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smuchmuch · 05-06-2021, 11:22 AM

>They want you to act unseelie,do they ?
>They want stew, do they ?
>Well you'd hate to disapoint, now, would you ? It's time to send a message. Besides it's not unseelie if they really earned it. And these two really really really are testing you.
>First, a grammayre (that should be very very very very simple given your stew almost alredy do this): Anyone that eat that stew (except you) will enter an altered state of conciousness and be very very pliant and suggestible.
>When you say the words "Just Unseelie desserts" these two will suddenly itch all over their body like they are inhabited by thousands and thousands of flees they can't ever get rid off (and you mean more than usual), and not a small itch, a big agonizing one. It will only abate when you say "Imperial seelie reprieve"
>When you say the words "Sweet honney treats", they will sudenly start acting in the nicest, more honnest, most pleasant way they can. They'll also want to bath. It'll stop when you say "Full Garbage flavor".

typeandkey · 05-11-2021, 09:40 PM

>Burnside: Looks like Ash is trying to convert Adler to the Unseelie side. That's a hobby of his. Darn good at it too. Adler should give it a try, he'll have more fun and get more done.
>Adler: Oh great, that's just what you need in your life, yet another crazy old fox trying to mentor you. That makes, what, three now?
>Everyone: Start eating stew.
>Lysander: This stew is good. You're doubly glad there's no reptile in it.
>Adler: As much as you don't like Lysander, you're always happy to recieve compliments on your stew. It's not easy making bugs taste good.
>Lysander: Wait, there are bugs in this?!

tegerioreo · 05-13-2021, 02:55 AM

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Quote:>Burnside: Looks like Ash is trying to convert Adler to the Unseelie side. That's a hobby of his. Darn good at it too. Adler should give it a try, he'll have more fun and get more done.
>Adler: Oh great, that's just what you need in your life, yet another crazy old fox trying to mentor you. That makes, what, three now?

0512chuckle.gif

"Yes, the stew is almost ready," I replied. "But what's that to you? Surely you don't think you'll be getting any."

"Ol' Ash'll convert you to the Unseelie way," Burnside chuckled. "He's a bona-fide expert. You thought you were gainin' the upper hand didn't you? Thought you were finally gettin' in control o' thangs. Nope. Ash was a-pullin the strangs the whole time. Sooner you give in, the sooner you can start gettin' stuff done an' havin fun."

"That's just what I need," I snorted. "Another crazy old fox trying to mentor me. This will be, what, the third one? No thanks. He's wasting his time."

"We'll see," Burnside remarked thoughtfully. "Might as well untie me. I done my part an' they don't have no more need of me. Just gimme some stew an' I promise I'll be good an' do your biddin. Elves don't lie, not even the Unseelie ones."

"Yes, let's have some stew," Lysander chimed in as he sniffed the steam rising from the cauldron. "You say there's no lizard in it, right?"

Quote:>They want stew, do they ?
>First, a grammayre (that should be very very very very simple given your stew almost alredy do this): Anyone that eat that stew (except you) will enter an altered state of conciousness and be very very pliant and suggestible.

I briefly thought of using a Gramarye to give the stew hypnotic properties so I could place these two completely in my thrall, but it would be hard to pull off with them standing right there watching me. Besides, it would be redundant since Burnside had already promised to do my bidding, and Lysander was still bound by a "contract" which apparently was the lowfolk equivalent of a solemn & sacred oath, which he would not dare to break. Furthermore, hypnotizing them was clearly Unseelie and I wasn't going to go down that path!

So I just apported some bowls and let Lysander spoon out helpings while I untied Burnside.

Quote:>Everyone: Start eating stew.
>Lysander: This stew is good. You're doubly glad there's no reptile in it.
>Adler: As much as you don't like Lysander, you're always happy to recieve compliments on your stew. It's not easy making bugs taste good.

"Mmm," Lysander mumbled as he doled out a second bowlful for himself. "This stew is really good. It reminds me in a way of a banana chowder my mother used to make. I'm glad you didn't put lizard in it. Not many people around here are that considerate. Yes, it really tastes great. I guess you're maybe not so bad after all, Mr. Elf."

"Why thank you," I beamed, strangely pleased by the monkey's compliments. "It's not easy making bugs and moss taste good."

0512spit.gif

"PHHHHT," Lysander replied.

typeandkey · 05-17-2021, 08:39 PM

>A Question Directly to Adler: What are the limitations of "Elves Don't Lie"? Does sarcasm or ironic statements count? You said, "More foxes trying to mentor you is just what you need." Which was clearly an untrue and sarcastic statement.

>Lysander: Unclean! You've been made unclean! You've been tricked into eating bugs, one of your people's many forbidden foods! You'll have to make a pilgrimage to your people's holy city and slaughter an ant to purify your soul now! Oh the indignity! Oh the shame! Oh woe is you!
>Adler: . . .
>Burnside: . . .
>Adler: "Shut up or I'll turn you into a newt."
>Lysander: . . . Okay, you'll behave.
>Adler: Now that everyone has gone back to eating stew, minus Lysander who is sulking off to the side, mentally process what has happened so far. Also, remember what Ash said about cultivating gratitude. By him not doing anything you are now in a position where he is one of the very few people available to you. He's trying the same trick on you. But it's so blatant. Did he want you to realize that so he could bait you into retaliating? If you did, would that make you closer to being unseelie? Augh! He's playing mind games with you. Unless he isn't and that's just what he wants you to think. Wait, wouldn't that still count as mind games?

tegerioreo · 05-20-2021, 01:56 AM

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Quote:>Lysander: Unclean! You've been made unclean! You've been tricked into eating bugs, one of your people's many forbidden foods! You'll have to make a pilgrimage to your people's holy city and slaughter an ant to purify your soul now! Oh the indignity! Oh the shame! Oh woe is you!
>Adler: . . .
>Burnside: . . .
>Adler: "Shut up or I'll turn you into a newt."

"MOSS?" Lysander spluttered as soon as he stopped coughing. "You didn't tell me there was MOSS in this!"

"You didn't ask," I pointed out. "You only mentioned lizards, and there are no lizards in the stew. Elves don't lie."

"I'm unclean!" he wailed. "Moss is forbidden! I will have to make a pilgrimage all the way to Chimpenburg and sacrifice an ant at the temple! Do you have any idea how much that will cost? I'll lose a week's worth of business! Oh woe, oh misery! You're going to have to pay for this, you maniac! What kind of meshugga puts MOSS in a stew, of all things? Ants are expensive; do you have any idea how hard it is to find a perfect one without blemish, suitable for ritual use? I'm going to need the money up front. What an embarrassment! What a hassle! Why was I put on this earth just to suffer?"

"Settle down or I'll turn you into a lizard," I scolded.

"He could do it too," Burnside added. "Elves don't lie."

"Fine, okay, I'm settled," Lysander squeaked. "See how calm I am! No need for elf magic."

0519morestew.gif

Quote:>Adler: Now that everyone has gone back to eating stew, minus Lysander who is sulking off to the side, mentally process what has happened so far.

While the monkey grumbled under his breath about antipathy and Burnside helped herself to another bowl of stew, I tried to puzzle out my present situation. There seemed to have been a time skip long enough for the rabbits of Bunkirk to do something which confined my scrying range to the forest, and also for my hairdresser cult to be scattered & disbanded. Ash must have misled me about the temporal management procedure around the Gate! Had he ... LIED? Could he do that? Could he do that without Fuma smiting him in Her mighty wrath?

Also, what had he said about cultivating gratitude? I wished now that I had paid more attention during his Unseelie monologue. Apparently, by not doing anything he had placed me in a position where I would be forced to rely on him for help. Was that his scheme? But it was so blatant! So obvious! Did he want me to realize that so he could bait me into retaliating? If I did, would that put me on the Unseelie path? Augh! He was playing mind games with me! ... unless ... perhaps that was just what he wanted me to think. Wait, wouldn't that still count as mind games?

"I am calmly and politely asking you, Mister Elf," Lysander murmured, interrupting my reverie. "To kindly defray the cost of a week's pilgrimage and the purchase of a sacrificial ant, which - no fooling - I am going to have to pay for as a result of your cooking."

"What's that??" he added, pointing in the direction of an ominous rustling in the underbrush.

typeandkey · 05-25-2021, 10:00 PM

>It's Rebecca, the wannabe rabbit witch.
>Rebecca: You received a message from Ash that Adler was back. You came out here at great personal peril to speak with him.
>Rebecca: Adler was only gone for a little over a week or two, but that was more than enough time for things to go south. There was no fight, they didn't need one. All of the hair cult's holdings where bought out from underneath them. The Shoe cult and the rabbits declared a truce, and after the rabbits were bribed, an alliance too. Using Lady Hawk's resources, the shoe cult funded a smear campaign organized by the rabbits. People refused to due business with the hair cult and they lost all their investors. Even banks refused to do business with you. The cult's members aren't even allowed to speak in public now. If there is one thing your old people are good at, it's raising a stink around moral outrage.

or

>It's Adler's old lawyer. The really bad one that can't dance. She evidently survived when she fell through a hole and was trapped in the catacombs.

tegerioreo · 05-27-2021, 03:36 AM

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"Sounds like we've got another guest coming," I chuckled nonchalantly since the trees hadn't alerted me to any danger from whatever it was. "I guess I should extend some old fashioned elvish hospitality and offer them some stew."

I projected my thoughts to the Royal Pantry to apport another bowl.

0526plate.gif

Instead I produced one of an extremely tacky set of cheap Vulpitanian dishes that had been acquired during the reign of Sartorius the Dissolute. I shuddered at the memory of eating lunch off of these things a few times when I was little. Why did they keep these?

"CLOWN!!" Burnside shrieked as soon as she caught sight of it.

0526smash.gif

She grabbed the plate out of my hands and immediately smashed it against the stew cauldron, then stood there panting over the shards for several awkward seconds.

"Um, are you -?" I started to ask.

"THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE," Burnside replied loudly, but with an uneasy quiver in her voice.

Quote:>It's Rebecca, the wannabe rabbit witch.
>Rebecca: Adler was only gone for a little over a week or two, but that was more than enough time for things to go south. There was no fight, they didn't need one. All of the hair cult's holdings where bought out from underneath them. The Shoe cult and the rabbits declared a truce, and after the rabbits were bribed, an alliance too. Using Lady Hawk's resources, the shoe cult funded a smear campaign organized by the rabbits. People refused to due business with the hair cult and they lost all their investors. Even banks refused to do business with you. The cult's members aren't even allowed to speak in public now. If there is one thing your old people are good at, it's raising a stink around moral outrage.

0526begpardon.gif

"Pardon me," Rebecca called out as she emerged from the bushes. "Am I interrupting a dark and demonic ritual? Please don't stop on my account."

"Nope, just having some stew," I announced as I apported a bowl (successfully this time). "My associate has an extreme aversion to kitsch, apparently, and took it upon herself to destroy a piece of royal crockery. Would you like some stew?"

"Careful, there's moss in it," Lysander warned her.

"Yum," Rebecca grinned. "I don't mind if I do. Are there any other unholy ingredients?"

"Just some bugs and wild herbs," I informed her as I ladled out a bowlful. "What brings you out here? Do you have news of my hair cult?"

"Oh, my Dark Lord," the rabbit girl declared as she dropped to her knees. "Your insect servitor has summoned me here to beseech your forgiveness. We have failed thee. You left us on our own as a test, I'm sure, but alas ... it only took a fortnight for us to be completely undone. The shoe people have money, thanks to their patroness the Lady Hawk. They spent it in bribes for local officials and donations to the Church of the Blessed Baby Bunny. With the Church on their side, they made short work of our hair salons."

"Was the battle short and bloody?" Burnside interrupted with sudden interest.

"Nay, there was no battle at all," Rebecca sighed. "They bought our holdings and foreclosed our mortgages and verily we were out on the street. The hair cult is outlawed. No-one will do business with us, and upright citizens will not even converse with us. We are all social pariahs, and most have fled the county to escape persecution. Persecuting, you see, is something my people are especially good at."

"Why are you still here?" I asked.

"I am from Bunkirk and so I have the option to repent and rejoin the faithful," she explained. "I was considering it when your insectoid arrived, and that's when I realized that my true Lord is one who has loathsome buggy servants to do his wicked bidding! You turned my father into a poodle! Surely hairdressing was just a ruse for a being wielding such power as that! You have summoned me out here into the middle of the woods where you are hanging out with unsavory persons like Lysander the Merchant and what appears to be the Demon Raccoon Monster of the North Glen. I passed unscathed through the tulgey wood which is impenetrable to any other rabbit! I am chosen! Now I wish to partake of your sacrament of stew and embark on the dark path of evil!"

"I like this'un," Burnside chuckled. "She's a keeper for sure."

typeandkey · 06-01-2021, 09:16 PM

>Rebecca: You have of bowl of the Dark One's unholy stew of malevolence. Yes! Its flavor is far beyond what would be possible! Truly the Dark One has infused it with concentrated evil! You can feel the dark energies pulsing within you!
>Adler: Actually, it's not... You used unorthodox ingredients, but it's not evil...
>Burnside: Direct Rebecca's attention to the book Adler set down on the ground instead of putting it in his elfintory since he didn't want it.
>Rebecca: For real and for true!? A dark grimoire! "How to be Unseelie and Look Good Doing It". A set of dark instructions on how to be evil. With this, you can spread the ways of Ramble the Dark One. A new age of suffering and despair shall begin!
>Lysander: (You're getting nervous.) Hold on! You thought Adler's organization was just a goofy and harmless club for hairdressers. What's all this talk of spreading evil and ages of suffering? Are they going to put moss in every meal?
>Burnside: Keep egging Rebecca on. This'll be interesting to see.
>Adler: Eek! A deranged cult of evil doers spreading unseeliness and suffering in your name is the last thing you need. Everyone needs to hold on and take a deep breath. You need to lay down a game plan before these idiots get out of hand.

tegerioreo · 06-03-2021, 02:14 AM

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Quote:>Rebecca: You have of bowl of the Dark One's unholy stew of malevolence. Yes! Its flavor is far beyond what would be possible! Truly the Dark One has infused it with concentrated evil! You can feel the dark energies pulsing within you!
>Adler: Actually, it's not... You used unorthodox ingredients, but it's not evil...

"Mmmm, it smells heavenly - I mean hellish," Rebecca murmured as I handed her a bowl of stew. "OHHH it's delicious," she added after her first mouthful. "Moss and bugs shouldn't taste this good! It's clearly a result of your dark powers, isn't it? I can feel its dark energy pulsing within me, taking me over and subsuming my will, replacing it with unholy desires! What was gross is now delicious! Pain is pleasure! Good is bad and bad is good!"

"It's just stew," I insisted. "I used unorthodox ingredients but it tastes good because I happen to be a good cook. Not because of evil."

Quote:>Burnside: Direct Rebecca's attention to the book Adler set down on the ground instead of putting it in his elfintory since he didn't want it.

"Aw, sugar, he's just bein' modest," Burnside chuckled. "Why don't you take a peek in yonder book?" She pointed to the copy of Ash's book, which Lysander had given me and I had tossed on the ground because I didn't want it.

Quote:>Rebecca: For real and for true!? A dark grimoire! "How to be Unseelie and Look Good Doing It". A set of dark instructions on how to be evil. With this, you can spread the ways of Ramble the Dark One. A new age of suffering and despair shall begin!
>Lysander: (You're getting nervous.) Hold on! You thought Adler's organization was just a goofy and harmless club for hairdressers. What's all this talk of spreading evil and ages of suffering? Are they going to put moss in every meal?
>Burnside: Keep egging Rebecca on. This'll be interesting to see.

0602evilbook.gif

"How to Be Unseelie and Look Good Doing It?" Rebecca read from the frontispiece. "How COOOL!! Unseelie means evil, right? Is this a dark grimoire? Full of instructions on how to wreak wickedness? Can I blight crops and curdle milk? Can I bring plagues? Cast curses on any who displease me? Grant me powers, Lord Ramble, and I will use them to make everyone fear me - and by extension, you. A new age of suffering and despair is at hand!"

"I like the way you think, gal," Burnside cackled. "You an' me are gonna be best friends."

"Wait a minute," Lysander protested. "I thought your little group was just a club for hairdressers. What's all this talk of spreading evil and despair? Is this actual witchcraft? I can't be part of that."

"You worked for Ash Marten," I pointed out. "Surely you know that he kills people."

"Only when it was necessary," Lysander clarified. "Ash is just looking out for his bottom line. He doesn't pull crazy stunts for the thrill of it. Everything he does is carefully considered, and always good for business. This is different. Giving powers of destruction to a teenage girl, that's reckless. I'll have no part of it. Give me the money for a sacrificial ant and I'll be on my way."

Quote:>Adler: Eek! A deranged cult of evil doers spreading unseeliness and suffering in your name is the last thing you need. Everyone needs to hold on and take a deep breath. You need to lay down a game plan before these idiots get out of hand.

I could not deny that the monkey had a point. I definitely did not want a bunch of maniacs running around spreading Unseeliness in my name. That would pretty much prove Queen Edessa right, wouldn't it? I needed to nip this in the bud, and steer the conversation back toward a proper and Seelie course of action! But how?

typeandkey · 06-08-2021, 09:37 AM

>Adler: Use logic to dissuade her from this course. Specifically her logic. Earlier she said, "good is bad and bad is good." By that logic, if she wishes to commit evil acts, then she must commit good acts.
>Rebecca: The logic is sound, but something about that doesn't seem...
>Lysander: That doesn't make any sense at all. Only children use the "opposite day" logic. This is silly.
>Adler: Take Lysander aside and tell him to shut it. He contributed to this problem by bringing that stupid book, so now he gets to help fix it. You will only compensate him for his pilgrimage if he does. (Sending Lysander on a journey would deprive Ash of his most useful agent. A step in the right direction. You can figure out the next later.)
>Lysander: Correction, it is the most sound logic you've heard in a while. Rebecca should definitely listen to Adler. Can you please have your money now?
>Burnside: "You're all no fun."

tegerioreo · 06-10-2021, 02:30 AM

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Quote:>Adler: Use logic to dissuade her from this course. Specifically her logic. Earlier she said, "good is bad and bad is good." By that logic, if she wishes to commit evil acts, then she must commit good acts.
>Rebecca: The logic is sound, but something about that doesn't seem...
>Lysander: That doesn't make any sense at all. Only children use the "opposite day" logic. This is silly.

0609logic.gif

"Take a moment to consider," I declared to Rebecca. "If, as you said a few minutes ago, my stew has caused all values to reverse and bad is now good and good is now bad, then by that reasoning, in order to do evil you would have to do good."

"Your logic is sound," Rebecca replied thoughtfully. "But something about it doesn't seem -"

"THAT'S PREPOSTEROUS," Lysander blurted indignantly. "Only children use that kind of opposite-schmopposite rhetorical construct! This is silly!"

Quote:>Adler: Take Lysander aside and tell him to shut it. He contributed to this problem by bringing that stupid book, so now he gets to help fix it. You will only compensate him for his pilgrimage if he does. (Sending Lysander on a journey would deprive Ash of his most useful agent. A step in the right direction. You can figure out the next later.)
>Lysander: Correction, it is the most sound logic you've heard in a while. Rebecca should definitely listen to Adler. Can you please have your money now?
>Burnside: "You're all no fun."

"Pardon me a moment while I confer with my colleague," I said as I grabbed Lysander's arm and pulled him away. When we were on the other side of the dolmen, I whispered, "what is wrong with you? I thought you were opposed to letting that femme practice witchcraft! Here I am trying to dissuade her from the path of evil, and you're undermining my argument. You brought that book from Ash, so this situation is partly your fault. You've got to help me fix it. If you want to be compensated for your pilgrimage then back me up here."

As the last sentence came out of my mouth, I realized that sending Lysander on a trip would deprive Ash of a henchman. This could work to my advantage. I kept quiet as we rounded the dolmen and faced Rebecca again.

0609proven.gif

"I was, of course, using opposite-logic myself just then," Lysander explained. "By arguing against Mister Elfypants here, I was actually arguing in support of him. It's totally sound reasoning and not childish at all, and you should definitely do good deeds in order to be bad."

"There you have it," I stated with an air of finality.

"Yall are no fun," Burnside pouted.

"But it would be simpler to just do evil directly," Rebecca protested.

"Durn right it would," Burnside concurred.

"You ate the stew and reversed everything," I shrugged. "It's out of my hands."

"I still don't know," Rebecca whined. "What about this book? Being Unseelie and looking good sounds pretty awesome."

"You should know, that book was written by Ash Marten," I informed her. "A boring businessman. Lysander here works for him. He can tell you."

"Ash is focused solely on profit," Lysander chimed in. "Even his power plays are for the purpose of securing resources or getting the most advantageous deal. He's a real mensh, one of the best in the business."

"It says here the book was written by a Dr. Owter Cesawonki," Rebecca read suspiciously from the title page.

"That's his real name," I explained. "Ash Marten is a pseudonym. Elves don't lie. Ask him yourself and he would have to admit it." Or evade the question, I almost added, but then another line of reasoning occurred to me. "Consider all that the Seelie side has to offer: I can grant you fabulous hair. The stew, as you know, is delicious. I can transmogrify anything into anything; rabbits into poodles is just the tiniest sample! And when you're just a bit older, there is a whole world of pleasure in store if you're interested. Burnside can vouch for that."

0609warstory.gif

"Everything he said is true," Burnside admitted. "But lemme tell you about the glory of the Unseelie side! They say murder is a crime, but the Seelie sure are eager to do it too, when they get a chance. They just call it 'justice' instead. Us Unseelie, we call a thing what it is, and we flee from their so-called justice. The thrill o bein' hunted like a wild animal across the countryside just can't be beat. Settin' snares for your pursuers and guttin' em like a fish while they're still breathin' ... oh mercy, when you see the look on their faces you'll laugh an' laugh! Then you can eat their liver an' crawl inside their carcass to keep warm at night."

smuchmuch · 06-10-2021, 04:42 PM

>Rebecca: Remember one little detail: You're not an elf. You can do both ! And look good and having wonderfull hairs while doing it ! And also lie.
>Also the still living carcass crawling thing may be a taaad intense for ya.

typeandkey · 06-14-2021, 09:29 PM

>Rebecca: (To Burnside) "Alright, you've convinced me."
>Rebecca: (To Adler) "I'd like to give this whole 'Seelie' thing a try."
>Adler: Excellent, you can give her some tips on the finer points of being Seelie. There might be a book you can apport for her.
>Rebecca: WAIT! This is a big life changing decision. Before this goes any further, you HAVE to know. Can you still wear black?
>Adler: . . . Yes. She can still wear black.
>Adler: Being Seelie doesn't mean you can't be stylish or have fun. Your old mentor Estvan is a shining example. He's one of the goodiest goody-two-shoes you know and he still manages to pull off all kinds of mischief. You apport a book about being Seelie and a book about pranks and mischeif written by Estvan himself. As you hand them over to Rebecca, a sobering thought occurs to you. Is the world really ready for two Estvans running around?
>Adler: (To Rebecca) "Just don't start doing a silly accent after you read these."
>Rebecca: "What?"

tegerioreo · 06-17-2021, 02:12 AM

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Quote:>Rebecca: (To Burnside) "Alright, you've convinced me."
>Rebecca: (To Adler) "I'd like to give this whole 'Seelie' thing a try."
>Adler: Excellent, you can give her some tips on the finer points of being Seelie. There might be a book you can apport for her.

0616convinced.gif

"Okay, I'm convinced," Rebecca declared. "I guess I'll have to go with the Seelie option, since Unseelie sounds totally gross."

"Ain't nothin gross about guttin' your enemies," Burnside protested. "It's the beauty of nature! Fuma put all them organs in there for to be squished!"

Quote:>Rebecca: Remember one little detail: You're not an elf. You can do both ! And look good and having wonderfull hairs while doing it !
>Rebecca: WAIT! This is a big life changing decision. Before this goes any further, you HAVE to know. Can you still wear black?
>Adler: . . . Yes. She can still wear black.

"Yuck," Rebecca winced. "Just one question, Lord Ramble, before I commit. Can I still wear black?"

"Of course you can," I chuckled. "Being Seelie doesn't mean you can't be stylish or have fun. My old mentor Estvan is a shining example. He's one of the Seeliest elves I know and he still manages to pull off all kinds of mischief. If I can find a copy of the Foxspell of Saint Reynard, I'll let you study it. That's a compendium of wisdom and merry japes by an early devotee of Fuma. I think Estvan modeled himself after the Saint, but he did it right and managed not to turn Unseelie like the Vulpitanians did."

"What?" Rebecca asked with some perplexity.

"Oh, never mind," I said, shaking my head. "Just thinking out loud. We'll start your orientation soon, but first I have some business to conclude with Lysander."

0616negotiate.gif

"How much will your travel expenses be, plus the cost of an ant?" I asked the monkey, while probing with Elfmind to make sure he wouldn't cheat me.

"Is that your negotiating face?" he asked, nervously. "I have to tell you, it's quite unsettling."

"Just quote me a figure," I prompted him.

"I could probably get a decent ant for 3 gold, round trip coach fare will be another 3, and for 4 I could stay at the best inn in town," Lysander thought while tallying sums on his fingers. After a few seconds he declared, "Twenty gold will get me there and back with nothing left over, if I travel on foot and sleep in barns along the way."

"Nice try," I scoffed. "I happen to know that you can take a coach there and back for three gold, and even the finest accommodations won't run you more than four."

"You are remarkably well informed for someone who can't leave this forest," he muttered suspiciously. "However you're not taking into account the time away from my business, and how much that will cost me in missed sales."

I listened carefully and heard him thinking "It's the slow season here in Eire, but if I stock up on shoes I can probably unload them in Chimpenburg at a tidy profit."

"I will give you 14 gold pieces," I declared. "Before you go, buy up some of the shoe cult's stock as cheaply as you can and dispose of it on your journey, far away from here."

"DEAL," Lysander agreed, much more eagerly than I expected.

typeandkey · 06-21-2021, 09:47 PM

>Adler: While Lysander is packing up and Rebecca is finishing her stew, you do some thinking. You're back to square one, again. What is it that you've been doing wrong? You were making good progress with your hair cult, then they dispersed at the first sign of adversity. It should go without saying that your first mistake was indulging their obsession with hairstyles, while everyone has hair, something that froofy is very niche. Also, all your followers were concentrated in a single area. You need to present yourself in a way everyone can relate to and have your followers spread out far and wide so they cannot be easily targeted. You can't kill an idea. The easiest way to convey an idea is with a story. All the great prophets and messengers of the past were story tellers.
>Adler: Before Lysander leaves, give him a short tale about one of your adventures. Not your whole life story, just one adventure that will make Lord Ramble seem likable to the average person. Tell him to spread that tale during his trip. It's not much, but this may plant the seed for more to come.
>Adler: Now that Rebecca has finished eating, ask her for more information. Ask her about the Rabbit's way of life, their beliefs, rituals, and how they could cut you off from the rest of the world. Also, ask her what happened to your high-profile followers. The Martin family.
>Rebecca: The Martin family had to sell all their assets and leave town because no one would do business with them. They are looking to start businesses elsewhere, someplace no one has heard of their relationship, and sponsorship, of the hair cult. They might still be willing to follow Adler, but someone would have to ask them.

tegerioreo · 06-24-2021, 02:11 AM

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Quote:You need to present yourself in a way everyone can relate to and have your followers spread out far and wide so they cannot be easily targeted. You can't kill an idea. The easiest way to convey an idea is with a story. All the great prophets and messengers of the past were story tellers.
>Adler: Before Lysander leaves, give him a short tale about one of your adventures. Not your whole life story, just one adventure that will make Lord Ramble seem likable to the average person. Tell him to spread that tale during his trip. It's not much, but this may plant the seed for more to come.

While Lysander got ready to go, and Rebecca finished her bowl of stew, I took a moment to reflect: With my hair cult completely disbanded, it seemed I was back to square one again. I had thought I was making good progress with them, but they crumpled at the first sign of adversity. Obviously my first mistake was indulging their obsession with hairstyles, which was silly from the start. While everyone has hair, it couldn't really be the basis for a tight-knit organization. I needed something more compelling, something that would inspire awe and admiration, something more along the lines of the legendary exploits of loveable elvish rogues of the Long Ago. Also, all of my followers were concentrated in a single area, which meant that a local calamity could wipe them out too easily. I needed to spread my message farther afield. Luckily, I had an accomplice who was about to embark on a long journey!

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"Before you go," I said to Lysander. "There are a couple of fascinating stories about the exploits of, uh, the White Elf Known As Lord Randall which I would like you to tell to people you meet on your pilgrimage."

"If you want me to advertise for you, that's going to cost extra," Lysander replied skeptically.

"You can tell these tales at taverns along the way, and your listeners will buy you drinks," I shot back. "People love hearing stories of bold exploits by likeable rogues. Let's see ... there's the time I evaded an Imperial agent by thinking of mushrooms, and there's the time I ran through the middle of a huge pie fight without getting hit. Those are pretty memorable and I think they'll do for a start."

"Are these stories even true?" Lysander scoffed.

"Elves do not lie," I reminded him, and briefly related the details of the two incidents.

Quote:>Adler: Now that Rebecca has finished eating, ask her for more information. Ask her about the Rabbit's way of life, their beliefs, rituals, and how they could cut you off from the rest of the world.

After Lysander left, I turned my attention to Rebecca.

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"Tell me about the people of Bunkirk," I demanded, focusing my Elfmind on her in case she left anything out. "How do they live? What do they believe?"

"They live mostly by farming, the same as everybody else," Rebecca shrugged. "They believe in the Blessed Baby Bunny, who is the son of the Sky Ram, begotten on the perpetual Virgin Fluffytail."

"Begotten on a virgin?" I blurted. "That's absurd! Do your people not believe in venery?"

"Oh, they do," Rebecca admitted. "They just don't believe their god would ever do it."

"I wouldn't want to be one of their gods," I muttered, wondering if Estvan had run across anything like this during his many adventures among the lowfolk. I resumed my line of questioning with "How could they have cut me off from scrying - that is, using magick to see beyond the border of these woods?"

"Oh, did they really manage to contain you here?" Rebecca asked, with evident surprise.

"Only temporarily," I protested, "until I can find a workaround. It would help immensely if I knew what they did."

"Ash got them riled up and told them what they had to do. They cleared the fields all around, as close as they could get and still be out of reach of the evil vines and branches ... and then ... they prayed."

"PRAYED?" I repeated. "Is that all?"

"Yeah, that's it."

"No spells? No bindings and incantations?" I couldn't believe it.

"No way. That stuff is all witchcraft, which they're firmly against. Will you teach me how to do it?"

"Eventually," I murmured vaguely as my head spun with the implications. PRAYER?? Really? Did this mean that their strange religion was actually valid? That their god existed and had real power? What could I do against that?

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"Hey 'Ramble,' here's another'un," Burnside interrupted as Vernier stumbled out of the bushes. "You sure do get a lot o' visitors for somebody who's supposed to be exiled here."

"My Lord," Vernier stammered nervously. "I came as quickly as I could, after your bug-pixie-whatever servants summoned me. What happened wasn't my fault! There was nothing that could have prevented it! Lysander never delivered the guns! You're not angry with me, are you?"

typeandkey · 06-28-2021, 09:21 PM

>Adler: Okay now, there she is, you can do this. Don't freak out and start worshiping her, she herself said you need to manage your attachment to stay mentally healthy. Stand tall and address her in a calm, professional matter... Don't... DON'T...
>Adler: BY FUMA! The poor dear is distraught! Immediately go comfort her and assure her that all that has transpired is no way due to any fault of her own! Quickly! Give her tea and stew. she must recuperate from her exposure to the elements. The poor, poor dear. Dote upon her as she tries to tell you more, whether she want you to or not.
>Burnside and Rebecca: Wow... Just, wow...
>Vernier: Oh dear, this again. Try to get Adler to calm down as you go into more detail of what happened. What of your family and the family business? Also, all the holdings your family salvaged when The Duchess left. Does the cult have any resources left at all?

tegerioreo · 07-01-2021, 02:16 AM

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Quote:>Adler: Okay now, there she is, you can do this. Don't freak out and start worshiping her, she herself said you need to manage your attachment to stay mentally healthy. Stand tall and address her in a calm, professional matter... Don't... DON'T...

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VERNIER! It was Vernier!

As I beheld her, I clenched my fists in grim determination - telling myself that I would NOT fawn over her and embarrass myself; not this time! No, I would control my emotions and address her in a calm, professional manner, as she herself had recommended!

Quote:>Adler: BY FUMA! The poor dear is distraught! Immediately go comfort her and assure her that all that has transpired is no way due to any fault of her own! Quickly! Give her tea and stew. she must recuperate from her exposure to the elements. The poor, poor dear. Dote upon her as she tries to tell you more, whether she want you to or not.
>Burnside and Rebecca: Wow... Just, wow...
>Vernier: Oh dear, this again. Try to get Adler to calm down

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"OH YOU POOR DEAR," I squealed as I rushed over and took her hand. "Fret not! Smooth your troubled brow! Of course I'm not angry at you; how could I possibly be angry at you? None of what happened was your fault. You sweet innocent creature, I cannot express how much it pains me to see you in distress, so put your mind at ease. Were you inconvenienced at all on your journey here? If your dress was torn by thorns, I shall mend it. If it got dirty, I shall clean it. Would you like some tea? I can conjure up some tea, surely. There's a good bit of stew left. Would you like some stew? It's moss and bugs; if you don't like that I can make something else. Do you want to sit? You must be tired after your hike. Give me a moment and I'll magick up a chair for you. Or you could sit on me. Did you run into any brambles or burrs? Do you need me to brush your fur? Because I will, gladly."

"I can see that I've been away too long," Vernier observed.

typeandkey · 07-06-2021, 08:27 AM

>Vernier: Try and steer Adler back to the task at hand. It takes a while.
>Adler: Some time passes and your fawning calms down. Ask Vernier for more information. Is everyone gone? Do you have absolutely no resources left?
>Vernier: As you are uncomfortably sitting on a big, comfy chair and surrounded by comfort items that Adler conjured up for you, things that you didn't want or ask for mind, you tell him more: confirming Rebecca's account and giving more information over what happened to the cult's prominent members and patrons. The Martin family sold all their local assets and moved on as no one would do business with them. You're certain Oak Martin would still be willing, but you're not sure about the rest.
>Rebecca: Wave your hand in front of Burnside's face. She's been standing there frozen this whole time with the same stupefied look on her face. Is she going to be alright?

tegerioreo · 07-08-2021, 01:21 AM

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Quote:>Vernier: Try and steer Adler back to the task at hand. It takes a while.

Of course I respected Vernier too much to try deliberately using Wiles on her, but I was as charming as I could be without them! I can't remember all of the pleasant & witty things I said as I conjured up a multitude of items for her comfort.

"My Lord," she politely protested.

"There's no need to be so formal," I chuckled endearingly. "You may call me Snookums or Cuddly-Wuddly if you wish."

"My Lord," Vernier repeated. "There's no need for all this! I came here to deliver my report!"

Quote:>Adler: Some time passes and your fawning calms down. Ask Vernier for more information. Is everyone gone? Do you have absolutely no resources left?
>Vernier: As you are uncomfortably sitting on a big, comfy chair and surrounded by comfort items that Adler conjured up for you, things that you didn't want or ask for mind, you tell him more: confirming Rebecca's account and giving more information over what happened to the cult's prominent members and patrons. The Martin family sold all their local assets and moved on as no one would do business with them. You're certain Oak Martin would still be willing, but you're not sure about the rest.

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"Speak on," I sighed, kneeling beside the chair I had apported for her to sit in. "Anything you say will be music to my ears. You have my complete attention."

"Well, sir -"

"Are you quite comfortable?" I interjected as I observed a not-quite-comfortable look in her eye. "Do you have enough pillows?"

"Honestly, sir, I have more pillows than I need. There's hardly room for me in this chair - which I also didn't need, by the way."

"I can make the chair bigger," I pointed out helpfully.

"MY LORD," Vernier exclaimed forcefully, sending shivers down my spine. "I have to tell you, your hairdressers' cult is completely disbanded. Their assets have been seized or liquidated, and there's practically nothing left."

"It sounds wonderful when you say it," I sighed. "What exactly do you mean by 'practically nothing?' Is there something left?"

"Well, I'm still here," she pointed out. "I have my records as well as a brush and a few pairs of scissors."

"What about the Marten family?" I inquired. "They were quite numerous, and wealthy too from what I understand. Surely their fortune protected them from the calamity that struck the rest of my followers."

"I'm afraid not, sir. Nobody would do business with them in this area so they sold all of their local holdings and moved away."

"That quickly?"

"Walnut Marten's wealth is more theoretical than actual," Vernier explained. "He doesn't have enough petty cash on hand to keep his family fed in the face of a complete boycott."

"So all of the Martens are out of the picture then?" I asked, crestfallen.

"Well, Oak might still be interested since she was the most passionate about hair. Having a salon was always her dream; it was more of a lark for the rest of them."

"Indeed," I replied, suddenly reminded of a thought which had occurred to me earlier. "I don't think hairdressing was a sound basis for a secret society. We need to come up with something better, with a broader and more lasting appeal."

Quote:>Rebecca: Wave your hand in front of Burnside's face. She's been standing there frozen this whole time with the same stupefied look on her face. Is she going to be alright?

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"Uh, guys?" Rebecca interrupted. "I think there might be something wrong with the Raccoon Monster."

typeandkey · 07-12-2021, 09:42 PM

>Adler: Burnside will be fine. You actually like her better this way.
>Rebecca: Continue poking Burnside and trying to reboot her. Wonder if you can get away with giving her a more witchy(gothy) makeover.
>Adler: Anyway, You need to portray yourself in a way that has a broader appeal. Spreading stories about your exploits, and leaving out all the parts that make you look like a doofus, is a good way to get people to like you, which is a good start, but you need a network of followers that will act as your agents and spies. From what you've seen, lowfolk never do anything without getting something in return. Your pockets are not nearly deep enough for that.
>Vernier: Perhaps Adler doesn't have to pay them with money, and maybe he can spin this in a way he won't have to pay anything. At least not often. There's an old lowfolk proverb: "Give a man a fish and he eats for a day, promise a man a fish tomorrow and he will follow you forever." If Adler promises that they might get something, he won't have to shill out cash and won't be lying.
>Adler: First of all, you're pretty sure she got that proverb wrong, secondly, it sounds kind of unseelie blatantly ripping people off like that. Hmmm... Promising rewards for services rendered might work, but what do you have that you won't run out of?
>Rebecca: Burnside's makeover is going wonderfully. It's nice when the subject isn't complaining about your overuse of black.
>Burnside: You are still frozen in place, completely motionless. If anyone could hear your thoughts they would be dial-up internet tones.

tegerioreo · 07-15-2021, 02:19 AM

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Quote:>Adler: Burnside will be fine. You actually like her better this way.
>Rebecca: Continue poking Burnside and trying to reboot her. Wonder if you can get away with giving her a more witchy(gothy) makeover.

"I'm sure she will be fine," I stated breezily, with a quick glance at Burnside. "In fact she's much better this way."

"I dunno," Rebecca murmured as she poked Burnside with her finger. The raccoon did not respond, just continued staring blankly forward. "It seems kinda creepy. Do you think she'd mind if I gave her a makeover? I need to stay in practice, and honestly with the dull look she's sporting I think I would be catatonic too."

"Go for it," I shrugged, turning back to Vernier.

"As I was saying, I need to portray myself in a way that has a broader appeal," I explained to the lovely skunk femme. "I'm having Lysander spread stories about a few of my better exploits, which is a good start, but I still need a network of followers that will act as agents and spies. From what I've seen, lowfolk never do anything without getting something in return. My supply of gold is not infinite."

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"You may not have to pay them with money," Vernier suggested. "If you do it right, you will only have to give rewards rarely if at all. There's an old proverb: 'Give a man a fish and he eats for a day, promise a man a fish tomorrow and he will follow you forever.' If you promise them that they might get something, you won't have to shell out cash and you won't technically be lying. I know how you elves are obsessed with truthfulness."

"Interesting," I muttered. "However ... First of all, I'm pretty sure that's not how the proverb goes. Secondly, it sounds kind of Unseelie to rip people off like that. It's too much like something Lysander would do. Hmmm... Promising rewards for services rendered might work, but what do I have to offer that I won't run out of?"

"I will probably regret mentioning this," Vernier sighed, "but your Orgasmic Touch would be reward enough for a lot of people. For those who are too prudish or too greedy to be satisfied with that, well, you make really good stew and you have miraculous magical powers. Is it true that Oak Marten used to be a boy? Granting wishes is the kind of thing that would induce people to seek you out. In addition to offering rewards for faithful service, you could also threaten punishments for those who cross you. There's already a local legend about how you cursed one of the rabbits with an eternal mullet, and turned another into a poodle."

"The poodle was my dad," Rebecca interrupted proudly. "He got better, but he still barks sometimes when he's excited."

Quote:>Rebecca: Burnside's makeover is going wonderfully. It's nice when the subject isn't complaining about your overuse of black.
>Burnside: You are still frozen in place, completely motionless.

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I turned to say something to the rabbit girl, but was struck speechless when I saw what she had done to Burnside.

"This is turning out pretty good, don't you think?" Rebecca giggled excitedly. "She looked scary before, but now she's going to look scary and HOT. It's nice to work on somebody who doesn't squirm or complain that I'm using too much black."

typeandkey · 07-19-2021, 09:08 PM

>Vernier: Goodness... It looks so... How to say this in a nice way?
>Adler: . . . Pfft. Heh. HA HA HA HA! The absolutely ridiculous sight moves you to uncontrollable laughter. Once you are done rolling around on the ground, you wipe the tears from your eyes and deal with the hiccups. You haven't had a good laugh like that in a long time.
>Rebecca: Why is he laughing, does he not like it?
>Adler: Like it, you absolutely LOVE it. Perhaps not in the way she was hoping, but you wholeheartedly endorse this look for Burnside. Maybe you can even convince her to keep it. What does Burnside think?
>Burnside: . . . She continues to not move or say anything.
>Adler: You'll just have to take that as a "yes". This Burnside is much more agreeable. Now, back to business. Something about granting wishes.

tegerioreo · 07-22-2021, 01:39 AM

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Quote:>Vernier: Goodness... It looks so... How to say this in a nice way?
>Adler: . . . Pfft. Heh. HA HA HA HA! The absolutely ridiculous sight moves you to uncontrollable laughter. Once you are done rolling around on the ground, you wipe the tears from your eyes and deal with the hiccups. You haven't had a good laugh like that in a long time.

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"Oh my," Vernier exclaimed. "That looks ... it's so, um ... it's very interesting."

I burst out laughing and could not stop. I cackled and guffawed and rolled on the ground until my sides ached and I couldn't breathe.

Quote:>Rebecca: Why is he laughing, does he not like it?

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"What's so funny?" Rebecca asked. "Do you not like it?"

"On the contrary," I gasped. "I wholeheartedly endorse this look for Burnside. Maybe we can even convince her to keep it. What do you think, Burnside?"

She continued to stand there and not say anything.

Quote:>Adler: You'll just have to take that as a "yes". This Burnside is much more agreeable. Now, back to business. Something about granting wishes.

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"I think we can take that as a yes until she says otherwise," I chuckled, wiping a tear from my eye. I hadn't had a good laugh like that in a long time. "Burnside is certainly much more agreeable this way. Now then, back to business. What's this about granting wishes?"

"Well sir," Vernier answered, "stories abound of magical elves granting wishes to people who can catch them and/or guess their name. It certainly could be a draw if you were able to play on this familiar trope."

"I don't want anybody trying to catch me," I remarked. "But the name-guessing thing is already quite familiar. I wonder where that idea came from? Why should knowing my name grant anyone the right to a wish?"

"I have no idea, but it is a widely attested piece of lore. If I had to speculate, I'd say the guessing game is a mild challenge to provide a sense of accomplishment and make the subject feel like they earned a wish. If you make it too easy, nobody will want it. Lysander could tell you a lot about marketing and how people will line up to buy an item that they would never take if it was offered for free."

typeandkey · 07-27-2021, 09:12 PM

>Adler: The promise of granting wishes sounds useful does sound useful to get people's attention, but only as a reward for a substantial service. You'd be overwhelmed if you had to grant the wishes of every crowd of people that showed up. You're tempted to make a tier system for what services get what reward, but you have a feeling that setting it in stone would be a bad idea. People would have too many expectations and having a road map on how to get what would create the possibility to get overwhelmed with wish granting. Too many people would know exactly how to earn a wish. It's best to be vague, plus it would play into the lowfolk mystique towards elves if you portray yourself as a flighty creatures of whim.
>Vernier: It sounds like Adler has a firm grasp on theatrics, this is good. Another way to limit wish-seekers is imposing challenges. Does Adler have any ideas?
>Adler: Getting through the Tulgey wood is a good enough challenge in itself. You don't really have the time, resources, or inclination to set up a gauntlet or obstacle course. You can have vague rumors spread about completing noble deeds and being pure of heart before people can be granted an audience. You'll just give the trees a description of what kinds of people should or shouldn't be allowed in the forest. You also want to stress the noble deeds and pure of heart thing. No matter how hard your enemies and self-proclaimed allies try to force you into the roll you will prove to the world that you are NOT unseelie!
>Vernier: That all sounds like it would work well. How would Adler like his wish-granting abilities portrayed?
>Adler: The Standard. Teach people how to be more charismatic, give them back their youth, make them more attractive, divulge a few secrets on how to be a fantastic lover, you can even change their se-... Actually, maybe keep the whole gender swapping thing on the back burner. It might attract a bunch of weirdos if that gets too much attention.
>Rebecca: Speaking of transmogrification, you're almost done with Burnside's makeover. You just need to change her outfit. Could Adler help?
>Adler: You know what? Sure. You want to see how far you can go with this. As long as Burnside has no objections?
>Burnside: You continue to say and do nothing.
>Adler: Perfect. Follow Rebecca's description and give Burnside the witchiest(gothiest) outfit possible.