go to the Hall of Ancestors, and deal with the changeback later.
(SALV Faufox) Also stop in front of a mirror. Damn, you're good.
(Charmina Chubb) Decide to stroll over to the Hall of Ancestors to see the Plan's triumph.
(Percy) Be ordered to accompany Chubb to the Hall of Ancestors.
(Humble Bagelmonger) See that a crowd is gathering at the Hall of Ancestors.
(Humble Bagelmonger) Decide that this might be a business opportunity!
(Marshal Emeritus Roland Sartoriusson) Suddenly, in your far-off retirement, have a premonition that Something Is Wrong.

>Relda: On second thought isn't marrying within one's family tree the noblest of customs? What Royal lineage hasn't been improved by some slight inbreeding every now and then? Maybe you should reconsider bearing your technically-an-usurper-brother a proper Elven heir!

If Estmere's legacy has been switched with a lowfolk Bagelmonger's, what happened to the lowfolk bagelmonger?

Various characters entering the Hall of ancestors, or already being present there, have a foreboding feeling of an eerie finality.

Duchess of Daisies, Laugh maniacally as you watch the happenings in your scrying sphere.
Adoyret Sam, meditate nervously after reading the final passage from The Grand Encyclopedia of the Plan for Enlightened Vulpines.
The Silverbrush family, be hastily packing your bags for an unscheduled lowland visit.
BB Crooker, for some reason be even more depressed than usual.
King Adland, refuse chilly with your evening meal.

>Meadow: Rush out into the street to see what the matter is.
>Meadow: Recall that you were in the bath, and haven't a stitch on.
>Meadow: Grab a Pie Fight Valkyrie outfit from the nearest vendor.
>Outfit: Be one of the shoddy, defective ones.

If Estmere's legacy has been switched with a lowfolk Bagelmonger's, what happened to the lowfolk bagelmonger?

His fate was traded not with the bagelmonger itself but the one of the baglmonger's son, who was the Old crow.

The old crow never appeared in the story proper (having been dead by fire before it proprely sarted) and it''s been a loong while since he's been mentioned but to recap: He was a changeling, a lowfolk babby kidapped so their place be taken by an elf ho had maaged o adapt to elf society, become an agent of the crown n hen was madean honorary elf and even has monument in thehal of ancesto (thus cimenting his status as an elf post mortem)

The big reveal/retcon here (or at least since the vulp have casted their ritual since it ws mentioned then) is that it happened because of the Vulpitian magic acting through time and swapping his 'lowfolkness' with Estmere 'elfness' by swapping their fahters lineage.

If Estmere's legacy has been switched with a lowfolk Bagelmonger's, what happened to the lowfolk bagelmonger?

His fate was traded not with the bagelmonger itself but the one of the baglmonger's son, who was the Old crow.

The old crow never appeared in the story proper (having been dead by fire before it proprely sarted) and it''s been a loong while since he's been mentioned but to recap: He was a changeling, a lowfolk babby kidapped so their place be taken by an elf ho had maaged o adapt to elf society, become an agent of the crown n hen was madean honorary elf and even has monument in thehal of ancesto (thus cimenting his status as an elf post mortem)

The big reveal/retcon here (or at least since the vulp have casted their ritual since it ws mentioned then) is that it happened because of the Vulpitian magic acting through time and swapping his 'lowfolkness' with Estmere 'elfness' by swapping their fahters lineage.

I completely forgot about the Old Crow...

Fairly understandable since he never appeared in the adventure proper (he did, I beleive, apear (and died) inthe Xandar saga comic but i'm not sure if that thing stil exists or is even remotely canon for the ballad) and was only mentiond post mortem a few time.

Anyhow

Since the finale (f this arc at lat) seems to draw near (ther are still quite a few loose ends) let's start pilling all the pieces in place, even the secondary characters.

>Adler's army: Finaly arrive at the gate in what was a surpringly low number of meals and then start doing what you do best: sit on your a... er.. siege the city.

>Adler: turn back into your true form to prepare to talk to your brother.

>Marshal Theryo.. The.. Eagle guy, at some point he situation sliped compelly ut f your grasp but you haven't said our last word.

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he did, I beleive, apear (and died) inthe Xandar saga comic but i'm not sure if that thing stil exists or is even remotely canon for the ballad

Zandar's Saga is still updating twice-monthly on my Patreon (the full back-archive including naughty pages is on FA) , and events in it which pertain to Adler Young are indeed canon for the Ballad.

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>Edessa: Everyone's giving you the look. Just hope nobody brings up the fact you tried to assassinate Estmere's brother.

"I, er," the Queen hedged. "Well, the Ixies told me."

"We heard it from the Scuti as they told it to Prince Adler," the Ixie added.

"Wait, what?" Estmere interrupted. "These things can like, lie. Why would you believe such a totally bogus story from them?"

"The Vulpitanians confirmed it," Edessa sighed.

"So why did you go along with their plan?"

"The Empire needs a royal heir," Edessa shrugged.

"Those Vulps are Unseelie," Estmere scoffed. "It was maybe a mistake to trust them. But hold on. Are you saying that my bro was talking to Scutis? And you were having these ladybugs spy on him for you?"

"She wanted information and was seeking for a way to eliminate him," the Ixie added helpfully.

"What the Netherhells, babe?"

"There is a copy of the Red Book of Appin in the library at Persoc Tor," Edessa explained. "And it clearly states that Adler .. well 'a white bastard' but who else could that be? A white bastard will beseige the royal capital and the king will meet his doom."

"No way. My little bro wouldn't hurt me."

"He has been a pawn of the Sisterhood all his life," Edessa stated. "His very existence is due to their sinister machinations. I have ample evidence proving their plan has always been to remove you and place Adler on the throne instead."

(Estmere) They can take away your heritage, they can take away your name, but they are NOT taking away your courage.
(Estmere) Inform all and sundry that you intend to stand and fight for what you think is yours.

"No way! That's bogus!" Estmere exclaimed. "All of this is freaking bogus! You must've misread your book of omens, and the bugs and the Vulps are not telling the truth. My bro's a cool little dude, not a traitor, and dang it, I'm not a lowfolk bagelmonger's son! I'm the freakin King of Faerie, and I can prove it! I'll sit on the Coronation Throne, and that'll show you all how wrong and effed-up you are."

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Just outside:

(Angus + Scuti) Approach the Hall of Ancestors.
(Angus + Scuti) Pose at the threshold with a bottle in each fist. Monologue!

Angus stood on the steps of the Hall of Ancestors and brandished two bottled ships.

"NOW, HERE, THIS DAY," he bellowed. "I SHALL WREAK MY RIGHTEOUS VENGEANCE ON MY TRAITOROUS ENEMIES, AND THEN I SHALL RE-CONQUER MY CAPITAL CITY!!!"

>Scuti-Angus:Realize that to your absolute horror, this body has an unholy attraction to shrubs. Every potted plant you see seems gut-turningly alluring.

"Ooh baby," he added as a sudden soft rustling caught his attention. "I may have to delay for a few minutes and conquer you first, you sweet thing."

>Adler: Unfortunately, tripping over Lemmy gave Avogadro enough time to catch up. Wait, tripped over... Why is Lemmy here?!
>Avogadro: Begin strangling Lemmy and demanding why he is following your magnificent mistress.
(Lemmy) Squeal in pain as you're tripped over. Realize that does blow your cover.

As I picked myself up off the ground, I noticed (to my chagrin) that the fall had given Avogadro enough time to catch up to me. How was I going to get a chance to change back to my proper form with this lovelorn mole following me?

Avogadro lunged at Lemmy and began throttling him. "How dare you trip my beautiful mistress!" he shrieked.

Wait a minute .. LEMMY?? What was he doing here? I was tempted to intervene in the throttling and talk to him, but then I remembered that he was snooping for the Duchess now. His presence here might not bode well. As I thought about it further, I realized with dismay that me must have followed me all the way from the Antglade.

(SALV Faufox) Try to sneak away to change back.
>Adler: turn back into your true form

The Relda disguise had lost its usefulness. I quickly darted away while Avogadro and Lemmy were distracted. I ducked around the corner and into an ant-stable, where I transmogrified back into myself.



"Sire, distressing news!" an Ixie informed me almost immediately. "We have been searching for thee! His Majesty, thy brother Estmere, is in the Hall of Ancestors with the fox-Scuti and the Queen, and one of our sisters who hath been hoodwinked into telling him the dreadful truth about himself! He faces the ultimate crisis, and we knew that thou wouldst wish to intervene if possible. Hurry! There is little time."

>Lemmy: This would be a good time to stop playing possum, as it were.
>Adler: Might wanna change outfits. I'm just sayin'.
>Estmere: Do NOT sit in that throne! That bright! Shiny! Candy-like! Throne!

>Adler: No time to change, you have but mere moments, pook to the hall as you are now. Plus, seeing you in drag might make your brother double-take long enough to drag him away from the throne.
>Everyone, absolutely everyone who has stakes in Estmere's downfall, the race to the Hall of Ancestors is on!
>Scuti-Angus:Oh no! That shrub-of-the-evening had termiites! How are you going to explain this to the missus? The itching is unbearable, bail and find a new host.
>Estmere's bagel-mongering backside: Be but mere inches from the throne.
>Adler: "STOP!!!"
>Rebel Army: How many more meals til you're ready?

One note: we know from Zandar's Saga that the body in the Coronation Chamber, which Adler there ID's as his brother, is dressed in a robe and has a crown on his head (when Zandar removes the crown, the body dissolves). Sequence below.

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/4927554/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/4938160/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/4950509/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/4951689/

>Estmere: Storm out of the Hall of Ancestors, you're headed for the throne room. Pray you don't encounter your top ministers because you're not too certain what you'd do in your emotional state. Ponder on whether or not you'd still have the Iraneus blood rage.

>Edessa: Try to prevent Estmere from leaving the Hall of Ancestors. Do not succeed.

>Scuti Angus: Get run over by Estmere.

>Ixie: Scold Adler for wasting time looking for a proper outfit.

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Spoiler>Fifi (hidden amongst the tombstones): Overhear everything. Curse. "So like the plan was for me to totally waste my time?! What the hell?"

>Estmere: Storm out of the Hall of Ancestors, you're headed for the throne room.

Actually, the Coronation Throne is what Estmere referred to...and that article of furniture is in the Hall of Ancestors. And if you ain't the rightful king (or queen) and you sit yourself down there, bad things happen. And we don't mean a whoopie-cushion like noise, neithernohow.

There are unproven allegations that Westersloe Winterbough III scrawled a bit of graffiti on the underside of the Throne, but this has never been proven.

> Adler: Somehow, you’re going to be blamed for all this. You just know it.

> Plague of Wars: Gosh, this would be an absolutely terribly inconvenient time for you to be used by someone, wouldn’t it?

Estmere, nothing bad will happen. Go prove your elfness.
Adler, scuti Preston, Avogadro and probably a bunch more elves, arrive just in time to witness Estmere take a seat and start his superiority speech.
Throne: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojQ5P64o8g0

Panic, spread.
Fifi, come looking for Relda. Discover Adler wearing her clothes. Get mad!

>Adler: Tie some stablery blanket over your waist as an improvised kilt and borrow a bow from some a nerby warmount

>By some coincidence you kind of look like Iraneus in his bararian phase as repesented in the illutration of some ancient scroll.

>Royal Crown and Robe: Be conveniently sitting on Coronation Throne.