Spiteland: New World [Choose Your Destiny]

Socko hears the name "Socky" mentioned somewhere and briefly wonders if there might be a third sock puppet somewhere out here.

And then he heads towards the New World Haven bale of hay, stashing his belongings in it as covertly as possible.

Name: Dr Bret Screw
Gender: Male Doctor
Race: Dr Supertoaster
Class: Dr Alternative Medic Doctor

Biography: Bert is a Supertoaster that always dreamed of becoming a doctor. Not because he wanted to help people, he was in it for the fame and money. Plus he heard that women find doctors attractive. Unfortunately for him his dream was cut short because he failed his DOCTOR EXAMS. Sure he had no idea how basic human anatomy worked, but Bert thought they were just robot racists.

Not being put down, Bert did the only thing he could do, cheat. He went to a friend of a friend who forged him a doctor certificate, it looked like the real thing. It had the word doctor on it and everything. With this certificate he could get all the babes and money he wanted.

Alas, his dream was cut short once more, because he was wanted for manslaughter for killing his first patient. How was he supposed to know that unscrewing a humans head kills them, humans are weak and badly designed. So he quickly left that stupid, dumb, racist place and came to New World.

Socks bounces over to the New World Haven. While his quest wasn't going to be all peace and quiet, he might as well nab some while he can get it. Not to mention possibly making other peace-loving friends and allies to boot!

He can feel the magic within him but doesn't really feel like investigating it right now - it might just scare everyone off, especially if he does something wrong.

Stumpy stumps over to the Haybale Formerly Known as Old Spitelander's Respite.

"Well gee, I'm so glad we have such state-of-the-art homes here. I just can't wait to die from exposure."

Shape Mattress Finance Oar Pliers Apple Lighter Synthetic (AKA Shapemat Finopalis)
Gender: Randomly generated
Race: Word Golem (if this is allowed)
Class: Introduction to Destructive Mathematics

Biography: Shapemat once existed as a single idea on a piece of paper until a wizard cast a spell on BReaKfaST (BReaKfaST is Shapemat's pronoun) leading to BReaKfaST transformation into a colorful, levitating, spoon princess.

Shapemat tried to became friends with the wizard, but he became annoyed with the crazy pronoun Shapemat used and so abandoned BReaKfaST. After this, Shapemat declared war on all pronouns and decided to use SF as a shorthand version of SF's name.

P.S. A side effect of the wizard's spell is that Shapemat can randomly generate certain effects using unpredictable mathematic equations.

First things first, let's welcome our new arrivals. Deets under the spoiler, as per last time.

Show Content

Spoiler
Anomaly: Dr. Horatio Hastings, Ph.D.

+6 Charisma
Look at that labcoat. Look at those creased pants. Creased! And that Ph. D. on the wall looks very important, especially with its clearly Solid Gold frame. Yes, you're willing to believe anything this lizardwhalething says.

Purple Walrus: Dr Bret Screw

+Skill: Defibrillate - Zap zap zap! With your helpful hands, you can either resuscitate somebody for 2d8 HP or hurt them for 2d8 HP. Whether your help or harm may not be entirely under your control.
You bought this chassis second-hand off of Craigslist, and you're still working out how to use it right but come on you're a doctor how can you go wrong

calibornio: Shapemat Finopalis

+Skill: Nonexistant - Technically, you're impossible. Yet somehow, here you are. Sort of. You aren't physically on this plane, but where you should be, there is nothing. A visible gap in the universe is apparent and it's hard for others to interact with you. Theoretical Cartographers are a bit better at it than others.
Words are just concepts, not physical things, and furthermore nobody's ever heard of a Word Golem before. As some kind of anomaly, you manage to occupy negative space.

Right, so what's going on here?



Right so Dud climbs into Beethoven's piano without him knowing and starts figuring out where exactly it fits into hyperdimensional space.
1d20: 15
Dud has mapped Beethoven's Organ.
Gross. Anyways, he now knows where it is at any time, and can set it as his destination, or, with enough skill, manipulate it from what would be seen as far away on a 3 dimensional plane.


It's time to D-d-d-d-duel!
A Card Game has commenced!


Garurar has been dealt
Murkrow
Pilgrim of Justice
Curse! Duck Of Doom

Toasty has been dealt
Miss Scarlet
Rook - Hammerfist
Robotic Knight
As per standard rules, initiative shall be determined by whoever shouts out their elaborate plans first.


Gee Force digs a patch of land and finds Unidentified Machine Part


Sproutling transforms the tents into bales of hay but they very quickly become unstable, due to all the stuff inside the bales of hay. Quickly, they change from Bales of Hay to Unorganized Messes of Hay. All sorts of building equipment, materials and tools are scattered loosely within each one.


Oscar uses a Holy Wave!
1d20=11
For the next eleven seconds, everybody has Melodica on their minds.
Make of it as you will.


Totes takes a look around. There's a lot of woods to the north, but so far it seems like it's the New Worlders that seem to have any interest in agriculture. Both sides already seem to have law, and New World seems to be getting more attention in general. The skills are fairly varied on either side. Well there is a lot of hay on both si- wait what's going on with the New World "Tent"?

One of Totes' goats bleats a happy tune.


Player Name runs into a tree, and continues running in place. He can see darkness and hear scowls from within the woods.


Penne attempts to cast Transmute Strands on the blue hay pile
1d20=12
Partial success! A jumbo pile of spaghetti is now where all the New World supplies are being kept. Alas, the magic power cooked it as well.


Yaoi digs a hole smack dab in between the two Village Piles, providing a source of water as the lake was clearly inadequate.


Socko nonchalantly shoves all of his as of yet undetermined possessions into the spaghetti pile. Hopefully that won't be bad for them.


And that sums up the activity at the main site. Some other people chose their sides, and some did nothing at all. That's okay. You can do that. It's that we can't promise that nobody will screw with you while you're unwilling to do anything about it.


Elsewhere....



Healthy and Lirweed scope out farmland and find this very convenient patch of land that seems to be already prepared for farming?


ELSEWHERE STILL



Surprisingly enough, the three Astronauts find a large bit of tarmac. Seems like it's set up for an airport but surely it could be used for more cosmic ventures.


Right, that's all out of the way. Greet the new residents and make good use of your surroundings, materials, or whatever else you're going to force mto draw an entirely separate area for.

Huh. Maybe they just never finished the space program? Who put this stuff here, anyway? Were there earlier settlers who had to up and abandon this place for heretofore untold and probably extreme dangers? A shiver passes down your spine(?).

Oh well time to build a multiple-ton giant metal tube full of compressed explosive gasses

GET THESE THINGS:

• Observatory
  
• Storage Warehouse
  
• Mission Control
  
• Launch Tower
  
• Rocket Ship
  

• Carpenter (profession)
  
• Theoretical Cartographer
  
• Destructive Mathematician
  
• Stunt Driver
  
• Lawyer
  

Aw man this gon' be great. You might actually be able to make it into space! Maybe there's gods in space. That'd be neat. Wait! But what if the gods are aliens oh noooo

No that's silly. Head back to base and try to extricate construction tools and materials from the No-Longer-Blue-Tent. See if Penne is amenable to your cause while you're rustling about in her pile, too, you guess.

Healthy heads back to the hay bales and gathers seeds, farming equipment, fence posts, fencing equipment, and barbed wire.

She neglects to make introductions to Lirweed before enlisting his help in hauling all this crap. Her convincing argument is that he can totally get in on the ground floor to rule the food monopoly, man.

Shapemat tries to communicate with Dud and asks if SF can use him as a communication device. Shapemat also has the urge to inform Dud of the great wonders of Melodica, although this thought is gone after a short amount of time. This does give Shapemat the idea to try to use SF's Destructive Math to try to communicate with Melodica, although it will probably just cause something random to happen.

Lirweed prepares a drugs sacrifice to the gods of mæth before planting the start of his crops on this, the most holy of High Elf Holidays.

Hmm...

First, I reflexively set Curse! Duck of Doom face down, then I summon Pilgrim of Justice in Attack position and I put Murkrow on the bench.

This way, Pilgrim of Justice will be able to nullify any of Credit's monsters, as they are all of the Red energy. The threat I need to worry about is Robotic Knight, as its ATK is 1600 to my Murkrow's low HP.

Player Name alternates pressing left and right while moving forward to make his way through the trees.

HOHOHOHO IM GONNA FIND OUT WHERE YOU LIVE GARURU BY DOING THIS!

I play miss Scarlet the clue card. And then I play rock hammerfist, dealing damage which I know will be prevented BUT THEN I SUMMON robotic knight who is going to chop up Murkrow into delicious, bite-sized chicken/bird nuggets. That damage can't be prevented :D

For a few brief seconds, the hate that permeates every fiber of Sproutling's being subsides, and he thinks that music is wonderful and maybe the world is beautiful and he should...help? Help people?

What a strange thought.

It quickly passes, but it gives him a better idea. A minion! He spies a suitable simpleton going off into the deep, dark woods.

"You there! Shiv knight. It's dangerous to go alone! Take me with you."

Allen politely informs everyone rummaging through the pasta pile that, without the written consent of whoever owns the supplies, they could be charged with theft. He then hands out forms, saying that if they insist on taking supplies anyway, they should at least leave a record of what they're taking so that the owner can be compensated later if necessary.

He also keeps an eye on the card game to ensure both players are following the rules.

Totes sics the goats on the bales of hay. Totes then heads to pasta-town to acquire some fence materials, using them to build a livestock pen.

~Gotta help~
~Space awaits us~
~Gotta help~
~We need something better than a bus~
~Gotta help~
~My pals to gather SPACEWORTHY materiaaaaaals~

RESPLENDOR THE MAGNANIMOUS offers her support to the new world (because old ways implies water and FUCK THAT).

She however heads north because it's the furthest away from water and that fool of a whale who actually ENJOYS being in the awful stuff (what a loser).

I'll follow NTA back to town. Maybe you can stack some of the stuff in me? If it can hang between the branches I can probably help you transport it.

Bert looks over at Horatio.

"Since we'er both Doctors we could set up a hospital or something. That way we can share all the money and chicks! Chicks dig Doctors man!"

He then sees Player name continuing to run into a tree.

"I mean we even have our first patient right here. He obviously needs medical attention."

Stumpy grabs a couple building materials out of the haypile and attempts to build something by smacking them together violently. Results are mixed.

"That's just freakin' perfect. Our building material's useless too. Hey ghosty, scaly; I don't suppose either of you know how to build a house or do other useful things do you?"

That angry Sock over there looks like he could use some salvation. Ocsar hops over towards Socko and starts chatting with him about how the Church of Melodica is really great and totally not a pyramid scam at all. Oh hey look, I have these forms that you can fill out right now if you want. No pressure.

Yaoueueia's name is not Yaoi!

She hides in her well and reads some yaoi

"...Yes, yes of course, a hospital. A novel idea! I've even brought my head mirror for such an occasion."

Horatio makes a show of rummaging around in his pockets, then sighs in frustration.

"I appear to have lost my medical supplies on the way here. Perhaps the locals know where we can get some."

Horatio walks off toward the inexplicable noodle pile, calling out to the bearded swordsman lawyer: "Excuse me, sir! Do you happen to know where I might acquire some medical supplies?"

Player Name suddenly stops for several seconds before saying
"wwwwwwwwwwwwaaawwdwdwddwwwwwwwww"

He turns to look at the tree wizard with the woodsaw and holds still for a few more moments before saying
"slash party sproutling"

Player Name then resumes his general northward wandering.