Post making contest 5.0

This is a haiku
It is not at all like you
Go take a hike, you

Passes no rules.

Thyme time!

Passes rule one on a technicality.

Thyme time!

S'age!

Passes rule 4, as well as rule one on the same technicality.

we have made all of the posts possibly makeable

Passes rule 4.

we totally have not

Passes no rules.

Let's see, as of Unicode 9.0 (according to Wikipedia), there are 128019 graphic characters, 153 format characters (like spaces), and 65 control codes. Not all of these control codes, however, can be used in a post (sorry, bell). Thankfully, tab, linefeed, and carriage return are, so that means there are a grand total of 128175 characters that can make up a post.
Now, the limit on the number of characters in a post is 65535, so that means there are 128175⁶⁵⁵³⁵ total full-length posts, or about 7.78×10³³⁴⁷³⁹ posts. HOWEVER a post doesn't have to be full length, so we also need to consider all posts of length 0, 1, 2... 65534 as well. Thankfully, the sum from i=0 to n of xⁱ is just (xⁱ⁺¹-1)/(x-1). So, plugging that all in gives us... a near negligible number of additional posts. So the grand total, to as much precision as Wolfram Alpha will allow me is...

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Spoiler7.780010208681719765348852921114468637464253965871869004052236752989903032734261787249381368632342296025392685926540661646616269886653931361659918530516967521144525478216481235794580517616015331170614480185235641777418508648518979587299976596137855987272271673104471075455009073502990756102649388548095757947414551058814537418661181030428742963365922268880138055903763811948610931055427700903172916426886147301706468958432097269725665903061557526685137291823658387673030999063054156956398703429994764568728454542710368691756418198200268806427429261816740502891636024681556561969113555494184287307997232232879706078198504388925949995085144697205739498165741339633031136900300085888526289552977061243615625357634678100172092667065046541746015700257942741686823919850605759542761935146800010388674242820695508282257874278264063392357004452464395019754265256960256163153796633637296827982936801435311155038366495487335966712840152031505311581221399181250746019306074592308847543113324622934652995004365885878065726094152387179771559391549137564309465566032414153441420323311723297578522716852507507625821822068626801920161475441345129040783948979074018660995160009051180253317730926663745897625464770362335915256549671177997748856079932637995417977436500635059730657970680261055845080752857485374327733678377722530473927117567649609498331385912809553739872131223387631619551509563923586926541620437468488142775806791977254427683804531949625021374820859188041388870528982514160732654372868555019576944637270011337203144925763232458857510775054130859082187672084759085286510177676964329875917284895252450773540572542188924806846011004587263265479317146160290948298269666259645894278747880059938879049861668071275256972793300115254332317003598407203204088551450694899612338756593774188751867461052929119185380348927012078123154063240788086442187520118377203076978760385348344097705219769418090193844211329203866035141138583114705576775757969142534193837411248243349984668871229386604577722585007827596530332134228267572323197251187265546956138407323498335055637818021198147891414399414226063136396854342304055879142676276700412378589001979372294449802049132363146519676011285565739347377103772383169216828947187339916785216945656389814523941902432182389422944147319863631843095802872638108587366412569075887599506734886334454378832680569121860404879571065588644128732353258923775459136171594481642271553270003677535294415545922338901351762789649503595255318684255393940589847314216683014691017914455036511818964630454374302904760632197882148826591287407032758035496000842615147327982459510016803032372409257228165996091320902132601267333174614963589950938413637492928697857385042270932105226906779921643394314454896531809543448725468307838559310725374675772982967867565434624630327617797724051365948810048900919534936630901775344108413566628333428090653169191202221371541384859184218198294940211147768112676813217085907528117369151246276533790188656714849701917004374632365440659859364644469257231257643544406795615935091656210088273141951484437301692174018731669560850409018412066341546198885500094865084966127360866070964095522183557668559356715564784198512149659229563699795047432617613660491195200861260303540245074186653853255852739631783008065083863536097648662791480923544611610740236661643345570471037869771120553076213339739312980752051391139083069596085857451550908427943870780378420620958221968515585057429773892419843208458270913301586549872140403735889780352378225552055113929440872006660377721220000946181070550786843449063430671591530588976116295075858915560846491944734089441928110870492369076545619711095657966227954072076225433539...×10³³⁴⁷³⁹

I think that's just slightly more posts than we have made.

Passes rule 5, sort of. Also passes the "nearly crashed my Python IDE for the second time in a row" rule.

Your math is off, according to my calculations there are exactly eight possible posts

1. Passes all rules except Rule 2
   
2. Smouldering landfill of bad posts, steadily accumulating atop the ancient graveyard of mean-sprited postmake souls
   
3. Pictures of non-anthropomorphised animals
   
4. lists
   
5. The whole some shit. The rl good stuff
   
6. Umami
   
7. Miscalibrated humor-pellets flying straight for the SMoulerding Landfill
   
8. Punchlines

Tag urself I'm 1, 2, and 8

Passes rules 4 and sort of but not really 5.

Wait, where do memes fit into that list?

Passes no rules.

depends on meme and execution but they're 2, 3, 5, 6, or 7

Passes no rules.

Memes:

1. g0m
2.

3. Welcome to the Space Consortium.
4. This is a haiku.
5. Buckle Up Mother Fuckers
6.

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SpoilerThe old spoiler trick

7. fremp
8. the true alphabet
9. drawings of Sanji

Passes rule 2. The closest so far to passing rule 3.
EDIT: Also passes rule 4.