Business Magnate

what if, hear me out here, you just printed money as a privately owned business like some sort of reserve that was federal in nature.

what if, and hear me out here

we had to make money, to make money

You know, we tried that, but now I have to wear an ankle bracelet. That's why I'm the head of the illegal department.

Don't listen to him. His "ankle bracelet" is a wedding ring. And he doesn't even have a wife!

No, I call my wedding ring my "ball and chain," so I have to call the literal ball-and-chain around my leg my "ankle bracelet." Get it straight! Unlike me and my gay husband!

Oh, I thought we were talking about our dicks all this time!

so wait do you only have one ball

You mean between the three of us?

Yes.

A-hem?

play it cool you three, i've got an idea

Ooh, what do you guys think it is?

I bet it has nothing to do with that contract they've been furiously drafting while we talk!

Can we buy the rights to produce more photocopies of this butt? We can pay in stock options.

listen

we can't

per se

"pay" you a " "wage" "

we can't

" " "reimburse" " " you

but an opportunity like this is the chance of a lifetime, and if you think you can't afford living on a zero dollar salary, brother, you can hardly afford not to.

and you'd have stock, so the better the company does, the greater a return you get

when a year is up, we can re-evaluate based on performance reviews and draft up a contract

this is just how it works for normal, everywhere now. do you want it or not?

This — this is an unpaid internship! You don't understand, I'm a visionary captain of industry, I — I'M supposed to be the one with slaves! This is an insult to my dignity!

i'm not finished.

this is not a job offer. right now, we don't want the technology, and we don't want you.

all we want is to secure the reproduction rights to this here photocopy of your ass. i am prepared to offer as much as 5 dollars, in addition to the stock options.

...That's it? I don't have to do any work?

i guess you can if you like, but no. you walk out of here, $5 richer now, who knows how much later, and what is this photo to you? it's nothing, you can go and make another one. all in all, you end up ahead or the same as you came in.

...Five dollars buys a lot at the Dollar Store...

all you have to do is sign on the line...

Okay. Fine. You have yourself a deal. I'll have you know this is ridiculous, though!

and i'll have you have yourself your five dollars i have. we'll see you in a year. goodbye.

That was incredible! You've got business instincts like a shark, a species well-known primarily for its financial acumen and smooth talking!

Now we've got all the photocopies of his butt we could ever want! You're a genius!

shut it. it's not about the butt.

Did it have anything to do with that contract you were furiously drafting and then made him sign?!

yes, it has everything to do with the contract he tried to look like he read and understood. you see, for the next year, he's technically our employee. anything he does, makes, or patents, is our property, even if he does it for another company he works at after us or his own. that kid's got hustle, so let's let someone else foot the bill

Hey, sidebar?

you have my blessing

You guys Sydney is going to murder us and steal our kidney.

The one we share between the three of us?!

But that'll ruin my plans to hock my own piss! I thought you said they were supposed to be gormless!

Is there anything we can do!?

No. Killing them will only make them angrier, like a shark. I hate to say it, but the only way to hold on to the family business is if we all have secret children starting now.

But I'm gay married! Our self-driving mpreg gayby technology is five years from market, it's too dangerous!

Brother, for the good of the family, you're going to have to adopt.

You're going to have to adopt... SYDNEY LUCRE!!!

In secret though! They can never know...

hey, i heard one of you guys screaming my name do you guys need anything or...

This adventure is the best thing in the goddamn world

"Yes, we needed... um... your help... well... Say, do these pants make my butt look fat?"

What's that you say?

Is there such a thing as an ass model? Can you be ours?