The Ballad of Adler Young, Canto 2.5

>Lem Jr: Make the observation that Adler's ragtag army did not lift a paw/hoof etc to help him. Start calling them insulting names.

>Ragtag army: Get riled.

>Salmonella: Get riled (at the army)

>Burnside: Tie Ms Thomson to a chair. She's going to have to answer some questions later. Keep an eye out for the Vulpitanian agent (Fofox), she has to have some answers too.

I'm really curious as to educational value of YOUNG MONOCLED PATRIOT PRESENTS: EVERYTHNG U ALLWAYS WANTED 2 NO ABOUT TEH SMEX BUT WER TOTES AFFRAID 2 ASK!!1!"

I'm really curious as to educational value of YOUNG MONOCLED PATRIOT PRESENTS: EVERYTHNG U ALLWAYS WANTED 2 NO ABOUT TEH SMEX BUT WER TOTES AFFRAID 2 ASK!!1!"

>Thumb to the page 'Same-sex relationships, male', see fig.1

You could also say it's ok because this is on the Eagle Time forums

This reminds me of a joke I heard years ago:

What is the main feature of a skunk-eagle hybrid?

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Spoiler It stinks to high heavens.

Adler: voraciously search for the trophy and burn it while ordering the restraining of Thomson.

"Somebody seize them!" I yelled as I lunged toward Thomson and yanked the little hair-poppet out of her unconscious hand. "Unseelie trophy! I must destroy this accursed thing immediately!"

duchess > warn adler too late that the poppet hasn't been unbound!

"Hold on a second, Adler honey!" the Duchess warned from the porch. "That thang ain't been -"

alder > burn the poppet and begin rolling around in agony!
Adler, still be under the influence of the spell.

Ignoring her, I magicked the unholy object into flame and then dropped it as I screamed in agony. I felt as though my fur was on fire! I flung myself to the ground and began frenziedly rolling around.

burnside > put out the poppet quickly stomping it with your foot
Alder > feel like your being stomped
>Adler: Blackout.

In my confusion I seemed to see Burnside run up to me, and then suddenly I was crushed by a series of heavy blows that seemed to break every bone in my body! I lost consciousness as my breath was forced out of me.

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Spoiler

Meanwhile, in the Chanson du Percy

find something for Fifi to wear
>Fifi: Convince Percy to wear one of your uniforms so he doesn't have to wear leaves.

"Thanks again for the loan of your outer uniform," gallant Percy reiterated as he adjusted the fine elfin garments about his person. "Are you sure you don't need it?"

"This is like, why I have a second uniform in the first place, dude," the vixen replied. "Don't worry about -"



Suddenly the vixen screamed and contorted wildly!

She dropped to the ground and began to thrash about, then her body was wracked with violent spasms!

With a mighty wheeze, she stopped flailing and lay insensible upon the forest floor!



"What mysterious ills these elves fall prey to," Percy mused philosophically. "I never would have suspected Faerie to be such a dangerous place."

burnside > carry the unconscious adler back "okay enough excitement for one day" load him in a cart and get underway
>Situation at the swamp: Wrap up. Army start marching towards the capital.

The next thing I knew, I was being lulled back to wakefulness by the rocking motion and creaking of an antcart. I lay on my back and watched the treetops glide slowly past until I realized that my head was resting in Burnside's lap.

"What happened?" I murmured sleepily.

"Back with us, sugar?" she asked quietly as she stroked my hair. "You been out for a while. Her Grace got your troops provisioned and loaded you in this here cart, and we is now underway to the Capital. Not many elves coulda survived the burnin' of their own bonded Hoodoo Wiles Poppet, but you is strong. You got the Irenaeid blood in you for sure."

Percy > carry fifi to a seemly abandon outpost you've discovered, inside find the Easter maiden! (everyone forgot about her) Tend fifi back to health while studying her for your fey research. The easter maiden helps with fifi's recovery as she has a love bond with her.

outpost > be stocked up with supplies for several months, also the longpork ham is still there, several jugs of Usquebaugh and burnsides BBQ mystery meat

Percy & Easter maid > enjoy ham, BBQ mystery meat and usquebaugh "what unique flavors! and this strange drink certainly lifts the spirits *hic*"

>Adler: This sort of thing seems to happen to you A LOT. It's almost as if there are faceless, malevolent forces that enjoy seeing you miserable constantly influencing your life.

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SpoilerAdler's "Oh, by dear Fuma, I'm on Fire!!" face is hilarious, by the way.

Adler: "I may be in some of the worst pain I've ever experienced, but at least I'm finally away from that no-good, dirty-rotten Ms. Thomson."
*look to your left*
Ms. Thomson: "Well actually..."

>Army: With your spirits high, you endeavor to sing a jovial marching song. Half of you try singing a song praising Adler and the other half try singing a song mocking the enemy. In the end, the songs get mixed together and you all end up singing a song mocking Adler and praising the enemy.
>A Convenient Method of Exposition: Exposite.

>SALV Chesswick: Send a communique to the Marshal about Adler's army's advance on the capital.

>the Marshal: Be suspicious of Vulpitanian motives. Attempts to inform the King, get tied up in bureaucracy...

>the news: Reach Queen Edessa albeit a bit late...

>Queen Edessa: Become livid. How dare that ungrateful <expletive deleted> gather an army against his own brother! Vows to make him pay for his insolence.

>Adler: Ravage Burnside

>Queen Edessa: Become livid. How dare that ungrateful <expletive deleted> gather an army against his own brother! Vows to make him pay for his insolence.

(Seeing as the reason she wanted Adler eleminated in the first place sees to be because she supposely saw a book that tell the future, I don't thik that really come as suprise to her.)

>Queen Edessa: Curse in colorfull expletives self fulfiling prophecies.

>Adler: Realise you might have been a mite rash here. And stupid. Fuma's luck is all good and well but some smart and good sense wouldn't hurt once in a while.

>Vulpitians: communicate nothing to the Marshall.

>The old Marshal: Having kept an eye on events unbeknown to any involved parties. make a choice.

Fifi, wake up the same time as Adler.
Fifi and Adler, due to the improper destruction of the poppet and failure to correctly reverse the bond, be now psychically linked, in a similar fashion to Zandar and that rabbit victim of hers. Keep experience each other's mood and sensations without realizing what's causing them.
Percy, keep assisting Fifi and taking notes of her bizarre behaviour.

Army, get stopped by a peculiar roadblock.

SALV Silverbrush, finish reading the book. Come to some odd conclusions. SALV Chesswick's reaction, cause even more confusion.

Adler: "at least I'm finally away from that no-good, dirty-rotten Ms. Thomson."
*look to your left*
Ms. Thomson: "Well actually..."

"I still ache all over," I muttered. "But at least I'm well away from that treacherous Floozy, Ms. Thomson."



"I had only your destined greatness at heart, Your Highness," Thomson insisted grimly from the other side of the cart.

"What in Fuma's name is she doing here?" I inquired.

"She's your prisoner, Adler honey," Burnside explained. "The Duchess figured this here Sisterhood agent was too dangerous to let outta your sight, and the consequences of killin' her'd be detrimental to your success. The Sisterhood may not be exactly on your side, but at the moment at least they ain't against you."

"All our hopes for Elvenkind rest on Adler Young," Thomson declared. "We want to ensure that he succeeds."

"You think he can't triumph on his own?" Burnside snorted. "He don't need none o' your magickal control. I seen what this here skunk can do, Sister."

Thomson just scowled sullenly and said nothing.

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Spoiler

In the Chanson du Percy:

Percy > carry fifi to a seemly abandon outpost you've discovered

It was with great feelings of relief that brave Percy emerged from the underbrush to behold a trim little cottage nestled neath an overspreading cypress tree in a damp forest clearing.

"Lo!" he sighed. "Long have I hefted this comely vixen 'crost hill and dale. Verily, she is heavier than she looketh. Twill be nice to set her down for a while. Mayhap whomever lives in yon shack will offer succor and elfly hospitality."

As Percy staggered mightily toward the structure, the vixen began to wake.

"Like, what's going on?" she mumbled. "Oh cool .. how'd we get back to the Antglade Diplomatic Outpost? Like where is everybody?"

"Let us hail the inhabitants and ask them for aid," Percy suggested.

"Nah," the vixen replied as she strode up the steps and opened the door.

Someone inside screamed briefly, then exclaimed "FROST-BITER!"

Percy cautiously entered the shack to behold the sacrificial maiden from the bunny tribe.

"Thou again!" the rabbit maiden exclaimed. "Is't thy life's ambition, to always intrude where thou'rt not wanted?"

find the Easter maiden! The easter maiden helps with fifi's recovery as she has a love bond with her.
Fifi, wake up the same time as Adler.

"Don't worry about the bird," the vixen purred as she sidled up to the maiden. "He won't come between us, you delectable morsel you."

"Oh, Frost-Biter!" the maiden giggled. "Art thou going to do Unspeakable Things to me again?"

>Adler: Ravage Burnside
Fifi and Adler, due to the improper destruction of the poppet and failure to correctly reverse the bond, be now psychically linked

Suddenly for some reason I started feeling strangely amorous.

"Their plan is for the birds," I murmured to Burnside. "The Sisterhood won't come between us, you delectable morsel you."

"Oh Adler honey!" Burnside giggled girlishly. "Surely you ain't a-gonna ravish me right here in this cart in front of everybody! Lemme get comfortable first."

>Army: With your spirits high, you endeavor to sing a jovial marching song. Half of you try singing a song praising Adler and the other half try singing a song mocking the enemy.
>A Convenient Method of Exposition: Exposite.
Army, get stopped by a peculiar roadblock.

"Nothing unseemly," I cooed. "Just a kiss for my right-hand femme."

Burnside and I smooched while Thomson muttered darkly to herself, and the army struck up a rousing martial song:

OH we're off to Albric Tor to kick some skunky butt,
Put Adler on the throne and then he'll be the King, eh what?
We'll overthrow the King, oh yes Adler is his name.
The skunks have fouled up everything and they're the ones to blame.
So on to victory, lads, we'll put the skunks to rout.
Young Adler is our Emperor, let's drive the Emperor out!



I honestly wasn't paying much attention to the singing, until suddenly it stopped and the cart came to a halt.

"HOLD!" Brother Matthias yelled from where he stood in the road. "What army is this, and for what purpose does it march?"

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Spoiler

After taking careful note of the elf vixen's greeting to the rabbit maiden, who seemed now by some strange spell to have become the mistress of this house, noble Percy examined the skeleton seated at the desk in the cottage. He was careful not to touch anything. Obviously everything here must be heavily enchanted. He must keep his wits about him whilst the two exhausted femmes dozed.



Suddenly a mephitic face with eerie blank eyeballs peered in at the open door!

"What in tarnation is goin' on in here?" the newcomer demanded.

>Adler: Go and address Brother Matthias, maybe convince him to endorse you and put in the good word at the church. Unfortunately, because of your current "bond-issue", your words are a lot more flirtatious than Matthias is comfortable with.
>Thomson: Express genuine remorse for your actions, but you had your orders.
>Chanson du Percy: "But that brave bird was so smart and so slick, he thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!"
>Duchess: Hmmm... This idiot bird could be useful for... you know... That secret plan you have that no one knows about.
>Duchess: Begin laughing maniacally, yet again, over how neatly all the pieces of your sinister plot are falling together.
>Duchess: Get the hiccups from laughing to much.

Percy> the biggest lie of all, he wasn't there at all!, Percy quickly darts to a empty closet and hides.

Duchess> thought she saw a bird but only saw a after image of one. Disregards it and joins the bunny and fox romp. looks like you found your new boarder agents!

Percy> Watch as they go at it, taking notes. This is probably the most erotic of passages in your elf research!

>Mathias: Do consider joining Adller cause when he mention getting rid of the Archbishop. God know there are a few in the church that wouldn't mind getting rid of that annoying monkey.

>Thompson: Scowl harder.

> Percy: You know that old crow who inspired you with his tales of faerie when you were but a young lad sure left out how rude or oversexed those elves can be.
>You're almost starting to feel a bit desilusioned here. Almost. (and just a bit aroused, tho)
>Still, you'll give them some privacy.

[quote="tegerioreo" pid='191055' dateline='1507604008']


"Don't worry about the bird," the vixen purred as she sidled up to the maiden. "He won't come between us, you delectable morsel you."

"Oh, Frost-Biter!" the maiden giggled. "Art thou going to do Unspeakable Things to me again?"


What? Again? When did that happen?

Fifi, my dear...you've really gone way off your mission parameters...

What? Again? When did that happen?

It was off-screen in post #390.

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Spoiler
"I'll like, keep her occupied while we wait," Fifi offered.

"Unhand me, Frost-Biter! I answer not unto thee!"

I didn't like this, but there were just too many things to think about right now. "SIMMER DOWN!" I ordered the maiden, sternly. "Go with Frost-Biter and submit to her as you would to me." Her eyes got very wide, and she quietly let Fifi lead her back into the Station building.

"I wanna see how this turns out," Burnside chuckled as she strolled in after them.

Adler: make it a priority to be cleansed by a priest so that the trophy may lose it's power on you

A group of soldiers, go teach the old priest a lesson about what happens to anybody who would dare to slow down their revolution.

Brother Matthias, prove to be surprisingly agile and well versed in staff swinging. Soldiers bullying him, don't stand a chance.

Adler, attempt defusing the situation.
Fail due to the link with Fifi.

Duchess, be at the Diplomatic Post in order to retrieve the Easter Maiden. Get angry at Fifi.
Fifi, attempt give the Duchess a piece of your mind.
Fail, due to the link with Adler.

>Adler: Explain that you're marching to Albic Tor to correct Fuma's mistake and reform the Mephitist church while you're at it and put some handsome goat on the holy see hint hint nudge nudge. You call yourselves uh
>A violin-maker in the background: Pass by.
>Adler: You call yourselves Luthier's Army!

>Adler: Go and address Brother Matthias, maybe convince him to endorse you and put in the good word at the church. Unfortunately, because of your current "bond-issue", your words are a lot more flirtatious than Matthias is comfortable with.

>Adler: Explain that you're marching to Albic Tor to correct Fuma's mistake and reform the Mephitist church while you're at it and put some handsome goat on the holy see hint hint nudge nudge, but really sexily-like.

A group of soldiers, go teach the old priest a lesson about what happens to anybody who would dare to slow down their revolution.

"WE'RE GONNA TEACH YE A LESSON YE'LL NO SOON FORGET, OLD TIMER!" MacBrock bellowed as he and a few other soldiers broke ranks and advanced on Brother Matthias.



With awe-inspiring speed and military precision, they set up a chalkboard and began sketching diagrams.

"Wise Professor Skunk lays it out clearly for an elf to understand," one recruit explained as he consulted a large book. "Right here in the second chapter of Imperial Army Mechanics, taking the aggregate mass of the army multiplied by the speed of their march, factoring in time of day and angular rise of ground, and then exponentially quadrifilterated by the quantity S if their leader is a Scion of Irenaeus .. regard the formula clearly written out here."

"It can be reet dangerous tae impede the progress o' sooch a force." MacBrock tapped the chalkboard menacingly with his pointer, and Brother Matthias glowered.

"You young whelps think you can teach me a thing or two, eh?" the old priest muttered, as he tightened his grip on his staff.

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Spoiler
The Chanson du Percy states:

>Chanson du Percy: "But that brave bird was so smart and so slick, he thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!"
Percy> the biggest lie of all, he wasn't there at all!, Percy quickly darts to a empty closet and hides.

"I WAS NEVER HERE!" noble Percy bravely squawked, as he dove out the nearest window - for he had recognised the dread Duchess of Daisies, of whom no legend spoke aught but ill!

Duchess> thought she saw a bird but only saw a after image of one. Disregards it
Duchess, be at the Diplomatic Post in order to retrieve the Easter Maiden. Get angry at Fifi.
Fifi, attempt give the Duchess a piece of your mind.
Fail, due to the link with Adler.

"All right, no squab fer now," the Duchess sneered. "That just leaves you, Vulpy-gal, to explain why you is a-sullyin' my sacrificial maiden."



"If this isn't sanctioned by Fuma, then whoops, my mistake," Fifi giggled. "I know you merely intend to make ham. You'll like, break her bones and consume her flesh, but that's vicious and primal and so on. Perhaps in the embrace of the winsome and luxurious-coated Frost-Biter we can all get along. Whadda you say, cutie?"

>Adler: Go and address Brother Matthias, maybe convince him to endorse you and put in the good word at the church. Unfortunately, because of your current "bond-issue", your words are a lot more flirtatious
>Mathias: Do consider joining Adller cause when he mention getting rid of the Archbishop.
Adler: make it a priority to be cleansed by a priest so that the trophy may lose it's power on you
Adler, attempt defusing the situation.
Fail due to the link with Fifi.
>Adler: Explain that you're marching to Albic Tor to correct Fuma's mistake and reform the Mephitist church while you're at it and put some handsome goat on the holy see hint hint nudge nudge.

"Cease this importune education!" I commanded as I clambered down from the ant-cart and strode confidently forward. "I know this priest, and would parley with him!"

The soldiers saluted and withdrew.

"What are you up to, lad?" Matthias asked. "This seems a dangerous game you are playing with these elves' lives."



"I have a mission from Fuma to correct the Mistake," I explained. "You know Estmere's government is a sham. I'll take the throne and reform the Church. When the Bishop and Primate are gone, perhaps there'll be a place for a handsome, mature goat as Presbyter if you play along. Whadda you say, cutie?"

"Boy, you need to be CLEANSED," Brother Matthias said with a disapproving scowl.

>Adler: "Cleansed? I don't know what you're talking about. I feel FANTASTIC!"
>Thomson: Point out that since you're the one who hexed Adler in the first place, it would be much faster if they let you undo it.
>Fifi: You done goofed.
>Percy: Phew, that was a close one, but at least you're finally safe- *CHOMP!*
>Scuti-Preston: Oh great... I'm a lowfolk-bird now.
>Duchess: You don't have time for this. Use an actual kick to kick Fifi out of the shack.

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Spoiler>Wise Professor Skunk: Do you get royalties for all the books you publish? What's your net worth?
. . .

>Priest: Haul Adler to the cleansing chamber ASAP

After reading that all I can think of now is Brother Matthias stuffing Adler into a washing machine.

>Fifi: Fall on a thorny bush that is also poisonous.
>Adler: Feel the Duchess' kick and the bush experience and react accordingly.
>Priest: Haul Adler to the cleansing chamber ASAP

(the two goons 'teaching the old priest a lesson' was honnestly quite hilarious with the books and blackboard
Mathias permanent 'are you kidding me' scowl is perfect too)

>Fifi: Reacts very strangely to the cleansing of Adler
(By the way she was refering to wanting adler body (and it semed not just in the biblical way) It was sort of implied that fifi was more than your average elf when everyone was after adler so... )

>Suddenly the darndest thing happens...

>Percy: Turn ou to be immune to scutti bite due to the wards you had put on you ! (Or more likely because it missed your flesh and just bit though a mouthfull of feathers.)

>Cleansing: Involve washing his mouth with soap.

I like the comparison between Adler and Fifi, it's very funny!

Brother Matthias, commence the cleansing, much to the horror of everyone watching. Appear to be far worse than it was supposed to be.
Priest's cleansing, have no affect on the Adler-Fifi bond.

Duchess, react to Fifi's advancements in a violent way, much to the horror of Percy watching. Appear to cause the victim far more distress than what it looks like.
Duchess's violence, have no effect on the Fifi-Adler bond.

Army, interfere. Explain what should happen to anybody intentionally inflicting bodily harm on their Irenaeus-descended leader.

Percy, be shocked by the "making ham" comment.