The Ballad of Adler Young, Canto 2.5

"Not Entirely Guilty?" Estmere asked incredulously. "Dude, like he either did or he didn't. That plea is vague and evasive."

>Dance around the issue by making compelling arguments that no one can argue against.
One cannot 'wipe out' what doesn't exist in the first place, therefore you can honnestly plead not guilty to the charge of conspiring to wipe out an heir to the king.
>You have not conspired to torch the embassy. It happened by accident, or maybe as the result of malice but you certainly had no prior knowlege nor intention

"Your Highness, the charges are vague and evasive," Ms. Thomson scoffed. "If the Prosecution would care to re-state them in non-rhyming form, then perhaps other arguments could be applied, but Elves Do Not Lie, and as the charges are presently laid out, all that I can say with certainty is that my client is Not Entirely Guilty."

I glanced nervously at Thomson, but kept quiet, as she had advised.

"Taking the charges in order, as I understand them," she continued. "Firstly, one cannot 'wipe out' what does not exist, so unless the Prosecution can prove that the Vulpitanians had in fact produced an Heir (which they have not), my client is Not Guilty of that charge. Secondly, my client had no foreknowledge nor intention that the Vulpitanian Embassy would blow up, and therefore is Not Guilty of 'conspiring with baddies' to accomplish that act of destruction."

>Estmere: Sentence Adler to exile until further notice. You don't actually think he's guilty, but the dude's looked stressed lately so he could use an extended beach vacation.

"Okay, Bro," Estmere declared. "You're totally Not Entirely Guilty, and I like, sentence you to exile at the beach below Mount Kodak until further notice, because dude, you look totally stressed and you need to chill for a while."

"Husband dear," Queen Edessa whispered. "The trial must proceed. There are unresolved charges, and the Prince may be more at fault than he is aware of. Evidence must be heard, to prove the truth to the satisfaction of all those assembled here today."

"Her Majesty the Queen is correct, Sire," Minister Lynne reluctantly agreed.

"Bummer," Estmere grumbled. "I get to call a recess for lunch, right? Okay, well then, Prosecuting Floozy, you may proceed."

Witnesses, be called and questioned.
in the event that Adler is found guilty, even for just the charges of being involved in the destruction of the embassy, working with a certain white vixen, or vandalizing the Vulpitanian lab, he is to be extradited to Vulpitania immediately.
>Miss thompson present the table of evidence. Items related to Relda fauxfox's which alder had in his possession.
>where is Fauxfox? did adler help her escape or did he dispose of her?
(Prosecuting Floozy) Outline to the King the shape of your case.
(HM King Estmere) Be very impressed with Miss Thompson's case.
(Prosecuting Floozy) Call Sgt. Avogadro to the stand.
More poetry, happen.

"A wise move, Your Highness, which you won't regret," Miss Thomson cooed, as she approached the bench. "Some of these charges will stick, you can bet. We'll start with the second one, quite convoluted, which my opponent hasn't fully refuted. The Defendant's intent may still be unresolved, but the evidence shows he was clearly involved! If I may run the risk of presuming to bore you, I'd like to lay out all the proof here before you."

Audience (NOT the jury, which is not a part of the legal system in this case), keep interrupting with various comments.
(Poet Actively Seeking Hurly-Burly of Courtroom Drama) Be very interested in the case.

"Exquisite!" a voice called from the Spectators' Gallery. It sounded very much like Sir Ravenmad.

"Order!" Estmere called sternly. "Nobody in the Gallery is like, allowed to talk. That's totally a rule, dude, even I know that one. Now then," he continued, smiling coolly at Miss Thompson. "You may like, present your case. You've got my full attention, babe."

"Thank you, Your Highness. You're regal and grand. Sergeant Avogadro I call to the stand!"

>If you antagonize the prosecutor enough for her to make mistakes, that might work out well for you.
>Ms Thomson then notices Miss Thompson has one button undone on her blouse. Estmere "seems to be listening" to her more intently. Ms Thomson acts accordingly

As Avogadro nervously bumbled his way to the witness stand, Ms. Thomson glowered at her opponent.

"So that's how it is to be, then," she grumbled menacingly as she undid the top button of her jacket. "So be it. May the best Floozy win."

>Ms. Thomson: Quietly make sure you have your emergency courtroom brass knuckles ready, just in case the proceedings go down that road. Your opponent cannot present evidence with a broken jaw. Thank goodness for legal loopholes.

>Adler: Gradually become very nervous about all the kangaroos you've suddenly noticed gathering in the courtroom. An omen?

Okay fine, in good old 'elf truth' terrioty we go.

>Addler: You have never met this SALV FauxFox not have you conspired with her (you can't 'meet' nor 'conspire' with yourself since thiose are by their very definition thjings that can only be done with someone else). But you certainly whish no ill will nor harm to that person.

>Avogadro: BUt but but the belongings...

>Addler: You grabbed those objects in your office today. SALV sweetcheecks was in there earlier this morning. (in rather skimpy clothing, you might add). Could she have forgot them ? Those were objects in your office before yout transmuted them. And she /could have, she didn't, she very likely wouldn't but it's still in the realm of possibilities)

>Miss Tompson (one of them or possibly both): Start being a little confused yourself...

>Vulpitians in the audience: Do enjoy this a little.

(Also rereading, Avogadro was here when Alice explained the wholz point of the Vulpitian plan really, so he know why Addler did the thing he did... One trully hope him and Theo have some kind of plan behind this farcical trial...)

>Legal arguments: Have your weight ultimately decided by the quality of bounce and jiggle.

>Adler: Gradually become very nervous about all the kangaroos you've suddenly noticed gathering in the courtroom. An omen?

Heh.

Ms Thomson > Be bothered with miss thompsons rhymes as its throwing you off.

Ms Thomson > While questioning Avogadro, every time you look over to Miss Thompson, something of her attire has changed.

Ms Thomson > Make sure Estmere is listening by using revealing poses in view of him, but the stuttering of Avogadro is ruining your pose transitions

Estmere> Point your rod/scepter of judgement and strictly warn Avogadro to make his answers clear and not to talk about the vixen unless its relevant to the question.

Adler > Wonder if any of these things happening in front of you is even proper court room decorum.

Raven mad > Start sketching frantically of everything happening in court with foot notes of miss thompson lovely rhymes

Estvan Silverbrush Wolf Queen > Eat popcorn

Also: (Sir Ravenmad) Draw the Prosecuting and Defence Floozies with LOTS of doors.

Like censor bars over the saucy bits

(Sgt. Avogadro) Be thoroughly confused on the stand. Keep bringing up pie-fighting Valkyries.
(Judge-King-Emperor) Rule that vixens are boring.
(Audience member) Leave in a snit.
(Prosecuting Floozie) Dismiss the Sergeant. Call the SALVs.
(SALVs, together) Make a mockery of the proceedings.
(Judge-King-Emperor) Get into the spirit of the mockery, keep up with the jokes.
(Prosecuting Floozie) Dismiss the witnesses. Call the Marshal to the stand.
(Marshal) Drone on about the interrogation.
(Judge-King-Emperor) Be bored, until you see what the Defence Floozie is up to.
(Prosecuting Floozie) Not notice what your arch-rival is up to.
(Prosecuting Floozie) Indicate to the Judge-King-Emperor that a certain scroll is key.
(Prosecuting Floozie) Produce scroll.
(Defence Floozie) Smirk.
(Judge-King-Emperor) WHOA at the contents of the scroll. You hadn't seen this one, yet.
(Prosecuting Floozie) Have a Hamilton Burger moment.
(Defence Floozie) Have a Perry Mason moment.
(Lupine Spectator) Fail to resist the urge to have a Perry Mason moment yourself; i.e., a spectacular intervention on the side of justice!

Also: (Sir Ravenmad) Draw the Prosecuting and Defence Floozies with LOTS of doors.

Surprise (and also surprised) witness, be called.
Testimony, have a shocking effect.

Bathroom break, be requested. Be denied with "devastating" consequences.

Estmere, become quite distracted by the floozies. Lose your track of the court proceedings completely and rely entirely on your wife and minister to be kept somewhat on track.

"Forgive this reminder of what we Elves do," Miss Thompson said gently to the obviously nervous Sergeant. "But especially here you must speak what is true. Relate to the court what you heard at the time that you spent with Prince Adler on the day of the crime."

>Avogadro: BUt but but the belongings...
(Sgt. Avogadro) Be thoroughly confused on the stand. Keep bringing up pie-fighting Valkyries.
(Judge-King-Emperor) Rule that vixens are boring.
(Audience member) Leave in a snit.

"Well, uh," Avogadro stammered. "Alice Chetsweeks told us all about the Vulpitanian plot -"

"And the stuff that she told you all adds up to what?" Miss Thompson interrupted.

"I, er, can't repeat it in open court, for security reasons," Avogadro evaded. "Rest assured that it was quite dastardly. However, I can't be sure how much of it was true, because SALV Chetsweeks is a Scuti."

"Relate what you can, in accord with your duty," Miss Thompson urged.

"Well, after hearing - and apparently believing - the Scuti's wild tale, Prince Adler stated that he needed to do two things: Infiltrate the Vulpitanian Embassy in order to steal a spare part needed for the repair of Miss Chetsweeks' automatonic body, and also sabotage the thaumaturgist's lab, to prevent them from carrying out their task."

"And what did you do then, may I ask?"

"Well, what the Prince was proposing seemed .. if not outright treasonous, then at the very least it would provoke a diplomatic incident. I could not be involved! I had to leave."

"Did the Prince have accomplices, do you believe?"

"Objection," Ms. Thomson muttered. "The witness' conjecture is not evidence."

"Huh?" Estmere mumbled, raising his head from the bar where he had been slouching lower and lower during the questioning. "What? Am I supposed to say something now?"

Queen Edessa leaned over and whispered in his ear.

"I can do that?" he asked, in a loud stage whisper, looking over at Minister Lynne, who soberly nodded her head. Estmere sat up straight and waved his scepter majestically as he declared: "Overruled. I want to hear this."

"Well," Avogadro continued nervously. "Earlier in the day I walked into the Prince's office to find the Vulpitanian Ambassador, SALV Chesswick, swooning in his arms. And then later, when I was in the Marshal's office telling him about all of this, a beautiful white vixen walked past, on her way out of the building. She was a radiant white-furred vision of loveliness, a veritable Pie-Fight Valkyrie from the far frozen North. The way she walked -"

"SUSTAINED," Estmere blurted. "Or whatever I say to get you to stuff it, dude. Vixens are totally boring."

There was an indignant exclamation and some scuffling in the gallery.

"ORDER!" Estmere bellowed. "No gekkering in court. Don't make me have you ejected."

"Your Honor, you've heard what this mole has to tell," Miss Thompson addressed the bench. "I'd like to present you these items as well. They point to a fact that is not at all pleasant: A suspicious white vixen may in fact have been present. Taken together these things tell a story. They were found in Prince Adler's own Elfintory."

She handed up the manacle/monocle, the padlock medal, the Embassy pass for a "Lengra-Cha Floozy", and one of the Vulpitanian wanted posters describing SALV Fauxfox.

"You'll note that the items all match the description of the vixen who may have caused last night's conniption."

"This does look kinda suspicious, dude," Estmere muttered to me as he looked over the evidence. After handing it back to Miss Thompson, he turned to Ms. Thomson and asked, "Do you want to cross-examine this witness?"

>Ms. Thomson: Quietly make sure you have your emergency courtroom brass knuckles ready, just in case the proceedings go down that road.
>Adler: Gradually become very nervous
>Legal arguments: Have your weight ultimately decided by the quality of bounce and jiggle.
Ms Thomson > Make sure Estmere is listening by using revealing poses
Adler > Wonder if any of these things happening in front of you is even proper court room decorum.
Wolf Queen > Eat popcorn

"No questions at this time, Your Majesty," Thomson stated coolly, as she perched on the edge of the Defense table and casually examined what looked like a set of brass knuckles.

"Sure an' this is a travesty!" someone in the gallery exclaimed. "Justice demands Trial By Floozy! Begorrah, that's what we came to see, and not this at all, at all!"

Estmere, become quite distracted by the floozies. Lose your track of the court proceedings completely and rely entirely on your wife and minister to be kept somewhat on track.

"ORDER!" Estmere yelled over the chorus of harumphs from the gallery. "What exactly is Trial By Floozy?" he asked Minister Lynne. "It sounds kinda interesting."

The Minister shook her head sternly and gestured toward the Prosecutor.

"Okay, okay," Estmere shrugged. "Go ahead and like, call your next witness then."

"Alberta Chesswick I call to the stand; the Vulpitanian Ambassador! Let's give her a hand!"



After the applause died down, Miss Thompson leaned close to SALV Chesswick and said: "Let this not be construed as an insult or slur, but what in the world have you done to your fur?"

"I had ein slight accident mit ein Saint Reynard's Day prank," the Ambassador explained. "Der guilty parties haff not been apprehended, but zey vill pay."

"I hope you'll forgive me but I must be nosy. You were seen with Prince Adler, getting quite cozy. Forgive me again; it's my duty to pry: What were you doing alone with that guy?"

"I vas not alone mit him," SALV Chesswick corrected. "Zere vas ein possum femme passed out on der floor, und zat mole Sergeant barged in right after der Prince put his vhammy on me."

"A whammy, you say? Well, a part of me squirms, but I must ask you: Describe it in general terms."

"It vas absolutely exqvisite," the Ambassador explained with a little shiver. "Der Prince hass der Magick Fingers. I vould like to remindt der court zat if he is found guilty of plottink against der Republic, zen he is liable to extradition to Vulpitania. But anyvay, his vhammy .. vhat can I say? To be underschtood, it really must be tried."

"So you came just to have that whammy applied?"

"Nein, I came initially to reqvisition der return of SALV Chetsweeks' automatonic body, vhich had gone AVOL."

"So far your account has been thorough and fair. Did you see Relda Fauxfox while you were there?"

"Nein, she emerged from der GHQ soon after I had left. I met her in der schtreet, und she had ein schkunky schmell about her, indicating recent intimate contact mit der Prince."

"ORDER!" Estmere shouted as Avogadro erupted into a spluttering fit of coughing and flailing his arms. After Miss Thompson sashayed back to the Prosecution table and sat down, he turned to Ms. Thomson and said, "Your witness then, I guess."

SALV sweetcheecks was in there earlier this morning. (in rather skimpy clothing, you might add). Could she have forgot them ?

"Could you have left the items presented as evidence in Prince Adler's office when you were there?" Ms. Thomson asked, without getting up from her seat.

"Not der poster," SALV Chesswick answered. "Zey had not been made yet."

"But the other items you could have planted on him? You were close enough to have put them in his Elfintory, were you not?"

"Ja, I vas, but -"

"No further questions."

"Dude, that's a pretty weak defense," Estmere complained. "That's my bro you're defending. You think maybe you could take your job a little more seriously? Anyway I think it's like, your turn to call a witness or something. Isn't it?" He looked to Minister Lynne for some sort of confirmation.



Ms. Thompson paused for a moment, as Secretary O'Doe scurried into the courtroom and whispered something in her ear.

Surprise (and also surprised) witness, be called.
Testimony, have a shocking effect.

"Your Majesty, I may have questions for these witnesses later, but first I would like to call a Surprise Witness who may be able to shed a wholly new light on the testimony we have heard thus far. I call SALV Esmerelda F. Fofox to the stand!"

A white-furred vixen stood up in the back of the room and walked, amid gasps and whispers, up the aisle to take her seat in the witness box.

>Addler: You have never met this SALV FauxFox not have you conspired with her

"You are SALV Fofox from Lengra-Cha?" Ms. Thomson asked.

"Oh yeah, like, fer sure," the vixen replied.

"Have you ever met or conspired with Prince Adler Young?"

"I dunno, like, who's that?"

"He's sitting right over there," Thomson explained, pointing at me.

"Oh, like no way. I've never seen him before. He's totes cute though, fer sure. HIIII!" Fofox bubbled happily, waving her hand at me.

> Master of Elfhame: Make sure the Winger Sisters are safely in Greytor.

>Avogadro: EGADS!! The object of your affections stands before you. Immediately attempt to woo her with a beautiful, heartfelt sonnet only to be foiled by your own stammering, tongue-tied awkwardness.

SALV Chesswick > While shaking you fist at Fofox, Tell her to stay away from your snow white prince. Estmere orders "sssshhhh" to the booty fox

SALV Fofox > See avogadro and be like totally humored, if not tickled pink by the display of affection.

>Avogadro: EGADS!! The object of your affections stands before you. Immediately attempt to woo her with a beautiful, heartfelt sonnet only to be foiled by your own stammering, tongue-tied awkwardness.

Avogadro, keep drooling over Fofox (and fuming over Adler), until she walks back and you get a good look at her backside. Realize immediately that it's not the same backside you saw previously. Get mad and accuse the court of planting a false witness.
SALV Chesswick, also realize that Fofox is not Fauxfox.
The rest of the people in the room, only realize that something is up when it becomes clear that Fofox is completely incapable of some of the feats that Fauxfox has been described doing.

Fofox has a heart shaped medal. What exactly is it for? Flooziing?

Fofox, have an instant crush on Adler. Be determined to become his personal floozie, if possible. Keep droning on about various topics that you find interesting (and think Adler should also find interesting), but only succeed in boring everyone.

Next witness, be called.

(Miss Thompson) On cross-examination, confront SALV Fofox with an expert witness.
(Expert Witness) Be the Imperial & Royal Army's Master Piechukker.
(Master Piechukker) Hurl, with little notice, forty-seven pies at the witness.
(SALV Fofox) Against all odds, dodge each and every one, with unsullied snow-white fur.
(Master Piechukker) Be gobsmacked.
(Miss Thompson) Be covered in all sorts of gooey pie-filling.
(Judge-King-Emperor) Think that cross-examination was AWESOME.
(Judge-King-Emperor) Offer to clean up the Prosecuting Floozie.
(Queen) Indicate to the Judge-King-Emperor why that isn't a good idea.
(Miss Thompson) Glare at your opponent.
(Ms. Thomson) Twirl a blackjack stylishly.
(Miss Thompson) Brandish a scroll, and issue a menacing couplet regarding its contents.

[Sidebar] SALV Fofox, explain (with the assistance of the Young Monocled Patriot) what the significance of your medal is.

I wonder if thompson or thomson will deploy the nipple tassels routine.

I wonder if thompson or thomson will deploy the nipple tassels routine.

Only if they can get them moving in different directions at once.

Show Content

Spoiler

Fofox has a heart shaped medal. What exactly is it for?
explain (with the assistance of the Young Monocled Patriot) what the significance of your medal is.

TEH YOUNG MONOCLED PATRIOT SEZ:

"O gosh U guys, this 1? This medal rite hear? OMG, SRSLY? This 1?? 4 realz? Well golly G & Fuma's whiskers but ... I just cant say it!!!1! Lets just say if U meet a femme & she has got this medal, then U should liek totes marry her rite away! U wont be sorry LOL."

>Avogadro: EGADS!! The object of your affections stands before you. Immediately attempt to woo her with a beautiful, heartfelt sonnet

Suddenly Avogadro leaped to his feet and intoned as if in a trance:
"Th- They haunt my dreams: Your luscious lips,
Your swaying tail, your rockin' hips ..."

"ORDER!" Estmere declared sternly. "There's no quoting the Sartorian Verses in court. That's a rule, right? Isn't it?"

SALV Fofox > See avogadro and be like totally humored, if not tickled pink by the display of affection.
Fofox, have an instant crush on Adler. Be determined to become his personal floozie, if possible. Keep droning on about various topics that you find interesting (and think Adler should also find interesting), but only succeed in boring everyone.

"Oh that's okay, Your Honorableness," Fofox giggled. "I get that kind of thing all the time. It's actually kinda sweet. Thanks but, like, sorry, mole guy. You're totally not my type. You should maybe shoot for somebody a little more pudgy?"

"Indeed," Ms. Thomson muttered loudly over Avogadro's wail of despair. "Tell the court a bit more about yourself. Your name is Esmerelda, is it not?"

"Oh yeah, like, fer sure."

"Do people often call you Relda?"

"Oh, no way. I usually go by my middle name, Fifi. Fifi Fofox. Sorta rolls off the tongue, doesn't it? But anyway, like, I enjoy long moonlit walks on the beach, romantic melodramas, and cuddling in front of the fireplace. I got a B-level in Wiles, which is totally not bad. I am from Lengra-Cha but I don't like, live there, DUH. And my dream guy dresses in a green satin suit, has white fur and long elfin locks, and has a look of consternation on his adorable face."

SALV Chesswick > While shaking you fist at Fofox, Tell her to stay away from your snow white prince.

"You schtay avay from der Prince!" a voice called from the Gallery. "I haff already called dibs on him, hussy!"

"ORDER," Estmere growled. "I am totally not kidding around, people."

"Ahem. SALV Fofox," Ms. Thomson continued. "Are you sure you have never met Prince Adler before today?"

"Nope. I wish I had, but nope."

"I'd like to point out to the court that elves do not lie. Since my client and this Lengra-Cha vixen have never met, he could not possibly have conspired with her. Thank you, SALV Fofox, that is all."

Avogadro, keep drooling over Fofox (and fuming over Adler), until she walks back and you get a good look at her backside. Realize immediately that it's not the same backside you saw previously.
SALV Chesswick, also realize that Fofox is not Fauxfox.

"M'kay," Fifi chirped as she exited the witness box, then turned to delicately close the gate behind her.

"WAIT A MINUTE, THAT'S NOT HER!" Avogadro exclaimed angrily. "WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU TRYING TO PULL HERE?"

"I vas beginnink to zuspect as much, myzelf!" someone yelled from the gallery.



"ORDER!!" Estmere bellowed. "ORDER, you jerks! The only people allowed to interrupt are the Floozies. I don't want to hear another emotional outburst from anyone, and I absolutely, totally, emphatically DO NOT want to see another vixen on this witness stand! Do I make myself clear? I swear, I am like THIS CLOSE to throwing out this whole freakin' case."

(Ms. Thomson) Twirl a blackjack stylishly.

"Cheer up, Your Highness. Things are going exceptionally well," Thomson whispered to me as she sat down and began twirling a strange leather doodad around one of her hooves.

Next witness, be called.
(Miss Thompson) On cross-examination, confront SALV Fofox with an expert witness.

"I beg you, Your Honor, have pity on me," Miss Thompson wheedled, as she struck a dramatic pose in front of the bench. "This case will work out, just wait and you'll see. Justice requires it! I beg and beseech! To cut this trial short 'twere a serious breach! Prince Adler is guilty, I'd bet my left hoof, but it will take time to bring out the proof. For now you are tired of vixens and moles, but later I'll poke the Defence full of holes. To do that, I'll need Fifi Fofox to stay, so let her remain; don't send her away. For the moment, this matter I'm setting aside, but it's not just for this that Prince Adler is tried! For his other misdeeds you need not take my word, but the visiting SALVs' - it's high time they were heard."

>Ms Thomson: Finger another jacket button. Be prepared to unbutton same.

>Someone: Get the bright idea that it may help Adler's case if some of his buttons are undone as well.

>Ms. Thomson: Have a small but significant pile of weapons at hand. Consider them carefully. Very, VERY carefully. It's important to the case.

>Adler: Bury your face in your hands and refuse to come out. You can't watch.

Royal Judge Estmere > allow fofox to stay

Rotnev and Nexivydah > Admit that the food they where served was divine, you did not know adler had someone put special herbs & spices in it.
you do not think it was drugged at all. The dancing was the factor for tiring you both out...and the spontaneous fornication.

you cant explain why your hands where in the bowl of water and assume it was a prank by adler, as he was caught out side the lab.
your not sure why he clothed you both as well... pretty sure you were both naked after the dancing.

you both assume adler broke the stone tablet and tampered with the equipment in the act of vandalism.

Judge Estmere > Agree that adler can do culinary magic with a few herbs and spices. The acts of vandalism really concerns you and you really want to know why he did this. also why he clothed the two naked salv's

>Kind judge estmere: you said no more vixens and she's bringing the two SALVS on the stand, your patience with the prosecussion is starting to thin

Judge estmere > order more floozies into the court

>Kind judge estmere: you said no more vixens and she's bringing the two SALVS on the stand, your patience with the prosecussion is starting to thin

>Also do /not want to think naked SALVs. You are only into ungulates, as is well known.

>Defense: even if (IF) those SALVs were druged inthe first place, there's no proof Addler was reqpoànsible, this is at best conjecture.
(Which elves can do, as it's technicaly not a lie, but they really shouldn't.)

> So far the prosecution has prooved nothing,nada, zielch.
While Addler may have been caught with a few dubious objects comming out of the SALV office, none of is determinant by itself.

Estmere, get really frustrated and declare a recess so that you can clear your head through a floozy break.
Adler, be taken back to your cell until the trial resumes.

Fifi, come visit Adler in his cell. Try your best to floozy him up.
Adler, notice quickly that, while she's somewhat skilled in basic wiles, Fofox has the intelligence of a sack of potatoes (to the point that Jane, the lowfolk femme could probably outwit her without much trouble). Find an easy way to trick her into leaving you alone, at least temporarily.
Fofox, take your interaction with Adler as a sign that he's madly interested in you.

Thomson, explain to Adler that you have a trump card hidden up your proverbial sleeve.
Thompson, unbeknownst to Thomson, also have a trump card hidden up your proverbial sleeve.
Trump cards, have absolutely nothing to do with mad businessmen with bad hairdos.

Estmere, return from your floozy break in somewhat better mood. Resume the trial.

estmere: you said no more vixens and she's bringing the two SALVS on the stand, your patience with the prosecussion is starting to thin

"What did I just say about no more vixens?" Estmere growled warningly.

"Beg pardon, Your Honor. Please let me be clear: SALV Nidab only, I call to appear."

Rotnev Nidab extricated himself from the gallery and sauntered calmly to the witness stand.

it may help Adler's case if some of his buttons are undone as well.
>Ms. Thomson: Have a small but significant pile of weapons at hand.
>Adler: Bury your face in your hands and refuse to come out.

"Oh stop moping," Ms. Thomson scolded me as she paused in sorting a small pile of melee weapons which she had pulled from her elfintory and spread across the table. "We've got this case practically wrapped up. The SALV was unconscious during your alleged intrusion and cannot testify to anything that happened. They have no evidence. If you want to be proactive, however, you should try sitting up straight and not looking so desperately guilty. Unbutton some of your jacket buttons and see if you can distract the Prosecutor into doing an even worse job than she's already doing."

I shook my head and groaned behind my hands.

Rotnev > Admit that the food they where served was divine, you did not know adler had someone put special herbs & spices in it.
you do not think it was drugged at all. The dancing was the factor for tiring you both out
you cant explain why your hands where in the bowl of water and assume it was a prank by adler
you both assume adler broke the stone tablet and tampered with the equipment in the act of vandalism

"You are SALV Rotnev Nidab?" Miss Thompson asked.

"I am, yes, that's right," Rotnev replied.

"Relate to the court just what happened last night," Thompson prompted.

"My partner and I had successfully reached a crucial point in our experiments," the SALV began.

"And what does that mean?" Thompson interrupted. "Can you give us some hints?"

"I'm sorry, but the nature of our work is confidential. I cannot discuss the details in open court. We were - and are - carrying out our commission as given to us by the High King and his Ministers. As I said, we had made a significant breakthrough, after which we decided to take a break for dinner. We enjoyed a delicious meal delivered from the palace kitchens, after which we celebrated by dancing, or as we call it in Vulpitania, cutting a rug."

"Did you suspect that the dinner was laced with a drug?"

"Not at all. The hour was late and we were giddy with excitement. After dancing ourselves to exhaustion, Nexivydah and I collapsed on the floor and fell asleep."

"There's a big, shocking fact that I now must reveal: Prince Adler had somebody mess with your meal."

>Defense: even if (IF) those SALVs were druged inthe first place, there's no proof Addler was reqpoànsible
> So far the prosecution has prooved nothing,nada, zielch.

"OBJECTION!" Ms. Thomson blurted. "We have not yet seen any evidence that my client tampered with the SALVs' dinner. Does the Prosecutor have any proof to back up this wild accusation?"

"Avogadro can prove it without hesitation," Thompson replied. "He was conned by the Prince, for his fiendish devices, to sprinkle their food with mysterious spices."

"Until we hear actual evidence to that effect from Sergeant Avogadro himself, counsel for the Prosecution is merely indulging in baseless conjecture."

"Uhhh, sustained, I guess," Estmere mumbled. "Stick to what the witness actually knows."

"Understood, Your Honor, " Thompson acknowledged. "Okay then. Here goes ..."

Fifi, come visit Adler. Try your best to floozy him up.
Fofox, take your interaction with Adler as a sign that he's madly interested in you.

While this exchange was going on, Fifi Fofox leaned over the gallery rail behind me and hissed to get my attention.

"PSST, Prince defendant guy," she whispered. "You're cute. You like, totally remind me of somebody I know from Lengra-Cha, but I can't think of who it is. You wanna get together after the trial?"

"Ummm," I responded, uncertainly. "I'm not sure I will be free -"

"Sweet," she grinned. "I'll see you then. Here's my number."

She handed me a card with a large "8" written on it, and leaned back into the gallery.

Meanwhile Rotnev was continuing his testimony: "As I said, the meal was delicious and, to me, seemed all right."

"Tell us what else you recall from last night," Thompson urged.

"Nothing. Nexy and I slept soundly until we were awakened by the City Watch barging in. We had our hands in a bowl of water - heh heh - a classic Vulpitanian prank."

"For that, whom do you think you can thank?"

"OBJECTION," Ms. Thomson exclaimed. "Speculation. AGAIN."

"Whatever, just get on with it," Estmere grumped, with an impatient wave of his scepter.

"I'm not sure who it could have been," Rotnev admitted. "Apparently Prince Adler had been in our rooms while we were asleep, but would he be that familiar with Vulpitanian traditions? Maybe ... after all, he is an excellent Frontgammon player."

"Was anything missing, that you are aware?"

"Of the material pertaining to our commissioned work, much of it has been mixed up and put into disarray, but nothing important or necessary is missing, so far."

"What of the Scuti you kept in a jar?"

"What now?" Rotnev asked, seemingly taken aback for a moment. "Oh, that thing. Just a, um .. call it a curiosity, I suppose. Its loss does our experiment absolutely no harm."

"The Prince was caught leaving with it under his arm," Thompson pointed out.

While Addler may have been caught with a few dubious objects comming out of the SALV office, none of is determinant by itself.
Thomson, have a trump card hidden up your proverbial sleeve

"OBJECTION," Ms. Thomson interrupted. "Where is any of this going? The witness was unconscious and did not see what my client did or did not do in his quarters. He has testified that no actual harm was done to his experiments, so .. I am somewhat confused as to what exactly is the case against Prince Adler."

Judge Estmere > Agree that adler can do culinary magic with a few herbs and spices. The acts of vandalism really concerns you and you really want to know why he did this.

"Dude, so am I," Estmere admitted glumly. "Like, I know he's awesome with herbs and spices, so the delicious meal totally makes sense. But like, what was my Bro doing sneaking around in the SALVs' apartment while they were asleep? Why mess up their lab? Why take the Scuti? Oh, hey, wait a sec .. the Scuti would have seen what happened, right? They're supposed to be, like, intelligent, right? Why not hook it up to a hot Floozy volunteer and let it testify? Why not? Come on!"

"Unfortunately all of the Scutis have gone," Miss Thompson informed him. "Alice and Mara and Ratso skipped town, but luckily the Marshal had this written down."

With a triumphant flourish, the Prosecutor snatched a scroll from the table and handed it to Estmere.

"What is this?" the King Judge asked.

"They questioned the Scuti, ere he took to his heels. His testimony's there; just break open the seals."



Estmere cracked the seals on the scroll and unrolled it.

"Huh," he said, after staring at the scroll for a few long seconds. "I haven't read this one yet. It's like, pretty cool that Jinx and Puckworthy transmogrify her into a doe in this episode, but now I'm even more confused than ever. What does Jane, the Lowfolk Femme have to do with this case? It's vixens, man. More vixens! They're all over this thing ..."

"Wait a second, Husband," Queen Edessa murmured worriedly. "Let me see that. I don't think it is the right scroll."

Estmere, get really frustrated

"Nope," Estmere declared irritably as he rolled up the scroll. "Screw it. I've had enough of this nonsense. I can't make heads nor tails of what's going on, so I'm declaring Trial By Floozy."

A resounding cheer went up from the gallery as the Prosecuting and Defense Floozies both approached the bench.

>Ms Thomson: Finger another jacket button. Be prepared to unbutton same.
Thompson, unbeknownst to Thomson, also have a trump card hidden up your proverbial sleeve.

"So, how does this work?" Estmere asked, after the applause died down.

"Floozy versus Floozy in single competition, Your Honor," Minister Lynne explained reluctantly. "Fuma will grant victory to the one whose cause is more just. You may choose the nature of the contest."

"Sweet!" Estmere exclaimed. "So, ladies, any preferences to suggest?"

"Pole dancing, Your Honor, would surely be best," Thompson said with a smile.

"Errr ... mud wrestling," Thomson countered nervously, fingering the buttons on her jacket.

Estmere > "POLE DANCING!" Estmere cries and raises his fists with excitement. he claps his hands for the poles to be brought in. if they were two cute pigettes he would of gone for mud wrestling

Lynne > Has panicked!
O'doe > Has panicked!
Wolf queen > is excited!

Adler > inspecting the 8 card you see it lavishly designed with patterns and gold. but theres nothing else but a 8 in the middle of it

>What a silly question, this will be settled with the noble art of pole mud wrestling. It's basicaly like pole dancing except over a pole of mud and the particant can disturb each other by wrestling.

>Judicial aide: Point out that there's minors in the stands watching, settle for a friendly game of hopscotch instead.
>Game of Hopscotch: Turn out less friendly than intended.
>Adler: Reconsider the unbuttoning shirt plan in desperation.