The thread for flipping shits (and tables)

hhhHHHHHHHH a co-worker caught me on the internet even though i told my boss i wouldn't be on it anymore and now i don't think she trusts me anymore and i just feel like Crap and want to Die (:

anxiety anxiety anxiety

striking at the least opportune times. This is getting real frustrating real damn fast

I'm also having one of those fun little "nothing I do will ever be good enough" days.

Having hella anxiety dreams where my old shitty friends are being super nice to me and the people i love/who care about me are super mad at me

Managed to wake up more anxious than when i went to bed which is a skill

i need to talk to people and reassure myself that everyone doesn't hate me but also i'm in a mood where i want to strangle anyone who even slightly gets on my nerves

I watched my friend almost get into a car accident while I was walking to school and I am very stressed about it

I...I may have just lost a week's worth of work because my photoshop file got corrupted.

EDIT
Yep. Absolutely nothing I can do, the entire file is corrupted and I can no longer open it.

UPDATE
Wow solekii is not having any luck today at all are they. Bad day.

I stayed up all night trying to finish a thing for a possible next job and I'm not even done. Now I gotta do work. I'm death

I feel very tired and bleh

Also the feeling is always in the bckground but lately especially i've been feeling like i'm the friend everyone tolerates/finds irritating but is too polite to say anything to? I feel like everyone is hanging out having fun with each other and not me and i feel really lonely and ignored

It's probably a depression/low self esteem thing but i have no idea how much i can trust my own perception of things

i'm so tired and frustrated and lonely

I'm seeing my mom for the first time on two years this morning. She doesn't know a lot of things about me since then, including the fact that I'm transgender. I'm not presenting yet but its definitely making itself known in certain ways... And I dont know how things are going to turn out.

e: Fuuuuck my dad is coming too, fuck fuck fuck

I hope everything went okay, spark <3

So a friend of mine came over from australia a couple weeks ago to go on a roadtrip with their best friend, who is also a close friend of mine. Me and my partner both asked friend N (new zealander, the mutual friend) to tell us when they were in Christchurch so we could all hang out. Friend N had made a big schedule and planned everything they were doing down to the hour but was super cagey about letting us know what it was and when they'd be back here. "Oh we probably won't be in christchurch for long" but nonetheless i thought i'd be a day or two at least? At any rate, they were both here when friend A (australian) arrived and left the country for a day or so.

Anyway they posted pictures taken this afternoon on facebook, at a local wildlife park. Then just now, friend A posted on their wall saying they'd just gone through australian customs.

They had enough time to hang out in the city today but didn't contact us despite us asking about it and saying we should hang out for /weeks/. If they didn't have time (which v much appears not true, since they went and did stuff here this afternoon) then either of them could have just said?

This is why i have such massive trust issues with friendship. I think i'm a nice person? Probably fun to hang out with? So why avoid me

Well, I was reading an article recently containing observations from some guy who is connected in the venture capital sphere. Something that struck me is that he estimates 9 in 10 people end up not doing a thing they have told him they will do. Like, one e-mail from him has a shot at making some e-biz happen and you’re not e-mailing him a thing you basically told him you have and he wants? I mean, shoot, I’ve been ghosted aplenty but I’m some loner nobody; he’s more “you might be worth a few zillion bucks in five years” stuff. And yet with stakes like that, people don’t do it. Wowie.

So, the relevant perspective shift might be: integrity, timeliness, and being forthright about whether something is gonna happen with whom are valuable commodities and in short supply. Most people appear to undervalue these in others. Many people who have ’em don’t seem to capitalize on ’em properly. Many people never clearly say “no” to others when they can’t commit to something, and the reasons for failing to do this are myriad, but a reason one ought to do it is that it is respectful of all parties’ hopes and time, and tends to leave the door open to a “yes” later on; a waffley “maybe” is gonna be a “no but you’re not worth being straight up to” in practice for a long time. Guess that is a thing I should go see if I need to work on myself.

I don’t deign to speak to your situation and Lord knows I’ve troubles of my own staying in touch with people the past few years. It just turns out basic not-leaving-people-hanging might be expert level (by percentile); you have probably done what you can by reaching out ahead of time. I hope it works out with no lame excuses involved.

tired and tense and got jack shit done today and have rapidly-increasing irritation at the prospect of having to interact with anyone outside the structured and manageable scope of a classroom


what are friends for? It's a v rhetorical question rn

Eh... I'm having one of those 'nothing you do will ever be good enough' days. Which is frustrating.

Plus lately been feelin' like my head is somewhere else.

giving myself time to type this while i eat my dinner, as an excuse to give myself time to think about what i need right now.

current primary problem: i need to call up the manager of a different location of the fast food chain i work at (and am leaving in over a week) because he wants to try to get me into his team of employees. i want to ask him some questions (will the scheduling be better than where i'm at? how often will i get called in because of other employees being lazy and late? are you desperate enough to give me a higher wage??? <- dad wants me to ask this one, but worded better) but i need to figure out HOW to ask him, because i'm not even sure he'll be willing to talk. i was told by another employee that he is willing, though.

current all-encompassing problem: dad might be getting his old job back. this isn't supposed to be a problem, but, we only have one car... and i want to move out by the end of this year, but he doesn't know that yet. he berates me all the time for not trying to get a higher level job than food service, so part of why i'm leaving this job (aside from bad management) is that i feel like i shouldn't bother keeping him satisfied with me working if... i can't actually keep him satisfied. if he gets his old job back, i won't have easy transportation to wherever i'd want to work, anyway... and now dad has suddenly taken all those things and thrown them in my face today, because he still expects me to get a job even if he gets one, because he wants to get me a car soon aaahhhhh he said he's gonna take money out of the 401k to buy me a car if he has to and i have no idea how to tell him i don't want a car because i'm gonna leave this place within a few months hopefully and it's getting more and more urgent every day that i tell him

i'm dying squirtle

message has self-destructed.

Ive been awake for four hours and my mood has slid from eh i dont feel great to im not leaving bed today to i very much want to be dead like, right this very second

So anyway my roommate might have to move out immediately, leaving me stranded with seven months left on our lease so I have to pay both halves of the rent now, which I can't really afford, or desperately look for another roommate willing to live in a tiny one bedroom apt with 2 cats, which will never happen.

Some fucking notice would have been nice.

phone died

phone expensive

Ren has been putting off applying for residency again and our funds have once again dropped to concerningly low levels, which is esp bad because now we don't have enough money to pay for the application at ll. On top of that they just did their taxes which is another 4 grand we definitely do not have! Awesome!

I've been on and off my meds over the last month so i feel like i'm going completely crazy?? Plus i have so little energy to do anything i can't bring myself to cook or whatever, and Ren has gotten a cold so they can't do much and i'm basically confined to my bed

I can't even go out anywhere to get food or even order pizza because we have less than zero money right now so i guess i'm just going hungry

On top of this there was some chocolate in the pantry that i'd been saving (and Ren ate 2/3 of the block, so specifically said the rest was mine). Because i'm super stressed i just went to go eat it and it turns out no Ren has just eaten the whole lot

I just want to not be me or not be here right now

phone died

phone expensive

I coughed so much I pulled a muscle in my chest and now I'm in i n c r e d i b l e
pain!

DISCORD IS FUCKING ME OVER

i'm being plagued by, like, 4 medical conditions and/or diseases. i dont know what they are but i am uncomfortable and i have pain in several places. i cannot stop assuming the worst.

No money, graphics card dead :(