IRC highlights!

[10:09 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: how about setting a spider on fire and eating it
[10:10 PM] ArsenicNog: Don't do that
[10:10 PM] Anomaly: you monster
[10:10 PM] Whimbles: today I killed a hornet, are we not all monsters, really?
[10:11 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: how about putting rubber bands around the bottom of your jean legs and pouring a mcdonalds cup full of spiders down your pants through the fly
[10:11 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: how about that huh
[10:11 PM] Anomaly: where are you going to get that many spiders on such short notice?
[10:11 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: pet shop?
[10:12 PM] Whimbles: Look, if I get you a bucket of harvestmen will you dump them down your pants
[10:12 PM] Whimbles: because I would film that
[10:13 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: how about a wet t-shirt contest, only the t-shirt is my knees and the water is repeated blows with a steel baseball bat and a sock with a hunk of coal in it
[10:14 PM] Whimbles: spiders don't feature in that AT ALL
[10:15 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: how about stuffing arachnids and cat hair up your nose until you suffocate for the brief oxygen-deprived high because you can't afford opiod painkillers anymore
[10:15 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: be the first person to overdose on animals
[10:17 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: how about i go into the woods and dig a 5-foot hole and then spit in it and wait
[10:17 PM] Whimbles: wait to die?
[10:18 PM] Whimbles: *wait for death?
[10:18 PM] DragonFogel: How about I play video games.
[10:18 PM] Whimbles: can I wait for death while you play video games
[10:19 PM] Whimbles: chwoka dig the Summoning Pit
[10:20 PM] ArsenicNog: summon more spiders
[10:20 PM] Kíeros: I think I have a more torturous way to die.
[10:20 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: how's about this, how about you and i go down to wendy's, late at night, order some french fries, and make the cashier watch as we idle in front of the window, lighting the french fries on fire and pretending we're smoking them like jazz cigarettes
[10:20 PM] Kíeros: Switch your default browser to Internet Explorer
[10:20 PM] Whimbles: i'm not that masochistic D:
[10:20 PM] Whimbles: quel horror
[10:23 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: @Kíeros how about we go back to netscape so it's like your joke is brand-new
[10:25 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: how about i shave my armpits and collect the hair into a ziploc bag and go to the supermarket and put it into one of the gallons of milk and then buy it and then start chugging it as soon as i've officially purchased it and just keep chugging it until i throw up milk, stomach acid, and armpit hair all over my nicest shirt
[10:26 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: right in the middle of the supermarket, right there in the aisle, before the watchful, judgemental eyes of tabloid celebrities
[10:27 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: is there some kind of law against that? no, there isn't. it's a free country
[10:30 PM] Whimbles: alright you're makin me a bit nauseaus
[10:30 PM] Whimbles: nausesysus
[10:30 PM] Whimbles: vomit-y
[10:31 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: how about going out back, picking out some fresh green onions right from the ground, cleaning them, crushing them in a mortar and pestle, sauteeing them, then putting them out on the window sill in a pot of dirt that gets watered every day while hoping for and dreaming of and planning for the day they grow back
[10:32 PM] Whimbles: that
[10:32 PM] Whimbles: sounds productive.
[10:32 PM] Whimbles: definitely do that
[10:32 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: and then not having a thanksgiving dinner since we won't be able to make homemade stuffing to shove up the turkey's butt so what's even the point of eating
[10:34 PM] Whimbles: just shovel the onion dirt into your face
[10:36 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: then staying up all night on thanksgiving, thanks to the lack of tryptophan, and going out while everyone else is asleep on a traditional wine-cooler-fueled bender driving around smashing mailboxes, backwards because there's nobody in the passenger seat so the driver-side has to face the mailboxes
[10:38 PM] DragonFogel: What were we talking about, again?
[10:39 PM] Pharmacy: eats onion dirt.
[10:39 PM] Pharmacy: mmm, face-burning.
[10:39 PM] Whimbles: haute cuisine
[10:40 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: we were talking about how about this month i get a canteloupe, hollow it out, fill it back up with spiders and ants and shut it up, wait for halloween, cut it back open into a face shape, set the spiderweb-infested innards inside on fire for a makeshift jack-o-lantern, then throw it at someone's house
[10:40 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: that someone being me
[10:41 PM] DragonFogel: That's funny, I don't remember that part of the conversation.
[10:41 PM] DragonFogel: There was something about legs, I think?
[10:43 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: how about i get a mannequin and find a phonebooth and then call 911 and give the phone to the mannequin so we can hear what it has to say(edited)
[10:43 PM] DragonFogel: Do phone booths even exist any more?
[10:43 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: they do, hence find
[10:44 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: how about i hold a replica gun to its replica head to coerce it into confessing to its numerous crimes
[10:44 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: all of which i committed
[10:44 PM] DragonFogel: Is one of those crimes threatening a mannequin into false confessions?
[10:45 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: is there some kind of law against that? no, there isn't. it's a free country, there are no laws
[10:46 PM] DragonFogel: Then there's no law saying it's a free country!
[10:46 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: how about i become vice president and then get called to serve on jury duty. conflict of interest much? um, corruption across the branches of government, much? uh, hello!
[10:47 PM] DragonFogel: George W. Bush was called for jury duty while he was president.
[10:47 PM] DragonFogel: And then he didn't go.
[10:47 PM] Whimbles: wow, how dare
[10:48 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: how about i'm also the defendant and the prosecutor
[10:49 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: (and, correction fogel, he DID show up https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nati.../31205277/ but he didn't get selected to actually be on the jury.)
[10:50 PM] DragonFogel: That's 2015.
[10:50 PM] DragonFogel: I mean he got picked for jury duty in 2005 or so.
[10:52 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: how about i fill a fine saxophone with canned wet cat food and put birthday candles in the end and light them and then go to a jazz show and blow to my heart's content, though
[10:53 PM] Whimbles: how about you feed my cats for a week and then throw a bath bomb in the fish pond
[10:54 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: how about i tell the folks there that it's for my good friend kenneth whose name i don't know but he just turned 73, happy saturbirthday fogel
[10:55 PM] DragonFogel: Well, I don't think I've ever gotten a birthday greeting in that way before.
[10:56 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: i know right, two days early? gauche as heck
[10:58 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: @Whimbles how about i really "heat up" your bathtub with some "hot tips" from cosmopolitan, mostly those involving cattle prods, duraflame, lighter fluid as lube, etc, then throw a whole bunch of ramen seasoning packets in there, and the bricks, but not ramen bricks cinderblocks, and then toss in an unopened box of the san francisco treat
[10:58 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: deal?
[10:59 PM] Pharmacy: mmm
[10:59 PM] Pharmacy: ramen bath-tub.
[10:59 PM] Whimbles: we have an accord
[11:00 PM] Whimbles: come destroy the tub
[11:00 PM] Pharmacy: I can't
[11:00 PM] Pharmacy: that costs money.
[11:00 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: how about a bag of doritos in the clothes drier
[11:01 PM] Whimbles: pharmacy come live on the east coast
[11:01 PM] DragonFogel: Is this a full bag or an empty bag?
[11:01 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: full, unopened
[11:01 PM] DragonFogel: And if it's full, is it open or closed?
[11:02 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: party size
[11:02 PM] Kíeros: @☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆ One second, I just need to wait for my INTERNET EXPLORER to load so I can download Netscape.
[11:02 PM] DragonFogel: You must be done with that by now.
[11:03 PM] DragonFogel: And that's how long it took for Netscape to post your response.
[11:03 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: yeah it's edge now
[11:03 PM] Kíeros: No, that was IE """EDGE""'
[11:03 PM] DragonFogel: What if I prove that P = NP?
[11:03 PM] Kíeros: N=1 DONE
[11:04 PM] Kíeros: Or P=0
[11:05 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: how about going to this place i know that does fences for houses and has a big sign out front that says "we do fencing!", taking all the electronics we own in the back of a pick-up truck around to the back, pretending like they're stolen, and seeing if they take the bait
[11:07 PM] Whimbles: go to the house that says "we do fencing!" with an epee and a bee-keeper mask on
[11:07 PM] Whimbles: challenge them to a duel
[11:07 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: and if they do and they won't give it back, how about gearing up and charging in with fencing swords drawn and whipping about and seeing how much damage we can actually do that way
[11:08 PM] Whimbles: glad to see we're on the same page
[11:08 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: after all what are they gonna do, call the cops? first of all fencing stolen goods is illegal, second of all it's a free country and there are no laws
[11:08 PM] DragonFogel: I remember Fencing Club Adventures.
[11:09 PM] DragonFogel: It eventually fell apart due to Too Many Subplots, but it was fun while it lasted.
[11:10 PM] Kíeros: If there are no laws, then explain why c²=a²+b²-2abcosγ
[11:11 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: it's a free country, i can see to my own needs thank you very much
[11:12 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: and i resent the implication that i am anybody's equal
[11:13 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: how about putting a rabbit on a yacht and shoving it out into lake erie(edited)
[11:13 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: how about i piss in the wind and tell you it's raining
[11:14 PM] Whimbles: how about I go to sleep since it's 2 am
[11:14 PM] Whimbles: and that would be semi sensible of me
[11:14 PM] Whimbles: but only semi
[11:14 PM] DragonFogel: How about I say goodnight to you?
[11:14 PM] Whimbles: how about I wish you a happy early birthday and a good night as well?
[11:14 PM] DragonFogel: Yeah, how about that!
[11:15 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: how about trying to scratch this itch in my left ear that won't go away with a toothpick
[11:15 PM] ArsenicNog: Goodnight Whim!
[11:15 PM] DragonFogel: I read that as "lockpick" at first glance.
[11:15 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: how about mailing someone a tin of altoids only it's filled with sardines
[11:15 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: @DragonFogel well that is how you open your mind
[11:18 PM] ☆ J.H.O.N.K.A ☆: how about i quit while i'm ahead and go to bed, well-fed with dread, soon to be dead from poisoning from lead(edited)