The Ballad of Adler Young, Canto 2.5

>Relda: WELP. It would be a crying shame to let all that wiles training go to waste. Take one for the team. Lie back and think of the empire. What happens in Vulpitanian embassy stays in Vulpitanian embassy. Live a little!
>Transmogrification: Revert accidentally at an awkward moment.
>Marshal Sweetcheeks: Be entirely okay with this.
>Narrative: Become suddenly very vague on how Adler escaped this predicament.

I like the picture of Relda dodging pies, it's dynamic and she looks kinda cool. Even the silly hat feels oddly fitting!

Sam } break down the door which flings clowns everywhere and say "prepare for fun-age" (carnage)

(Marshal Sweetcheeks) Become nostalgic upon catching sight of a white-furred vixen, and recall your former co-worker, Snowpeax, on the "Gekkers for Brekkers" show, when you were a mere Smarmy and Loud Vulpine.
(Marshal Sweetcheeks) Become further nostalgic, relating to SALV Fauxfox your career since you lost your first job, and the amount of double-dealing and underpawed treachery you've engaged in.
(SALV Fauxfox) Sit on the desk. Show some leg.
(Marshal Sweetcheeks) Lose the thread of the conversation. Attempt to pounce SALV Fauxfox.
(SALV Fauxfox) Lead Marshal Sweetcheeks on a chase around and around the desk.
(SALV Fauxfox) Allow the Marshal to catch your fist. With the underside of his chin.
(SALV Fauxfox) Rifle the Marshal's Elfintory. Be surprised and dismayed what you find there.
(Mrs. Marshal Sweetcheeks) Show up. Come to the wrong (right?) conclusion. Gekker.

MEANWHILE

(Slightly bald Chesswick) Ask your niece for some fur restorer
(SALV Silverbrush) Supply a bottle
(Ambassador Chesswick) Don't bother with directions, slather the stuff on.
(Chesswick pelt) FLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOF!
(SALV Silverbrush) Start wondering about your family, and whether or not your father might be the smartest and/or sanest.

If you're going to use Wiles, you need to go all out...with the dreaded

UKULELE WILES

Ven, ven, venery
What have you done to me?
The acts I can't resist
Are ones I've always missed

Ven, ven, venery
Surely it's plain to see
I've just now
Changed my mind
What can it be?

He has
Russet fur
I've never cared for russet fur
But he has
Russet fur
And that's my weakness now

He has
A Marshal's sash
Never cared for a Marshal's sash
But he has
A Marshal's sash
And that's my weakness now

O my! O me!
I would be bad, I would be bad, but gee!

He has
A Whoopie-seat
I've never cared for a Whoopie-seat
But he has
A Whoopie-seat
And that's my weakness now

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Spoiler
In the vixens' bath:

>SALV Chesswick: Do NOT go diving for your missing monocle.
SALV Chesswick, try leaving the pool without getting any tainted water on the few remaining dry areas on your body.

"Ach, I haff dropped mine monocle," SALV Chesswick lamented.

"Don't dive 4 it, Auntie," SALV Silverbrush advised.

"Open der tub drain, liebchen," SALV Chesswick instructed. SALV Silverbrush got up and operated a lever on the wall, after which the water began to drain slowly from the tub.

(Slightly bald Chesswick) Ask your niece for some fur restorer
(SALV Silverbrush) Supply a bottle
(Ambassador Chesswick) Don't bother with directions, slather the stuff on.

"Und now if you vould be zo kind as to fetch your Auntie zum Fur Restorer," the Ambassador requested, as she carefully clambered out of the gradually emptying tub. SALV Silverbrush handed her a bottle, which she opened and began to smear the contents liberally over the depilated portion of her body.

(Chesswick pelt) FLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOF!
(SALV Silverbrush) Start wondering about your family, and whether or not your father might be the smartest and/or sanest.

"Ach du lieber," SALV Chesswick exclaimed, as an overabundance of new fur erupted from the treated area.

"Oh, Auntie, SRSLY," SALV Silverbrush sighed.

Relda } this going to be tricky but play along so not to blow your cover.
Relda, remember that you're in a high level official's office inside the Vulpitanian embassy. Each one of the walls probably has eyes and ears. Maybe the floor and ceiling as well. Try not to arouse any suspicion.
Marshal Sweetcheeks: look forward to having fun with the new floozy.
(Marshal Sweetcheeks) Become nostalgic upon catching sight of a white-furred vixen, and recall your former co-worker, Snowpeax, on the "Gekkers for Brekkers" show
(Marshal Sweetcheeks) Become further nostalgic, relating to SALV Fauxfox your career since you lost your first job, and the amount of double-dealing and underpawed treachery

I realized I was going to have to be extremely careful. I was trapped in an important official's office, in the heart of the Vulpitanian Embassy. There were probably scrying devices hidden everywhere. I had no idea who might be listening in. This seemed like the perfect opportunity to try out the full extent of my Wiles training, so I sashayed slowly toward the Marshal's desk, putting a little extra sway into my hips.

"You remind me of a vixen I used to work with back in my early career, when I, Sweetcheeks, was a Scrycast Announcer, Loud & Vapid," the Marshal reminisced. "Did you ever hear me, Sweetcheeks, on 'Gekkers For Brekkers'?"

"I don't recall ever listening to it," I shrugged.

"Poor reception up there in Lengra-Cha, I suppose," the Marshal shrugged. "Of course, after that horrible roebuck sabotaged our biggest scry-cast tower, there was a shakeup in the DMV, and subsequently no market for programs like 'Gekkers For Brekkers.' But I, Sweetcheeks, am a tod not to be denied! I entered the Diplomatic Service, where I, Sweetcheeks, clawed my way to my present exalted position. Often literally." He held up one hand and flexed his fingers roguishly, showing off his claws. "I, Sweetcheeks, plucked my monocle from the face of my predecessor," he added, with a smug grin.

>So, he likes poise and grace, eh? try and be so unappealing that he'll be begging you
>SALV Fauxfox: Time to crank them there Wiles up to 11.
Relda, play along and try playing some subtle wiles on the Marshal.
>Relda: WELP. It would be a crying shame to let all that wiles training go to waste.
(SALV Fauxfox) Sit on the desk. Show some leg.
(Marshal Sweetcheeks) Lose the thread of the conversation.

"That's quite a story, sir," I purred throatily as I perched on the edge of his desk. "Did you bring me up here just to tell me about your past, or did you have something a little more present-tense in mind?"

"Homina," the Marshal mumbled as he eyed me hungrily. He slithered out of his chair and shuffled on his knees toward me.

(SALV Fauxfox) Allow the Marshal to catch your fist. With the underside of his chin.
(SALV Fauxfox) Rifle the Marshal's Elfintory.

When he was within range to start reaching for me, I kicked him in the face. He fell to the floor with a muffled thud. I knelt over him and started to rifle through his Elfintory, in the off chance that there might be something of use to me in there.

Sam } break down the door which flings clowns everywhere

Before I could find anything, the door to the office burst open, spilling a bunch of semi-conscious Klowns onto the floor.

"SALV Fauxfox!" Adoyret Sam shouted, as he lashed Klowns left & right with his beads. "Up the jig is! Raised has been the alarm! Fly, you must! FLY!!"



Taking the Adoyret's hint, I transmogrified into an Ixie.

Relda dodging pies in Elflingcolour!

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/21822780/

-MMM-

>Marshal Sweetcheeks: Be afforded a brief glimpse of heaven before all goes black.
>Suddenly Airborne Little Varmint Fauxie: Evasive manoeuvres!

>Chesswick and Silverbrush: This indignity must be paid, an eye for an eye! Fill a few seltzer bottles with the fur remover and begin a reckoning.

Every klown in the building, be on high alert.
Ixadler, find yourself dodging unicycle-riding, bug net-wielding special intervention squad. Fly through an air vent to escape.
Air vent, lead down, into a secret place underneath the embassy that even most of the staff doesn't know about.

SALV Chesswick, realize that not only you used the fur restorer directly (while the instructions clearly read that it should have been diluted before use), the regular one was switched with an extra strength version. Fur, keep growing (similar to the hair growing potion from Asterix) . Go look for your fur trimming kit before you're completely engulfed. Find to your horror that it's been replaced by a random joke item.
SALV Silverbrush, decide that it might be a good idea to let your own lost fur regrow naturally.

SALV Chesswick, realize that not only you used the fur restorer directly (while the instructions clearly read that it should have been diluted before use), the regular one was switched with an extra strength version. Fur, keep growing (similar to the hair growing potion from Asterix) .

>Fur: In addition to keeping growing, change colour now and again (cf: Thompson and Thomson in Tintin's "Destination Moon").

(Adlerixie) Have a hair-raising (if that's the proper word) escape from the Vulpitanian Embassy.
(Vulpitanian Embassy) Blow up. Again.
(Fire Brigade) Dodge all manner of fireworks shooting out of the building.
(Casualties) None, save the dignity of a number of Vulpitanians.
(Estvan Silverbrush) Heatedly (and truthfully) deny any responsibility for the explosion.
(Red Cap) Not have any part of the explanation, take Estvan "downtown" for questioning.
(Adlerixie) Fly back to GHQ. Barely avert the Marshal's Ixie-swatter.
(HSH Prince Adler) Change back into skunk form.
(HSH Prince Adler) Find that someone has hidden the manual for fixing the automaton.
(Sam) Meditate peacefully in some back-alley public house. Smile, for the Plan Proceeds. Vulpitania Vincit!

(HSH Prince Adler) Change back into skunk form.

Ixadler, when you do change back, realize that instead of your usual skunk body, you're still in Relda's.

Ixadler, when you do change back, realize that instead of your usual skunk body, you're still in Relda's.

Seconding this.

Ixadler, when you do change back, realize that instead of your usual skunk body, you're still in Relda's.

Seconding this.

Thirding.

Marshal Sweetcheeks } think the glimpse between relda legs was the reason for your sudden black out (and sore jaw). Forever lust after Relda the white vixen which will never be fullfilled

Salv chesswick & Silverbrush } Flee the Vulpitanian embassy, Its becoming a mad house!

Vulpitanian Embassy } suddenly combust into flames! The crys of clown horn honking haunt the night

Adler or Relda } Find Estmere & co eating fruit pies and mixing drinks with spritzers, taken from a create, that was delivered from the Vulpitanian embassy as a gift.

Estmere } be confused with the meaning of the horns. as you honk one adler/redla starts looking uncomfortable.

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Spoiler

>Chesswick and Silverbrush: This indignity must be paid, an eye for an eye! Fill a few seltzer bottles with the fur remover and begin a reckoning.
SALV Chesswick, realize that not only you used the fur restorer directly, the regular one was switched with an extra strength version. Go look for your fur trimming kit before you're completely engulfed. Find to your horror that it's been replaced by a random joke item.
SALV Silverbrush, decide that it might be a good idea to let your own lost fur regrow naturally.
>Fur: In addition to keeping growing, change colour now and again
Salv chesswick & Silverbrush } Flee the Vulpitanian embassy, Its becoming a mad house!

While all of this is terribly amusing, at this point it no longer has anything to do with Adler's story, so I'm going to leave it with the tacit assumption that it all happened off-screen. We will catch up with SALVs Chesswick and Silverbrush when they again become important to the plot.

Ixadler, find yourself dodging unicycle-riding, bug net-wielding special intervention squad.

Within seconds, Adoyret Sam was engulfed in a pile of Klowns, which then parted to allow a trio of stern-looking agents to enter. Their leader rode a bizarre one-wheeled contraption and waved a butterfly net as he issued orders to his squad.

"All right, you mugs!" he snarled. "Spread out! We've got a magick-using infiltrator in here, possibly armed with Lengra-Cha Gnostermongery tricks. Consider her armed and dangerous. She has already subdued Marshal Sweetcheeks and she has turned herself into an Ixie so keep your eyes peeled."

>Suddenly Airborne Little Varmint Fauxie: Evasive manoeuvres!
Fly through an air vent to escape.

The new Klowns looked formidable, so instead of trying to get past them, I flitted into one of several speaking tubes which were arranged behind the Marshal's desk.

Air vent, lead down, into a secret place underneath the embassy
(Adlerixie) Have a hair-raising (if that's the proper word) escape from the Vulpitanian Embassy.

After numerous twists and turns, I emerged in a dimly lit storeroom. A fox with a pipe sat on a crate near the end of the tube. He flinched with surprise and nearly dropped his match as I zipped out right in front of him.

"Good gracious, LOL," he exclaimed. "U startled me! Is it time allready?? I thot I'd have a moment 2 chill 1st."

I didn't bother to respond, but flew directly towards a small vent window which I spotted high on the opposite wall.

(Vulpitanian Embassy) Blow up. Again.
(Fire Brigade) Dodge all manner of fireworks shooting out of the building.
Vulpitanian Embassy } suddenly combust into flames! The crys of clown horn honking haunt the night
(Adlerixie) Fly back to GHQ.
(HSH Prince Adler) Change back into skunk form.

I emerged next to the ground, behind some shrubs at a corner of the building. By now it was dark out, and it took me a few seconds to get my bearings. Once I figured out where I was, I made a beeline towards GHQ, ignoring the riotous honking, crackling, whistling, booming, and flickering lights coming from the Embassy behind me.

At the GHQ building, I flew into the fresh-air vent of the South garderobe, down the hall, around the corner, down the stairs, and into the Detention Center, where I promptly transmogrified back into my proper form.

Ixadler, when you do change back, realize that instead of your usual (uniform), you're still in Relda's.

Mara and Alice were still sitting snuggled together on the floor where I had left them. I pulled Sam's box out of my Elfintory.

"I have the Discombobulator Array here," I explained. "Now there's no time to lose. We've got to get you operational as soon as possible. Where's the manual? What's so funny?"

>An entire group of people all gander at you still dressed in lady's attire and giggle uproariously. Oh the embarrassment of it all.
>For bonus points, it's all people you want the least to see you dressed as you are now.

Or

>Run into someone while still dressed in a dress. "Goodness, I had no idea you were into that sort of thing." And many knowing nods were given.

Adler > be impatient, start the repair of Discombobulator Array right away

Alice & Mara > don't tell him. let this gaff run its full course

>Adler: Insist the kilt look is "in" this year.

Izzy, walk in on Adler while looking for the bathroom. Get the wrong idea. Be in the building for reasons completely unrelated to any of Adler's activities.
Sir Ravenmad, walk in on Adler and Izzy. Get an even wronger idea. Be in the building looking for poetry inspiration.
Estvan Silverbrush, pook in on Adler, Izzy and Sir Ravenmad. Get a pretty accurate idea. Be there to have fun and cause chaos.

Discombobulator Array, be successfully installed after several failed attempts. Failed attempts, be rather humorous.

Avogadro, still be daydreaming of the vixen beauty you saw earlier.

Commotion, be heard from outside.

Nearly half the foxes in the city, be battling flames at the embassy.
Nearly half the foxes in the city, be vigorously searching for a fugitive vixen. Somehow already have wanted posters with a somewhat inaccurate portrait of Relda Fauxfox ready.

Winter heralds, start showing up. Widespread panic, happen.
Vulpitanians, be extremely suspicious, since Lengra-Cha natives are among the traditional allies of the Kringle.

(HSH Prince Adler) Sense a stray breeze. Realize that things are a bit, well, airy down there.
(HSH Prince Adler) Plaid up your lower garment, and change your tunic to standard I&RA issue.
(Shrub Knight) Continue to listen at the door.
(SALV Chetsweeks) Get ready to be repaired, though without the manual.
(Manual) Be spirited away by paws unknown (?).
(HSH Prince Adler) Be baffled by Elfhamian engineering in attempting to fix the Array.
(Repairs) Not go quite the way Alice or Adler expect.
(Marshal) Receive an Ominous Report from an Ominous Source regarding Adler's activities.
(Ominous Source) Double-deal and drop florin on Adler's doings.

Izzy, walk in on Adler while looking for the bathroom. Get the wrong idea. Be in the building for reasons completely unrelated to any of Adler's activities.
Sir Ravenmad, walk in on Adler and Izzy. Get an even wronger idea. Be in the building looking for poetry inspiration.
Estvan Silverbrush, pook in on Adler, Izzy and Sir Ravenmad. Get a pretty accurate idea. Be there to have fun and cause chaos.

>HRH Estemere: Come in to check out what's with all the commotion. Have no idea.

Estmere > Worry that your brother has gone MAD! Think about admitting him to the Royal Quack (Who is a Duck)

Oh the embarrassment of it all.
Alice & Mara > don't tell him. let this gaff run its full course
>Adler: Insist the kilt look is "in" this year.
(HSH Prince Adler) Sense a stray breeze. Realize that things are a bit, well, airy down there.
(HSH Prince Adler) change your tunic to standard I&RA issue.

It didn't take me long to realize what the femmes were snickering about. I had transmogrified back into my proper form, but was still dressed as Relda Fauxfox!

"It's nothing to laugh at," I indignantly insisted. "Kilts are in fact a quite manly fashion statement."

"Perhaps among the Grey Horde wolves," Alice tittered. "But you really don't have the physique for it."

The very nerve! I recalled that Meadow Grainmaster seemed to like me in a kilt, back when we returned from our mission in the lowfolk world; however, to stop these two Scuti from mocking me further, I modified my uniform back to its normal state. I carefully stowed the manacle/monocle and the padlock medal in my Elfintory, on the chance that they might be useful later.

Adler > be impatient, start the repair of Discombobulator Array right away
Discombobulator Array, be successfully installed
(Repairs) Not go quite the way Alice or Adler expect.

"Right," I continued. "Enough jollity at my expense. I've got the necessary part. Where's the manual?"

"Didn't you put it in your Elfintory?" Mara asked.

"No, I'm sure I left it here."

"Well, I don't have it. Do you have it, Alice?"

We all searched our Elfintories and looked around the chamber, but couldn't find the manual anywhere.

"That book was loaned from the office of Glencoe Redbough," I groaned. "I don't know how we can replace it."

"There may be no need," Alice reassured me. "If it is Redbough's own copy, it probably has a geas on it which will cause it to pook back into his archive if it sits unused for a certain length of time. A wise precaution, since Vulpitanians have a habit of misplacing documents in their possession."

"I was only gone for a few hours!" I objected. "That's far too short a recall time! Now I'm going to have to wait til morning, because I doubt Redbough's office is open right now. We can't afford these delays! The sleeping spell will wear off the visiting SALVs soon, before I've even had a chance to check in on them. Can I trust Estvan Silverbrush to have sufficiently sabotaged their work?"

"Hmm, probably not," Alice mused. "But don't worry, Your Highness. Between Mara and myself, we probably know enough about this body to effect a repair without the manual. Let's just take a look at the spare Discombobulator, examine its connections, and then .. if you open this hatch .. see where the old one is, and how it's hooked up .. you should just be able to swap in the new one .."



About forty minutes later, we had the new Discombobulator installed, and Alice was on her feet.

"Woah," she said, tottering and waving her arms. "I think it needs some calibration adjustments. Maybe it'll settle in after a while .. if not, I can get Redbough to fine-tune it later. The important thing for now is, I'm ambulatory - so let's get going."

(Shrub Knight) Continue to listen at the door.

We proceeded into the hallway, with Alice clutching Mara's arm for support.

"Our discussion in there is to be kept confidential," I informed the Shrub Knight guarding the door of the Detention Center.

"Who would I tell?" it rustled.

"I dunno .. him maybe, when he comes to?" I theorized, pointing to the still-unconscious guard on the other side of the door. "He's been out for a long time. Mara, what exactly did you do to him?"

"I made sure he'd be out for as long as we needed," the possum explained with a shrug.

"He doesn't speak The Voice of the Forest anyway," the Shrub rustled sadly.

"Good, because I don't want you to tell him what happened here," I clarified. "Now come on, ladies, we must make haste."

Commotion, be heard from outside.
Nearly half the foxes in the city, be battling flames at the embassy.
Nearly half the foxes in the city, be vigorously searching for a fugitive vixen.
Vulpitanians, be extremely suspicious, since Lengra-Cha natives are among the traditional allies of the Kringle.

Outside, the streets were full of foxes rushing pell-mell in all directions. Many were carrying buckets.

"This way!" they shouted to each other. "Teh East wing is still smoldering! Be on teh lookout 4 a traitorous Lengra-Cha vixen! Shes white with a tall hat & a impressive rack! I herd she has a Escapist medal & shape shifting magick! Coud this bee a opening volley of teh Coming of Winter? U know how close Lengra-Cha is 2 U-No-Who. No, who? TEH KRINGLE U dum dum! AAAGH!!!1! NO WAYE!! We gotta find teh traitor & spank her silly 4 this!"

"I am not really Vulpitanian," Alice commented quietly, "but I have lived among them so long, I feel almost a twinge of sympathy for my erstwhile countrymen."

"Just keep moving, calmly and quietly, toward our destination," I suggested.

When we arrived outside the SALVs' quarters, Alice stopped.

"I am in a bit of a quandary," she explained. "Going in there would place me in a precarious situation regarding my request for asylum from the Republic."

"You're already with me on this," I pointed out.

"It's a political hot potato," she insisted. "I mustn't go inside and meddle directly with Nidab & Semos's research. Mara and I will wait out here and keep watch."

There was something about this I didn't like, but I had no time to argue. I went inside and climbed the stairs to the SALVs' rooms on the second floor of the building.



Rotnev and Nexivydah were still unconscious, stretched out on the floor, with their hands in a bowl of lukewarm water. This looked like Estvan's handiwork all right, but where was he?

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Spoiler
Meanwhile, in Marshal Theronmyathus' office:

Avogadro, still be daydreaming of the vixen beauty you saw earlier.
(Marshal) Receive an Ominous Report regarding Adler's activities.

"These are serious allegations," Theronmyathus croaked, looking over the papers and checking them for errors. "Are you prepared to present this testimony before the King and his Ministers, implicating Prince Adler in activities just short of Treason?"

"Huh?" Avogadro replied. "Oh, er, yes sir. The Prince is a nice guy, but the good of the Empire comes first. Shouldn't we, though, um .. garner the support of a Vulpitanian delegation first though? Since after all, they are also concerned in this conspiracy.."

>Have a shocking discovery! That's not water!