The Ballad of Adler Young, Canto 2.5

Sweetcheeks: Believe that the strange face Relda is making means she is falling in love with you
Stoned Buck: Wonder where all your weed pies went to
Foxy Q Chübbb(AKA Hugh Hefner): Immediately begin wondering why you have two lobster claws instead of hands, this pie tastes funny.

Percy, turn around in panic. See a most hideous creature standing in the doorway behind you.
Klown, make a grab for Percy.

Estmere, hear a garbled, partial elfmind message. Misinterpret the content completely and be under the impression that it was sent by the giraffe.

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Spoiler

AT THE VULPITANIAN EMBASSY

>Percy: Note how strange it is that they would keep their files in the kitchen. Suddenly you are not alone.
>Percy: Suddenly regret your large luncheon of cornbread and chestnut dressing.
(Brave Percy) Deny, upon being questioned, that you are: (a) Percy, and (b) a squab.
(Vulps) Assume: (a) that this fur is telling the truth, or (b) he's being very Vulpitanian.
(Brave Percy) Flee with the files!
Percy, turn around in panic. See a most hideous creature standing in the doorway behind you.
Klown, make a grab for Percy.

Percy heard a sound behind him, and turned around to see two uniformed foxes and one very strangely-dressed fox enter the room. The strangely-dressed fox held a knife. The others carried a baster and a medium sized roasting pan. Percy noticed with alarm that the filing cabinet on the opposite wall was not a filing cabinet at all, but a large oven.

"R U Percy le Gobbly, teh lofolk squab?" the oddly-dressed fox inquired ominously.

"Nope," Percy replied. "Not me at all."

"You're not Percy le Gobelet?" one of the uniformed foxes asked suspiciously.

"Nope," Percy reiterated. "My name is Stanley, and I'm not a squab. I'm an agent."

"Conference," the strangely-dressed fox exclaimed, and the three foxes leaned together into a huddle.



"Wut do we do now?" the oddly-dressed fox whispered. "He sez hes not teh squab."

"He sure looks like a squab," the baster-wielding fox whispered back. "And he matches the description of Percy from the files."

"Ist ve not havink der roasted sqvab after all?" the pan-bearing fox sighed.

"Maybe hes doing that lofolk thing," the strangely-attired fox theorized. "U no, lying."

"Maybe, but how can we find out if he is or not?"

"Ax him sum moar questions?"

"How will that prove anything? He could just keep on giving incorrect answers."

"Zis vas very schneaky of him."

"Yes, if it wasn't depriving us of the main course for the Banquet, I'd say it was almost admirably Vulpitanian. He's a credit to the uniform."

"I vote we tackle him & search him 4 other signs he is teh one."

"I vote ve cook him anyvay. Who ist goink to know der difference?"

The foxes turned around, but Percy was nowhere to be seen.



"Absconded with the files the bird has," Adoyret Sam explained, fingering his beads as he entered the file kitchen. "Of you all, fools he has made. For a Klown not hard this is - but in you other two, disappointed I am."

>Adler-Relda: ... that giraffe girl ... seems to notice what you're doing and gives you a menacing glare.
>Estemere: Be too dull to hear the Elfmind.
(HM King Estmere) Hear a voice on your head.
Sweetcheeks: Believe that the strange face Relda is making means she is falling in love with you
Estmere, hear a garbled, partial elfmind message.

"Look there, at contestant number seven," Vulpsmarshal Sweetcheeks murmured while nudging Estmere slyly. "See the look in her eyes? She is beginning to fall in love with me, Sweetcheeks."

"Dude, are you crazy or sick in the head or what?" Estmere retorted. "That's not a look of love. That's a face you make when you've eaten too many horseradishes and you're feeling totally grody."

"No, believe me, I've seen that look on many a femme's face before," Sweetcheeks insisted.

"I can believe it," Estmere replied drily. "Actually, come to think of it, her expression remids me of a face my little bro used to make when he was trying to do Elfmind. I thought I heard him just a second ago, but there's no way he could be anywhere around here - is there?"

The giraffe femme leaned forward over the partition wall and glared at me.

"What are you doing here, Your Highness?" she thought at me sternly. "Return to your army immediately. Let us handle things here."

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Spoiler

NEARBY



"That's right, young elf," Detective Glenholm Webb stated smugly as he puffed on his pipe. "I suspect that Miss Charmina Chubb is none other than SALV Valerie Kraekenhoepfer herself, traveling incognito."

"She's put on a lot of weight," Lemmy observed skeptically.

"I suspect that may be a glamer or other magickal disguise. Now suppose you tell me about the vixen you've been trailing."

"I, er, don't think I should discuss that any further," Lemmy stammered nervously. "It was a mistake."

>Relda: No time for subtlety.
(Relda Faufox) Pick up your tin with half-eaten "pie."
(Relda Faufox) Throw said pie at the King to get his attention.
(Audience) Cheer madly! THIS is more like it!

At this point I realized I was out of options. The Sisterhood was going to dispose of Estmere according to their own plans. If they weren't going to take him to safety, and if I couldn't get through to him with an Elfmind message .. well then, I was going to have to do something to change the shape of the situation.



I quickly whipped my plate of horseradishes into the air and hurled it directly toward Estmere.

"PIE FIGHT!!!" the crowd bellowed excitedly as the plate seemed to fly in slow motion toward its target.

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IN THE HALL OF ANCESTORS

"It tasteth fine," one Ixie said, after sampling the sugar.

"I can detect no toxins or impurities," another stated, after tapping the sugar vigorously with her antennae.

The third Ixie decended and they began to eat.

>Ixies: Eat the sugar without a second thought

"OHH SHISHTERSH, THAT WAZH WONNERFUL," one of the Ixies declared a few minutes later as the other two hoisted her up between them. "I FEEL WONNERFUL. I LOVE THEE ALL, THOU KNOWESHT THAT?"

"It was quite good," another Ixie agreed as she sucked the last traces of sugar off her fingers. "But thou always overdoest it."

"Aye, thou'st never learned to pace thyself," the third Ixie agreed. "Try to save some for later. Thou'rt going to have one Netherhells of a headache, ere long."

"You have partaken of my sugar," Alice declared behind them. "That means now you are under my employ."

SALV Charmina Chubb, do not be a disguise used by SALV Valerie Kraekenhoepfer. Rather, SALV Valerie Kraekenhoepfer, be the stage name and glamoured form of the real SALV Charmina Chubb.

So, Ixies share their weakness for saccharose with Vulcans? Fascinating...

Ixies, try resisting. Alice, CHOMP!

Glenholm Webb, Lemmy is obviously not going to answer about his Vixen of interest directly. So, ask him a bunch of seemingly unrelated questions instead and deduce the truth about her from them.

Klown and his minions, track down Percy. Chase scene, commence.

Relda, miss Estmere. Hit the giraffe instead. Giraffe, believe you've been targeted on purpose.

Pie and non-pie objects, start flying everywhere.
Avogadro, take a few for your mistress. Be happy that you may serve her as a shield.

>Nuhuh lady, nice try, but you're not the first trying to exploit that loophole. Ixie reguaion 'clear, stuff on the floor in a place that ain' yours sure doesn't count as payment unless a deal was discussed first or you gave it from your own hand.

>We do have a very comprensive options list for bribery tho. Here is a llist you can negotiate on the fly.

>Percy: Decide to publish the notes they kept on you as your own work when you get back home, but first, turn in your paperwork to Miss Chubb.
>Miss Chubb: Read the file. Oh crap...
>The horseradishes fall out and the empty pie tin harmlessly bounces off Estmere's forehead.
>Estmere: "Um, the pie throwing contest hasn't started yet, so like, minus five points."
>Giraffe Sisterhood Agent: *to Adler through elfmind* "This would go a lot better for you if you just sit down and do as you're told. We know you've stolen Thomson's loyalty from us, but we have backup plans. If you act as we dictate ,we may, just MAY, deem to allow you to keep some of your wiles and a pittance of your venery talents. Otherwise, I can summon a few agents to rip you out of that ridiculous glamour disguise and perform the procedure right here and now, and you know very well there's not a single person who could stop us. What'll it be?"
>Adler: Oh Crap...
>Glenholm: Flawlessly and exactly deduce who it is Lemmy is tailing, what's going on, and even what the current volatile situation is.
>Lemmy: Oh crap...
>Alice: With the Ixies firmly locked into your servitude, tell them exactly what you want them to do.
>Ixies: Oh crap...
[Or alternately]
>Ixies: "HA! You can't control us! We've unionized!"
>Alice: Oh crap...

Avogadro: Seeing the nasty look the Giraffe floozy is giving to your wonderful beautiful incandescent splendiforous attractive Goddess whose beauty is a reflection of lady Fuma's divine will itself, run up and slug that bitch.
Audience Attendant: Be totally high and naked
Fox Judges: Give Relda a billion points cause this is exactly the sort of thing Valkyrie Kraekenhoepfer would do in this situation.

I got nothing this time.

Agreeing with Avogadro's slugging the giraffe babe though...

Wait!!!

>Estmere: Upon seeing the giraffe babe getting slugged fly into a rage and beat the living stuffing out of Avogadro.
>Relda: Question whether or not the Vulpitanian's experiment actually worked as Estmere seems to have retained the Ireneous blood rage.

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Spoiler

Ixies, try resisting.
>Nuhuh lady, nice try, but you're not the first trying to exploit that loophole. Ixie reguaion 'clear, stuff on the floor in a place that ain' yours sure doesn't count as payment unless a deal was discussed first or you gave it from your own hand.
>Ixies: "HA! You can't control us!

"Thou'rt misinformed, vile Tailipo," one of the Ixies answered haughtily. "A contract was not discussed and we received no payment from thy hand. Sugar we found on the floor obliges us to nought."



"I have more," Alice replied smoothly, holding out her hand.

"GADS!" one of the Ixies gasped. "Look at it! So sweet .. so white .. so glistening .. there's enough there to keep us buzzing for days."

"Be strong, sisters. Remember, this is the wicked creature that -"

"What wouldst thou have us do?" the third Ixie cooed as she clutched drunkenly at Alice's fingers.

Pie and non-pie objects, start flying everywhere.
Avogadro, take a few for your mistress. Be happy that you may serve her as a shield.
Avogadro: Seeing the nasty look the Giraffe floozy is giving to your wonderful beautiful incandescent splendiforous attractive Goddess whose beauty is a reflection of lady Fuma's divine will itself, run up and slug that bitch.

As soon as the pies started flying, Avogadro leaped in front of me, shoving me to the ground.

"Anyone who dares sully my lady's snowy pelt with vile pie," he shrieked. "Anyone who so much as casts anything other than an adoring look upon her, shall answer to ME, and this heavy custard meringue which I hold in my hand!"

(HM King Estmere) Get an assisted pook.

"I, Sweetcheeks, award contestant seven a bonus of four thousand points," the Vulpsmarshal exclaimed. "For quick thinking, misdirection, and mayhem! It shows true Vulpitanian spirit, and is exactly what the Pie-Fight Valkyrie would have done! I look forward to dining with you this evening!"

"Schut opp, you dumkopf," SALV Chesswick hissed as she hunched defensively over the judges' table. "Der king ist gettink avay!"

Estmere vanished with a sudden POOK.

When did he ever have the Talent to master any Magick, let alone a powerful spell like Pooka Vanish? Something wasn't right here.

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Glenholm Webb, Lemmy is obviously not going to answer about his Vixen of interest directly.
>Glenholm: Flawlessly and exactly deduce who it is Lemmy is tailing, what's going on, and even what the current volatile situation is.

"You mean it was a mistake to have mentioned it to me at all," Glenholm Webb deduced. "Perhaps it was, young elf. Perhaps it was. For, if I'm not mistaken .. you said you followed her from the Gladsome Antglade .. that means you are the missing Agent Lemeuel O'Possum .. in which case .. considering your other hints .. this supposed vixen Relda Fauxfox is actually the rebellious Prince Adler in a transmogrified guise, the same form he must have used to sabotage the Vulpitanian Embassy several months ago. By the Lady! So he really was guilty! That means you must be a turncoat currently in service to the Duchess of Daisies, and the Prince is here on a mission of .. hmm .. I would have guessed sabotage or assassination, but the two of you have wasted several perfect opportunities so that can't be your objective. Perhaps .. if Prince Adler doesn't know you're following him, then he may have come out of brotherly affection, to warn the Emperor of his approaching army and the Duchess's not-so-secret ambition."

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Klown and his minions, track down Percy.
>Miss Chubb: Read the file.

Percy half-flew, half-scampered back to the plaza, which was a pandemonium of flying pies and pie-like objects. He dodged through the confusion and slid under the pie-eating table on the contest stage.

"You haff der files?" the portly vixen asked him. "Giff zem to me."



"Not much here," she mused as she flipped through the pages. "Fuma in himmel! Zo, zat vas her, vas it? Hmm, zis changes everyzing."

"Er, I don't mean to be rude," Percy interjected. "But I think someone is following me, and I really should be moving on."

"No vun vill dare touch you as lonk as you are mit me," Miss Chubb stated calmly. "Zo schtay put. Zat is ein order."

The chase is on!!

>Relda: Have an inkling where the giraffe babe took Estmere. Break cover and go after them! PieFight Val con be damned!
>Avogadro: Break cover and follow Relda (you are her shield after all). Be hit by things that are definitely not pies.

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>Fifi: Shadow Alder. Your mission continues...

>Relda: Pook after Estemere and show him some brotherly affection.

Relda, not knowing where Estmere was pooked off to, pick a random direction and start running. Keep your mind on the horrible things you're going to do to your the giraffe when you catch her! No one gets between SALV Fauxfox and her target! Do not even notice that the she didn't pook along with him. Or that your mind keeps replacing "your beloved brother" with "that dreamy hunk of a skunk".

Avogadro, impress everyone with your pie throwing skill.

Glenholm Webb, start deducing other things about Adler and Lemmy.
Lemmy, be embarrassed. Don't know if you'd rather giggle nervously or smash Glenholm over the head with a a heavy object.

Klown, find Percy and SALV Chubb.

SALV Chubb, stuff Percy into your elfintory. Klown, be under the impression that she simply swallowed him whole, clothes and all.

Estmere, be pooked somewhere completely unexpected.
Estmere's "kidnapper", do not be working for the sisterhood. Be following a completely different Plan.

>Avogadro: Your unerring skill with an airborne pie is quite impressive. You actually attract a group of female admirers, too bad for them you only have eyes for one.
>Alice: The two not-dumb Ixies flee the scene. Looks like you only have one Ixie servant. Oh well, you'll make do.
>Adler-Relda: Where did he go? Who pooked him? It wasn't the giraffe girl, she's still here and even angrier than you are that your brother's gone. Can you pook after him without knowing the destination? Is the fact he's supposed to be attending that fancy dinner still your only lead? Why does Sweetcheeks look so attractive again? Are you sure you don't want to be a professional pie-fighter? Will the fancy dress provided by Sweetcheeks be your style?
>Lemmy: He really, really isn't supposed to have found that out. No one's supposed to know this. It's really unfortunate that you're going to have to *silence* your sleuth-idol if you don't want to face the Duchess's wrath. It's also doubly unfortunate that Glenholm deduced that too and was ready to counter by demonstrating his skill as a boxer in addition to his skills as a detective.
>Miss Chubb: It is surprisingly within your authority to "deputize" someone into the ranks with a semi-official title.
>Percy: Congratulations, Percy. You're in the army now.

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SpoilerMy condolences to whoever gets hit with that pie containing a lead weight.

Percy: My goodness Miss Chubb is so forceful, so demanding, so PHAT! You experience strange and exciting feelings you have never felt before
Adler-Relda: All you can think about right now are stockings and the color pink! You think about berating Avogadro for things he has not even done yet, like taking out the garbage, or for going out drinking even though he hasn't.
Klowns: Grab someone in the crowd you think is Percy but it is really another agent. Refuse to listen to his cries of "PUT ME DOWN OR I WILL HAVE YOU COURT MARSHALED".

(Convention Scorer) Be pretty disenchanted with your job.
(Relda Fauxfox) Frantically try to track down where your brother is.
(Relda Fauxfox) Be subject to magickal interference.
(Relda Fauxfox) Be subject to physical intereference. Namely, Avogadro clinging to your leg.
(Relda Fauxfox) Apparate a very gooey triple-berry pie and LET HIM HAVE IT.
(HM King Estmere) Be baffled as to where you are.
(HM King Estmere) Be baffled as to where the gi-raffe babe went.
(HM King Estmere) Get nervous. Start hitting out randomly with your fists.
(Marshal Sweetcheeks) Gekker with your colleague over the missing King.
(Charmina Chubb) Deal with a group of Klowns using triple-berry pies.
(Crowd) Ooooooh and ahhhhh, realizing who Charmina really is!
(Nero and Angus) Still be at the gate. Still with your prisoner. Still with bottles. Still bored.
(Nero and Angus) Be surprised by the appearance of Detective Webb, who gives you Orders.

(Charmina) Have sudden wardrobe failure. Just because. <3 <3 <3

>Relda: Have (no) inkling where the giraffe babe took Estmere.
>Avogadro: (you are her shield after all). Be hit by ... pies.
Relda, not knowing where Estmere was pooked off to ... notice that the she didn't pook along with him.
>Adler-Relda: Where did he go? Who pooked him? It wasn't the giraffe girl, she's still here and even angrier than you are that your brother's gone. Can you pook after him without knowing the destination?
(Relda Fauxfox) Frantically try to track down where your brother is.
(Relda Fauxfox) Be subject to magickal interference.

"Where did you send my brother, Floozy?" I mentally demanded as I hid under the table and Avogadro deflected pies away from me.

"Where did YOU send him, you insolent upstart?" the giraffe answered back. "You are ruining centuries' worth of careful planning!"

Hmm. This was troubling. If the Sisterhood didn't pook Estmere away, then who did? And where did they take him? I had no way to track him. It was way too risky to try to pook without knowing the destination. What could I do? All I could think of was to wait until the fancy dinner, on the assumption that he would be attending .. but he could meet with foul play before then, if persons unknown were able to pook him away at will!

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Spoiler
In the Hall of Ancestors

>Alice: The two not-dumb Ixies flee the scene. Looks like you only have one Ixie servant. Oh well, you'll make do.

Two of the Ixies flew away in alarm, leaving their less-wise sister hanging onto Alice's hand.

"It's very simple," the vixen explained. "I just want you to tell King Estmere the truth about himself now that Nidab and Semos have done their work."

"I don't think I can do that," the Ixie murmured.



"Then I don't think I have sugar for you," Alice stated, closing her hand.

"Aw, come on," the Ixie wheedled. "Thou'rt being unreasonable. How would I even find the King right now?"

"As a matter of fact, I'm expecting him here quite shortly," Alice smirked.

Estmere, be pooked somewhere completely unexpected.
Estmere's "kidnapper", do not be working for the sisterhood. Be following a completely different Plan.
(HM King Estmere) Be baffled as to where you are.
(HM King Estmere) Be baffled as to where the gi-raffe babe went.
(HM King Estmere) Get nervous. Start hitting out randomly with your fists.

Several aisles away, Estmere appeared with a soft pook.

"What in the Netherhells?" he muttered. "Kidnapping, is it? Well, whoever you are, I hope you're ready, cuz you got a fight on your hands."



"Peace, husband," Queen Edessa whispered. "It was I who brought you here."

"Really? Why? You wanna do it in the Hall of Ancestors? That's kinda morbid and kinky, babe, but if that's what you're into .."

"No," Edessa sighed. "Not right now. You are in great danger, my love. I have read your doom in the Red Book of Appin, and its time draws near. Perhaps the Vulpitanians mean you harm -"

"Nah, the Vulps are cool," Estmere insisted. "They helped us conceive an elflet, and this goofy Convention is just a show of goodwill."

"Nevertheless, you would be safer away from the heart of their so-called festival of pies. Furthermore your rebellious brother lies poised to besiege or invade the city."

"Adler wouldn't hurt me," Estmere scoffed. "Psh. I'd like to see him try. I'd mop the floor with him."

"He may have the backing of the Duchess of Daisies," the Queen whispered. "In either case, the Book clearly indicates you are in danger. For my sake and the sake of our unborn child, please stay here in the Hall where it is safe. Stay until the danger is past."

"It's not my style to hide, babe. But since you asked so sincerely, I'll sit tight til you feel okay."

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Spoiler

On the street

Klown, find "Percy"
Klowns: Grab someone in the crowd you think is Percy but it is really another agent. Refuse to listen to his cries

"I've got you now, Percy le Squab," the Klown growled as he shackled a suspect's hands behind his back.

"You've got the wrong guy!" the suspect gekkered back. "I'm no squab! I'm Stanley! Stanley Cheapbeaks! I'm an undercover agent!"

"I'm not falling for that again," the Klown barked angrily.

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Glenholm Webb, start deducing other things about Adler and Lemmy.
Lemmy, be embarrassed. Don't know if you'd rather giggle nervously or smash Glenholm over the head with a a heavy object.
>Lemmy: He really, really isn't supposed to have found that out. No one's supposed to know this. It's really unfortunate that you're going to have to *silence* your sleuth-idol if you don't want to face the Duchess's wrath. It's also doubly unfortunate that Glenholm deduced that too and was ready to counter by demonstrating his skill as a boxer in addition to his skills as a detective.

"That would imply," the great detective Webb continued, "that you are here as an Antglade operative, to keep tabs on the Prince and make sure things do not go contrary to the Duchess' plans. Are you reporting back to her via scry-orb, perhaps? I deduce now that it will be your duty to try to silence me. Very well, young elf, you may make the attempt. But I warn you: I am a master of Frog-Jitsu."

>Adler-Relda: It's unlikely the Vulpitanians would have staged this whole event just for your brother, they're too "thrifty" for that. There is sure to be something else, something huge. They would never do something this bold unless they could back it up. What's going on at the dinner may very well hold the fate of the realm in the balance, but you need to find your brother. If only you could be in two places at once, if only you had access to someone or someones who are experts in tracking people down. WAIT! You need the Ixies and Lemmy! The Ixies are irritating and small and Lemmy is a semi-expert snoop. They can scour every nook and cranny of the city while you probe the Vulpitanians for info, and they WILL do it if they know what's good for them. Your brother's life is on the line, so seelieness be damned!
>Sugar-head Ixie: There are wards around Estmere that keep creatures like you from getting close, but the queen is patrolling a perimeter, in your sugar addled state, tell her the truth about Estmere in hopes she'll pass it on.
>Queen: Well then... This changes a few things. Not to worry, you've worked too hard to get this position to lose it so easily, you have back-up plans. So many back-up plans. Turn your suddenly cold gaze over to where your husband was... Where did he go?
>Estmere: Man this totally bites. Being the supreme ruler of everything was supposed to be a sweet and easy gig, but now it's a headache. And all this talk about your bro turning traitor sounds bogus. What're they smoking? Your bro would never do anything to hurt you. It sounds more likely that he's gotten roped into something and is in way over his head. What if he's in trouble? You know he's a hopeless wreck without you. What if he needs you to rescue him!
>Lemmy: You're out of your league here. Cut your losses and make a run for it. This is bad, the Duchess will boil your family alive if she finds out you messed up this badly! You need someone indispensable enough she won't dare strike at to negotiate you out of this mess. Where's Adler?! It's time to call in a favor.

>Lemmy: You can't best him in combat so try to bribe him instead. Offer money, titles, your supple body, whatever that comes to mind!

Uh oh. I have a bad feeling about Estemere staying here...

.. Well he's not sitting on a throne just yet but the location definitivey fit...

(Lemmy) Engage in the time-honoured method of possum battle tactics.
(Detective Webb) Pook next to Relda Faufox.
(Relda Faufox) Be surprised by the frog pooking next to you. Smack your head, hard, on the underside of the table.
(Detective Webb) Indicate that with respect to the jig, it is up.
(Relda Faufox) Disagree regarding the jigness being up.
(VM Sweetcheeks) Intervene, crassly, for obvious reasons.
(SALV Alice) Lurk with "your" Ixie.
(Ixie Pair) Summon reinforcements.
(HM King Estmere) Complain about the Hall of Ancestors being dark and boring.
(HM Queen Edessa) Give Estmere a bag of items to keep him amused.
(HM Queen Edessa) Sense something is Up in the Hall.
(HM Queen Edessa) Take Precautions.
(Giant feral frog) Start annoying Jimmy the Bard, Nero and Angus.

Estmere, don't die for at least a couple more updates.

Klown, bring your catch to your master.
Adoyret Sam, facepalm.

Charmina, send Percy on another errand.

Lemmy, it would seem that you'll have to do the unthinkable: hurt your idol.
Frog-Jitsu, involve a lot of jumping and kicking.

Relda, start investigating where Estmere might have been pooked off to. Keep getting distracted by vixeny thoughts.

Ixie, find Estmere and Edessa.

Lemmy: Adopt the ancient battle technique of LLap-Goch. https://www.llapgoch.org.uk/

Lemmy: Run through the streets and find a bag of flies to throw at Glenholm Webb to distract him
Glenholm Webb: Chase down Lemmy but mistakenly keep punching random civilians that get in the way. Also be yelling random insults at those who get in the way of your punches (I.E Saracen Dogs, French Swine, German Pigs, etc.)
Avogadro: Expect a kiss for every pie you have taken from Relda, receive a boot to head instead...It's as good as it's going to get for you.

(I.E Saracen Dogs, French Swine, German Pigs, etc.)

Turkish Taffy!